


Your Cross, I'll Bear

by PTchan



Series: Your Cross, I'll Bear [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Basically Hide taking Kaneki's place, Especially Touka, Even as the protagonist of a tragedy, Expect scenes from the novels, Fix-It, Fluff, Gen, Human Kaneki, Humor, It's Hide so who knows, Main!Hide, Main!Kaneki, One-eyed Ghoul!Hide, Or maybe not a tragedy, Slight OOC, Time Travel, XD, because they're awesome, headcanon alert, hide is the sun, hidekane, like idek - Freeform, omg the angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-13
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-26 04:29:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 91,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4990243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PTchan/pseuds/PTchan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You make him sound like the hero of a shonen manga or something” he couldn’t help but comment.</p><p>“Who knows” Koma replied just as Irimi stood to deliver the order. “Maybe he is” he winked. “And you would be the sidekick right?”</p><p>Kaneki sweatdropped, but chuckled all the same. <em>A story with Hide as the main charcter, huh…</em>  he thought, wringing his cloth in the sink before hanging it on the rail and picking up his notepad.<br/><em>Well, if it’s him… then it would surely be one filled with hope.</em></p><p>(Or: that fic where Hide wakes up in the past just in time to prevent the Tragedy that was Kaneki Ken's life... by taking it on himself.<br/>Of course, it doesn't have to be a Tragedy)</p><p>(Follows canon)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tragedy - It Doesn't Have to Be

**Author's Note:**

> OOOOOkkaaaaay so. Totally a Peggy Sue fic ^^; I couldn't help it. Especially after reading the beautiful, amazing, genius, wonderful aradian-nights-sama's Brilliant fic [Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4103005/)
> 
> Ok. Ok. So before anyone says anything, ^^; I know this may look like a parallel to the awesome CaviarandWasabi-sama's Genius fic [If I Were You,](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4191831/). But, I actually thought about it while reading Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, and read "If I were You" because of it ^^;; (and Fateswap, and Cloudburst.........) (If Aradian-nights and CaviarandWasabi are reading this... I SWEAR I'm not stealing!! *cough* ;w; )
> 
> BUT ANYWAY Yes this is indeed a sort of Mix of these two Awesome Brilliant Wonderful Genius IF YOU HAVEN'T READ IT YOU'RE SERIOUSLY MISSING OUT fics!! Only with Hide at the forefront instead of Kaneki ^^; XDD and minus all the glorious awesomeness... ;w;
> 
> Anyways I hope you enjoyed reading ;3

“ _I want to help you_ ”

Hide would’ve liked to think he was prepared for this. He knew coming down that there was nothing else, after all. Kaneki had a gaping hole in his side and there was no one else in sight; the nearest corpse –human or ghoul— was either by the sewer entrance in plain sight of the CCG, or further down the tunnels before the unforgiving god of death. There was no one else. _Nothing_ else. Nothing that he could do to save his friend this final, heart wrenching grief.

 _Besides let him die. Let him face the god of death already far too broken to be salvaged._ And there was no way, not while he breathed, that Hide would let that happen. (He choked back a grin. While he breathed. To think there would come a day he would mean those words literally).

But still, the shock and the pain of it overwhelmed him. The feeling of blunt teeth sinking into his vulnerable flesh, drawing blood and cracking bone, made him recoil, the pain drawing a cry from his lips.

For a moment, everything was still, and then his legs gave out beneath him as he realized what he had just done.

He had screamed.

He had screamed and flinched and –for a dreadful, unforgiveable second— he had wanted to run away.

Run away from Kaneki.

From his best friend.

From a _Ghoul._

The thought alone brought tears to his eyes. The knowledge that _Kaneki could’ve been conscious. Could’ve heard and have nightmares about this each night for the rest of whatever life he might’ve been capable of having if he survived all this,_ tore through his very soul.

Hide was going to die –he didn’t plan to, he hoped he wouldn’t have to, but let’s just face the facts. ( _He was scared. If he dies, then Kaneki would be all alone. But it couldn’t be helped…)_

**_There is only one way into the abyss._ **

It was him or Kaneki. And Hide was just far too selfish to let it be Kaneki.

He hoped against all hope that, as he forced himself forward to grasp his best friend’s shaking form, drawing his head close, Kaneki was too far gone to remember any of this. _Please let him not remember._ He can’t have the last memory he might’ve just given his most precious person be **_rejection._** _Please don’t let it be this, either._

He closed his eyes, takes a deep breath as soft murmurs left his lips. “It’s alright. Shh. I’m here Kaneki. Sheesh, you’re such a crybaby” he whispered, even as his own tears flowed from his eyes, pain flaring through his entire nervous system as more of his flesh disappeared from his body, barely leaving the ability to form any coherent thought. Kaneki had faced more pain than this, and he survived. Hide might not, but he knew Kaneki would be alright. They made a deal, after all. “That’s it… it’s alright… You’ll be fine… You’ll be fine…”

_You haven’t done anything wrong… and yet you’ve suffered so much._

Hide knew even then that everything was pretty much his own fault.

His fault for not talking to Kaneki.

His fault for not showing how he accepted him earlier, human or ghoul or half-and-half.

His fault for not looking hard enough.

His fault for not contacting the CCG when he realized Kaneki was missing.

His fault for not warning Anteiku about the dangerous ghouls he’d seen when they first appeared.

His fault for acting like he didn’t know anything when he could have helped. _He should have helped._

And his biggest fault for _letting him go on that stupid date in the first place._

Hide would’ve taken the blame. He would’ve taken it all if anyone had known. But he was just that good at hiding. And in the quiet darkness of the sewers, no one would ever really know. Except maybe Kaneki, but Hide knew there was no way Kaneki would ever blame anyone but himself, no matter how he may have changed. Hide figures he might’ve gotten that from him.

He felt his lip twitch in a last ditch effort to smile. _If I could go back, I would take all your pain_ he thought, wondering if the way he caressed his most important person’s hair was real or just in his mind, his consciousness barely hanging by a thread as the throbbing pain finally began to seep into gentle darkness.

And then Hide felt the world tilt on its axis, jarring him awake as he felt the ground give up beneath him, nausea far removed from the feeling of blood loss rushing through him, his head spinning and everything around him blurring into indiscernible nothing…

And then it stopped, replaced by bright white light searing through his eyelids, making him double over on the table, his hands shooting up to clutch at his pounding head and… _Table? Hands? What??_

The blood was gone, the darkness, the sewers, the pain, and…

“Hide!! Are you even listening to me??”

Kaneki was in front of him.

Not the white-haired, broken half-kakuja, but _Kaneki._ Kaneki as he was before: soft black hair framing mildly irritated grey eyes, giving way to a flash of worry as he realized Hide wasn’t responding as he usually does. “Hide? Are you alright? You look pale…”

Hide had no idea what was going on, but Kaneki was here. And Hide was making him worry. And Hide _never_ makes his best friend worry.

“Aww, what's this? What's this? Are you worried about little old me?” he tried to coo, summoning the brightest grin he could manage in his current mental state, trying to mask the way his head was reeling as he tried, desperately, to make sense of his situation. _Mid-afternoon. Anteiku. Coffee. The slight blush on Kaneki’s cheeks._ “You were saying?”

Kaneki rolled his eyes, and relief and nostalgia surged through Hide in waves as he realized _he hasn’t seen that trivial look in forever_. It was so… _normal._ “A date, Hide. A bookstore date!”

“With me? You asking me out? Gee I’m flattered!!” Hide teased, taking in the black-haired teen’s flustered protests in front of him as he finally got himself to slow down, to take in and process and not panic.

There was a familiar book on Kaneki’s side of the table, _The Black Goat’s Egg._ The coffee shop they were in -- and indeed it was _Anteiku--_ was quite full; the delicious aroma of different brews of coffee wafting gently through the air, Touka-chan flitting about from one table to another with her amiable persona... and Kaneki was talking about a date.

It seemed absurd, Hide knows –perhaps he died and went to heaven, or he could be dreaming, probably stuck in a hospital somewhere in a coma— but he thinks he’s beginning to understand what was happening. Then, the bell chimed behind him, and the sudden star-struck look in his best friend’s eyes was the final piece that made everything click into place.

He can think about the _how_ and _why_ later. Right now he’s got other things to worry about.

“That’s her… that’s the one I…”

Hide had never met Kamishiro Rize face to face. His first and only impression of her in this very Coffee shop (in this very frame of time, even. But he’ll think of that later) had been that of an ~~cunning~~ intelligent, ~~vain~~ beautiful woman with far too many secrets. He’d thought she might’ve been a sadist behind her glasses. He’d thought she wouldn’t even spare Kaneki a second glance. He’d thought that even if she did, she’s just drop him like a fly the moment she got bored. (Hide had thought all this, but he _still let him go.)_

 _(_ …He just looked so _happy)._

Looking at her now, knowing that she’s the infamous ‘Binge Eater’ ghoul that caused so much tragedy, he was able to see all her tells. See just how calculated her actions are, how her eyes shone like an insatiable predator constantly searching out pray, how her tongue moved subtly behind her lips. It made him feel sick.

“I don’t like her” he lets out, ignoring Kaneki’s squeak of outrage, looking away when the girl ( _ghoul)_ caught his eye, instead regarding the cooling cappuccino in front of him before picking it up and taking a large gulp. His hands were shaking, he noticed, and he took in a couple of calming breaths. “’sides, don’t you think she’s a bit _too much_ for you?” he flashed his friend a playful grin to hide the way his stomach twisted in dread.

He needed to get his best friend _away_ from her.

Kaneki pursed his lips, offended. He took a sip of his coffee. “O-Of course… I know that we wouldn’t go well together” he mumbled, a light blush dusting his cheeks as he peeked around him like a secret admirer --which he is. “I’m happy enough just seeing her”

Hide let out a long, exaggerated sigh. “You’re such a hopeless romantic” He’s already heard this before, but it seriously sucks whenever he sees his best friend like this; it makes him want to do anything but crush his dreams. (And that had been his first mistake, hadn’t it? First in a loooong line of them.) “But trust me Kaneki, this gal’s a no go. She’d eat you up and leave you for dead. Don’t even bother” he phrased it lightly, jokingly, but his stomach lurched as his words rang just a bit too true. _Only it wasn’t that simple, and it was a lot more tragic._ Suddenly, he just couldn’t take it anymore; the atmosphere, the scent of coffee, the nostalgia and the foreshadowing and the pounding in his skull that he realized never really went away. He had to get out and clear his head, but when he tried to stand up, he found his knees too weak to carry his weight.

“H-Hide??” hands on his shoulders steadied him. “Are you alright? Should I take you to the hospital?” Kaneki’s wide grey eyes alight with worry stared into his own, and Hide felt the last of his fake energy drain out of his system.

Kaneki was here. And he was safe, and ok, and _worried about him._

Glancing just over his shoulder, though, he spotted purple eyes eying them both curiously, and he repressed the urge to flinch.

“Actually… yeah. That might be a good idea. Man I feel terrible, help me up won’t you?” he grinned, wrapping an arm over his best friend’s shoulders, to which Kaneki only rolled his eyes again. It sent warmth pooling in Hide’s stomach. He hated making Kaneki worry, but maybe for now it would be a good thing.

“Seriously” the smaller boy sighed, supporting him as he placed some money on the table before grabbing his book and walking him out of the Café.

The feel of the crisp autumn air served to clear the fog in Hide’s mind a bit, and he took in a deep, cleansing breath. He had to wonder if maybe he’d been dreaming, as now, finally outside with the sun in his face, he could barely grasp his thoughts, his worries.

The sewers. The raid on Anteiku. The CCG. The white-haired Kaneki. Just how true were those? How true could they be when he can remember laughing with Kaneki about his lame dating plans just a few minutes ago and—

He paused.

Yes. He _can_ remember that conversation as if it was just minutes ago, as opposed to two whole _years._ He can remember his Asian History class yesterday, that he had to go to work in ten minutes. _That Kaneki had been eating him alive not too long ago._

He shook his head vigorously, memories from before and _before_ clashing in his mind, seeking dominance, making him dizzy and warping his sense of reality, and he tried desperately to push his thoughts into some form of order…

“Hide?”

“I’m… I’m ok, ‘Neki. Really” he grumbled out, scratching his cheek. “Just need to go home, I feel sleepy” he yawned, realizing that _yes,_ his consciousness was indeed fading slowly, and he was quite desperate for his favourite pillow…

If anything, though, Kaneki just looked more worried. “Are you sure you don’t need to go to the hospital?” the smaller teen asked, placing a hand on his forehead.

Hide sighed at the comforting gesture, nuzzling into the other’s palm until the teen pulled away. “I’m fine. Just tired. Guess I finally hit the limit with my late-night gaming sessions” he grinned, making Kaneki roll his eyes again. But Hide could still see the small tug at the corner of the other’s lips, and yes… _Man I really missed this._ “Hey Kaneki…” he began.

“Hm?”

“Let’s go home?”

**~_~_~**

_I wonder if Hide’s alright… he was acting so weird…_

Two hours later found Kaneki browsing through the fiction section in his favourite bookstore on his way home with a slight knit in his brow.

The blond had frozen three steps into his apartment, looking around as if he’d never been there before, but it hardly took a second before he was back to his cheerful self, practically dragging Kaneki to his room before crashing unceremoniously into a heap on his bed.

Although it was well hidden, Kaneki had seen how dazed his friend had been throughout the trip, and he couldn’t help but worry because, as distracted as Hide may sometimes be, he was never _dazed_. Especially since, thinking back on the day’s events, Kaneki found no reason for his friend to suddenly act like that.

…except maybe…

**_“I don’t like her”_ **

Kaneki deflated. Hide had always been a great judge of character –his instincts aren’t just limited to whatever Kaneki was thinking, of course, and could be frighteningly accurate a lot of the time.

This time, though, Kaneki couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He doesn’t easily find people he likes, and this girl was almost perfect in his eyes. He trusts Hide’s judgement –of course he does— but this one still upsets him.

 _…maybe he took a liking to her too? But no. Hide isn’t like that._ He shook his head, as sudden traitorous thoughts filtered through his mind. It was possible, sure, but Hide just isn’t the type to discourage someone just because they had a crush on the same person. He’d have said it out loud and then propose a challenge like he did with Yukito in middle school.

… _not that I’d ever be able to compete with him though._ He sighed at the thought, resigned. Hide was like the sun –bright, energetic, friendly and talented. Kaneki had always looked up to his best friend, always marvelled at his ability to make anyone feel better with just a smile. He’d always wondered why it was that Hide was still hanging out with an introvert bookworm like Kaneki when he could be off on some grand adventure with someone else more like him. Thinking about it like that, Kaneki wonders if maybe it was him, if he was somehow holding Hide back in some way, and—

“You seem upset. Can you not find what you’re looking for?”

Kaneki jumped at the voice, having been so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize someone had crept in so close. “S-Sorry. No, I mean I was just browsing through titles and… I mean I was just thinking about things and…” he turned around, and his brain promptly shut down as amused violet eyes met his own.

He gaped.

The girl from the coffee shop ( _i-it’s really her!! And she’s talking to me??!!)_ smiled warmly at him, and Kaneki almost fainted then and there.

“You’re that guy from Anteiku right? The one reading the same Takatsuki novel as I am?” she asked. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but notice. Was your friend ok?”

It took a few moments for Kaneki’s brain to register these words through the sound of his heartbeat pounding in his ears. He feels so lightheaded… _(S-She knows who I am… she knows who I am!!)_ He could’ve jumped for joy. “Y-Y-Yes!! That’s me. Uhm, m-my name is Kaneki!! And Hide is alright. I just took him home” he introduced himself eagerly.

“I see. Kaneki-kun, huh? I’m Kamishiro Rize” she smiled again, taking his offered hand. ( _Her hands are soft…)._ “Are you a fan of Takatsuki-shii’s works?”

“Y-Yes!! I LOVE Takatsuki Sen! I love Mysteries!!”

“Eh? So do I”

Kaneki was on cloud nine. He'd never thought this day would come, but here he was, in his favourite bookstore, somehow talking to his crush about the things he loves most.

Could it be that his luck was finally looking up?

“U-Uhm!! Are you free right now? W-Would you mind having coffee with me for a bit?”

**~_~_~**

It didn’t take long before Hide grew restless, and he spared no thought into trading his pillow for his bike and riding off to work. He knew he was late, but it was better than staying in that dark room filled with memories of too many sleepless nights, of the aura of loneliness and worry permeating the air.

It was just so ironic that it felt even emptier without all his research pinned up all over the place. _I never did find him. Not until it was too late._

But that didn’t matter now. At least, not here, in this weird world where everything was back in time; where Kaneki was safe and unassuming, still unknowing about the world of the Ghouls and the CCG, where he can read his tragedies with a smile on his face because he thinks they're only stories separate from real life.

_So… time travel._

Thankfully, going to work wasn’t absolute chaos, even if he got yelled at. He was half-way through the motions when he realized that he was clearly back in routine, that he knew where he was needed today, that he remembered what he did the day before.

It was all so confusing having two memories of _yesterday,_ and it made his head spin at the most inopportune moments, but thankfully it didn’t cause him too much trouble.

Being a part of the courier service can be quite hectic at times, but Hide always did enjoy the feeling of riding his bike places, the wind brushing through his hair and seeing the sights of Tokyo undeterred. It had the power to distract him from his thoughts, but it can also allow him to think.

So he took this chance to align his thoughts.

He knows he’s back in time, for some unknown reason. He knows it’s just his consciousness and not his body, and that he became aware _right in the middle_ of his and Kaneki’s discussion about the guy's hypothetical date plans. And he knows that he may have just gained the ability to avert the biggest tragedy of all time and save his bestest-best-friend-in-the-entire-universe a world of grief.

But:

He _doesn’t_ know how or why this happened –can’t even begin to comprehend it without delving into the world of magic or fairies or super advanced Quinque (which is, frankly, kinda cool… but seriously weird). He doesn’t know if everything he’s experiencing now isn’t just some elaborate dream world his mind made and he’s actually stuck in a coma in the real world ( _and isn’t that just depressing)_. He, _frustratingly_ , doesn’t know any of the important details about Kaneki’s previous life _anyway_ so there’s that…. And he doesn’t know if he can be sure that, by attempting to change the past, he wouldn’t just be making things worse. (He’s seen far too many movies and anime about that and the last thing he can ever want is to make things worse.)

And last, but _definitely not_ the least of his worries, he doesn’t have the first clue about what he should do.

It’s the most frustrating thing anyone can ever, _ever_ experience. To think that, right now, _this_ was Hide’s _life._

He sighed, running a hand through his short hair as he ticked off the last delivery on his list. “…wonder if I should ask Dad…” he mumbled, and then gagged. _No. Nope. Bad idea. Horrible, terrible,_ terrible _idea Hide. Don’t even entertain that thought. You did not just think about it. Nuh-uh._

…

What was he going to say anyway? “ _Heeey Dad, it’s Hideyoshi. Remember me? So yeah, I know I haven’t called in, like, forever, but guess what? I kinda woke up back in time after being eaten alive by my tragic best friend in the future and I was kinda wondering if I could ask for some advice?”_

Yeah right.

(He’d probably jump with joy.)

(And then lock Hide up in an interrogation room.)

Hide sighed again, slumping on the arm of his bike as he despaired over his thoughts. “Why did you have to think about that Hide??”

Besides, it was late –his deliveries having taken him across three whole wards— and he was finally beginning to feel just how exhausted, physically _and_ mentally, he was. In a momentary lapse of attention, he managed to take a shortcut he knows that cuts right by the currently infamous Takada building and paused just as the construction site nearby came into view.

This wasn’t the first time his bike had unconsciously taken him here, not since that incident two years ago. _It still hasn’t happened yet,_ his mind supplied, staring at the ominous structure. _I can probably still keep it from happening._ Sifting through his memories, he recalled that the accident happened two days from their interaction this morning. Back then, Kaneki had gone on his dream date, and frankly, it ended in the worst possible way. Of course, back then Kaneki had been able to actually _ask_ the ghoul out on a date. He wonders if, since he’d practically dragged him out of that chance, that route still applied.

Adjusting on his bike, he was about to kick off again when he spotted a familiar head of blue hair not too far away.

It was the waitress from Anteiku, Kirishima Touka-chan, walking with a girl with orange hair –a classmate, judging by their uniforms. _Walking alone at this time of night with a ghoul huh?_ He had to smirk at the irony. He wonders if she’s human, and if she is, is she a friend or food? (He mentally berated himself. He didn’t know Touka all that well, but she was Kaneki’s close friend, and Kaneki would never choose to associate with cold-blooded murderers.)

They seemed close, at least. And as they turned the corner closer to his position, he was able to see the genuine smile on the blue-haired girl’s face, her relaxed posture, and he smiled. At least Touka seemed to genuinely care for this person.

Well, it's not like ghouls aren't able to have human friends, right?

“Heeey!! Kirishima-san!!” he greeted, deciding to make his presence known before approaching them on his bike. “Fancy meeting you in a place like this, huh? On your way home?”

The blue-haired girl tensed for but a moment before taking a more casual air. Hide was impressed by the quick change.

“S-Someone you know Touka-chan?” he heard the other girl ask, eyeing him curiously, if shyly. Hide blinked, his smile warming as her actions reminded him of someone.

“A-Ah yeah… he’s a customer from our shop” Touka answered, and Hide felt his lips twitch at the forced way the young waitress smiled _._ “G-Good evening…”

He chuckled, extending a hand. “Nagachika Hideyoshi, but everyone calls me Hide! I guess I never did introduce myself” he winked at them, making sure to flash the other girl his most disarming smile. "It's okay. I swear I'm not anyone suspicious, just a random secret admirer" he mock whispers.

Almost immediately her whole face brightened, surprising Hide just a bit as she returned his smile full force, taking his hand as well. "I-i-it's nice to meet you, Nagachika-san! M-my name is Kosaka Yoriko, Touka-chan's best friend. Touka-chan can seem a bit tough and scary at first, but please do your best!!" She stated with a determined face

"H-Hey, Yoriko!?"

Hide couldn’t help the laughter that suddenly bubbled from his lip as he shook her hand. _So she has friends like these too huh?_ he thought, marveling at the girl's genuine liveliness.

“Likewise, Yoriko-chan! I promise never to lose hope!!” he vowed, his eyes twinkling in mirth.

He felt rather than saw the death-glare Touka sent his way, and he simply smiled, letting the brunette go.

“Nagachika-san… uhm... We’re on our way home” Touka finally answered his earlier question, steel seeping into her voice, a thinly veiled threat in the set of her shoulders.

“I see. Me too” he announced, pretending not to notice but retreating all the same. “Will you two be alright around here? This place is kinda dangerous, what with that binge-eater ghoul lurking around and all” he explained casually, subtly eyeing Touka’s reaction.

As expected, her expression hardened, shifting her body slightly closer to the girl by her side –a protective stance. If he had any doubt that Kosaka Yoriko was a treasured friend, this proved it. Hide thinks that Kaneki probably knew about them. He wonders if the Touka from that future ever thought about telling her, or if Kosaka ever found out. _Probably not_.

“We’ll be fine” the ghoul spoke up, her tone hard, and though her face was turned away, he was able to see equal parts determination and helplessness flash behind her eyes.

Seeing her like this, Hide realized that she probably knew. Probably even saw Kaneki with that ghoul at this very street that very night.

But she didn’t try to stop them.

 _And why would she?_ Hide thought sadly. She’s a ghoul, and Kaneki had been just another human who didn’t know a thing about them, simply misfortunate enough to catch the eye of an active predator. Besides that, it was clear to Hide that Kamishiro Rize had been the stronger ghoul. Even if Touka had wanted to (and judging by her personality alone, that’s a pretty ridiculous notion), taking action would have meant risking everything she had, and glancing at Kosaka who was now glancing worriedly around them, it seems she has much to lose.

“Well, I guess I should probably go now. School and all tomorrow” His smile then was understanding, and slightly bittersweet. He was about to kick off again, though, when he saw Touka tense, her expression growing troubled, conflicted. “Touka-chan?” Kosaka asked worriedly, and Hide tried to follow the ghoul's line of sight. He was barely able to make out two forms in the distance…He froze. _No… but… it’s too early… it shouldn’t… can’t… it’s too early…_

“Hey N-Nagachika-san, isn’t that your friend over there?” Touka’s voice barely registered through the sudden fog that was his thoughts, confirming his fears.

Slowly, Hide turned to her with wide eyes, shocked that she'd actually spoken. They were too far for a simple human like him to notice, and it shouldn’t have been her concern. If she hadn’t pointed it out, he could have been gone before the two even became recognizable. _And he would’ve just sat in despair in his dark and lonely apartment for hours on end all over again as the reports of the accident and the emergency organ transplant flashes across his television screen. Only this time knowing everything that was happening and would be happening and knowing full well that he was **right there** and wasn’t able to **do anything.**_

His eyes caught Touka’s, making her flinch and catching the sudden flash of guilt and worry in her eyes. He didn’t know what expression he might be wearing right now. He was already having a hard time keeping himself steady through the pounding in his ears.

This girl was kind.

Although she might have just sentenced him to death as well, the fact that she was willing to give him this chance meant that this ghoul _cared._

And he found himself smiling at her, kind and genuine, as he whispered out “ _Thank you”_ , watching her cheeks flush in confusion. “Now you girls should get out of here. We wouldn’t want anything bad happening, right?” he tried, finally, to assume his casual attitude, although he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking as he waved them goodbye, riding out in an attempt to stop a tragedy.

It might’ve been a bit reckless, charging in with no battle plan, but Hide could feel himself on the brink of panic because he knew that this was where it all started. The stone that rolled off a cliff, gathering dust, growing in size and momentum and then slowly crumbling until it finally breaks off into a million pieces.

This was the beginning, and if he failed to prevent it then would anything else matter? If he let Kaneki turn into a ghoul here then will anything he does later even make a difference?

He's watched enough movies and read enough manga to realize what could be happening. Fate can be stubborn like that, he thinks. Try to change or escape it and it will forcefully drag you back, often with dire consequences.

Eyepatch, the CCG, the Aogiri Tree, Centipede, the Anteiku Raid, and finally the god of death. This could just simply be the fate of a college student who was turned into a ghoul against his will but still trying to find a place where he can belong.

Hide gripped his bike’s handlebars as he skidded to a halt just at the mouth of construction area, his heart pounding as he felt his resolve settle. _So be it._

If it was happening, then it was happening. _But that doesn't mean it has to be Kaneki, does it?_

So he ran.

**~_~_~**

_What is this…..?_

Kaneki couldn’t understand.

He couldn’t— he didn’t know what was happening. He couldn’t understand… _What is this_ —

Pain blossomed in his left shoulder, blood pouring out a sudden, gaping wound as the girl before him, the girl he admired, suddenly transformed. Once kind eyes going pitch black at the sclera, purple irises turning blood red and demonic.

He was shaking, he knew he was shaking, his knees were trembling, clutching at his throbbing wound, his fingers wet and sticky with fresh blood. _This can’t be real… this can’t be happening…_ He needed to run. He needed to get away from here. He can’t believe the girl he’d admired was—

“You know Kaneki-san…” the girl— _ghoul. She’s a ghoul... Ghouls exist… I’m going to be eaten—_ began, her tone amused and sinister. And he couldn’t move. He was shaking too much and _he couldn’t move—_ “There’s this scene in The Black Goat’s Egg that I really love…”

She came closer, hands reaching up to tug at her hair tie and glasses and Kaneki didn’t know why he was still watching this, why he wasn’t just _running away—_

“Where the Black Goat catches a man who’s running away in bewilderment… and rips out _a~~~ll_ his entrails…” her mouth was watering. He was literally watching her salivate. _Monster._ “It always makes me _shudder!!”_

He tried to move. Tried desperately to run and hide and just get _away…_ adrenaline coursing through his very blood, but he can’t, he can’t— _I can’t run away, not like this, not from this monster. I’ll be eaten. I’ll die and be eaten and my body won’t even be recognizable and Hide’ll—_ his eyes widened, suddenly remembering his friend’s earlier warning as fearful tears began pouring from his eyes. _Hide probably noticed… he tried to warn me, he tried to stop me but I didn’t listen and now I’m—_

“OOOOOOOYY!!!!” and just like that, his head snapped up, feeling his heart jump to his throat as a familiar head of blond hair suddenly barrelled towards them, a metal pipe in hand, and Kaneki sobbed as despair pulsed through him. _No. This is worse. This is worse this is worse **this is wrong No— Hide— don’t—please!!**_

The ghoul whipped around and Kaneki watched as blood red appendages erupted from the her lower back like a blossoming spider lily, pointed tips lashing out towards his best friend and he screamed. “HIDE!!!”

But Hide simply dodged, jumping almost safely out of the way. He didn’t even flinch, and Kaneki watched, astonished, as the blond simply ran around the writhing limbs --as if he knew what he was doing, as if this wasn’t _the first time he’d encountered a monster like this._

And then he was flying, and Kaneki felt his breath hitch as one of those… _things_ simply picked his best friend up like he was _nothing_ and threw him down, so hard that he was able to hear a sickening _crack_ and he couldn’t breathe… he couldn’t breathe—

But then Hide was standing up again, only a little shakily, and –closer now— stepped over to stand between him and the ghoul with nothing but a metal pipe and a challenge to fate in his hands. “Yo, Kaneki. Man you look terrible” he greeted with his usual smile. As if this was nothing. As if they were just meeting on the street or at school or at a coffee shop and there was no _man eating ghoul with tentacles set to kill them._

Kaneki couldn’t take it. He couldn’t understand. Why was Hide here? How did he know he was here? Why wasn’t he running away? Why was he just standing there with his back straight like he could actually _do anything_ when they were clearly facing a bloodthirsty _monster_ and _—_ It was all too much… too much…

He’d just wanted to go on a date...

The ghoul paused before them, the red limbs flicking around before a loud, obnoxious laugh erupted from her belly, making Kaneki flinch. “Oh, oh!! This is rich!!” she began. “You’re planning on stopping me with _that?”_ she indicated the pipe in Hide’s hands and Kaneki could only despair because she was right.

_It’s useless._

But to his surprise, or not at all, the blond only _pouted_ , scratching his cheek with a finger. “Yeeaaa No. I was actually just hoping to distract you with it while I take my friend here and run” he stated, like it was just that _simple_ , and he was doing it. He’d thrown the pipe at her face, hard, and suddenly Kaneki was being pulled up by the wrist. He held back a hiss as his injured shoulder was jostled, but he was able to follow on his feet.

Only, of course it didn’t work.

In barely a blink of the eye, Rize was once again in front of them, blocking the only exit they could take. They were cornered in an abandoned construction site. They were going to die. Hide was going to die. Hide was going to be eaten and it would be _all_ _my fault._

“Hmmm, how brave. I do like the unpredictable ones best” Rize began, head tilted a bit to the right, watching them with her terrifying eyes. “Tell me _Hide-kun,_ how did you know it was me? _Kaneki-san_ barely even had a clue.” she asked, their names pouring sickly sweet from her lips, and Kaneki felt his tears just flow that much faster.

“I didn’t” Hide replied bluntly, casually, and Kaneki couldn’t tell whether he was lying or not. Whether he was serious or not. Whether he was _real or not because everything is just so messed up…_ “But I was just passing by and it seemed a little too suspicious that you’d be pulling my best friend into an abandoned construction site. I mean really, even for a late night rendezvous that's a bit too much”

“Hide…” he hadn’t realize he had spoken, but the blond met his eyes then, flashing him a reassuring smile before his face grew serious. He made a pointed glance over to a slightly narrow space between a wall and a fallen slab of concrete, and Kaneki realized his best friend was telling him to hide.

 _But it’s too small. You won’t be—_ the blond’s warm eyes turned grave and knowing that Kaneki could only nod as he tried to make his legs work. _Hide knows what he’s doing. He’ll find another hiding spot. He’ll be fine… right?_

Rize hummed, steepling her hands before her face. “True…” again she tilted her head to one side, and along with the extra limbs and her unnatural eyes, she looked more like a serpent that the girl he’d been so enamoured with not too long ago. _I was so stupid… so so stupid_ “And yet you’re not fazed at all… ah” she paused, looking the blond right in the eye, as if she’d forgotten Kaneki was there at all. _T-This could be my chance._

“Could it be I’m not the first ghoul you’ve met?” she spoke up again, amused, her words echoing Kaneki’s earlier questions. “Do we have a survivor in our hands?” and then she licked her lips, anticipation and bloodlust shining in her red and black eyes, and suddenly... “ _A Dove,_ perhaps?” she was lunging straight for them, kagune fanned out in four points.

Kaneki immediately scrambled backwards. “Hide—”

“GO!!” Hide cried, and Kaneki leaped up into a sprint, squeezing himself through the small space Hide showed him earlier, turning immediately back to watch the other.

Hide managed to dodge the limb headed straight for his head again and Kaneki breathed a sigh of relief. _He can make it… he can run. He might be able to get out of here and call someone, the CCG maybe, and then we’ll be ok and we can go home and—_

And then another scaled appendage suddenly wrapped around the blond’s neck, lifting him off the ground. Kaneki didn’t even know he was moving until he saw Hide’s hand pointing at him, his eyes practically glaring for him to sit still.

He didn’t want to. Hide needed help. Hide was going to die. But what could he do? What could he do when he was so weak and useless and stupid enough to follow a ghoul that his best friend was going to _die—_

“I must say I wasn’t expecting a free appetizer” Rize began, her tentacle moving over the blond slowly, like in some sick porno. “I was quite anticipating Kaneki-kun tonight. He’s my favourite type, you see” she explained, and Hide hissed when her kagune tore through his shirt and skin, drawing blood. “The proper amount of fat and not too much muscle, so they’re soft and easy to eat”

Kaneki watched, transfixed, as her hand trailed over his torso, nails digging into flesh until it disappeared completely. _How could it disappear completely? Where did it go?? What is it—_

“You, on the other hand, seem a bit too tough for me. You definitely put up a good fight” he watched through fuzzy vision as her hand reappeared covered in red, raising it up to her lips and giving it a lick. There was something oval and soft-looking in her grasp and it took Kaneki a moment to register what it was. “But I don’t like to waste food so…”

It was a kidney. She was _eating Hide’s kidney._

_She was eating **Hide**._

Then sounds of the air and metal shifting reached his ears from high up, and Kaneki’s head snapped up, barely catching a glimpse of a shadowed figure from the sky.

He thinks he could hear a clown laughing as metal beams rained down, down, down and everything around him turned black.


	2. Strange Phenomenon - Not so Strange Actually

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's chapter two where things finally get started XD And as you can probably see, Hide's brightness is already making a difference ^^;  
> Enjoy~

**_[Beep]_ **

_He was drowning in a sea of red._

_No sense of up or down or sideways._

_Just drowning… floating in deep endless waters…_ water? Is that what this is? _Red and thick and metallic in his mouth… suffocating. Sickening. Terrible._

**_[Beep]_ **

_Far away._

**_[Beep]_ **

**_[His abdomen lost—]_ **

_Faraway voices danced around his ears…_ ears? He had ears? _Muffled and incoherent, but he felt as though he should know them. He should know what was happening…_

**_[—intestines shifted. I hav—]_ **

_He thinks he can make out the words…_

**_[Beep]_ **

**_P_ ** _r **ot** ec **t… P** rot **ec** t **… K** il **l…?**_

_K **i** l **l…** E **at… t** o **L** iv **e is** t **o Ea** t **…**_

_W **h** a **t…?**_

_Who…?_

_Nostalgic…_

_He knows that voice. He knows it well…_

_But who.._

**_S_ ** _tro **nger…**_

**_[—take respons—]_ **

**_I_ ** _ha **v** e **to** b **e st** ro **ng** er…_

_N **o. No. Do** n’t. **No** t **h** i **m.** No **t him…**_

**_[Beep]_ **

_It’s familiar… it’s comforting…_

Comforting? But it’s in pain…

**_[and put her organs_ in Him _]_**

**_N_** _ot_ **hi** m **!** N **o!**

 **_No_ ** _t **H** im. **NO!**_

_It’s sad… broken._

Why is it in pain?

He’ll make it better. He’ll make everything better.

 **_G_ ** _et **o** ut **! G** E **T** O **UT!**_

_Hands, arms around him. Whose?_

He can’t bear to see it in pain.

_Cruel, savage. Who? Get off, get off. Why?_

**_H_ ** _i **de** Hi **de Hi** de!!_

Because it is _‘precious’._

_‘Precious’? Why is it ‘precious’?_

**Isn’t it just food?**

Hide’s eyes snapped open, his mouth wide open in a scream that never came, feeling cold sweat all over his body. He took several deep breaths, letting a few moments pass by to simply calm himself before trying to assess his situation.

He regarded the stark white ceiling and the pungent smell of anticeptic in the air, it’s pretty obvious he was in a hospital. There was an oxygen mask wrapped around his nose and mouth, and he could feel some wires coiling around his arms –probably from an IV drip. _Kanou Medical by the layout, if memory serves correct._

Judging by the loud beating of the heart-monitor off to his top right, he probably just woke up from a nightmare. Or night-terror, since he couldn’t remember a thing now that he was breathing steadily. He was somehow surprised that he didn’t feel too terrible for all the equipment he can make out from the corner of his eyes.

Now as for how he ended up here…

_The raid, the plan, Anteiku burning, the sewers, Centipede, being eaten alive and screaming as a final betrayal to his best friend and—_

But no… taking stock, he seemed to have all limbs in tack and he was sure he’d have lost at least an arm if that was the case. Besides, if he did live then what would he be doing at Kanou Medical? The CCG had their own medical ward, and surely they wouldn’t ever risk seeking aid from the institution named after a federal enemy.

He shook his head and tried again, sifting through his haze of thoughts and memories.

_Anteiku –bright and peaceful, Touka and Kosaka, the construction site, the Binge-eater ghoul and…_

His eyes snapped open. “Kaneki!” he exclaimed, sitting up, surprised that he wasn’t hit with too much nausea despite the fact that, should history prove correct, he’d just been in a pretty bad accident involving an SS rate ghoul and a rain of iron beams. The thought made his stomach lurch. _Is Kaneki ok??_

As if sensing his distress, the door opened and a nurse rushed in, pausing when she saw him. “N-Nagachika-san you shouldn’t be up yet!!” she exclaimed, grabbing his shoulders and attempting to push him back down.

She looked familiar, Hide thought, gently pushing her hands away and attempting a smile. “Sorry, sorry. But my back felt a bit cramped” She was cute too, but Hide knew this wasn’t the time. “I think I should be alright for the moment, though. Nothing hurts”

 _Nothing hurts._ He paused, registering the insinuation of that one phrase and his hand reached down unthinkingly, tracing an area under the hospital gown he was in. There was a surgical scar there, covering the entirety of his right side.

The nurse frowned a bit in doubt before catching his movement, her face softened. “You’ve gone through an emergency surgery” she explained gently. “I’m sorry you have to find out like this, but that girl with you at the site didn’t make it. Were you close?” she asked, head tilted to one side.

Hide didn’t even bother registering the question though, his mind stuck on her first sentence. _Emergency surgery… Girl dead… so… that means…_ Looking back at the nurse, he realized then why he recognized her. She was Kaneki’s nurse –Kanou’s nurse, back when he still worked here…

 _Kanou_. _Still_ works here. It was really happening. He was really in the past. And he’d just… he’d just probably survived the surgery to become a half-ghoul.

Suddenly, he felt nauseous.

“Nagachika-san…?” the nurse cocked her head, eyes flashing with worry. _It looks so paper thin…_ “You’re probably feeling horrible now huh? Well I did warn you” she smiled resignedly, pushing him down again again and fixing some of the tubes that probably fell out of place when he sat up. “You should rest. You’ll be alright”

“Kaneki…” he finally spoke, deciding to push all the other problems away for him to solve later and bringing up his top priority. “He was there too. Is he okay? He didn’t need surgery too did he?” and right now that was definitely his main concern.

The nurse smiled at him softly, and he had to take that that was a good sign at least. “Nothing to worry about. He just suffered a mild concussion. I can’t say anything for the trauma he must’ve experienced, but he was discharged not too long ago. He wouldn’t leave your side though, so we had to force him to go for the day at least. He’ll probably be back soon” she explained.

Hearing this, Hide relaxed. Kaneki was okay. He didn’t suffer badly and Kanou didn’t use him. Everything was going to be fine.

Everything was going to be fine…

And somehow, with that thought, he fell back asleep.

-

The next time he opened his eyes, he found he wasn’t alone. Sadly, it wasn’t Kaneki. “Hey Doc” he greeted, eyeing the greying-haired doctor currently scratching away at his clipboard.

Kanou met his eyes and smiled, exuding an air of warmth and reassurance. Hide could see right through it. “Ah Hideyoshi-kun, glad to see you awake and energetic” he returned, placing the clipboard down. Hide followed it with his eyes, barely catching a glimpse of what was written, before turning back to the doctor.

He grinned. “Yeah. It wasn’t that bad I hope? The nurse told me I had surgery” he visibly gulped, playing the worried patient while observing Kanou’s expressions. This man did this to Kaneki without even a second thought. Didn’t even care that he would gain attention from the public. And he can easily pull up a nonchalant façade as if what he did wasn’t anything short of life-changing. Hide hoped his contempt could just pass as anxiety. His fists clenched.

If Kanou noticed, he didn’t show it. “Yes, your kidney was punctured when the metal beams landed on you, but that was the extent of the damage. I must say sorry for Miss Kamishiro though, she was not so lucky…” he mumbled sadly. “However her life was not in vain as she managed to save yours” he said in an almost poetic verse, flashing that warm, reassuring smile again.

It made Hide slightly sick as he saw through the mask, at the slightly pleased crease on his forehead and the expectant curve of his lips. Kanou may look like any other kind doctor to anyone else who was looking, but Hide could see how he was readily analysing him, inspecting every move and filing them away.

Seeing him so closely and hearing his words first hand, seeing the confidence and curiosity and pleasure in his stance, Hide realized something else.

Rize wasn’t dead. Not exactly anyway. And Kanou had her exactly where he wanted her. _Did Kaneki know?_ He recalled the reports on the raid of Kanou’s lab in the other future, of Eyepatch’s involvement and how the CCG was unable to get a hold of all the important personalities.

He almost couldn’t suppress his scowl. So people like this also existed outside manga, after all.

“So, feeling hungry?” the doctor asked, snapping him from his thoughts, and it was then that Hide noticed the tray set out beside him, finally registering a, quite frankly, _disgusting_ aroma like year-old socks drenched in muddy water. _Oh… that’s the Miso soup._

Kaneki had to suffer through this. _Ghouls_ had to suffer through this. The ability to appreciate a delicious meal only by sight and facing nightmares through anything else… Hide felt his stomach drop, desolation coursing through his very veins as his very real situation finally began to register. _I won’t be able to eat, ever again… Not anything that matters anyway…_ He unconsciously gripped his blankets, trying to keep his emotions steady.

_Not while the Doctor is around._

“Hideyoshi-kun? Are you not hungry after all?” the doctor displayed a worried frown in front of eager eyes. “The IV’s have been able to keep you stable while you were asleep, Hideyoshi-kun, but now that you’re awake you should eat at least a little to get your body used to it”

Hide stared blankly at him for all of two seconds, before grinning. “Yep. To eat is to live after all” the words fell out of his mouth, singing his tongue for they carried a much deeper meaning no, and he grabbed at the tray of human food and forced himself to eat.

He was barely able to supress a gag at the very first bite, but he was expecting it, so he made sure it didn’t show through sheer willpower. _How are Ghouls able to actually do this all the time?_ He was very careful about keeping a straight face, simply swallowing the vomit inducing food and pretending to chew like he used to do with his vegetable when he was little and his grandfather refused to look away from him. It became just a bit more tolerable.

He’d always been sympathetic with ghouls in regards to human food. Now he simply despaired with them.

He finished off the whole tray and did not ask to be excused to the toilet right away just to prove a point, grinning at Kanou feeling all the while like he’d won a battle (one-sided it might be). “Thanks for the meal!”

Kanou eyed him carefully, his eyes finally showing a genuine emotion for the first time since Hide first saw him –albeit it was only confusion, but it was satisfying. Hide’s grin only brightened.

_This is for Kaneki, Doc._

“Well, I see you have a healthy appetite. Looks like you’re well on your way to recovery Hideyoshi-kun” he smiled, looking a bit tight around the edges.

Hideyoshi mirrored it. “Really? That’s great! I seriously hate hospitals” he let out an exaggerated sigh, and almost fell over when his stomach lurched. _Negative effects of food on ghouls… poor bastards all of us._

“Well, I’ll only be keeping you for a couple days more and if nothing bad comes up, you’re free to be discharged. I’ll see you later then, Hideyoshi-kun” the doctor excused himself, looking for all the world like a frustrated mad scientist, and Hide waved at him goodbye.

As soon as he was sure he was alone, though, Hide promptly grabbed the nearest wastebasket and puked.

 _Maaaan being a ghoul sucks! And it’s only my first day..._ He sighed, face growing solemn as he wiped is mouth, turning to stare out the window. “…Kaneki… You’re seriously way too strong”

**~_~_~**

Kaneki didn’t know what to do. He was sitting on a bench just outside the hospital looking over to the window he knows his best friend was in, exactly like what he’d been doing every day for the past week since he was discharged.

But… he just couldn’t get himself to _actually_ go see Hide right now. It was a stark contrast to how he wouldn’t even budge from his best friend’s side after the accident…

_The accident._

He gulped, wringing his hands on the hem of his coat.

That’s right. The accident was his fault. Hide got hurt because of him. And Kaneki simply couldn’t face him after that.

Of course, he couldn’t have known Rize was a ghoul, but Hide didn’t like her in the first place. He tried to discourage him out of meeting her, but still he ignored his warning. He’d been so happy when she started talking to him that day that he even offered to take her home just so that it wouldn’t end.

_…and look where that got me._

He hadn’t told anyone Rize had been a ghoul. He was far too scared to even entertain the thought. And now, a week after the incident, he was beginning to feel as though everything that happened wasn’t real. That maybe he had really just hallucinated the whole thing and it was all just a pretty gruesome accident like everyone said…

But… he clutched his left shoulder, fingers slipping under his collar to trace over the scar in the perfect shape of teeth.

It was real.

It was real and he couldn’t deny that.

He’d watched a ghoul eat Hide’s kidney. His _kidney._ An organ that should _never be outside his body_ was simply _plucked out of him_ and _eaten_. The memory had been seared into his brain, appearing in his nightmares, keeping him awake at night. He couldn’t get rid of it if he tried. Hide’s kidney had been eaten directly in front of him and he couldn’t do anything _._

And now… now he didn’t know what to think. Ghouls were real. Danger was real. Rize had been a ghoul, and that doctor had transplanted her organs (her _kidney_ ) into Hide. Hide has a ghoul’s organs now, thanks to him. …What happens to a person if given a ghoul’s organs? Would Hide become a ghoul now too? Or no… it said on TV that ghouls basically had a similar physical structure to humans, so hopefully… maybe it’s just like any other organ transplant?

But if Hide had been turned into a ghoul…

Kaneki shook his head. He really didn’t know what to make of it. He didn’t know how he could possibly face Hide. How _Hide_ could possibly face _him._ How he could possibly apologize for everything he’d caused— _IF_ an apology even meant anything at all.

 _And if Hide turned into a ghoul… because of me…_ Kaneki could’ve possibly just ruined his best friend’s entire _life—_

A shrill ring suddenly jarred him out of his thoughts and he fumbled in the pockets of his jacket for his phone, opening it without looking first.

It was from Hide.

 

 **10/21   -   12:28**  
**From: Hide**  
**Sub: Freedom!! \\(^O^)/**

**_You’re treating me to Big Girl dammit!!!_ **

**_P.S. Kaneeeeekiiiii where are yoooouuu!!  
I’m loooooonneeelllyyyyyyyy \\(TTATT)/_ **

 

Kanek stared at his phone for what felt like ages, reading the simple text over and over again, and then re-reading it, warmth pooling in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t know what to make of it. Somehow, through a single, simple text message that barely even made any sense, all of Kaneki’s doubts and worries over the past week just disappeared. It made him so lightheaded he felt like he was going to faint.

 _He’s not angry…_ he found himself thinking, before mentally slapping himself. _Of course he’s not… He’s Hide afterall._ A smile crossed his lips, his eyes finding the window to Hide’s room again and almost jumped when he saw Hide there, a wide grin on his face as he waved his phone at him.

Kaneki felt himself flushing, but he didn’t bother hiding it with the other being so far away. Instead, he turned around and began to compose a reply.

 

 **10/21   -   12:30**  
**From: Kaneki**  
**Sub: Congrats**

**I’m ok with Big Girl, but you’re paying for your own.**

**P.S. Sorry. Was busy.**

****

He worried a little at the white lie, but continued. Though he’d barely pressed the _sent_ button when another one came through, he looked back towards the window only to see the clear pout on his best friend’s face as he made completely nonsensical gestures with his hands.

Kaneki sweatdropped.

 

 **10/21   -   12:30**  
**From: Hide**  
**Sub: Re: Congrats**

 **DEMON!! FIEND!!! STINGY!!**  
**I’ve just spent a whole week bored out of**  
**my mind and you wouldn’t even let me have**  
**a free Burger??**

**YOU’RE SO CRUEL KANEKI!!! \\(TTATT)/**

**HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MEEE!!!!**

****

Kaneki had to cover his mouth to stifle a chuckle. Hide’s antics, really. He smiled so wide his facial muscles ached, and he couldn’t help but shake his head.

**10/21   -   12:31**  
**From: Kaneki**  
**Sub: Re: Re: Congrats**

**Alright, alright. Fine, you get a free burger.**

**But you’re paying for drinks ok?**

**10/21   -   12:31**  
**From: Hide**  
**Sub: Re: Re: Re: Congrats**

**Deal!**

**Now wait right there while I try to find my shoes.**  
**And don’t you dare ditch me, ya hear?? If I see you move I am**  
**throwing my shoe at your head I swear it.**

****

Kaneki rolled his eyes. Yes, Hide would definitely do that, so he remained where he was.

And again, in a very Hide-like fashion, it didn’t even take five minutes before he was being choked to death from behind. “H-Hide— Can’t breath—“ he exclaimed, trying to untangle the blond’s limbs from his neck.

Hide loosened his hold but didn’t let go, merely leaning his weight on Kaneki’s back. Kaneki smiled. He didn’t even know why he was worried before.

Hide was okay. Everything was going to be fine.

**~_~_~**

Hide walked the streets that night in a solemn mood. He left his bike at home along with his favourite hoodie, deciding to wear his rarely used grey sweater instead. He loved his bright colours, but he couldn’t stand out right now. It would make his situation too risky.

He was seriously sad that Kaneki hadn’t visited him once in the entire week he was hospitalized, but he understood why. Kaneki had seen everything, after all –and that was yet another thing Hide failed to protect him from; but now that he knew, it couldn’t be helped. And judging by the way his shoulders had hunched and how he had worried his coat everyday on that bench three floors below his windowsill, Hide had a pretty accurate idea about what had been troubling his best friend.

His invite to Big Girl was practically suicide on his part, but Kaneki honestly worried too much, and he was sincerely glad he’d succeeded in _burgering_ it out of him at least. He hated it when Kaneki was down.

Still, after vomiting the entirety of his (pretty expensive, might he add) meal at the men’s room, his stomach growled – _actually growled._ He hadn’t been hungry since he woke up in the hospital after the surgery, (he somehow suspected he’d been fed human meat at one point while he was asleep) and now he was. And as a newly-made half-ghoul, that only meant one thing.

He’d rushed home immediately afterwards, spouting some lame excuse to Kaneki about how his apartment’s probably a mess since he’d been gone for so long (it wasn’t an excuse because it was true. Hide groaned) and rushed home.

In the week he’d spent hospitalized, Kanou had been subtly monitoring his every move and Hide had tried to appear as normal and human as possible just to throw him off. He had thought about what he was going to do, sure, but thinking about it and actually experiencing it were two very different things.

When using just his logic, he knew that _eating_ would be the easiest and safest way, and he was already pretty sure that Anteiku does provide murder-free food for wayward ghouls. Still, the actual _thought_ of eating another human being, dead or otherwise, when you were one yourself… it was… hard. Difficult. _Wrong._

_And Kaneki won’t approve. He never did._

So now… here he was, wandering the streets of night-time Tokyo salivating at the mouth as hordes of delicious smelling human beings rushed past him in all directions. He tried to make himself as small as possible, keeping to the alleyways but not in too deep in case he catches a ghoul’s attention. To think that just last week he was just another one of them…

 _But no._ he thought with a sigh. _Last week I was with the CCG intelligence division preparing to raid my best friend’s home._ He smiled bitterly, the memory bringing with it a deep sense of guilt. He hadn’t actively participated in anything then, of course not… but he also didn’t do anything to deter it.

Now, he was planning to head down to that very Coffee Shop like an innocent man. Bu even though he still couldn’t decide, he knew that it was the only place he could go to in this situation… _Or I could go to the CCG…_ he shook his head. They could help, yes (whatever ‘help’ meant, anyway) but he’d be locked up and experimented on before he can even finish talking.

His stomach growled again, cramping up beneath his skin and making him groan in pain. _So… hungry… meat… flesh…_ he grit his teeth. The subway would be suicide, Anteiku was still one station away and already he could barely stay conscious. _Eat… meat…_ he bit his lip, crouching to his knees as he repressed the innate urges now pulsing through his veins. _It’ll pass. Just wait it out Hide._

 **_M_ ** _ea **t…** fl **e** s **h… te** ar **… r** e **n** d **… ki** ll **…** k **ill k** il **l e** a **t kill** **EAT—**_

A scent hit his nose, thankfully bringing him back from whatever state he’d fallen into only to throw him off a different high, feeling himself salivate anew as the delicious aroma filled his senses. _Oh GOD what is that…_ Without conscious thought, his body began to follow it, his nose leading his legs through winding alleys and dark corners like a man possessed. _Food. Eat. Meat…_

Accurate enough.

He barely even paused to check where he was or where he was going, he was simply so _hungry and the smell was so good and—_

“Haah? What are you looking at?”

Of course… of course it would be a corpse. Hide felt his knees collapse beneath him, exhaustion clouding his senses. _Life as a ghoul lesson number two. Only one thing can smell good, no matter the state._ He clutched his growling stomach with one hand, wondering if he should just give in to the inevitable, eyeing the corpse before him. The ghoul didn’t look that strong; if Hide tried hard enough, he could probably steal an arm and be gone before he can attack…

 _But Kaneki didn’t. He never gave in, did he?_ He smirked, his whole body going limp in resignation. _Kaneki lasted all of two weeks like this by himself. Will you really be so weak Hideyoshi?_

As if things could actually get any worse, a ghoul’s head suddenly went flying in his direction, making Hide scramble to his feet, keeping a hand pressed to his mouth in the off chance he pukes without warning. But that wasn’t the problem, really. It was the one that sent it flying in the first place.

“Sheesh. I said don’t go having a meal on my feeding grounds”

Hide couldn’t help but groan, wondering at his luck.

“Hn…? Nagachika…?!” shocked brown eyes met his form, and Hide could only scratch his cheek, a nervous grin spreading across his lips as he attempted a casual wave.

“Heey, Nishio-senpai! Nice night huh?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading ^^  
> I really am trying to keep with the canon events as closely as possible, so expect scenes from the manga like this! But a whole lot would be changing around too, cause I really can't imagine Hide as a tragic hero ^^; XDD
> 
> Also, for anyone who [Love Hide](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QZjVjkw5WQ), please check this out? ^^;;


	3. Feeding Grounds - Sorry for Tresspassing!

“Nagachika…?! Wait, you’re a ghoul?!” surprise coloured the older man’s tone laced with disbelief. “ _All this time... with that damn creepy awareness of yours”_ he mumbled out, almost to himself, and out loud he drawled “And why is only one of your eyes red? That’s fucking creepy”

Hide could only scratch his cheek, his heart speeding up in anxiety. He’d encountered ghouls before, sure (he’d had _this_ very ghoul try to kill him before too, though it hasn’t exactly happened yet). But currently, he was hungry, confused, and he’d just watched an acquaintance and sort-of-friend of his nonchalantly kick a guy’s head off. Of course he was scared as heck. “Yeeeahh… you see, that’s a funny story. Haha…” he trailed off, scooting over to the side and trying to measure the distance he’d have to run if he wanted to get away from who he knows is a Bikaku user. “Anyways, uhm… Sorry for trespassing. I swear I didn’t know this was your territory, I swear on my porn collection! I’ll even give them to you!! So, uh, yeah, I’ll just be going now and, uhm, see you tomorrow sempai!!” he kicked off, running at a sprint back the path he came.

But of course, ghouls being the super-powered creatures they are, he was immediately cut off. “Now wait just a second there, Nagachika” Nishio Nishiki sang, glaring at him straight in the eyes. “Do ya seriously think that just ‘cause you say you ‘ _didn’t know’_ and that your ‘ _sorry’_ I’ll let you off the hook?”

Hide pushed down the urge to fidget, refusing to look away. There was nothing but concrete wall and two dead bodies behind him, Nishio standing directly on the space where the alley branches out. _A predator’s instincts._ He was seriously cornered, and if he wanted to get out of this alive, he would need a serious distraction…

“You see Nagachika” the older man began, his posture relaxing just a bit although the threat never left. “I don’t have anything against you or anything… well, maybe a little” he chuckles stepping closer to the blond. Hide tried to step back, but there was nothing but solid wall behind him. “but I absolutely _hate it_ when people barge into _my_ territory. And unluckily for you, this just so happens to be _my_ feeding ground” he cracked his knuckle, and Hide watched as his caramel brown eyes began to melt into the black and red of a ghoul’s Kakugan.

_Shit. Crap. Crap. Oh God. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die and I just threw up my last supper which tasted like rubber and pig intestines anyway, but!! Oh my god. Maybe I should’ve written a will? I leave my precious Manga and Video game collection to Kaneki! …I wonder if they read it in the other future…_

“ _’Yours’_? _”_ a scoff.

Snapping out of his internal panic monologue, Hide looked up as a new voice joined their conversation. He couldn’t help but grin at the sight of the familiar waitress he knew and loved. Of course, he knew he wasn’t off the hook just yet, but there was his distraction right there.

He didn’t move.

“It’s not ‘yours’” the blue-haired girl stated cockily, leaping down from her perch on top of the wall. “This here’s Rize’s turf, shitty Nishiki”

“Touka” Nishio simply pushed his glasses up, sneering down his nose at the girl. “Did you know? That voracious-eater woman died”

The girl cocked a brow. “So what, that makes this place yours now? Don’t be stupid” she scoffed. “Distribution and management of the 20th ward’s territory is Anteiku’s job”

“Haaah, Anteiku? That spineless lot has no right to mess around with me!!” the older ghoul growled, veins popping up around his activated kakugan in an obvious show of aggression. “’sides. This was originally my feeding grounds, before that damn woman came and stole—“

“That’s because of your weakness, isn’t it” Touka cut off, her face holding nothing but nonchalance even as Nishio began to bristle in anger.

Hide watched, transfixed, as the bespectacled ghoul attacked, a snarl on his lips as he sent a kick straight for the girl’s head. Touka barely even moved –no, she simply moved too fast— smoothly dodging the kick and spinning a bit in mid-air.

They landed a few feet apart, seemingly unscathed. Nishio clicked his tongue. “Tch. Nothing but shallow wounds huh”

Touka smirked. “Yeah, maybe I should cut deeper next time”

And then, like magic, cuts suddenly appeared all over the man’s body, blood spurting from the lines on his face and arms. Nishio growled again, barely keeping himself from collapsing. “You damned woman!” he spat before he turned tail and ran.

“Tch. At least clean up after yourself, moron” she turned towards the dead bodies, eyes alighting with distaste. “Guess I’ll have to call Yomo-san…”

Hide knew he was gaping. His upperclassghoul was actually _weak._ And in contrast “That. Was. AWESOME!!” he exclaimed, turning to the female ghoul with a bright, awestruck grin. “How’d you make all those cuts? And oh, thank you Kirishima-san!!” he knew she was an Ukaku from the reports on ‘ _Rabbit_ ’, but this would have to be the first he’s ever seen such a quick battle in real life. He barely saw her move.

“Huh? Ge—H?!” The ghoul started, as if she hadn’t even known he was there as opposed to having forgotten, and promtly froze. “Eh…? You…”

The cute waitress stared, her face speckled with blood, and Hide watched, transfixed, as a number of emotions collided in her eyes; he could make out shock, disbelief, guilt, grief, fear, and finally, resignation as her dark blue irises turned blood red.

 _She’s going to kill me._ Hide thought, tracing her fear. He dusted his pants, putting his hands in his pockets as he anticipated her attack. Unlike with Nishio earlier, he wasn’t scared, only a bit sad at the turn of events. _She thinks she doesn’t have a choice._

The Touka before Kaneki Ken didn’t have faith, and he knew that as a ghoul, she likely has a personal reason for it.

She simply extended a hand, expression growing uncomfortable as she approached him. “Listen, u-uh, Nagachika-san” she fumbled, recalling his name. It made Hide smile. “I really don’t have anything against you but…” and just like that, she lunged, hand going for his neck.

It was swift, but weak for all the strength she’d shown earlier, and Hide couldn’t help the feeling of warmth in his ches. _Quick, painless, but not so much as o make them feel powerless._ He blocked the hand easily enough, sidestepping to one side before using her momentum against her.

She barely had time to gasp in surprise before he had her up against the wall Hide had been pressed up against before, her arm twisted behind her back. “Fucking Hell??!”

Hide winced, letting her go. Sadly, this was a bad move as before he could even step away, she had him up in the air with a hand wrapped around his throat – _much_ rougher this time— as her kakugan burned with outrage. He hissed, grabbing at her hand so he doesn’t suffocate just yet. “ _Who are you??”_ she demanded, grip tightening. “You’re not just a regular human. A Dove?In training perhaps? Why are you here?? _”_

For all that his life was slowly being squeezed out of him, Hide still managed to let out a sheepish grin. “N-o—“ he forced out, slowly raising his hands in the air in the universal gesture of surrender. He could feel himself going blue.

Thankfully, she put him down, relaxing her grip only enough for him to be able to breath.

After inhaling several, deep, needed breaths, he finally spoke. He scratched his cheek before explaining. “I joined the judo club back in high school so I know some self-defence” he shrugged, grinning at her. “Impressed?”

She flinched back, dropping her hand in discomfort. “You’re seriously weird” she mumbled, stepping back again.

Hide balked at the comment. “Hey!! I’m loveable!!” of course, his stomach took that time to remind him of its emptiness, and he felt his knees collapse, drool pouring from his mouth again as the permeating scent of fresh blood and meat filled his nostrils.

Above him, Touka gasped. “You’re a ghoul?!” she exclaimed, utter disbelief in her voice. Hide looked up just in time to see her frown. “Why didn’t you just say so? And why is only one of your eyes red? That’s fucking creepy…” she grunted.

Hide laughed, raising a hand to cover the eye he now knew was a kakugan. “Nishio-senpai said the exact same thing” _Maybe I should get an eyepatch too. It would be troublesome for this to happen at school._ As opposed to popular belief, a ghoul’s kakugan doesn’t only activate when they’re eating or hungry, it has quite a number of triggers and it can be really dangerous for a ghoul to not be able to control it in public. Of course, for most ghouls that would be the first thing they learn. But of course, Hide and other-past Kaneki were exceptions. _I wonder if I can pull it off like Kaneki did._ He hummed.

Breaking out of his thoughts, he couldn’t supress a violent flinch when he found Touka extending a severed arm to him. Hide gulped, feeling sick for all that he was salivating at the meat being handed to him… ( _Huh… Handed… funny)._

Moments pass that he didn’t move, simply staring at the limb feeling a bit lightheaded. Touka frowned in confusion. “What’s wrong?” she asked, and Hide felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes at the _caring_ tone in her voice. “You’re hungry right? You should eat”

Hide forced out a chuckle, feeling incredibly uncomfortable as primal ghoul-hunger and human morality warred within him over a dead man’s arm. So awkward. “U-Uh yeah… I am but…” he took a deep breath, only realizing his mistake when the delicious scent invaded his senses, his mind shutting down for all of a second as his left hand extended eagerly towards the human meat.

He caught it with his right, keeping his next few breaths shallow, his entire body tensed. He gulped. “Uhm… You may not… believe me, Kirishima-san, but you see…. I was sort of _human_ till about a week ago. So… yeah… this here’s kinda a lot to take in for me right now…” he tried to grin, but succeeded only in a pained grimace.

If anything, this only confused Touka more, and Hide could feel himself break out in cold sweat.

And then a new voice called in from the shadows. “Touka-chan”

The girl turned around, relaxing. “Manager… what are you doing all the way out here?” she asked as a kind-looking old man appeared from the shadows.

The manager simply smiled at her before looking towards Hide, nodding his head in greeting. Hide returned it with a wave. “I think it would be nice if we all sit down and talk for a bit, don’t you? Please, come this way”

Since this was Hide’s plan in the first place, he quickly rose to his feet and began trailing after the old man and the confused girl without a second thought. If anything, at least he could get some good coffee.

…Black coffee.

Black as my soul, bitter coffee.

He sighed.

**~_~_~**

Hide was wrong. Black coffee is AWESOME!!

“Oh My GOD How does it TASTE like this???” he exclaimed, taking another sip. He would’ve gulped it down if it wasn’t still hot enough to burn his throat (Not that it wouldn’t heal soon enough anyway, but yeah). “Do ghouls have, like, an entirely different taste for coffee or something? I mean, I always thought all of you guys appreciate it so much cause it’s the only non-human thing you can taste right but now I’m not so sure. I mean, this cup here is _heaven!!”_

Silence…

Hide fidgeted in his seat, his face flushing a bit when he realized every ghoul in the room was staring at him. He coughed, an awkward grin on his face… “Sorry…?” Did he say anything out of line…?

It was Touka who broke it, shaking her head in disbelief. “I don’t know whether you just insulted or complemented the manager’s coffee…”

“IT WAS A COMPLEMENT!! I SWEAR!!!” Hide cried, taking another sip of the coffee and marvelling at the flavour on his tongue. “ _Heaven~”_

Soft laughter reached his ears and he wasn’t surprised that it came from the old manager himself, holding the pitcher of hot water he’d used to make Hide’s glorious coffee. “Then thank you very much, Nagachika-kun”

“Please call me Hide. Everyone does”

“Hide-kun, then” the manager smiled. “If you’d like, I can even teach you how to make it”

“Eh?? Really? You’d go through the trouble??”

“It’s no trouble at all. And I must say it’s been a… very long time since I’ve had the pleasure of meeting someone so lively” he stated, eyes going solemn.

Hide smiled himself, warm and understanding. “The pleasure’s all mine Sir. You all seem like great folks” He knows they are. He knows they all have their misgivings, but they supported Kaneki when he didn’t have anyone else, and they believed in him. So Hide trusts them, even if right now that trust has no basis and they don’t trust him yet. “It’s great actually, that ghouls have at least some form of organization. I always did think our ward was safer than most, and now I know I got you guys to thank for that” he grinned.

…It makes the fact that this place was destroyed in the future, his old future, seem that much darker now… he hopes it doesn’t have to happen.

 _What tipped the CCG off on this place, anyway?_ He’ll have to find out… or he could just make sure nothing ever does this time around…

“You’re not fazed at all.” Touka’s voice again, but this time, there was a change in her tone that affected the entire atmosphere.

No one spoke for a long time, everyone –including the manager— now busying themselves with other things; Hide closed his eyes for a second before turning to face the blue-haired girl, his smile inviting.

She glared. “How are you so _calm_? You were human just yesterday weren’t you? And now you have a ghoul’s organs and drool over dead human meat. How are you so _accepting_ of this situation??” she’d started with an even tone, but her voice grew steadily louder that she was practically screaming by the end. The manager placed a hand on her shoulder, urging her to calm down.

Touka tended to put up a tough exterior by default apart from her friendly waitress persona, but it seems her personality goes down much deeper. She honestly _cared_ for his situation, if not him personally.

A human turning into a ghoul and losing half of what he knew and facing a world so much darker… Hide lowered his eyes, his smile turning solemn. “Well… I can’t say much except that now it’s done, it can’t be helped” he shrugged. “But—“ Touka looked like she’s about to protest, though, so he decided to beat her to it. “Kaneki –my best friend— he was there too. This could easily have been him, so I’m glad it’s me. Kaneki’s been through a lot already and as strong as he can sometimes force himself to be… well, I just don’t want him to have to deal with this too” he sighed at the end, dropping his head into his arms.

Yes. That was the whole point. But he wasn’t able to do this the first time, and Kaneki suffered far too much. He still doesn’t know if what he’s changing now, here in this present, actually means anything to that future, but the one thing he knows is that he just wants Kaneki safe and whole and _home._

“…You care for him that much…” the blue-haired ghoul mumbled, far too silent for a normal person to hear. But Hide heard it clearly, and he realized, suddenly, that it seems his senses were now developing. “…it’s kinda disgusting” she continued loudly, though, making Hide balk.

“Hey! You got anything against our bromance or something??” he glared (though he’s aware it might just look more like a pout), looking extremely affronted.

Muffled laughter resounded around him, making Hide grin, but Touka only rolled her eyes. “Better be careful he doesn’t find out, then” she warned, turning to leave.

Hide sobered, gulping down his now-warm coffee before excusing himself to follow her out the room. “Eeh? Find out what?” he decided to push, remembering overhearing a similar conversation in a past no longer valid. He figured it would be best to get it over and done with.

Touka paused on her way down the stairs, turning to him in confusion, probably wondering why he was following her. But soon enough her expression hardened, shoulders tensed and threatening.

Hide saw through it.

“Listen, I don’t know or care who or whatever the guy means to you, exactly –heck I don’t even know _you_ at all yet— but you’re a ghoul now and he’s a human. He finds out and it’ll endanger us all” she stated calmly, words hard.

“’Us all?’” he decided to focus on the strange use of the collective.

Touka blushed, and he watched, transfixed, as she fumbled for words. It made him feel slightly warm that she was including him in their circle already. “I-I mean, I don’t really care what you plan to do about that guy, but if you plan on hanging around here often, you better make sure he doesn’t find out about…” she paused, this time raising her palms up to her shoulders, indicating everything around her. “’us’ at least”

“And if it doesn’t?” he tilted his head.

Her brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“What if him knowing doesn’t endanger anyone?” he asked, his tone light but his meaning deep. He eyes her face, searching.

The sudden, bitter bark of laughter that escaped Touka’s lips sent a stab through Hide’s heart. “There _is_ no _if it doesn’t” s_ he spat, mood souring again. She turned around and stomped down the stairs. Hide followed suit a bit more carefully. “He’s _human._ All a human needs to do is click a few buttons and we’re _done for._ If we’re not dead, we lose out lives anyway!”

“I was human” Hide piped up, keeping in pace with her as she walked through the back room of the coffee shop, feeling the need to contradict or assure her. “I knew about Anteiku even before I became a ghoul and I never thought to call the CCG”

She froze in step, turning around suddenly and grabbing his collar, a demand and a threat on her lips. He didn’t let her speak. “There _are_ humans who accept ghouls you know. I know a human with a ghoul lover. They're very sweet. And yes. She knows.” he said, wondering if it was okay to bring up Nishio's love life. ...Now that he thinks about it, when, exactly, did that happen? _And my best friend became a ghoul too, once. He just decided never to tell me… and I was stupid enough to uphold the illusion. It ended badly._ He didn’t say.

He watched as Touka swallowed, her teeth gritting behind her lips and her fist shaking in his collar. She was conflicted. Nervous. Pained. Hide thinks of Kosaka Yoriko and knew she wanted to believe, but it seems she had experienced something far more tangible that made it seem impossible to her. It made him feel sorry for her and all the other ghouls who have experience similar things.

“Maybe…” she pushed the words through gritted teeth, releasing his shirt. She was shaking. “Maybe that’s true… But I won’t risk it” her fists clench. “Besides, that human of yours? He’s the type who fears what he doesn’t understand. He’s ignorant. I saw your drawings; he thinks we’re monsters in human form” she was visibly shaking now, and her words cut deep. (Hide can’t deny them. Not in this timeline.) “All it takes is one call during a moment of uncertainty and it’s over. No take back’s”

Hide’s eyes lowered. “He won’t, though” he stated.

“And how are you so sure?” Touka spat, glaring at him challengingly.

The smile Hide shows her then is sad. Guilty. He didn’t want to acknowledge it most times, but he knew deep down it was the truth. And the weight of it dragged at Hide’s heart. “Because I’m the only one he has” And it was only as those words left his lips that he realized what, exactly, he had done. His stomach dropped.

He was the only one Kaneki had.

It was true he had taken Kaneki’s pain; most likely averted his tragedy. But that was only half of his story.

Looking at Touka’s accepting behaviour, smelling the comforting aroma of coffee in the air, hearing the sounds of the people that made up _Anteiku_ … It made him understand the ghoul Kaneki a little better. How he was able to pull away from Hide when it had been only the two of them for so long, how he was still able to smile despite his situation.

Becoming a half-ghoul had given Kaneki _this_. A place to belong. People who can understand him. People who trusts and cares for him as much as he cares for them, who were willing to _risk their lives_ for him.

It had been just Hide and Kaneki for so long that it passed him by completely exactly _how_ precious these people were to his best friend, how happy and at peace Kaneki had been with them… and now…

Now Hide had taken them from him too.

 _But…_ But, he reasons, at that time Kaneki had been both a human and a ghoul. He had formed a bridge between two worlds that simply refused to meet, gaining their friendship and trust through empathy and time. And now that role had fallen to Hide as well.

Now, Kaneki was purely human. He had no connection to the world of ghouls apart from Hide himself, if the blond ever decided to tell him. He’s still Kaneki, of course. His thoughts, his actions, his goals… they were still the same. He still has the potential to understand…

But…

His first experience with a ghoul had been treachery and terror and trauma. A tragedy in itself. If he can’t accept them… and if they can’t accept him, then wouldn’t their previous connection be meaningless?

 _Perhaps this is also selfishness…_ he thinks to himself, his hands clenching into fists by his side. _Taking from him the family that took him away from me…_ It sounded possessive and cliché in his mind, but he couldn’t deny that it was, at least partly, true.

Hide had been the only one Kaneki had for the longest time, and suddenly he wasn’t needed at all. And now that it was back to how it used to be, Kaneki had lost… _might never know_ the family that meant so much to him. _Am I really gonna do that to him?_

Hide felt small. He felt terrible and shameful. He felt like a shitty human being that didn’t deserve Kaneki’s friendship. He didn’t want to do that… but… but _what can I do…?_

“O-Oy… Oy! Nagachika??” he snapped awake to Touka’s incredibly uncomfortable expression, shocked when he felt his eyes prickle with unshed tears.

“Huh?”

“The heck is—“ she cut herself off, shaking her head, emotions once again clashing much too fast in her deep blue eyes before she settled on part-worry and exasperated. She sighed, long and hard, ruffling her hair. “Ok, you know what? Do what you like, but just remember that if anything goes bad, I am hunting you down” she threatened, looking as though her words physically pained her to say.

Hide had to take a few moments to process what she meant… His eyes widened. “Wait, you’re saying I can… _tell_ him?” _You’re letting me??_

She gritted her teeth, looking away awkwardly, disdainfully. “If you’re really that stupid” she mumbled.

“And if he’s okay with it? I can bring him here?” Hide couldn’t help but want to clarify. This was a chance, and it was coming from Touka herself; Touka, who had threatened to kill Hide if Kaneki ever let him find out in another time. It was practically a right of passage!

“Yes! Fine!” she finally barked out, kakugan blazing. And then, like a flip switched, her entire demeanour froze over, her activated kakugan along with her cold and threatening tone sending chills down Hide’s spine. “But like I said, he does something funny and I _will kill **you.**_ Got it?”

Hide gulped, nodding his head, slowly at first, but the bubble of gratitude and excitement in his chest could only be suppressed so well that by the end he was practically jumping up and down. His face stretching into the happiest grin he could possibly manage.

She turned tail and ran.

Hide knit his brow in confusion, but his smile never faltered, only calling out a loud “THANK YOU TOUKA-CHAAN!!” behind her.

A crash resounded from somewhere down the hall, and he chuckled.

He could still give this to Kaneki, after all. This place he once called home.

It would be different, probably. He would be the only human in a place filled with ghouls, after all. But if the ghouls here looks past their prejudgement and Kaneki remained who he was, then it should end up fine.

…but he’d have to tell him first…

…and Kaneki…

Actually thinking about it now, especially after the whole incident with Rize, he really wasn’t sure if Kaneki would be okay with ghouls at all for some time at least…

The thought made him deflate.

How on earth was he supposed to breach the subject when his best friend was probably still traumatized?

“…” He ran both hands through his hair, groaning long and hard and hopeless in a sudden burst of frustration.

_Why does everything have to be so complicated??!!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK Chapter 3 XDD  
> ...I have absolute no idea how to title my chapters =W=;; so rn I'm just gonna go with Manga chapter titles to let you guys know where I am XD Also, please take note that sometimes, random parts from the manga, like Yoshimura explaining to Touka about Kaneki(Hide) being a half ghoul, will be left out. But it's okay because I'm making it so they wont be missed.
> 
> XDD
> 
> btw No one,  
> I repeat, NO ONE,  
> not even Tsundere Ghouls,  
> are IMMUNE to a SAD HIDE XDD  
> but pls dun worry, this is not a HideTouka fic ^^; Frankly I love Touka but I seriously don't care for pairing her up with anyone without canon's consent ^^;; (except maybe Yoriko) 
> 
> XD


	4. Deception - Sometimes Doesn't Work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yesh! Chapter 4 XDD  
> Lets see, we have a perceptive and conflicted Kaneki, Nishio with trust issues and *gasp* A Plot twist!! 
> 
> *SHOT* 
> 
> *cough* Ok, enjoy ^^;;

(There had been a report on ghoul biology on the news last night)

They were just passing the time on one of the outside tables of their in-campus coffee shop, talking about classes and other nonsensical things as they usually do. But today, something was off, and Kaneki couldn’t help but glance worriedly at his best friend every now and again as he tried to piece together what could possibly be wrong.

For one thing, Hide was wearing the eyepatch from his pirate costume back in middle school over his right eye ( _“Aaargh!!”)._ This wasn’t all that strange, of course (there was a time in middle-school when Hide decided to dye his hair white. It had lasted all of two weeks before all the old-man comments finally got to him enough to dye it back). For another, he wasn’t eating (Hide usually always had snacks hidden everywhere so this wasn’t strange either). But there was one thing in particular that caught Kaneki’s attention the most.

Hide’s coffee was black.

Kaneki was ordering their usual –Americano for him and a Cappuccino for Hide— when the blond had interrupted, claiming that he felt like black coffee today. Of course, that he choked on the first mouthful made Kaneki relax a bit, but the fact that Hide had ordered it at all was enough cause for concern.

Because, for a one thing, Hide _never_ drank black coffee; he would always complain about how bitter it was, and even though he would order cappuccinos he’d still add even more cream and sugar that the very essence of the coffee would be lost forever. For him to be drinking it black now –with the refill, no less— without touching the condiments at all….

(And yesterday, at big girl, Hide had looked so green all throughout their meal.)

Of course, Kaneki usually doesn’t bother to notice any of these things, but since the accident… since he’d failed to heed Hide’s warning and almost got the both of them killed – _no, not just killed. Eaten. Hide’s kidney was **eaten**_ — he’d started taking note of the things around him a bit more.

(He had watched the news report on ghouls last night.)

If a ghoul could hide behind such a sweet and beautiful façade, then that meant that what they all say on television was true. There could be ghouls _everywhere._ They could be _anyone. He couldn’t trust anyone_.

The anxiety that realization brought with it was honestly exhausting. He hasn’t said a word about Rize to anyone yet, he even felt uncomfortable talking with Hide about that night… and then there was the matter of filing a report to the CCG, but he didn’t think that would be such a good idea either since—

(Hide had a ghoul’s organs transplanted into him.)

“Oy, Kaneki?? Earth to Kaneki!! You’re totally ignoring my fascinating story!!”

He started, staring at the blond’s exaggerated pout for a second before rolling his eyes. “Yes, yes. Sorry, sorry” he mumbled, his lips tugging at the corner. Well, at least Hide was as lively as ever. Even though— “What were you saying?”

And as if sensing his distress, all mock-disapproval left Hide’s face, replaced with genuine concern. Kaneki sat up a little straighter, feeling a bit guilty for causing that look. _Get a grip Kaneki!_

Hide’s lips pursed, crossing his arms on the table and leaning forward until they were practically face to face. Kaneki gulped.

“You… have you been sleeping enough lately?” the blond asked, leaning back a bit to inspect his face a bit more.

… _Of course he’d notice_. Kaneki could only sigh _._ Sometimes he thinks Hide was far too perceptive for his own good.“I’m fine Hide. It’s just…” he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. (No… no he hasn’t. He’s been plagued with nightmares of that night every time he tried – _black and red eyes, blood, laughter, Hide’s kidney being eaten…)._ “That… that actually happened…”

“Rize was a ghoul, and now she’s dead. You don’t need to worry about it anymore” Hide simply stated, as if it were that simple.

Kaneki felt his hands shake, and he tried to hide them by placing them on his lap. He knew it was useless though, the blond probably already saw them –he probably didn’t even need to see them. “B-But Hide… she… you… I-I’m…” he kept trailing off, unable to find the proper words to convey his guilt and his apology no matter how much he wanted to. He’d been thinking for days since the accident just how he was going to say it, but no words ever came.

“It’s not your fault” his best friend stated, tone laced with conviction as his single, visible caramel eye stared his own grey ones down, leaving him unable to look away if he tried.

Hide could read him like a book. And as thankful as he was for it most times, it also makes him feel so… inadequate… as a friend. Like he wasn’t giving as well as he got, and Hide always gave him _everything_.

“You don’t find someone you like often, and no one could’ve known she was a ghoul. I’m just glad that we’re both safe, ok?” the blond smiled reassuringly.

Just like this.

He was saying everything Kaneki wanted to hear without even trying and it makes Kaneki feel so incredibly small. But still… he couldn’t just let it go. Not until he knows that Hide was okay. _Really_ okay.

(There was a news report on ghouls last night. And it spoke of changing palettes and super strength and an inescapable taste for _human flesh—)_

“But… the transplant…” he whispered, his heart-rate speeding up. And for a moment, Hide froze, his coffee cup half-way to his lips before he was sipping it nonchalantly again as if it never happened. Kaneki had to blink in surprise: he never would have caught it if he hadn’t been looking so closely…

“What about it?” Hide’s tone was casual, but Kaneki knew him long enough to be able to tell that the blond was uncomfortable with the topic.

Kaneki shifted again, grabbing his own coffee cup and taking a sip. Although it was indeed his main concern, he didn’t like it when his best friend was uncomfortable.

Hide doesn’t lie. He doesn’t forcefully cut off another person’s speech. He would always listen closely when he’s talked to and would always say what was on his mind if asked. If there’s something he doesn’t want to talk about, he would either say so outright… or, in Kaneki’s case, he would force himself to seem unaffected.

Hide doesn’t lie, but he keeps too many things hidden. And if the way he tensed earlier was anything to go by, he often succeeds.

(He probably doesn’t know that Kaneki could read him like this too.)

Kaneki doesn’t want to push him… but this time he had far too many questions and concerns to change the subject completely. “Have you… encountered ghouls before?” he asked instead, wondering if it was a safer topic. If Hide avoids this one too, Kaneki will let go. He owes him that much.

The blond blinked, probably surprised about the change in subject, staring at him for a few moments before looking away and then glancing back, brows furrowed and thoughtful. It was strange seeing Hide like that. It doesn’t happen often; he usually always had something ready to say at any moment.

But he doesn’t seem to be uncomfortable about it, so Kaneki waits patiently.

After a few moments of silence, Hide finally answered, scratching his cheek. “Yeeeeah, quite a few actually…” he grinned awkwardly. “They’re not all bad though, even when they’re trying to eat you”

Kaneki blinked… and then stared. “……not all bad….you say” he repeated, utter disbelief in his voice. There was no way… _Her laughter. The blood. The kidney._

Hide sweatdropped, probably reading his trail of thought. “Well, Rize-san was definitely bad –as in really, seriously, suuuper bad, in an evil sort of way— but I mean others…” he trailed off, making gestures with his hands. “Some of the others… they just don’t have a choice…? And they can also be reeeeally nice too, like…. uh...” and just like that the blond sighed, ruffling his hair with both hands, making even more unruly blond locks stand up in different directions. “I really don’t know how to explain this without sounding like a ghoul activist or something” he pouted.

Rather than about what he was saying, though, Hide’s frustration seemed to be stemming elsewhere. His words seemed a bit too close to himself, too personal, for Kaneki’s liking. It made his stomach flip.

Still, he thinks he understands. ‘One shouldn’t judge by race or gender or the colour of another’s skin’ after all. It seems Hide was applying this to man-eating monsters too.

(A ghoul’s organs in a human body.)

“ _Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgement on the one who eats”_ he whispers under his breath, feeling oddly enlightened all of a sudden.

Hide stared at him, eyebrows raised. “Where the heck did that come from?

Kaneki blinked. “It’s a verse from the Christian Bible. We ran through it in International Literature class a few days ago and... I just thought it seemed fitting” he explained, then paused. “Wait, you heard that?” he asked, frowning in confusion.

Hide blinked and then promptly began to stretch, eyes flashing to the clock visible through the shop’s glass window. He jumped. “Oh Cra-p! I’m gonna be late for Calculus!!!” he exclaimed, downing his _black_ coffee in one gulp before grabbing his bag and rushing off. “Kaneki, don’t hurt yourself thinking too much ok??? I’ll see you after class!!!”

And just like that he was gone, nothing but a blond blur in a sea of college students.

Kaneki could only frown after him. _After what we were just talking about, I don’t think that’s possible._ He sighed. The thought had only crossed his mind before, but now he was seriously contemplating it.

He’d bought a book on ghouls just after he was discharged, but reading it had made him too anxious so he simply kept it in his school bag untouched. And then he’d seen that report on ghouls, and now he was convinced he might need to read it.

The organ transplant… the subtle changes in Hide’s behaviour… it was far too worrying, and Hide was far too good at hiding.

**_“Hey Kaneki, if you’re a ghoul would you eat Yoshikawa from class 2?  
Since you love her”_ **

**_“I-I wouldn’t eat her!  
A-and I don’t…love her or anything…”_ **

**_“A-and if you were a ghoul, Hide…?”_ **

**_“Heeeh, hmmm…  
Maybe I’ll eat you!!”_ **

**_“E-EEh??”_ **

**_“Just kidding, just kidding. Sheesh. I wouldn’t eat you Kaneki!!_ **   
**_You’re my Bestest best friend in the whole wide universe!_ **   
**_It’d get too lonely without you”_ **

**_“H-Hide…”_ **

_Hide… are you a ghoul?_

And if he is, what is Kaneki planning to do about it? What about Hide? Could they still stay together like before or will that have to change now?

(Hide is all he has… Kaneki couldn’t lose him)

“Oy” a different voice called, snapping him out of his thoughts, and he looked up to find a bespectacled brunette looking down at him with a thoughtful look. “You a friend of Nagachika’s?” he asked.

Kaneki blinked… and then nodded. “Yes sir. I’m afraid you just missed him, but…”

The man huffed, rolling his eyes. “No, it’s fine. It’s just that he was supposed to come help me get some stuff for club earlier… guess he forgot” he grumbled out. “I’m Nishio, by the way, a sophomore from the Pharmaceutical department”

“K-Kaneki, freshman… Literature department… uhm, Hide’s part of which club?” he asked, wondering which. Hide had always been the more sociable of the two so he wouldn’t be surprised if he was in more than one, but Kaneki never did get around to asking about what the blond did whenever he was rushing off. He frowned, feeling just a bit left out now…

The brunette, —Nishio…sempai?— raised a brow. “The Festival Planning committee. You didn’t know?” he asked, although it sounded rhetorical to Kaneki.

He cupped his chin. “Well, Hide’s usually always jumping around so…” he trailed off, unsure. _Hide’s always busy with one thing or another… maybe I could at least help him out…_ “A-Anyways, d-do you need help now? I mean, I’m free so…” it took him a moment to realize what he’d offered to do, and he blushed.

“Hmm” the other looked at him curiously, scanning head to toe, making him fidget. But after a short moment he smirked. “Why not. Come on” and he began to walk off. Kaneki, having been the one to offer, followed suit.

“So, Kaneki was it? You in any clubs?”

Kaneki shook his head, but realized the other couldn’t see him so he spoke. “No. It’s… not really my thing…”

“Heeh… so you’re that then. The type who’d rather spend time studying than socializing” the brunette mumbled thoughtfully, eyeing him. “The complete opposite of Nagachika huh?”

The black-haired teen nodded sheepishly.

A different kind of smirk made its way to Nishio’s face, suddenly, and Kaneki took a step back, feeling anxious all of a sudden. “You know Nagachika long?”

“U-Uhm… Well, we’ve been friends since elementary school so…”

The brunette’s smirk faded, eyes narrowing behind his glasses. “…that long, huh....” he mumbled out, more confused than anything this time. “That guy… he doesn’t seem weird to you?” he faced forward again, his stride never slowing.

Kaneki frowned as he kept pace, slightly offended for his best friend’s sake. “What do you mean?” Well, indeed Hide was a lot of things _–_ perceptive, hyper, eccentric even—but he wasn’t _weird._

 _Unless…_ he shifted on his feet, wondering if it would be rude to just leave when he was the one who willingly followed. _But no, he just got back. And it’s not like he’s acting all that strangely. There’s no way anyone could’ve…_ Even Kaneki wasn’t sure yet and he knew Hide best.

Nishio tilted his head off to one side, humming. “You know. _Weird._ Shifty eyes, hyper-awareness, his stomach growling at the weirdest times” he grinned, rather threateningly.

Kaneki fought to keep his voice steady, not liking where the conversation was going. Somehow, this man _knew something_ … and if that’s true... “I don’t know what you’re talking about” Kaneki stated bluntly, gripping the strap of his bag. “Hide is just Hide”

“Hmm~” the other smirked.

“NI-SHI-O-SEN~PAAAI!!” the two jumped, surprised when two hands landed heavily on their backs, a blond head suddenly appearing in Kaneki’s peripheral vision. “What are you doing?? Don’t bother Kaneki!!”

“H-Hide?” Kaneki exclaimed, tensing as his eyes flickered back and forth between the two. “Didn’t you have class?”

Finally, the blond turned to face him, a pout on his face. “Yes, as a matter of fact I do. Except—!!” he gripped Kaneki’s shoulders, his face going grave.

Kaneki sweatdropped. “What…”

Hide pouted, grabbing him by the shoulders and beginning to shake him, as if doing so would solve all his problems. “So it seems by backpack had a hole in it and it seems that everything dropped out somewhere or other, including my Calc homework, and I didn’t realize it till about half-way to the classroom” he dropped his head. “And now I can’t find it. I CAN’T FIND IT KANEKI!! It’s somewhere around campus just lying there to be taken! Heck, someone probably found it already, ready to reap my A+ grades!! And now I’M LATE!! AND Prof is gonna KILL MEE!!!” he began to sob, burying his head in the black haired teen’s chest.

Kaneki only sighed at his best friend’s antics, reaching a hand up to pat the other’s blond head. “There there. It’s okay” he whispered like one would to a crying child, an exasperated smile tugging at his lips. If anything, it only made Hide sob harder. Kaneki rolled his eyes. _Really Hide?_ “Don’t you dare snot on me, you hear?”

“…Am I really seeing this right?” Nishio suddenly spoke up, reminding Kaneki that he was there too. The man’s eyes kept flitting between them as if there was some puzzling piece of information he was trying to process. Kaneki blushed, realizing how they must look.

“Uhm… Hide, I think you should probably go now. You’re late right? Maybe you can just ask for an extention for your homework” he tried awkwardly, pushing the blond off him. Hide complied limply, his pout never leaving.

“Naaaah. It’s too much trouble” the blond stated, swaying lightly on his feet like a zombie before finally straightening up. “So where’re ya headed? Need me to come along?” he turned back to Nishio. “You _were_ looking for _me_ weren’t you senpai?” then to Kaneki again. “Kaneki, don’t you have class in a few minutes? You’re gonna be late if you hang around here you know”

“Eh?” Kaneki started, taken aback by the blond’s obvious dismissal. Opposite him, Nishio mirrored his reaction.

“Eeeh? Don’t make the guy leave, Nagachika. He only offered to help because _you_ forgot our appointment, you know” the bespectacled man drawled, but now that Hide’s here, something in his tone seemed to have changed. It sounded… darker somehow.

“But Kaneki has class” Hide insisted, gesturing to him with both hands. “And he’s a bookworm. You know how bookworms get when it comes to class! I forced him to skip once and he wouldn’t talk to me for weeks afterwards!! WEEKS!!” he cried, flailing his arms.

And just like that Kaneki understood.

Hide wanted him to leave.

**_“I don’t like her”_ **

Kaneki gulped, a sudden foreboding sense of déjà vu washing over him.

“U-hm, actually, I do. A-and since Hide’s here already, I guess I should go now…” he stated, his pulse quickening just a bit as he turned to leave. “S-Sorry for bothering you”

It’s true that he did have a class in a fifteen minutes like Hide said, but it was cancelled for the day when the professor suddenly called in sick and there was no one available to replace her.

Hide didn’t know this. So when he spotted the two headed off campus a few minutes later, he only took the time to hesitate once before he followed after them as quietly as he can. This time with his phone in hand, the CCG’s number ready just waiting for the call button to be pushed.

He hopes he wouldn’t have reason to use it. For Hide’s sake especially.

**~_~_~**

_Seriously? SERIOUSLY Nishio-senpai? Does is KILL you not to feed your ego??_ Hide had to think in exasperation when the man claimed just a few minutes later, rather maliciously might he add, that the DVD from last year’s festival –which they need— is probably not in the club room but at the ghoul’s apartment.

He didn’t even bother to protest when they began their trek through familiar streets headed towards a very specific alley. He has to wonder how it is that this was still happening when it made very little sense… unless Nishio-senpai was just that territorial… which he probably was.

Hide sighed. _Fate_ he thinks, rolling his eyes. _At least Kaneki isn’t here this time._

“You know, Nagachika, despite how good you think your acting is, I know you’re not dumb” the blond looked up to find Nishio staring down at him with suspicion, and by the scene behind him, it seems that they’ve finally reached their destination. “You followed me knowing my intentions. Why?”

Hide blinked, returning the older ghoul’s stare thoughtfully. “Because I know you’ll probably find another way to corner me anyway if I didn’t” he stated simply. Since the older ghoul already knew his best friend, running away and avoiding confrontation was no longer an option. It would just put Kaneki in more danger.

The other’s eyes narrowed. “Cheeky, aren’t we” he sneered. “I never did like you. To think that you’re a ghoul... And playing friends with that human of yours? How’s that coming along?” the man grinned, baring his teeth, his shoulders tensed. Hide knew what was coming.

“Kaneki has nothing to do with this. Please leave him alone” he stated evenly, keeping a safe distance (but he knew distance was meaningless with a ghoul).

“Hoh? Reeeally. Are what are you gonna do?” Nishio taunted, taking a threatening step forward.

Hide stepped back. “I’ll call the CCG” he states bluntly.

This made the older man pause, head tilted to the side, before a guffaw escaped his mouth. “ _That’s_ your threat? Gonna call the cops on me?” he growled, and then, with a glint of his glasses, he struck, throwing a kick as fast as lightening. But Hide was already anticipating it and jumped out of the way before it could hit.

Nishio huffed. “Not bad” he struck again. “for a pipsqueak!”

After the whole display with Touka the previous night, Hide’d already gathered that Nishio was more bark than bite. He probably hasn’t been in any actual fights, and his obsession with territory probably has more to do with overprotectiveness rather than possessiveness.

“I’m not kidding” he stated seriously, sidestepping a particularly strong punch directed at his face. “All it takes are a few words”

“ _Are_ you now?? HAH!!” Nishio lunged again, and this time Hide failed to predict spinning kick sent his way. He gasped, thrown a few feet in the air before his back hit the wall, and suddenly a hand was wrapped around his throat, cutting off his air supply. “Bit too dramatic for someone you’re gonna be eating, anyway, don’t you think?” he sneered, his face leaning in close, strong white teeth bared and threatening. His paused, eyes narrowed… “ _You… stink. Like that bitch ghoul_ ” the words were barely mumbled out, his hand tightening around Hide’s air way. “Yet another thing that makes me not like you”

“I…’m no—“ Hide chocked out, kicking his feet under him in a desperate need to get away.

“Haaaa?” and suddenly he was crashing again, into the pile of materials scattered about the ground. But the pain… this time the pain was different, and then he realized that a piece of broken ladder was sticking out through his stomach, having punctured straight through him. He coughed, and blood poured through his lips. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear that. We’re you saying something?”

Hide coughed again, spitting out the iron in his mouth and forcing his feet under him. He grasped at the piece of wood in his stomach and, biting his other hand, he _pulled_. His cry was muffled, his vision blurring from the flaring signals in his brain, but he fought to stay conscious. He couldn’t afford passing out in a situation like this. “I…’m not… gonna eat… him” he forced out finally, taking large mouthfuls of air. The pain was agonizing, and although he had a ghoul’s body now, he wasn’t sure if it was healing at all. _It would make sense… since I haven’t eaten…_ And suddenly his stomach was overcome with his forgotten hunger, growling loudly and sending him back to his knees.

“Reeeeally. What, playing friends?” the other scoffed, looking down at him through his nose as if he was nothing more than an insect waiting to be squashed. “The guy trusts you completely. It’d be _sooo_ easy to just go right up…” he grinned, crouching down to Hide’s level, before clacking his teeth together in a demonstration of a bite. He stood up, grin turning manic, sending chills down Hide’s spine. “He wouldn’t suspect a thing!! Probably won’t even realize until he’s all gobbled up!!”

Although he may not look it, Hide was pretty much used to danger. He’d encountered more than his fair share of ghouls set on chowing him down, and he’s more than confident in his survival skills and keeping a cool head. But still, he hasn’t really been in an actual fight either, so dragging this on would be quite dangerous, and honestly disturbing, even if he’s now half-ghoul. So he used his number one skill to get out of risky situations. He talked.

“I swear it. I’m not like that” he stated, the pain from his abdomen receding enough that he can speak without choking. He looked up, staring his upperclassman right in the eye. “And I know you aren’t either”

 _And here is proof._ The sudden flash of emotion behind the man’s glasses was familiar; it was the same look Touka had when Hide told her about humans who accepted ghouls. Only, where Touka’s was a desire to believe, Nishio’s was complete cynicism and despair. It made Hide wonder what the man lost that made him like this, or rather, _how_ he lost…

Besides that, Nishio was part of Anteiku in that future, which meant he was also a friend of Kaneki’s… though how that happened after their first meeting, exactly, Hide will probably never know.

So when the brunette picked him up by the head, Hide didn’t try to fight, merely braced himself for the pain that came when his head was bashed against the wall. “Cheeky bastard… **don’t talk as if you know me!!** ” Nishio growled, repeating the motion before throwing him up against the wall and using his fists. “Not like that you say? You really believe that??? The CCG, Humans, Ghouls, **_they’re all just lying scum._** _You’d do well to remember that **”**_ this time it was a knee to his face.

Nishio was seriously angry, his hits uncoordinated and almost desperate. Hide took it all, his mind already far too muddled to process anything apart from _pain pain pain… hungry… eat… food… heal… eat… meat… mea—_

_“Good afternoon, this is the Commission for Counter Ghoul Help office, how can we be of service?”_

_“H-Hello...? I-I’d like to file a report on g-ghouls…”_

Hide’s blood ran cold. He _knew that voice_.

Hands left him in a desperate rush and Hide felt his pulse throbbing in his ears as a blue-and-green glow flashed across his vision, and he knew before he could even think he just _knew._

“ ** _DON’T TOUCH HIM!!!”_** he snarled, feeling new limbs suddenly erupt from his lower back as power surged through him, along with a deep, carnal _hunger._ And before he could even think, he’s on his feet, dashing through the alley, his nose overwhelmed by the scent of _meat, blood, ghoul, human, meat._

What followed afterwards was carnage. His teeth sinking into tough but tender flesh, tearing straight through bone, his mouth assaulted with the bitter taste of half rotten fish. Still Hide relished the sudden surge of unnameable sensations through his body as the meat slid down his throat. Strength, power, agility, speed, he could feel all these and more with just one bite, rushing through his veins, his head clouding over as the muffled cries of his upperclassman barely reached his ears… _I see… so this is… a ‘Ghoul’._

Then, a hand held his ankle in a weak grip, and suddenly he was back to himself. His heart dropped, finally seeing the blood coating every inch of space in the alley in a grotesque manner, and he jerked back harshly, his kagune – _Rize’s kagune was out—_ withdrawing, dropping a now unmoving body in a heap directly in front of him, and Hide felt bile rise up in his throat as he wondered if he’d just maybe _killed his own upperclassman_.

“Hi..de…” a voice croaked from below him, and Hide felt the desperate need to run away. Disappear. Crawl into a small hole in the ground and just die because Kaneki ( _Kaneki is here, he’s hurt, how did this **happen??!** ) _saw that _. Saw what he just did._ _Saw a_ _monster wearing his friend’s face._

 _This_ was a ghoul’s hunger.

 _This_ was a ghoul’s life.

 _This_ was what the Kaneki of that future had been so afraid of. The fear, the inevitable rejection, the unshakeable _certainty_ that things will never be _alright ever_ again. Experiencing it first-hand is like lead weight in his stomach, weighing him down, down, down until he could feel himself sinking slowly into the ground.

 _But_ Hide reasons again. Reasons with _himself._ He knew his best friend. And he accepted the Kaneki of that future for all he was. The half-ghoul, Eyepatch, SSS rate Centipede, his slow descent to insanity.Hide knew all this. Saw for himself. And he had accepted it.

It was his choice.

And now it was Kaneki’s turn. And Hide would accept whatever choice his most precious person makes. Even if it’s the one that kills him. _Heh. It already did once before._

( _Still, he hoped (knew) that Kaneki wouldn’t choose that. It was selfishness, it was arrogance, but he was all this Kaneki had.)_

“K-Kaneki…” Hide whispered, his knees giving out beneath him, joining his best friend on the ground, his eyes stinging with tears.

“Hi—de… _I’m sorry_ …”

“Oooh You’ve done it now” a familiar voice pierced through the panicked haze that was his mind, and he looked up to find Touka staring down at him, purple eyes alight in obvious _pity_. “Ready to die?”

“This…” he whispered, exhaustion washing through him. “This wasn’t exactly… how I planned it…” and just like that, everything went black.


	5. Anteiku - Home for Wayward Ghouls (and friends)

Hide came to in a familiar room, dark but for soft slithers of light from the blinds covering the window. He squinted his eyes, wondering where – _when—_ he was, and trying to recall how he ended up there again… his eyes snapped open.

 _Kaneki—!!_ He bolted upright, throwing the covers off him as he sat up. But just before he could leave the bed, though, the manager was there and Hide couldn’t stop the barrage of questions leaving his mouth.

“Manager? How did I… Kaneki!! Did Touka-chan—?? And Nishio-senpai, how—“ he couldn’t quite form a complete sentence as he spoke, his mind running much too fast for his mouth to catch up. Thankfully, the manager seemed to at least know where he was coming from.

“Please calm down, Hideyoshi-kun, your friend is safe, and Nishio-kun was able to get away just fine” the man reassured, and Hide felt all the tension in his body suddenly fade away. He sighed in relief. _I didn’t kill anyone. Yay._

“Touka-chan told me you were planning to tell your friend about us” Yoshimura suddenly stated, not unkindly. But the statement was enough to make Hide freeze. _Am I in trouble…?_ He remembered Touka’s coarse words just the day before…

But Yoshimura only smiled, more in amusement than anything else. Hide felt himself relax again, just a bit. “I don’t think it went as well as you might’ve hoped” he stated.

The blond gulped, a nervous chuckle escaping his lips. “Yeah… understatement…” he grinned sheepishly, rubbing a hand down the back of his neck. “He… is he… I-I mean…” he trailed off, eyeing the door nervously.

Yoshimura knew immediately what he was asking, and he decided he really _really_ liked the guy. He smiled back. “He is in the other room, if you’d like to see him”

Hide hesitated, recalling the events and how he must have looked with Rize’s kagune out, colouring the alleyway in blood... He felt his stomach sink.

He was confident that Kaneki was capable of accepting him as a ghoul, yes, but in all the situations he’d run through his head about how to let him know, he never once considered a live and rather brutal demonstration of a ghoul battle. A battle he’d fought and _won_. _The blood. The gore. Nishio-senpai’s mangled body…_ It was all worse than that time with _Rize_.

He fingered his stomach, finding the spot where a literal hole opened up completely healed without so much as a scar. Hide shuddered, remembering the slide of the foul tasting meat down his throat. That’s right… he had taken a bite of his senpai’s flesh and his Kagune went out of control….

 _What am I gonna do if he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore…?_ It was only as that thought crossed his mind that Hide realized how very _real_ that possibility could be. He almost felt like crying now, shrinking into himself. Hide had nothing he could possibly say. No explanation, no excuses, no reassurances. Everything that had happened was exactly how it was. Exactly how a ghoul’s life was. How Hide’s life now was.

Everything from here on out is all up to Kaneki.

Hide was scared. Kaneki was probably scared of _him_ and _he_ was _terrified_ of Kaneki’s decision. _This was what he’d been so scared of… this feeling of doubt…_

Probably sensing his distress, Yoshimura approached him. “I must say he’s an interesting one, that human of yours… or maybe that’s your influence?” he stated, and the blond blinked. He didn’t know exactly what the manager meant by that, but there didn’t seem to be anything but pleasantry in the man’s voice, so Hide could at least trust that he meant well.

The manager was still smiling, warm and genuine, and Hide smiled back, feeling some of the tension fade from his shoulders. “Nah. He’s just great is all”

And it was then that Hide realized where, exactly, he was. Hide was at Anteiku. _Kaneki_ was at _Anteiku_. And Yoshimura was smiling at him which meant he didn’t mind Kaneki being at Anteiku. And the thing was, Kaneki is _human_ and _probably knows everything_ now and _Yoshimura doesn’t mind._

He stood up, immediately asking to see his friend, and the manager simply gestured towards the room adjacent his.

And when he opened the door to find Kaneki awake and actually _chatting_ with _Touka_ , of all people, he was filled with an intense feeling of relief. Anteiku had been Kaneki’s home first, after all; and although he’s completely human now, although it’s probably a great risk that he was here, he didn’t look even a bit out of place in this room filled with golden sunlight –Yoshimura smiling off to one side, Touka spouting biting words to which the black-haired boy only met with nervous grins.

 _He’s alright._ Hide thought, remembering a similar scene filled with warm coffee and more people. His smile saddened. _I wonder if I can be a part of that now… this…_

Between the human world and the world of ghouls… Hide will be his bridge if need be… If Kaneki lets him… if he wants him to… if he still wants to talk to him… Hide shook his head, slapping his cheeks a couple of times. _Dude! Being depressed is sooo not you!!_

“Hey guys, how ya doin?” he finally greeted, his grin brightening when Kaneki’s eyes met his. He stomped over, immediately grabbing the black-haired teen by the shoulders, glad that he couldn’t smell any blood on him. “Man I am so glad you’re okay. Like, seriously, that’s two rabid ghouls in two weeks! Are you a trouble magnet or something?” he gave the teen his standard shake. “What were you even doing there? I thought you had class!!”

And then the other flinched away, suddenly curling up on himself on the bed he was sitting on.

Hide felt his heart clench, watching his friend shy away from him. _I-I guess… it was pretty bad after all… huh…?_ He thought, releasing his friend. Just because Kaneki was okay being at Anteiku with Touka doesn’t necessarily mean he’s fine with Hide. Not after what he’d witnessed…

After several seconds of nothing but mounting panic and despair on his part, the blond decided to turn to Touka instead. Pretending nothing was wrong has never failed to help him calm down –or at least give him time to think— so he’ll use that if nothing else.

“Touka-chan!” he exclaimed, mustering up his usual cheer as he pushed his fears and worries to the back of his mind to wallow in later. His grin felt forced and his hands were shaking slightly when he gripped the girl’s hands between his, but he honestly couldn’t find himself to care. “Thank you!! You saved my life again!!”

“I didn’t do anything, asshat” she growled, yanking her hand from his grip. “It was all you this time”

A small shuffle sounded from behind, and Hide gulped at the confirmation of the earlier events. “No… But you didn’t kill us like you said you would, so thank you” he said, staring at her seriously.

The girl shifted, looking uncomfortable now. “I was just keeping my word” she mumbled, shoving past him. Hide blinked after her, confused. She paused by the door, flashing him a knowing sort of look, but when she spoke again it wasn’t to him. “Oy, human, how long’re you gonna wallow over there? Mister Sunshine-and-Daisies over here looks like he’s gonna cry”

Hide whipped around so fast at those words that his neck practically cracked ( _oh.. ouch… please tell me that wasn’t literal…),_ and now that it was pointed out, he saw it. The way Kaneki was curled up, refusing to meet his eyes, his left hand cradling his chin as he began to speak…

“H-Hide I…I-I’m sorry…I… this is all—”

It clicked. There was fear there, sure, but it wasn’t exactly of ghoul!Hide. Rather, it looked more like standard Kaneki-issued guilt. Standard Kaneki-issued _self-depreciation_.

Hide gaped. And then groaned. “Oooooh man!!”

“…Hide?”

And in three solid strides, Hide was on the black-haired teen like cheetah, engulfing the shorter male in a bone crushing hug. “Seriously dude!! I was so freaked you weren’t gonna talk to me anymore after what happened!! I mean, I know I probably traumatized you for life again so soon after Rize-san, but just think what I would feel if you suddenly started _avoiding_ me! Rabbits die when they get lonely you know!!!” he exclaimed shamelessly, letting tears of relief flow from his eyes just for the heck of it.

It had the desired effect of making Kaneki sweatdrop. Hide gave himself a point. “I-I wouldn’t do that!!” the black-haired teen exclaimed. “You’ve stuck with me and all my faults for so long even though you don’t have to. What kind of friend would I be if I left because of something like this?!”

“A smart one, actually. Most people would be worrying about being eaten alive” Hide explained plainly, and this time Kaneki merely stared at him, eyes patronizing. Hide gave himself another point. He grinned.

Again, though, Kaneki’s face fell, and Hide knew what was coming before it was even out his best friend’s mouth. “B-but… this was my—”

 _“_ Oooh no. Nuh-uh. There’ll be none of that. Not on my watch! _”_ he cut him off. “I don’t know what you think you did or how sorry you feel for yourself or whatever you _actually_ did, Kaneki. But I _do not hate you,_ I _will not leave you,_ and I am _still_ going to annoy you for the rest of your pathetic human life so if _you_ have a problem with that you can just take it up with the CCG!!” he exclaimed, pouting all the while.

Apparently, he must’ve said something wrong because his friend only seemed to shrink even deeper into himself. Hide let out a frustrated groan. What is wrong with today?? Taking the other by the shoulders yet again, he tried to just shake the crap out of him. “Kaaaneeekiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!” he whined, not stopping until the teen started looking a little green.

“I… did” he heard Kaneki mumble after a while, much too low for normal ears but loud enough for Hide’s.

He blinked.

Finally Kaneki looked at him, or glanced, as he quickly looked down again, and spoke. “I called… was calling the CCG. N-Nishio-senpai… I thought he was gonna kill you and…” he trailed off.

“What.” Hide blinked again, a frown marring his face. “You find out your best friend is a ghoul and _that’s_ what you’re worried about?”

Kaneki seemed to shrink into himself, and Hide mentally slapped himself. “Touka-chan… told me” the black-haired teen began. “About you… ghouls, Anteiku… and about the CCG. And Hide, y-you’re a ghoul now… I had my suspicions but I still… w-what if they—”

Hide sighed in exaggerated exasperation, effectively cutting the other off, rolling his eyes. “Did you say your name? Senpai’s? An address?”

“No… it got cut off before I could say anything substantial… but they knew it was from the 20th ward, and they could probably track my call signal and…”

“Then that’s no problem!” Hide cut in. “Sheesh dude, you seriously worry too much. You’re just one of many people reporting to the CCG every other day –and heck, half of those are prank calls!! They won’t be paying you too much attention. Besides, with the Binge-eater and the Gourmet and Jason running around the place, there are probably some big shots headed here already anyways” he shrugs.

“But then you’ll be in danger!!” Kaneki exclaimed, exasperated and finally sounding like himself, and Hide couldn’t help the bubble of warmth in his stomach at his best friend’s concern. He smiled.

“Yeah… but that’s life Kaneki” he said softly, placing a hand on the other’s shoulder. “Humans are hunted by ghouls; ghouls are hunted by the CCG. Sadly, it seems I will come to experience both” he sighed.

Kaneki groaned. “Just last week I didn’t even know these things can happen outside of the news!"

"Well, you have been living a pretty secured life so..."

"And you say you’ve been targeted by ghouls before!! _Why_ are you only telling me about it now??”

“I didn’t want to have you worry about this stuff before!!”

“By ‘before’ you mean ‘before’ I almost got eaten by one myself or ‘before’ my best friend turned into a ghoul?" Kaneki glared at him, looking almost on the verge of tears, and Hide shrunk.

“Eerm… good point…” he trailed off, guilt pooling hot in his stomach. In truth, it had been another secret of his he didn’t want Kaneki to know about. He never really wanted Kaneki to be involved in the world of ghouls in the first place. _…And when he found his own way there, I still acted as if I knew nothing, to make things as normal as possible._ Now he just felt like a hypocrite being hurt by Kaneki never telling him about being a ghoul when Hide kept so many secrets himself…. He sighed. “I’m sorry”

“Hide…” Kaneki shifted. “No… no. Like I said, this was my fault to begin with and—“

“It’s not” Hide insisted, his face growing serious enough that the effectively silenced his best friend. “It’s my fault. I thought she was suspicious but I didn’t try to stop you”

“But you did—“

“I should’ve tried harder” the blond breathed, his hands fisting by his side. “If I didn’t… if I hadn’t been there that time, this would be you Kaneki” he let out a shaky laugh, running a hand through his hair. “If those beams hadn't fallen, we could both be dead. And I’m glad that didn't happen. So glad you won’t have to face this...”

Kaneki remained silent, downcast.

A new voice brought him out of his thoughts, and Hide turned towards the doorway to find Yoshimura there with a warm smile on his wizened face. "That’s quite an intense conversation you two are having there” the man states in place of a greeting.

“You two fight like an old married couple” And then there was Touka again, standing behind the man with a tray in her hands and Hide brightened as the scent of the freshly brewed, heavenly coffee filled his nose.

Hide covered his face, mock-shyly. “Well, as they say! Occasional disagreements are a sign of a healthy relationship!!” he grinned, slinging an arm around his best friend’s shoulders. “Besides, I’m a ghoul and Kaneki’s not running away screaming, so that’s a good sign right?”

“…”

The black-haired teen stayed quiet, still looking troubled and guilty and the blond just couldn’t help the absolutely exasperated sigh that left his lips. “Seriously!! Stop worrying yourself over this stuff, ‘neki. Just think of it as me gaining awesome superpowers!” he stated, striking a pose.

“I can’t believe you’d actually call being a ghoul having _superpowers”_ Touka grumbled in disbelief, turning to the manager. “Really Yoshimura-san? _This_ guy??” she almost whined.

Hide blinked at them in confusion, watching as the manager simply smiled at the girl before turned back to him. “Yes. I would actually like to offer you a job here at Anteiku, Hideyoshi-kun” he explained with an inviting smile.

Grinning, the blond turned to his best friend. “Hear that Kaneki? I get to learn how to make awesome coffee!!” he exclaimed, and finally. _Finally!_ Kaneki graced him with a roll of his grey eyes.

“Thank you, manager” the human says, and Hide felt himself immediately turn into mush when Kaneki, for the first time since he woke up, smiled at him.

It was small and a little unsure, but it reached Kaneki’s eyes, and that was enough for Hide.

**~_~_~**

The next few days felt far too surreal for Kaneki that he could barely pay any attention to the Professor up front. His pen tapped continuously on top of his course book, creating a steady rhythm that further lulled him into his thoughts.

He’d been relatively out of commission for the past couple of days due to the sudden load of schoolwork he hand to do, and so he was able to get out of hanging out with Hide outside of the university… But… after this class ends, he promised to visit Hide at Anteiku.

Anteiku. A Café ran by ghouls. Ghouls who can’t consume human food apart from coffee. Ghouls who _eat human beings._

His pen toppled out of his hand mid swing, and it was only then that he’d noticed his hands were shaking, and he stared at it as he tried to calm himself down.

Kaneki was scared.

No, he was _terrified._

It was a normal response. He was a human, after all –weak and powerless in the face of those black-and-red eyes and glowing appendages ( _Kagune. They’re called kagune. An organ unique to ghouls, comprised of RC cells for the sole purpose of hunting. Of_ killing _)._ It was normal to be terrified when twice he’d encountered them, and twice he’d almost died if not—

His hand clenched, and he took in a deep breath. … _if not for Hide._

Hide was one of them now. A ghoul.

And now he was in the company of ghouls. _Good ghouls… or at least as decent as ghouls can be._ Kaneki thinks, remembering Hide’s enthusiastic stories and the Manager’s welcoming smile when he was brought to the café’s back door after that evening’s events.

**_“Please don’t worry. No lives are taken here”_ **

Kaneki hadn’t known a thing about ghouls. Once, he’d thought ghouls didn’t really exist. Once, he’d thought they were all just monsters in human skin, their very existence a threat to mankind. He still can’t shake off that frame of mind; he’d been a victim after all, twice.

And even after he’d read the book he’d bought –spent all night on it recording any and all information that may prove useful— and listened as attentively as he can to Touka’s and Yoshimura’s words…. perhaps because he’s human, he still couldn’t help but be afraid.

But now his best friend and most important person was a ghoul. Turned into one from having Rize-san’s organs transplanted into him ( _Something that wouldn’t have even had to happen if I only listened to him—_ he grit his teeth. He shouldn’t think about that now; not when Hide made it so clear that he shouldn’t blame himself)— and he knows he can’t just continue thinking like that.

Hide had been a constant fixture in his life since they first met when they were kids. He’d always been there for and with Kaneki, standing by his side with his warm smiles and reassuring hugs. Hide was the reason Kaneki was still able to smile after his mother’s death, after suffering neglect and abuse under his aunt’s care; he even studied hard so that they could go to Kamii University together.

 **_“So now you know. What’re you gonna do?”_ ** _He remembers Touka’s words, the threat spilling from her lips as she stared him down, her eyes cold and assessing even as it changed into the inky black and dark red of a ghoul’s kakugan. **“Just so you know, though, choose wrong and you’re dead”** She crouches down, picking up Hide’s fallen frame by the collar as if the blond weighed nothing, baring his best friend’s throat out towards him. **“Lie……and**_ **he’s _dead”_**

Hide has to consume human meat now, and that thought is frightening in and of itself… but **_“Starvation for a ghoul is hell. You’ll never understand!”_** He was still bright and cheerful, he still managed to calm Kaneki down and brighten up a room, was still his precious best friend. Even saved his life, twice _. (And oh God... Big Girl. He ate… he ate that steak! It must have been horrible!!)._

Hide hasn’t changed even after becoming a ghoul, and Kaneki shouldn’t change how he sees him either.

The smallest of smiles crosses Kaneki’s face, the pen back in his hand and to the rhythm they were playing. Hide is still Hide. And so long as that stays the same, Kaneki doesn’t care if he was an alien from Mars.

He still has a place by Hide’s side.

**_“Don’t… don’t hurt him!! Eat me if you have to, just let Hide go!!”_ **

And by extension… he shouldn’t judge the people that Hide is now associated with either.

**_“We would like for Hideyoshi-kun to work here. That way we can teach him how to preserve his normal life among humans, even as a ghoul”_ **

Finally, the bell signalling the end of class rang, jolting him out of his thoughts, and Kaneki reluctantly packed away his things.

He would be visiting a den of ghouls after this… as well as his best friend.

_It’s alright… ghouls… aren’t all that bad… right Hide?_

\--

Whatever doubts Kaneki might’ve had, they disappeared as soon as he entered his semi-favourite coffee shop that evening.

For one thing, all the customers were laughing, and then there was Hide at the centre of it with his black eye-patch and a bandana over his hair, waving around a broomstick like a sword.

“I am the great Sinbad!! Defender of the Seven Seas!! ARRRGGH!!”

To say Kaneki was stunned would be an understatement, and he would have stayed where he was questioning his best friend’s brain if someone hadn’t dragged him away. He turned around to find that it was Touka, a scowl on her face as she led him towards Anteiku’s back room.

“Seriously, what the heck is up with your friend??” she snapped as soon as they were away from the crowd, looking genuinely freaked out.

Kaneki sweatdropped. “Uhm… what happened exactly?” he tried, rubbing his cheek with a forefinger.

Touka’s expression calmed, and she crossed her arms, looking past the counter towards the blond who seemed to have put on an impromptu play. “His coffee tasted like shit so the manager had him waiting the tables for now, but apparently someone commented on his freaking eyepatch and _this”_ she gestured with exasperation. “happened.”

From the behind the bar counter, the bartender with the funny bowtie –Koma, Kaneki was introduced— chuckled. “Stop worrying, Touka-chan, it’s good for the shop to be this lively once in a while, you know”

The girl scowled. “No, I _don’t_ know. If you hadn’t noticed, Koma-san, there are both ghouls _and_ humans in our shop right now, and that guy is making too much of a ruckus!!” she growled out, pointing at the head of blond hair peeking from the crowd.

“Eeh? But isn’t that good for business though? Besides,” the man states, a smile on his lips. “they all seem to be having fun. Equally, you know”

Kaneki paused, his own eyes following the crowd, recalling the times Hide would get caught in a story he was telling that he started just acting it out instead. It never failed to make Kaneki smile. _So… he has this power over others too… both humans and ghouls…_ “S-Sorry. Hide is just that type of person you see” he finally spoke, drawing the ghouls’ attention back to him. “He’s quite eccentric and overly friendly, and he does have a habit of overreacting so…” he shrugged at them.

If possible, Touka’s scowl only darkened, pointing back at the blond more forcefully this time. “Do something about him, human” she ordered, a brow twitching. “Looking at it is making me nervous as hell!!” and yes, she really was starting to look a bit blue…

Again, Kaneki sweatdropped. “Yes Ma’am…”

Stepping out of the backroom though, he found he didn’t have to do anything, as Hide excused himself from his audience as soon as he spotted him. “Oooh, Kaneki!!” he waved, gently tugging a little girl over with him too.

Touka was outraged. “Oy! Blondie what the heck are you doing to Hinami!!” she growled, snatching the poor girl from the blond’s side.

Hide only grinned at her. “Whaat? I was cheering her up! You don’t mind, right Hinami-chan?” he asked.

Kaneki rolled his eyes. “Hide, you can’t just go around dragging people around” he lectured. Looking down at the girl with an apologetic smile only to find her gone. “E-Eh…?” a trembling hand remained visible clutching at Touka’s apron like a lifeline, the little girl only half-hidden by the waitress’ petite form.

A hand suddenly patted his shoulder, making him jolt, and there was Hide by his side, smiling warmly at him. “Hinami-chan, this here’s Kaneki. My bestest best friend in the whole wide world! And Kaneki, this cute little Miss is Hinami-chan! She and her mother are staying here for a while” he explained gently.

Kaneki realized what he meant all too soon, and his eyes flew back to her. “Y-You… th-this girl is a ghoul…?” he almost squeaked, feeling himself tense. Somehow she seemed to shrink further into herself, and Kaneki immediately felt guilty.

Touka’s glare could’ve killed him. “Yes. Problem?” she growled, clutching the girl close.

“A-Ah n-no…sorry. I wasn’t…” he mumbled sheepishly, taking a step back. His eyes found Hinami’s, brown eyes gazing at him carefully, fearfully. The human felt a sinking feeling in his gut when he realized that the girl was _scared_ … of _him_.

**_“Anteiku is here to help provide for ghouls who can’t hunt for themselves”_ **

_I-Is she one of them… I wonder. A ghoul who doesn’t hunt… she doesn’t seem any different from a normal child…_

“Touka-chan, please stop bullying Kaneki! The poor guy’s gonna have a heart attack!!” Hide exclaimed with a pout.

Kaneki decided to ignore him in favour of lowering himself into a crouch, looking around Touka to see the little girl’s face more clearly. “U-Uhm, Hinami-chan... right? I-it’s nice to meet you” he greets belatedly, smiling, albeit a bit nervously.

The girl didn’t speak, simply kept her eyes on the floor, and Kaneki deflated just a bit. _Well… I guess it wouldn’t be that simple huh…?_

**_“Just a small tip to the CCG can destroy a ghoul’s entire life, even if he isn’t killed. You’re lucky your call didn’t connect, for blondie’s sake”_ **

And then he saw Touka’s eyes soften. He froze… but she wasn’t even looking at him.

“You can go inside if you want, Hinami. I think you’ve had enough excitement for one day, yeah? Ryoko-san and the manager should be done any minute now” she smiled, coaxing the girl up the stairs to Anteiku’s second floor.

Kaneki could only stare between them in awe. He’d never thought Touka could actually make a face like that.

As soon as Hinami was gone though, all warmth seemed to melt from the waitress’s face, replaced completely with irritation as she whirred around, gripping his best friend’s collar in a way that made Kaneki flinch. But Hide seemed unaffected. “Listen here, blondie. I know I said you can bring the human here cause of your loneliness issues or whatever, but aren’t you being a bit too lax?” she hissed, releasing him roughly.

Hide’s smiled softly, attentive.

She looked away. “This café is a place where ghouls can gather without prying eyes, and not all of them are friendly” she states, crossing her arms. “As I’m quite sure you two’ve already discovered first-hand. Your friend here’s a sitting duck”

Kaneki stiffened, feeling his heart rate double as the memories flashed across his mind. _R-Rize-san… she’s talking about Rize-san._ He shrank into himself, feeling his knees tremble as he was reminded of where he was. _This is a den of ghouls. And I’m just another weak, unsuspecting human…_

“I know” Hide spoke, snapping him back to reality, and he looked up to find Hide glancing at him with his easy smile. He grinned. “Which is why I asked the manager if he could work here”

“E-EEH??” this Kaneki exclaimed, mirroring Touka’s flabbergasted reaction to the blond’s words. “H-Hide what are you—“

“I mean think about it” the blond cuts him off with a shrug. “As just another customer you’re definitely at risk, but working here would imply to all the ghouls of the 20th ward that you’re under Anteiku’s protection right?”

Touka opened her mouth, face contorted in outrage, but he didn’t let her speak. “Besides, don’t you think having an actual human employee would be pretty good camouflage if any Doves suddenly start investigating this place?” he shrugged, like what he was saying was the most obvious thing in the world.

Touka was stunned; her eyes wide and her mouth opening and closing as if she was desperately trying to think of something to say. Kaneki felt exactly the same way, deeply questioning his best friend’s thoughts.

“T-That’s not enough!! And a human harbouring a ghoul doesn’t get off easy either!! Are you seriously fine with putting this guy in danger???” the blue-haired waitress finally spits out, nearly shaking in confusion.

Hide’s smile softened. “You told him about ghouls, right?” he not-quite asks.

Touka shifted in her seat. “B-because he was annoying, asking all those questions…” she gritted her teeth, looking away.

Hide’s smile widened. “But _you_ told him, Touka-chan. You are the one that formally introduced him to this world of ghouls” his voice was soft and light, but somehow Touka flinched back as if his words burned her and she turned away. “He can’t go back anymore, which means this is the best way I can protect him” Hide finishes, resolve seeping through his casual tone.

Kaneki couldn’t only gape, feeling a blush creep up to his face. ‘To protect him’ Hide had said… And again he felt small, weak, worthless. _Because this is all my fault in the first place…_ In the end there was no way he will ever live that down… but still Hide’s going through all this trouble?

**_“I-Is it really alright for you to t-tell me all this?”_ **

**_“The blondie seems to trust you’re not a threat. Of course, that doesn’t guarantee your life though”_ **

And of course, the Manager picked that exact time to appear, followed suit by a beautiful woman with a braid in her hair. “I agreed”

“M-Manager!!! A-And Ryoko-san… ah, Hinami-chan’s upstairs”

 _Ah, so this is Hinami-chan’s mother…_ “You’re hiring this boy?” she asked, her kind, curious brown eyes meeting his, making Kaneki stiffen. _S-She’s a ghoul too._ He thought, although again he couldn’t quite believe it.

“If he says yes anyway” Hide commented offhand beside him. “By the way, this is Kaneki, Ryoko-san. My best friend I told you about before”

At this, her eyes suddenly lit up, making the black-haired teen flinch as he wasn’t expecting the bright smile suddenly directed his way. “My… I see” she chuckled, and Kaneki felt his face heat up. “It’s nice to meet you Kaneki-san. I hope you have a pleasant time here if you do say yes” she commented before excusing herself to go see Hinami.

Kaneki felt his knees almost give way underneath him as he watched her go, feeling awfully conflicted and confused. _W-What… exactly did she mean by ‘pleasant time’._ He gulped.

A hand on his shoulder gained his attention. “Well, Kaneki-kun, how about it?” Yoshimura asked, smile kind and inviting next to Hide’s eager one.

The black-haired teen felt himself shrink, his stomach twisting uncomfortably as he contemplated. A human working in a den of ghouls… it would seem like suicide to anyone else but… _Hide’s here… and he seems to trust T-Touka-san and the others…_ He thinks of Hinami’s scared eyes and her mother’s happy smile and wonders just what he could be getting himself into.

**_“Your friend is safe here. And you, too. Hopefully someday you will want to understand us; whether we really are just beasts driven by hunger.”_ **

“Oh come on, Kaneki!!” that was Hide again with a pout on his face, probably interpreting his silence as reluctance. “It’ll be fun!! Don’t you wanna learn how to make awesome coffee?? Besides!! Who’s gonna cover for me when I get too busy with club activities?!”

“Ah. So your true motive reveals itself”

“What can I saaay~” Hide grinned, bright and warm and cheerful, and Kaneki could only sigh, a smile tugging at his lips as well.

_Well… it’s not like I have anything better to do…_

He nodded. “I-I’ve never had a job before but… please take care of me” _And I hope no one tries to kill me._ He couldn’t help but pray, breaking out into a nervous sweat under Touka’s burning glare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow I feel like I crammed too much stuff in this chapter @w@;; even if it's only based on the end of "Hatching" and "Anteiku" (Am I going too slow, I wonder? ^^;;;) ((I swear, I am seriously shocked I'm already at 20K words right now @w@ (has it only been two weeks???) this is like, my longest running fic ever! AND MY FASTEST OMG!!!) the wonders of being a NEET @w@))
> 
> Anyway, I hope things aren't too surprising ;3 and that no one is being too OOC ^^; (So, did anyone see this coming? XDD)  
> Hope you liked it, Thanks for reading!! XDD  
> Next chapter, Hide gets his Mask made ^^ but is otherwise probably just a filler chap ^^;;
> 
> (...somehow I feel like I'm destroying the very essence of Tokyo Ghoul O~O;;)


	6. Mask - Aren't just Horror Movie Props

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6! XDD  
> And we finally get Touka's POV!! Yay!! XDD  
> So anyways, this marks the first of many POV switches ^^; Although, of course, Hide and Kaneki are still the main POVs ^^
> 
> Enjoy~

“U-Uhm… Koma-san?” Kaneki began weakly as he cleaned the bar counter of Anteiku, trying his best to ignore all the stares he was receiving from what he was quite sure were ghoul customers. It was a fairly quiet day at Anteiku, but there definitely was no shortage on people, especially those intent on observing him. (And really, when did Anteki become so popular anyway?)

He’s only been at work less than a week, so it wasn’t a big surprise that he was receiving such attention. He was, after all, the only human worker in a café ran by ghouls. Most of the customers were civil, of course. Some seemed simply curious, while others almost bursting with innocent excitement. He had to be pulled out from waiting tables fairly quickly due to the customers always holding him up with a barrage of questions and conversations.

He was greatly relieved, considering how some of those customers seemed quite intent on knowing how he tastes like, in the literal sense. (But he’s getting used to it, surprisingly).

Of course, Hide was usually there to reassure him, but today he was out with Touka. Apparently to get a ‘mask’.

“Hm?” Koma finally regarded him, pausing in his job of polishing the coffee cups.

Kaneki paused too. “Uhm… what exactly are ‘masks’ for?” he asked, genuinely curious.

The man blinked at him once. “I see Touka-chan hasn’t told you huh?” he hummed, smiling. Kaneki simply nodded, his smile nervous. ( _She doesn’t really tell me anything… apart from barking orders and complaints…)_ “It’s basically just to keep our identity secret. You know, like ‘Kamen Riders’ or ‘Ultra Man’” Koma explained with a wink, returning to his work.

“I see” Kaneki voiced, sweatdropping. _But rather than the heroes… they’d be more like the villains huh…_ he couldn’t help but think.

“But mostly it’s self-defence” Koma continued, snapping him back to reality. “Like me, for example. I was pretty infamous as the ‘Devil Ape’” he grinned proudly, striking up a pose, but then his face seemed to fall as he continued, his smile turning solemn. “But if humans knew my real face, especially the CCG, there’s no way I’d be able to live peacefully like this”

Kaneki stared, feeling his heart clench as he understood what the man meant. It was a strange feeling, finding himself beginning to sympathize with people who could devour him without a hint of remorse. He gulped, anxious words tumbling out of his mouth. “I-is it difficult… being around h-humans…?”

“It is” A different voice answered him, and Kaneki turned to face Irimi just as she handed over an order slip to the barista. “It’s a very dangerous path, a ghoul trying to live among humans”

“Oh…” Kaneki flinched a bit when the two looked over at him curiously. “I-I’m sorry. It’s just… Nishio-senpai and Touka-san… seemed like they’ve completely blended in…” he explained.

The ghouls shared a look, a silent conversation between them, before mirroring warm smiles appeared on their faces. Koma turned to the order he was currently preparing, leaving Irimi to continue her explanation.

“That’s exactly why they’re so admirable” she began, resting her arms on the countertop directly in front of Kaneki, the whirr of the coffee machine ringing in the background. “It takes a lot of courage and dedication to be able to associate with humans. You could say it’s like… walking a tightrope” her face softened. “You won’t know the rope’s condition until you’re already on it, you can’t stop midway, you can only look forward, and if you slip up once, there’s nothing at the bottom but pain and sadness”

“I… I see…” _That’s some dedication… living a double-edged life…_ “But if it’s so dangerous, then why do they still do it?”

Again the two shared a look, and then it was Koma who answered. “Well, how would you feel like if Hideyoshi-kun suddenly started avoiding you?” he asked.

Kaneki felt himself freeze, his stomach twisting uncomfortably as those words met his ears, making him both anxious and nauseous. His hands trembled on the dishcloth as images flitted involuntarily to his mind. Hide blaming him for turning into a ghoul, Hide not talking to him, Hide not answering his calls or texts, Hide _leaving—_

A hand gripped his shoulder, almost reassuring, and Kaneki released a shaky breath when he met Irimi’s eyes, soft and understanding. He gulped.

“That’s also why you working here is amazing” she finally says with a reassuring tone. Kaneki’s brows furrowed, questioning.

She smiled. “A ghoul’s first instinct would be to pull away, you see. Both to keep themselves _and_ the people they care about safe. But he actually found a way to keep you safe without keeping you in the dark” she shrugged. “Although it’s definitely not fool proof, because although we do manage this ward, there are still troublemakers out there who are outside our influence. But still… it was a well-thought decision”

Kaneki marvelled at that. _Hide… really is amazing…_ he couldn’t help feel a bit of shame at the thought that his best friend had to go out of his way just for him, but the swell of gratitude in his chest drowned out all else. _What did I do to deserve you?_

“And you, too” Irimi continued, snapping him out of his thoughts, and Kaneki felt himself flush from embarrassment. The female ghoul smiled at him. “I think you know that there aren’t a lot of humans who accept ghouls. Even rarer are ones who would willingly interact with us. And yet here you are, working at Anteiku and serving ghoul customers with a smile on your face…” she winked. “Even if it’s a bit forced. The customers can’t help but get curious”

Kaneki sweatdropped, the so-called ‘forced smile’ appearing on his face at that. “Hehe… S-sorry…” he scratched his cheek. “It’s just… I’m still a little… I mean after that time…” he trailed off.

“No need to be so nervous. We understand how scary it must be” Koma winked, finally placing the last of the order on the tray. “It was _that_ Rize, after all. I’m still surprised Hide actually managed to convince you”

“Surprising?” Irimi commented, an eyebrow raised as she took the offered tray. “I would say there’s no question with that bright smile of his” she commented, a content smile on her face. “Almost like a ray of sunshine who found its way into this dark world us ghouls live in. It’s refreshing” she chuckled.

Kaneki smiled, warmth pooling in his chest as he watched the two with their wistful smiles, remembering all the times in his own life when it was Hide, with his bright hair and even brighter smile, who was the only reason he was able to reach this far. “You make him sound like the hero of a shonen manga or something” he couldn’t help but comment.

“Who knows” Koma replied just as Irimi stood to deliver the order. “Maybe he is” he winked. “And you would be the sidekick right?”

Kaneki sweatdropped, but chuckled all the same. _A story with Hide as the main charcter, huh…_ he thought, wringing his cloth in the sink before hanging it on the rail and picking up his notepad. _Well, if it’s him… then it would surely be one filled with hope._

**~_~_~**

Hide’s first impressions of people have always been pretty accurate, somehow, so when a sudden chill crept down his spine upon meeting the (in)famous Mask Maker, jump scare and gothic look aside, he didn’t simply disregard it. No matter how nice Uta seemed to be.

Although he really was very nice.

“Heeh, so this is the infamous blond who suddenly upped Anteiku’s human population huh?” the ghoul hummed as he took a curious whiff, making Hide tense a bit at the forward gesture. “You have an unusual scent…”

The blond rubbed his cheek with a forefinger, a nervous smile on his face. “Yeah, that’s probably cause I’m only half a ghoul” but he’s sure the ghoul already knew that, though.

Uta blinked, likely surprised by his easy admittance, leaning back on his stool as he eyed him up and down, curiosity alight in his black-and-red eyes. Hide had to wonder why he keeps them activated despite how the mask maker lived in the CCG heavy 4th ward. “Right. Anyway, you came here for a mask right?”

Touka seemed to fidget by his side, discomfort never leaving her expression since she met up with Hide that afternoon. It made the blond a little guilty having her accompany him on her day off. _Well, it was the manager’s idea though…_

It seems she’s been particularly wary around him since that time he managed to convince Kaneki to work at Anteiku. (And in contrast she seemed to have no trouble getting along with his best friend. Hide pouted at the thought, trying to ignore the jealousy pooling in his gut).

He knew he had been a bit unfair then, calling her out like that. Although it was true that Touka was the one who ended up telling Kaneki everything, Hide had already decided to do it anyway. Placing blame on her like that was just harsh, especially since he knew that for her, mixing humans with ghouls was such a touchy subject.

He’d wanted to apologize a number of times since then, but with her always dashing about whenever he tried to talk to her (pointedly avoiding him, it seems), he wasn’t able to find a good time, and it bothered the heck out of him. He pouted.

“Yeah… me too actually” Touka spoke, bringing Hide’s attention back to the present. “Seems there’s some trouble brewing”

Uta hummed again, standing up to gather some tools from the counter on the far left of the shop. “Seems some investigators have been loitering around huh… I heard they found Renji-kun too”

“Ah… yeah. Yomo-san said so. Did you hear about it from the manager?”

“Yep”

Suddenly cast into the background, Hide took this time to simply take in his surroundings, keeping an ear open for the conversation the ghouls were having. The shop was eerie at best, with the checkerboard floor and the, frankly, horroresque masks all over the place

“Hmm… Hideyoshi-kun, you don’t seem all that affected by this huh” the artist suddenly spoke up, and Hide turned to him with a casual smile. “Weren’t you the guy with Rize in that accident? Hmm… Now that I think about it, you don’t seem all that nervous around ghouls either despite having been human…”

Those were pretty straightforward questions for that casual tone. It was as if the ghoul was trying to get a reaction out of him… no, he probably was. Hide shrugged. “Guess I’m just one of those happy-go-lucky types I guess?” he flashed an easy grin.

“Happy-go-lucky huh? That’s a nice way to live” The mask maker hummed again, eyes lighting up in curiosity as well as something else, patting the bar stool next to him. “Come sit here so I can measure you” he instructed, and Hide did as told.

“So! Are all your masks custom made? Can I make requests? I mean, I do like watching horror films and all, but –no offense— I don’t really wanna look like I come from one?” he rambles eagerly, rubbing the back on his head bashfully at his last sentence.

Uta takes a few moments to stare at him, and Hide stares right back, their casual expressions mirroring each other’s in how they seemed to give nothing away. Touka, being the only witness, couldn’t help but fidget. It was almost like she was staring at two blank masks facing each other. It was quite intimidating actually.

“You seem interesting” the artisan comments instead, head tilted to one side.

“Thanks. I get that impression a lot” Hide says, striking a pose with a thumb and forefinger framing his chin.

“Hmm…. Well, I make it a point to specialize my masks according to the wearer’s personality, but if you have a request I guess I can do it” Uta finally replies to the earlier questions and set off right to work, wrapping a tape measure around his head. “So, do you have any allergies to rubber or metals, latex maybe? Leather?”

“Not that I know of” Hide answers back.

“Do you want a full faced one? Or maybe a half-mask since it’ll be your first one…”

“I’d go for half. I remember wearing a full faced one at a summer festival once, it wasn’t very comfortable”

“I see. What’s with the eyepatch? Pretending to be a pirate?”

“Yeah! It’s from an old Halloween costume of mine. I can’t really control my kakugan yet, so I sort of need it for now”

“Heeh. You’re very straightforward huh? And you don’t seem that uncomfortable being questioned” Uta comments again.

“Well, you did say you base your masks off people’s personalities, so it’s only normal to ask questions right?” Hide shrugs.

Uta blinks. “Perceptive too… How do you feel about animals?”

“I like them!!” Hide grins. “Especially the furry ones! Rabbits are cute~”

“Rabbit…” the ghoul glances over at Touka, who simply flushes, immediately turning away. Hide almost chuckled.

“Got any lovers?” Uta continues, and Hide pouts, answering without delay.

“Sadly, no. My love life is so incredibly uneventful it’s tragic” he states, wiping non-existent tears from his eyes.

“Heeh…” the ghoul mumbled almost thoughtfully. “ _You shouldn’t throw the word ‘tragic’ around so carelessly you know_ ” he whispered in an almost foreboding fashion, too low that even Hide couldn’t quite catch it. But he did, and his smile became just a bit forced at this.

_I know. It’s so much heavier than a simple word._

But when the ghoul spoke again all tension disappeared. “So you get rejected a lot?”

“WHA— NO!!” he protests. “I happen to be quite a catch you know!!”

“Oh?” He almost jumped when Uta suddenly leaned in close. “Got your eyes set on someone then? Like an unrequited love?” the ghoul whispers, just loud enough for his sensitive ears to hear, he glances at Touka again, giving Hide a big enough hint about what he means.

Hide blinks once, twice, and then laughs. “No, no. Nothing like that” he lowers his voice too. “Although I _do_ have a bit of a crush on her”

From her perch near the counter, Touka glares over at them, probably wondering what the two idiotic boys are whispering about. Hide almost laughed again.

“What about that human you brought into the Café? You two close?”

“Yep! Best buddies since childhood! I would say birth, but sadly we only met when we were eight, but same rule applies!”

“That’s nice…” Uta mumbles, and for the first time since Hide got there, he was able to see the ghoul’s expression change, a soft, wistful smile crossing his lips. “It’s not often you get to see a human accept a ghoul as a friend… it’s kinda sad when you think about it like that” he says, a hand reaching up to trace at the tattoo around his neck. “You’re lucky”

Hide blinked at this, taken slightly by surprise. That seemed oddly genuine. _Hmm… maybe I read him wrong?_ His smile softened a bit as well. “I wouldn’t call it ‘luck’ though” he starts.

“Hoh? And what would you call it?” the ghoul paused, eyeing him curiously.

Hide hummed, thinking. _Yes… what **do** I call it... _He smiled again, wider this time. “ _’Fate’_ maybe?” he chuckles.

“’Fate’... That’s a strong word” the artisan commented, returning to his measurements. “Any reason?”

Hide wondered if he should share, then decided it wouldn’t really hurt. “Well, when we first met… No. When I first saw him –this shy kid always reading books on his own with this small sad smile on his face, I just knew I had to befriend him” he smiled at the memory. “And after that I knew that there’s no way I’d ever leave him alone”

“Hmm… I kind of want to meet him now” Uta commented, staring at that same mask.

Hide smiled again, but it held no sign of his earlier cheer, teeth bared almost in challenge. “I wouldn’t suggest it. You’d probably scare the daylights outta him with all those tattoos and piercings. He’s a pretty uptight honour student you know”

“Uwah scaary~ Although I must say that’s quite some loyalty there”

Hide sweatdropped. “Yeah. Take it as the influence of too much shonen manga I guess” he shrugged.

“Do you want to be one then? A shonen hero?” Uta asked without pause.

“Hmm? Well…” Hide began, rubbing his cheek. “I actually think being the main character is way too troublesome. I’d rather be a supporting character” he shrugs.

“Heeh? A supporting character… like, the one who helps the main protagonist through their story and make sure they can accomplish what they’ve set out to do while protecting them from other dangers behind the scenes?” the ghoul clarified.

Hide blinked. “That about sums it up” he nodded.

“…”

“?”

“Rather than a shonen manga, that’s almost like a shoujo adventure series don’t you think?”

Hide sweatdropped. “Eh…?”

“I couldn’t help picturing Tuxedo Mask” Uta shrugged.

“WHA—“ Hide balked, flailing in his seat. “I was thinking of Kuroko!! or Levi or Kumohira or Dark even!! Why Sailor Moon?? Wait— YOU WATCH MAGICAL GIRL ANIME??”

Again Uta shrugged. “I watch what’s on. And I could ask you the same thing”

Hide shut up.

Uta’s lips seemed to tug at the corners, and Hide couldn’t help but scowl. He just _knew_ the ghoul was silently laughing at him.

A staring contest commenced yet again, more playful this time, until Uta spoke again. “And I’m guessing your Human is the one then? Your main character? The unrequited love?”

Hide frowned, scratching at his cheek again, his gaze moving around to inspect a pretty simple mask on the wall – one a mirthless grin and a heart over the left eye. “Well, we definitely do have a ‘fate-changing’ thing going on” he almost sighs.

“Hmmm…” the ghoul hummed, his eyes tracing Hide’s face as he finally pulled away. “Hideyoshi, you really are very interesting” he finally says, tucking his tape-measure into his back pocket before finalizing his notes. “Makes me wonder what your story is like…”

“Story?”

“You know, like just what it is you’re hiding behind that lively mask you already have on” he states casually.

Hide felt his smile stiffen. “Hey! I’m naturally lively!” he pouts.

“Seems you’re not exactly lying…”

“You can tell that?”

“Don’t underestimate us Artisans. We see a lot” he states, tapping just under his kakugan as a genuinely friendly smile crossed his face. “Well, that’s about it I guess. Thank you for your cooperation”

Hide returned his smile. “You too. It was nice chatting. And also I hope to get a real cool mask!! Like a Superhero’s!!”

“Well, I don’t know if I could define you as ‘cool’ though” Uta teased, making the blond squawk in indignation. “But, a superhero huh… we’ll see”

“You two sure get along well…” Touka commented, finally making herself known. If possible, she looked even more discomfited than earlier that she was already turning blue. Hide couldn’t help but grimace.

Uta takes one look at her before turning to Hide again. “Looks like she doesn’t really like you, huh?”

“S-So you can see that too… huh?” his felt himself droop.

A hand landed on his shoulder, and he looked up to the mask maker’s face looking almost supportive, his kakugan giving off a dull sort of gleam. “Good luck” he fist pumped.

Again Hide sweatdropped. “Thanks… I guess?”

**~_~_~**

“Touka-chan” the blond called, making her pause, not daring to look back and face him unnecessarily. His voice was calm and conversational in her ears, but she can sense something there, something he wanted to say.

The way back to Anteiku was silent without the blond’s annoying questions and mindless chatter from earlier, and she was just about to calm down, getting used to the quiet atmosphere… Until he spoke, that is. Now the tension is back on her shoulders as she waited for him to speak, to condemn her fate.

She won’t admit it out loud, but the blond made her seriously uncomfortable. Guilt and dread and _hope ( **hope** , of all things. After **everything** ) _pooling in her gut whenever she looked at his always sunny face.

_“ **There**_ **are _humans who accept ghouls you know_** _”_

She knew this. She knew there _would_ be at least some. But she also knew that they were few and far between. That most of them were scum just seeking ghouls to exploit their talents. That others are just frightened little liars who would call the CCG the moment the balance shifts, the moment they feel threatened, the moment they realize that what they’re dealing with were _ghouls_ and not some _pet_.

(Their neighbours sold them out. That friendly lady who used to give them icky tasting treats with kind eyes and a warm smile just handed them over to their deaths like stray dogs to the pound, like they were _nothing_.

They weren’t hurting anyone. They did nothing wrong. _Father_ did _nothing wrong._ )

 _Except trust humans._ Her fists clench.

A shuffling sound, the blond behind her shifted –almost uneasily to her ears. “Listen, uhm… About that time, with Kaneki I mean? I’m sorry about what I said” he began, and the words made her turn.

“Hah?” she sneered, a glare in her eyes, her brows furrowed in confusion.

He grinned uncomfortably, a hand reaching up to scratch his cheek. She watched the movement, still refusing to look him in the eyes. “Well, you see, I kinda felt I was a bit unfair... I mean, you were just worried about him and—“

“The hell are you talking about?” she cut him off with a growl, turning her back to him again. Her hands shook.

He was apologizing to her. _He_ was _apologizing_ to _her._ She would’ve laughed if not for the swirling whirlpool in her chest making it hard to breathe.

“He’s your responsibility. It’s got nothing to do with me whether he lives or dies” she states, walking away. Her voice was cold and steady, but her words slipped like lead, constricting her throat as she forced them from her lips.

**_“Because I’m the only one he has.”_ **

She remembered him say. The look on the blond’s face back then… she couldn’t understand it.

It was guilt. It was despair. It was loneliness. It was everything a ghoul was born to feel in this cursed world they live in. But unlike her, unlike _them_ , it wasn’t directed inwards.

Yes. That’s right. The blond was human once. But he wasn’t despairing over becoming a ghoul against his will, of having to hunt and kill and eat his _own kind_. The blond was despairing over _leaving his human alone._

And how could she have dealt with that? How could she have possibly, _possibly_ said those words **( _if he finds out, I’ll kill him)_** to that face? To the knowledge that to this bubbly idiot, his _human friend_ was almost like _them._

**_All alone. Lost. Fending for himself in this cruel world._ **

Of course their circumstances were different. The human didn’t live a life constantly being hunted down, having to watch every step and being absolutely careful. His parents weren’t brutally killed just for being what they are.

But with that look in the blond’s eyes… if she knew any less she would think it was _that human_ who was turned into a ghoul and cast into the shadows. That _this_ _half-ghoul_ was the human left behind, desperately trying to reach out.

**_“I was human. I knew about Anteiku even before I became a ghoul and I never thought to call the CCG”_ **

She doesn’t trust him, but his conviction was sound. And so she’d let it go.

She’d let him decide to do what he wants for himself. Why did she care anyway? It wasn’t any of her concern. If the human calls the CCG on him, then so long as Anteiku is outside their line of fire she was alright. _It’s his problem._ (And if he doesn’t… if the human suddenly popped in the café one day with recognition in his eyes, she could just pretend not to notice.)

But then, _shitty Nishiki_ happens, and she seriously thought it was over. Blondie went out of control and the human saw everything. _Had called the CCG on them._

It was her job. She would have killed him –the human. She was going to. It would have been so _easy_ to just snap his neck and be over with _._ But—

**_“What if him knowing doesn’t endanger anyone?”_ **

_Can you prove it?_ She wondered (ignoring that unfamiliar feeling curdling in her chest).

And so she asked the question. Wanting to see what the human -whom the blond had made look as if he was one of _them_ — will do _(Will he lie to save himself? Will he run?)_. She was poised to kill him. It was simple, quick and easy.

And if the blond hates her for it later… well, it’s not like she cares what he thinks. It would’ve only proved that she was right. ( _Humans can't be trusted. Not when they know the truth._ ) And if he tries to seek revenge and kill her ( _or worse, go after Yoriko –as any ghoul would)_ , then she can just kill _him_ and be done with it. _This is just me protecting my own._

But then, _of course_ , the human just had to go and say _that_.

**_"D-don’t… don’t hurt him! Eat me if you have to. Just let Hide go!!"_ **

Blondie was right. She saw no lies in those terrified eyes, no deceit, not even judgement at the fact he was protecting a ghoul from another ghoul. That he was the most likely of all of them to suffer.

Those eyes shook her world, frightened and lonely and _guilty. Where was his phone? How did it make it all the way to the other side in pieces? Nishiki didn’t even get close enough. If he did there’s no way the human was unharmed._

That look reminded her of something else. Someone else. Like an innocent little girl trying to protect her little brother from judging eyes as the both of them stared death in the face.

“You’re crazy…” she couldn’t help but mumble, letting go of the blond’s collar and dropping to the ground. The human scurried away, but he didn’t reach very far with the grip he had on the blond’s arm. “Both of you.”

She sighed. She hadn't known what to do…

**_"And if he's okay with it? I can bring him here?"_ **

She brought them to Anteiku, explaining things to the manager as well as she can, wishing to be able to just go home. She couldn’t have expected being sat down in front of the human, minutes later with a fresh cup of hot coffee, grumbling to him about one thing or another.

"So, e-even ghouls have a form of government huh?" the human had asked meekly, glancing around the room. Touka could’ve kicked him for the ‘ _even’_ comment, but knew he wasn’t wrong either.

“Yes. But not all of them are like Anteiku. You’re lucky the manager’s _nice_ ” she grumbled, taking a sip of her coffee. And somehow after that, something in the atmosphere changed.

The human was still terrified, flinching at any sounds or sudden movements, his hands twitching whenever he reached for his coffee cup only to just leave it there on the table (as if he thinks it’s poisoned. Touka scoffed). But he was becoming more confident, asking one genuinely curious question after another as if he actually wants to _learn **about**_ ghouls and not _how to kill them._

“So except f-for the Ka-Kakugan and Kagune, you’re basically indistinct from humans?”

But he kept brushing around the important things, even though his face stated how much he really wanted to, and she soon found out that he pisses her off. Right to the point that she just started answering his unspoken questions out of sheer irritation. A ghoul’s hunger, Anteiku’s role, the CCG –heck, it all just came out. (And if she felt a little lighter, knowing that she's telling this to a _human_ , who, although looking scared out of his wits, actually _listened_ to her, no one had to know.)

And then, _of course,_ the blondie had to call her out. **_"YOU told him, Touka-chan. YOU brought him into this world of Ghouls._ He can’t go back now”.** It shook her. It tore her apart from her very core because _she did._

 _She did._ And this was _exactly what she was trying to avoid._

_(Humans can’t be trusted. Not when they know the truth)_

_(They’ll just draw far more danger to themselves)_

And she did it. She dragged one down. He can’t go back now. His innocent human life was gone. He’ll have to live knowing that his best friend can’t eat like him, will have to eat others _like_ him, _will probably have to learn to kill to survive._ He’ll always be wary of people who may or may not be ghouls. Would have to live in constant danger of being targeted. He could call the CCG and live with the knowledge and guilt, or he won’t and be in constant danger from other ghouls.

 _Yoriko…_ Touka can’t even imagine what it’ll be like if she knows. What reaction she’ll make. What life she’ll live.

Because it isn’t just a matter of a human accepting a ghoul. It’s a matter of how that ghoul can keep that human _safe._

**_“I mean think about it. As just another customer you’re definitely at risk, but working here would imply to all the ghouls of the 20th ward that you’re under Anteiku’s protection right?”_ **

_But that’s not enough. Not even Anteiku can protect a human from other ghouls. Stronger ghouls. If anything it would only draw more unwanted attention._

Her fists clenched. It shouldn’t have anything to do with her, but it _does._ She started that initiation. She’s _guilty._

“Which is why I want to ask you” His voice called again, and she almost flinched as his tone grew serious, as if he’d read her mind and responded accordingly, and she turned back again to look at him with a furrow in her brow, making it clear she didn’t want to have any more to do with this conversation.

She watched as the blond steeled himself before bowing down low, surprising her. “Please teach me how to fight”

Her eyes widened, and she frowned “Last I checked, you were doing pretty well by yourself”

No, he wasn’t. He went out of control. But he didn’t attack the human and he didn’t kill Nishiki. He stayed sane even though he must’ve been so hungry, fainting instead of going crazy. He was _different._

“But not well enough” he replies, almost too fast, and there’s a weight behind his words she knew all too well.

_(Teach me how to fight. How to control myself. How to keep my precious people safe)_

**_“Touka, you’re the big sister, so you have to teach ___ a lot of things”_ **

**_“____, whenever you’re ________ is in trouble, you must protect ___”_ **

“I’ve been practicing by myself since I realized I became a ghoul, but I don’t know how to summon it –my kagune. I got desperate before, but I don’t like that feeling. So I want you to teach me” he looked her right in the eyes, relaying his conviction. She couldn’t help but feel a small bubble of respect. “And also how to fight even without it”

Touka didn’t speak for a while, her eyes contemplative, returning his gaze with calm. Finally, she smirked. “Heeh, that’s some determination you got there” she commented, accepting his resolve. “Fine. I’ll teach you” again she turned around. “If you can keep up that is” she smirked, and just like that she was off, her kakugan flaring as she dashed through the nearest deserted alleyway under the cover of the setting sun.

“E-EEH??” he heard the blond cry behind her. “Tha— NOT FAIR!! YOU’RE A SPEEDSTER!!!”

“SHUT THE HELL UP IDIOT!!!” _Speedster? What, a code word for Ukaku?_ Well at least he wasn’t a complete idiot.

And he was catching up. _Not bad._

**_“Get stronger and protect the ones you love”_ **

This could be her payment. If not to him then for her own sake. _I’ll help you. And when you get stronger, maybe even strong enough to keep your human safe by your side, perhaps I’ll take some pointers too._

She doesn’t trust him –won’t— trust him. Not that easily. But she’ll at least believe in his dedication.

If humans and ghouls can really co-exist, without the blood and the lies and the deceit… then that might not be a bad thing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What?? Hide watches Sailor Moon??  
> XD Well you see, this is what happened  
> = [Tied Together With a Bit of Red](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5301695/)


	7. Mission: Not Impossible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus, it begins!! XDD Again!! XDDD
> 
> I'm posting this early in place of sobbing over Imperial Scans. (You will be dearly, DEARLY missed TTATT)  
> I need Re ;w; (reads Mea Culpa instead... yep I've been slacking)
> 
> Also, finally we get to see Hinami!! And Kimi too!! And Yomo x3 XDDD
> 
> Enjoy~

A small brown sugar cube was dropped into Hide’s mug of coffee that afternoon. Kaneki couldn’t help but watch rather guiltily as it slowly dissolved into the dark liquid before his best friend picked it up, blowing a bit at the steam before taking a small sip. **_“The manager made them for me. It’s kinda like military rations?”_**

“Maan! When you’ve tasted the manager’s coffee it’s like absolutely _nothing_ compares!” the blond whined, placing the mug down with a pout on his lips.

Taking a sip of his own coffee –his usual one (real) sugar mix— Kaneki had to agree.

More than that, though, was the bag of corn chips open on the table between them, and the fact that most of the missing contents were not eaten by him.

“A-Are you okay… eating that…?” he couldn’t help but ask nervously just as Hide grabbed yet another handful of chips. Hide had explained to him about how human food affected ghouls before, as well as why he still does it anyway regularly (and he couldn’t help feeling both guilty and amazed when he recalled eating with Hide at Big Girl the day the blond was discharged. His best friend was truly amazing.)

Still… he didn’t know why Hide felt the need to eat _now._ And the fact that, looking closely, his best friend was already turning rather green had him worried.

Hide paused in his chewing motions, no trace of disgust or discomfort in his face (and really, Kaneki couldn’t help feeling a bit anxious about this. He’d never known just how good Hide could be at hiding how he feels) before glancing over to his left.

Kaneki, feeling even more nervous, followed his gaze. There were only two other customers sitting there, a boy and a girl, and they seemed to be glancing around the place with watchful eyes. He turned back to his best friend, eyes questioning.

Hide shrugged. “They’re part of the school’s Supernatural Research Club” he stated. “And the girl’s a ghoul, apparently” he pouted, eyes going distant as if he was remembering something unpleasant.

“Eh?! I-Is she… I mean are they—“

“She’s ok, Kaneki” the blond cut him off with an easy smile. “Least, I think so, anyway, for the mean time. But since the guy’s the President, I wouldn’t really wanna be under his radar when they start getting interested in ghouls” he shrugged again, and another handful of chips disappeared into his mouth.

Kaneki sweatdropped. “Right…” he shifted. _Right. Hide had to be careful now. B-Because one wrong move and…_

“So, how’re you finding the job?” Hide asked, and Kaneki snapped out of his thoughts to his best friend’s usual easy smile.

He returned it with a smaller one of his own, fiddling with his cup. “I’m getting used to it. And e-everyone’s being very nice... although Touka-chan is still kinda scary since she won’t stop glaring at me…” he confessed, shifting slightly in his seat. He supposes it’s only to be expected, considering their first meeting and all…

“Heeh, I’m jealous” Hide pouted again, staring at him disdainfully. “She’s completely ignoring _me_ except for training!! _”_

Kaneki sweatdropped. “Maybe that’s just cause you’re too hyper” he states blankly, making the blond pout harder. Hide dropped his head to the table and Kaneki chuckled. “What about you?”

“Hm?” the blond took another sip of his coffee before grinning. “Same. Although I can’t believe I still suck at making coffee! I mean come on!! I _know_ I was doing it right so why does it taste like that??” he whined again. “And you!! Why is your coffee better than mine??” he scowled, poking Kaneki in the face.

“Maybe it’s just talent” the black-haired teen teased, swatting the hand away and laughing when Hide cried out ‘Traitor!’.

“Uhm… Nagachika...kun?” a new voice called, catching both their attentions, and Kaneki was surprised to see a beautiful woman approaching them, discomfort evident on her face.

Hide seemed to stiffen. “Yep, that’s me” the blond confirmed in an even tone, and Kaneki frowned, feeling a bit worried. _This isn’t going to be like that time with Nishio-senpai is it?_

But she simply took out a disk from her bag, barely even glancing at Hide as she handed it over before turning around and heading off.

Kaneki was about to ask what that was all about when Hide suddenly stood up, anxiety written clearly on his features as he called out. “U-Uhm! Is Nishio-senpai alright?? I-I’m really sorry about the other day!!”

He froze as soon as the name reached his ears, glancing around in a panic before staring at his best friend like he’d grown a second head. _What are you doing??_ He silently cried, feeling his heart rate rise as he turned back to the woman.

She stood unmoving, back to them and her hand seeming to fist by her side. Someone Nishio knew? Judging by Hide’s blatant apology, she can only someone close to their upperclassman. With the state the ghoul had been in the last time Kaneki saw him, he doesn’t think anyone would believe he was simply human. _I-is she a ghoul too?_ He wonders anxiously. _Did she come here to investigate us? Is Hide in trouble?_

“Ah— there she goes” the blond sighed, running a hand through his hair as he watched her disappear around the corner. “Guess he’s not doing too well then…” he mumbled, and Kaneki sensed the trace of guilt in his voice.

He gulped. “W-hy are you worried about him?” he couldn’t help but ask, lowering his tone to just above a whisper. He knows Hide can hear him clearly now. “He tried to k-k _ill_ you once you know”

Hide turned to him, his lips tugged down into a small frown as thoughts seemed to pass through his eyes. He rubbed his head. “Well…” he trailed off, as if trying to align his thoughts before seeming to decide on something. “Ok. So. That hot chick who was just here? She’s Nishio-senpai’s girlfriend” he explained, and Kaneki nodded to signal he understood. “She’s human”

At this, Kaneki’s eyes widened.

Hide continued, lowering his voice. “And judging by her attitude earlier, she knows senpai is a ghoul. Also, probably, that I was the guy who sort of beat him up” he stated, his voice rising an octave in a way Kaneki rarely hears unless his best friend was _truly_ feeling nervous, scratching his cheek. “So it’s like… it would seem a bit insensitive if I don’t at least try to check up on his condition, you know” he shrugged, lips quirking up into a sort-of half-smile.

“I see…” Kaneki mumbled, nodding in understanding as he took another sip of his coffee. He felt his lips tug up a bit as his best friend’s concern. And Nishio, as well. He was glad the man was –at least— alive… even if the very thought of him made his stomach cramp.

“ ** _It’s better to be hurt that to hurt others.”_**

**_“A kind person only needs those things to be happy”_ **

“Also because, you know. Although senpai does seem like a huge jerk, I don’t really think he’s that bad a guy” the blond shrugged again.

“…” Kaneki stared at him, disbelieving.

Hide rolled his eyes. “Oh come on Kaneki, learn a little. He’s a ghoul. Ghouls have slightly different concepts about life than humans do. To him, trying to kill me is practically the same as a dog fighting a cat off its territory”

Kaneki stared even harder. ‘ _Really?’_ his grey pools conveyed.

“…Okaaay, weak comparison. I get it. Sheesh” the blond pouted, gulping down his now cold coffee.

This time it was Kaneki’s turn to roll his eyes. “I just can’t believe you sometimes” he sighed.

Hide grinned. “That’s why you love me, though”

Again, Kaneki rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t deny the smile curling up his lips. “Come on, we’re going to be late for class”

“Oh come on, no reaction?? Really?”

“What was that disc anyway?”

“Hm? Oh, it’s a DVD of last year’s festival. I’m gonna need to bring it to the committee later”

“I see”

**~_~_~**

“So it is suicide…” Hide mumbled sadly, crouching not too far away from the deceased in front of him, silently watching as the white-haired man –Yomo— gave a silent prayer. “Poor guy… wonder what happened to him…”

“You don’t seem fazed” Yomo commented, glancing at him as he picked up the tarpaulin bag he brought from the car.

“Well, ‘food supplies’ can only mean one thing for a ghoul after all” he stated, pushing himself off the ground. “Kaneki’s expression when the manager asked though, priceless!” he tried to grin, although it definitely felt much weaker than usual as the humour of his words fell short. A ghoul has to eat to survive, and humans are the only edible source of food for them. No matter what, that isn’t a happy subject. “It’s nice though, this method –not having to kill anyone”

Yomo simply blinked at him, his face impassive, before he began slowly tearing the body to pieces. Hide felt slightly nauseous as he watched, his stomach clenching as the familiar scent of blood and death filled the air. He could turn away if he wanted, of course, but in the end that would be meaningless, and it would be an insult to the deceased who was now about to disappear from the world completely.

He wonders if he should have offered a prayer, too.

“Maybe” the white-haired ghoul finally spoke, jolting Hide out of his thoughts. “But I’m only doing as Yoshimura-san asked me to” he states, his tone firm, as if he was proving a point. But the droop in his shoulders told Hide that he doesn’t disagree. “There are times I kill and eat living people, too. It’s the same with Touka and the others”

The blond smiled softly, sadly, crouching down next to him and –steeling his nerves— began to help by putting the already separated parts into the bag. Yomo paused, a furrow in his brow as he stared at him, and Hide simply shrugged. “There should be a reason Yoshimura-san sent me here. Besides… I’ll have to get used to this stuff someday…”

A few moments passed in silence, Yomo simply watching as Hide gingerly moved the body parts around, his face going only a little green. _Hehe… kudos to Hollywood slasher films._ Finally, the white-haired man nodded, finishing up his work before beginning to clean the area up.

Although the affected area was only pretty small, it was both amazing _and_ frightening how well Yomo could hide all traces of death in under ten minutes. Hide gulped.

“So what’re you gonna do about the car?” he finally asked once they made it up the cliff again, the blond deciding to just climb the cliff on his own when his jumps proved fruitless.

“I’ll come back later to take care of it” the man stated, starting up the engine and waiting no more than a second after Hide got in the van himself to pull out.

 _Yomo-san… is waaaay too serious._ Hide couldn’t help but think, but considering how the man didn’t seem to mind on the way over (if he wasn’t just imagining the occasional tilt of the man’s head, or the soft hum from his throat) he once again began to fill the otherwise-tense silence with random stories just for the sake of it.

He wasn’t even finished relaying his thoughts about just why vampires are generally accepted when just the very mention of ghouls in a positive light could send you into counselling when the car stopped, the silver-haired driver suddenly stepping out without a word.

“Wha— ah, hey!! Dude did I offend you or something? I mean I know I said you looked like the actor who played the vampire in that one movie but—“ he stopped, finally spotting the familiar lady walking not just down the street. “Ryoko-san!” he greeted when she came close. “What’s a pretty lady like you doing in a place like this?”

She chuckled, returning his greeting before entering the car. “This is such a surprise. Is Touka-chan busy?”

“Seems she has midterms coming up” Hide replied with a shrug. “So I’m standing in as Yomo-san’s supply-gathering buddy” he grinned.

“I see. You sure are working hard. Thank you for helping out” Ryoko smiled, although now that he could see her more closely, he could make out the strain in her face and the bags under her eyes.

“This isn’t just for your sake, though” Yomo suddenly cut in, and just like that the previous easy atmosphere dissipated, leaving only tension in its wake.

Ryoko’s face fell, her smile resigned. “You’re angry aren’t you? That I went to my husband’s grave”

 _“…?”_ Hide’s remained silent, his ears perking up in curiosity as he stared between the two ghouls.

“I’m not saying anything about that. The problem is you moving around alone” Yomo stated, his tone even but grave. “The one who enticed the ‘Doves’ to come here wasn’t Rize” he continued, his eyes never leaving the road ahead. “The one they’re looking for is _you”_

Hide felt his anxiety pool in his stomach, clearly recalling the ‘Rabbit’ incident of the 20th ward as the missing puzzle pieces finally began falling into place.

“Ryoko-san, if you don’t want to get Hinami involved in this then from now on you—“

“I know” Ryoko interrupted, her voice firm but far too weary for her youthful face… “I already… know that. I heard from Yoshimura-san. They’ve already come to this area”

“Doves…” Hide found himself mumbling. _Amon-san and… Mado Kureo._ If he doesn’t do anything, then almost inevitably, before the week is up Ryoko-san will… Suddenly it became just a bit harder to breathe. The mother and daughter ghoul, Rabbit, _Eyepatch._

He remembered when he first found himself in this timeline, remembered how he panicked and practically dragged Kaneki out of Anteiku when the Rize appeared. It was, although unintentionally, his first attempt to forcefully change the flow; in the end, it backfired, speeding up the falling beams accident by two days. And when he tried to save his best friend from the Binge Eater, he ended up with the organ transplant instead.

After that, it seemed that things simply continued to follow the original timeline –only with him at the centre.

Meeting Nishio in that alley, being saved by Touka and taken in by Anteiku… perhaps all these were things Kaneki had experienced too. It seemed fitting considering Kaneki’s reaction that time they were attacked by the bespectacled ghoul (he remembered the outcome of both times and winced, realizing they really weren’t that different after all).

He’d heard somewhere before that fate and time is like a current. If you try to stop or change or disturb it, it will still forcefully correct itself, and often with severe repercussions.

 _Ryoko-san will die._ The thought sends ice through his veins. _Hinami-chan will become an orphan._ He knew this was going to happen, but can he even do anything about it?

**_You shouldn’t mess with fate. Remember last time?_ **

… _And what about Kaneki?_ He couldn’t help but wonder, fisting his jacket so tightly he could feel the material almost tear in his hand.

Kaneki had kept Hide at a distance in that timeline, but Hide keeps on dragging Kaneki with him in this one. What impact was he causing? Was his decision changing anything? Could he just be making things worse? _Am I putting him in danger?_ These were the questions he kept asking himself, questions that could only be answered with time. Questions whose answers he was terrified to find out.

 _But I can’t leave him alone._ He knew he wouldn’t be able to even if he tried: not here, not now, not when Kaneki already knew almost everything, when he was finally beginning to earn himself a place to belong.

(He remembers that time, long ago. Before Kaneki’s mother died, she was very sick –although she tried to hide it as best as she could. But Kaneki knew. Kaneki could always see her in pain. And Hide, in turn, saw his best friend’s eyes grow duller every day, saw how he slowly pulled away from everything and everyone –even from Hide. Saw how the life slowly drained away from his being until he was nothing more than an empty shell.

And when she finally passed…

**_“Hi—de… I-I do—n’t… Please. I don’t w-ant to be alone…”_ **

**_“It’s okay Kaneki. I’m here. I won’t leave you, ever. I promise”_** )

He could only do his best to protect him now. Him and the people he loves.

“Today I went to bury his mask at the grave site”

Hide froze, his eyes widening at the woman’s words. _A ghoul’s mask—!!_

“If it’s like that then wouldn’t it be ok for Ryoko-san and Hinami-chan to stay indoors for a while?” Hide speaks, interrupting the conversation. He tensed, flashing an apologetic grin as two pairs of eyes met his. “A-although, I guess suddenly disappearing would seem suspicious… but, I mean, they’re probably monitoring a whole bunch of other suspects right? So if you just continue to lay low, maybe try and eat a few snacks when you go outside and drink something other than coffee –sorry, I know it’s torture— but then maybe they’ll get tired and move on to a different target?”

Ryoko blinked, not-quite staring at his face before looking away. She smiled, strained but sincere. “Thank you very much for your concern, Hide-kun” she looks down, twiddling her thumbs together, her smile growing just a bit warmer. “Yes… if I behave like a spoiled child, then Hinami won’t be able to depend on me”

Hide smiled as well. Ryoko was indeed a kind and dedicated woman who loved her family dearly. _She reminds me of Kaneki-san…_ the smile fell from his face, the weight of that thought far too ominous in his mind. He steeled himself.

It was naïve, he knew. It also probably wouldn’t work, but Amon and Mado are two of the CCG’s best –and most brutal— investigators. If, by chance, he could just stall until they find a bigger lead to either the Binge Eater or Jason cases, then maybe… just maybe she could survive…

_And Kaneki wouldn’t have to go through that again._

“Yomo-san, I forgot I had something to do around here! Can you please let me off?” he asked, earning confused looks. He ignored them, simply buzzing in his seat as he glanced out the window.

He probably didn’t have much time…

With barely a word, Yomo pulled over on the nearest bend, and Hide thanked him. “Please tell the manager I promise to be on time tomorrow!!” he announced, breaking into a run as soon as he stepped off the van.

Perhaps it’s meaningless. Perhaps he’s only making things worse for himself. But if not… if he can save her…

_What point would living this second life be if I don’t at least try?_

**_~_~_~_ **

Within only two weeks, Kaneki seemed to have gotten far too used to his job. To the point that he’s almost completely forgotten the fact that he was in the company of ghouls and not just normal staff. (It really doesn’t help that with Touka busy with her exams and Hide always pushing shifts on to him due to his club activities –like today, for example— he was usually so busy he didn’t even have time to be cautious anymore).

So when he accidentally walked into sweet little Hinami eating for the first time, the minor heart attack he received was only expected.

As well as his sudden dash back down the stairs, barely keeping himself from throwing up.

“Eh? That was fast” Koma greeted when he almost tripped over one of the barstools. The man blinked, an amused smile stretching his lips. “What, did you walk into Hinami-chan? That’s no good. The girls don’t like being seen like that”

Kaneki stood crouched over his knees, trying to calm his racing heart down. He gulped.

Koma’s tone softened. “Sorry, I should have told you about that”

The black-haired teen stiffened, straightening up. “N-No! I-I mean, I’m sorry, I was just… just…” he trailed off, still unable to form the thought. _H-Hinami-chan… really is a ghoul._ (She was eating human meat).

“You don’t have to apologize to me, you know” Koma spoke again, pushing a cup of hot coffee over to him. “But Hinami-chan though…” he winked.

Kaneki understood, a guilty flush rising up his cheeks. “Right…” _I-I guess… I must’ve been pretty rude…_

Knocking on the door before opening it this time, he was relieved to find Hinami calmly sitting down with a book on her lap, all traces of human meat gone. A nervous grin crossed his face when the girl’s weary eyes met his. She looked away, gaze trained on the wooden coffee table between them.

With slightly shaky hands, Kaneki placed the cup of coffee down before her, an apology on his lips. “H-Hi, Hinami-chan… about earlier, I-I’m—“.

“I’m sorry!” Hinami cried, effectively cutting him off. Her hands fisted on her knees.

“E-Eh?”

“O-Onii-san… is human, right?” the girl began, refusing to look at him. “I-I’m a ghoul… so I have to eat h-humans… and I-I’m sorry you had to see that”

Kaneki felt slightly confused, a nervous smile stretching his face. “B-But you don’t have to apologize for that” he spoke, trying his best to appear calm. “In fact, it was my fault for barging in suddenly… and then running away. I-I’m the one who should say sorry” he explained, scratching his cheek.

“B-But… it’s scary isn’t it?” Hinami mumbled, her shoulders hunched, making her seem much smaller than she is. “Y-You’re scared of me… aren’t you?”

“…” Kaneki felt his heart sink, taking in her slightly trembling form. He couldn’t deny that he was scared… but it isn’t her fault. ( _Not exactly)_ “Hinami-chan… do you… like eating?” he couldn’t help but ask, sincerely curious.

This question only seemed to make the girl shrink even further into herself, and Kaneki felt guilt pool in his stomach. “I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t—“

“Eating… is good” again Hinami cut him off, her answer making the black-haired boy tense all over again. She shifted. “It makes me feel better when I’m hungry… but… when I think that the f-food used to be p-people… it’s just… sad” her shoulders started to tremble.

Again, Kaneki stared, feeling warmth suddenly bloom in his chest, along with a heavy weight settling on his heart. These were genuine words from a ghoul. A ghoul’s perception of their own inescapable biology. **_“A ghoul can’t consume anything but human meat and coffee”_**

_Yes… that is indeed… very… sad…_

“I don’t want to hurt anyone… Mother doesn’t either… but because we need to eat, Father had to do something… and now I can’t meet Father anymore... and s-someday, maybe even Mo-ther would…” her eyes glistened, water suddenly pooling around the corners.

Kaneki felt his heart sink. “H-Hinami-chan that’s… I-I…” he despaired. He knew how she felt. Knew the feeling of losing someone you love, of being scared to lose anyone else. But there was nothing he could say. (His mother died of overwork. Her father was hunted down for _killing people_ ). He was just a human, still too naïve about the world of ghouls. Anything he could think of to say would only sound meaningless or hypocritical. _If only Hide were here… he’d know what to do._

And then he saw it.

“I-Isn’t that Takatsuki Sen’s ‘Monochrome Rainbow’?!” he exclaims just a little too loudly, reaching out to take the discarded book lying face down on the couch next to Hinami and making the girl jump in the process. “You read her works?!”

And this, if anything, seemed to catch the little girl’s attention. She nodded once, and Kaneki sagged in relief, a genuine smile stretching across his face. “Wow, that’s impressive since the contents are a bit difficult. But ah, I guess this is a collection of short stories so…” he trailed off, feeling himself relax at the feel of the nostalgic pages. “Have you already read through it? Which stories do you like best?”

“K-Koyo…tokiame…” she spoke rather timidly, her face morphed in confusion, her words unsure.

Kaneki felt himself frown in equal confusion, thinking the word over. “Koyotokiame… Aah! ‘Sayoshigure’!” he exclaimed, a smile stretching his lips. “That’s the prototype for the ‘Black Goat’s Egg’ It’s unexpectedly scary, but pretty good huh?” he explained rather happily.

After that, it didn’t take long before the two were conversing about the morbid stories, Hinami taking down notes as Kaneki took it upon himself to teach her how to read the more difficult kanji as well as explain some parts of the story she didn’t understand. It was as if the earlier tension hadn’t existed at all, and that was how Ryoko and Yoshimura found them later on.

“Mom!! Onii-chan taught me a lot of new words!” was her excited greeting, a complete turn-around from her cautious demeanour not a few minutes before.

“My…” Kaneki stiffened when he was met with woman’s bright smile all over again. “Thank you very much, Kaneki-san” she stated sincerely.

He smiled, a flush crawling up his cheeks. “Uhm, no. I-I had a lot of fun as well… Fueguchi-san” he stated bashfully, rubbing the back of his head with one hand.

And then Ryoko was clasping one of his hands in hers, making him jolt. But when he didn’t pull away, her smile seemed to soften, and warmth suddenly pooled in Kaneki’s stomach. “Thank you, Kaneki-san” she stated again, raising their clasped hands up to her chest, the gratitude in her eyes made Kaneki’s breath hitch as he realized what she truly meant.

**_“I think you know that there aren’t a lot of humans who accept ghouls”_ **

_Thank you for being her friend. Thank you for accepting us. Thank you for understanding._

Her hands soft and warm, and Kaneki felt a wave of sadness hit him as he was reminded of the way his own mother would hold him like this. Of her gentle smiles and words of encouragement.

He smiled, warm and genuine. _Even ghouls have hearts. They can still feel love and compassion and gratitude..._ His smile saddened. _And loss…_

“Hide-nii…” Hinami spoke, and Kaneki turned to her, eyes curious. Hinami smiled at him, wider and brighter than he’s ever seen it, and Kaneki felt himself return it full force. “Hide-nii said that onii-chan was a good person. And Hide-nii was right. Thank you. Please teach me more next time ok?”

 _So she can be cheerful like this, too. Just like a normal girl._ “Of course Hinami-chan. Anytime!”

“Ah! I know! Mother can onii-chan come with us?” Hinami suddenly asked, gaining everyone’s attention, and Kaneki blushed as when he realized he was still holding Ryoko’s hands. He released them. The woman was still smiling brightly at him.

He scratched his cheek, smiling apologetically. “Ah, no. I’m sorry but I’m still in the middle of work Hinami-chan, Ryoko-san”

“It’s alright, Kaneki-kun” Yoshimura, who had been silent throughout this exchange, finally made himself known, and Kaneki jumped having forgotten his presence. The man smiled at him as well. “Now if I’m not mistaken, Hideyoshi-kun should be here soon. I could just get him to cover for you. You’ve been working hard this past week, so I think you deserve this break”

Kaneki blushed again, but his smile brightened. “Then in that case, I’m going to go change now”

Hinami cheered.

“Well then, please allow me to lend you an umbrella” Yoshimura stated, peeking out through the blinds. “It looks like it’s going to rain today”

**_~_~_~_ **

Amon Koutarou sat brooding silently over his desk that morning, his hands –calloused and littered with scars, both fresh and old— crossed in front of him, bags half-formed under his steel grey eyes.

“Oh dear, you don’t look too well today, Amon-kun. Didn’t get much sleep last night?” a familiar and respected voice called from over his shoulder, catching his attention. He made to stand up, but the thin hand that grasped his shoulders prevented him.

“Mado-san” he greeted instead, looking up at his mentor.

The old man –shrivelled like death with a far too thin frame that would have fooled anyone who saw— glanced down at him curiously, his uneven eyes tracing his face and hands.

He grit his teeth, bowing his head. “I… I tried to follow my intuition, just like you taught me, Mado-san” he stated, his voice strong but humble. “I went to dig up the grave last night”

The old man –Mado—‘s eyes widened. “Hoh? That’s quite some dedication you got there. Don’t tell me you didn’t sleep at all?” he began, sitting down on the seat next to him placing a large metal briefcase on the table. “Did you find anything?”

Amon closed his eyes. “No. Just a dead squirrel” he mumbled, finally dropping his head into his hands in defeat. “It seems I was mistaken. Perhaps 723 simply felt sorry for the animal and buried it near a grave”

“No…” he heard his mentor speak, tone wistful, and he lifted his head again to face the man. Mado smiled at him, and to anyone else it would have looked as sinister as it is, but he simply passed it off as casual. “You shouldn’t rule out possibilities just because something didn’t turn out quite as expected”

He looked down, shamed by his own behaviour.

“But now, Amon-kun’s diligence somehow makes me feel like I’m slacking off” and just like that the man stood up. “So I’ve decided to go ‘try’ something” he grinned, picking up the silver briefcase he’d just placed down, and this time not even Amon can deny the manic gleam in his eyes. “Perhaps it’s about time to pay 723 a little ‘surprise visit’”


	8. Sudden Shower - Washes Nothing Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This is NOT a happy chapter!! (But I swear the next one IS!! ;w; )  
> I'm sorry everyone... I tried but... the only way I can think of for Ryoko-san to survive is if she and Hinami were to move underground, and that is clearly not going to lead to a happy end for these two kind ghouls. TTwTT. Mado Kureo is a monster TTATT
> 
> I'm sorry about Touka too. She's a little too stressed, and Kaneki, a human's presence isn't helping her mental state, so... err... yeah...
> 
> On a positive note, Amon finally gets a POV ^^  
> (And le Plot Begins!! I bet you all see where I'm gonna be heading from here huh? ^w^; )  
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chap too! XDD I'll try and get the next one up faster this time, cause I now have a clear view of the next few scenes ;w;
> 
> _P.S. Why can't I just be satisfied with my summary? =w=;;_

**_[H-Hide… Hinami-chan is… we need… please_ ** _…]_

Hide cursed under his breath, dropping the box of supplies he was supposed to carry to the club room before turning around. “Where are you?” he demanded, going right into a sprint. A few more minutes. A few more minutes and he would have been on his own way to Anteiku for work. A few more hours and the Doves would’ve found something else to preoccupy themselves with. And yet—

He barely graced his outraged senpai with an excuse before he was half-way through campus, not even caring that he was probably running a lot faster than a normal human could. All he knew was that he needed to get to Kaneki. **Now.**

He felt himself slow down just a bit when he realized the teen wasn’t far, but still, there was no time to waste. “Don’t move. I’ll be there in five minutes. Stay out of sight”

 _Of course it happened._ He thought, practically wrenching the lock on his bike free with his bare hands. There was no one around that he could sense so he simply pocketed the broken chain before he mounted it, sparing only a second to see if he left anything that could prove troublesome later before he kicked off. _Of course it’s today._

It wasn’t even raining yet. But the sound of his best friend’s voice was confirmation enough.

He was too late. Fueguchi Ryoko-san was dead, and Kaneki ( _Why Kaneki? Why him? Why am I not there?? What am I even doing?)_ had _seen it happen._

**_You should’ve learned the first time._ **

He grit his teeth. _Why am I even **here?!**_

**~_~_~**

**“ _Hinami… li—“_**

_(Four men stood around her, each one donning dirty-white overcoats and brandishing silver attaché cases._

_One of them was a frail old man._

_But for all that he seemed harmless, he grinned like the devil’s advocate.)_

Kaneki thought he’d felt despair when he met Rize’s taunting gaze that night, when she stared him down with those demonic eyes, his blood trailing down her lips as she sang about _gently scrambling his internal organs._

But now, though, staring up at a pair of investigators with hardened, merciless faces, Hinami struggling in his arms as he tried desperately to keep her eyes covered, to make sure she didn’t _see—_

Now he understood that he was too naïve.

Despair wasn’t about being faced with certain death at the hands of a devil.

It was seeing an innocent life, a _loved one_ even _,_ cruelly and unjustly and _brutally murdered_ right before your eyes, _before the eyes of their own child,_ knowing full well there was absolutely _nothing you could have done to save them._

**_(“Aaah, Fueguchi-san. Could you spare a little time for us, I wonder?”)_ **

Tears flowed freely from his eyes, pulling Hinami closer to himself as he tried his best to keep her quiet, to not draw attention to themselves, to make sure she wasn’t seen, to make sure she stays _safe._

_Ryoko-san… why… how could… that’s not… why…_

_Because she’s a **ghoul**. Because she eats **humans.**_

_But she’s never hurt anyone._

Steel grey eyes not-unlike his own suddenly found his, and he flinched, feeling his breath hitch. Without a clue as to what he could possibly do, he clutched Hinami even tighter, burying her face in his chest. He averted his gaze and slowly –as inconspicuously as he possibly could— he backed away, tugging the girl gently with him, his heart hammering far too loudly in his ears.

Hinami barely reacted at all, simply allowing herself to be led away, her face buried into his chest, sobs and stuttered breaths never ceasing, and Kaneki wasn’t all surprised to find that he was crying too.

_Hinami’s a ghoul too. She’s Ryoko-san’s child. She’s targeted. If I make the wrong move, we could be found out and she’ll be next. She’ll be killed and it’ll be my fault. Because I let her go. Because I let her see. Because I didn’t listen when Ryoko-san told me to **leave**._

His breaths came out in hitched and uneven, his own shoulders shaking as sobs wracked his own form, even as he tried to force them down, to at least be strong for the little girl in his arms. He shouldn’t be this affected. He shouldn’t be feeling like he’d lost someone precious all over again when he’d hardly known them for a week of short encounters.

And yet… and yet Ryoko-san was so kind. She was so kind. A dedicated mother. A loving parent. She would always look at him with shining eyes. She held his hand so gently and smiled at him so warmly. She had been so happy knowing that he, a human, was able to befriend her daughter –her bright and kind daughter— to converse with _her._

**_“I think you know that there aren’t a lot of humans who accept ghouls. Even rarer are ones who would willingly interact with us.”_ **

_She never wished for anyone to get hurt._

The horror he saw earlier replayed over and over in his mind. The investigator’s manic grin overlapping with Rize’s crazed laughter ( _his_ _Aunt’s sadistic smiles and wilful neglect)_. Ryoko-san’s last words cut short, Hide’s kidney being eaten, Hinami’s anguished cries, _(his mother simply going to sleep and never waking up)._ Kind people. _Precious_ people being hurt and abused and _killed_ right in front of his very eyes and he _wasn’t able to do anything but watch._

**_(“You see, I was hoping to do a bit of a… demonstration, if you may”_ **

_That man that looked like death himself pushed a button on his case, and suddenly something appeared in his hands. Something big and grotesque that reminded Kaneki more of a spinal column than anything else._

_Or a severed limb._

_Hinami took one look at it and wept._

**_‘Father!!’)_ **

Ghoul. Human. Child. Mother. Monster. Blood and screams and cries and pain and laughter and grief and—

_Wrong… this is… this… wrong…_

Making sure he wasn’t followed, he stopped by a nearby alley, his shaky knees no longer able to carry his weight and he let himself slide down the wall, reaching into his pocket for his phone, his hands shaking far too much as he clicked speed dial. _Help… Please…_ And it was only as his best friend’s voice resounded through the speaker that he realized his mistake. _Why… why did I call him?_

Hide was a ghoul now too.

If he came… if he came then wouldn’t he be hunted down too?

His whole body shuddered, and he realized he was gripping his phone far too tight that he could feel the plastic casing creak in his arms. _No… no… Hide shouldn’t. He can’t come here or he’ll be—_

 ** _[KANEKI!]_** Hide’s voice demanded, snapping him out of his panicked state with the sheer force of it. **_[Where are you?]_** and as if by reflex, he spoke, gripping the still sobbing child in his arms.

He knew he couldn’t move. Not yet. Not with Hinami sobbing brokenly into his chest. He wasn’t one to ask for help, he never wanted to bother anyone, but right now Hinami needed someone, and he knew it wasn't him.

He clutched her even tighter still, his entire body shaking much the same as hers. Again he didn’t know what to do. Couldn’t find any words that he could possibly say to comfort her. He knows the pain of losing a mother, but not like this. Something like this was even unimaginable to him not two weeks ago.

He let out a shallow sob. _I’m sorry…_

_Hide would know what to do. Hide always knows what to do._

That was exactly how Hide found them minutes later, and it was only at the sight of him that Kaneki was able to calm down, releasing his hold on Hinami as he passed her on to him while he pushed himself off the ground.

She clung to the blond tightly, and almost immediately his best friend began whispering words of comfort in her ears, running gentle hands through her hair and back in the exact same gesture he did when Kaneki had lost his own mother, and he resisted the urge to cling to him too as he did back then.

A hand gripped his shoulder, making him look up, and Hide’s warm brown eyes spoke softly to him in the way they did so many times before, the way that saved him so many times before.

Hinami’s sobs began to slow, her breathing starting to even out, and Kaneki felt his whole body sag at the small relief and Hide smiles at him, sad but comforting, understanding. And although Kaneki couldn’t find the strength or the will to return it, he knew he didn’t have to.

Hide never says ‘it’s okay’. Never when it matters. Never when it was so obvious that it’s _not._

He always says ‘ _I’m here’._ And that, more than anything, is the greatest comfort anyone could ever give.

“Sshh. I’m here, Hinami-chan. We’ll get through this”

**~_~_~**

It was late in the afternoon already, and when Touka saw the ‘Closed’ sign on Anteiku’s door, she probably should have known that it wasn’t a good sign.

Still, it didn’t take until she saw the grave looks on everyone’s faces that she felt the bile rise in her throat. “Even Yomo-san is here… Did something happen?”

Her question was met with silence, and she knew that is was bad. _Really_ bad…

“Fueguchi-san… was killed by the Ghoul Investigators” was Yoshimura’s quiet explanation, gentle, resigned. Before she even knew what she was doing, her fist had connected with the wall, the hard surface crumbling under the strength of her punch.

“Ryoko-san…” she hissed out, feeling her arms tremble. “Where’s Hinami?” she demanded, fighting to keep her voice from breaking.

“She’s inside, asleep” Yoshimura answered softly.

“Did they see her face?”

Tense silence met her ears, and she couldn’t bring herself to look up, to acknowledge the truth.

If Hinami was seen… if Hinami was seen then—

“When the time is right” the manager began, his tone enough to make Touka’s heart sink. “I am considering moving her to the 24th ward”

“Is that a joke manager??!!!” She cried in outrage. “There’s no way Hinami can live alone in that shit-hole!!”

“The 24th ward…?” she started, head whipping up at the unexpected voice and she froze.

The human. He was there. How could she have _missed_ him?

“I-Isn’t the 24th ward the underground…” he trailed off in that annoyingly weak voice of his, shrinking into himself as he briefly met her glare.

She growled, the sight of him simply making the already unstable flurry in her stomach grow worse. “This is ghoul business. Get out!” she demanded.

Ryoko-san is dead. Hinami is all alone and probably going to be sent to _hell_. Both her parents, killed by freaking _Doves_ and she wasn’t able to do anything. _Anything._ And here a human was, sitting around in silence, brooding, as if he was one of them, and not for the first time did she wish for him to just _disappear_ already. Disappear and take all the complications of his very _existence_ along with him. To leave and get as far away from Ghouls and Doves and conflict as freaking possible _and where the hell is blondie?? Isn’t he supposed to watch this guy??_

He flinched back at her harsh words but didn’t move, and she shuddered when his gaze finally found hers. Guilt and pain and _grief_ and _worry_ mirrored clear as day in his grey eyes, as if he _sympathized_ with them. As if he could _possibly_ understand _—_

Touka felt her blood run cold. “You were there” she breathed, her whole body going lax as the only possible reason slapped her right in the face. “You saw it happen, didn’t you?”

“I-I’m sorry…” he began in that annoying way of his, wringing his hands and looking so _guilty_ it made her blood spike hot all over again. “I couldn’t… there was nothing I could…”

“Haah?” she cut off with a growl, unwilling to even listen to any more of this nonsense.

He looked up at her, his grey eyes wide in despair and confusion, and a sudden surge of rage filled her. “What’s with _you_ acting all responsible, you fucking human” she grabbed him by the collar, eyes burning, and without even her consent words just started spilling from her lips like a storm. “That’s right.. you _are_ a human. Weak and stupid and pathetic… Nothing you could do? **_Of course_** there’s nothing you can fucking do!! Hell, why are you even _here?_ Acting like one of _us_ like it’s perfectly _normal??_ For all _we_ know you’re a freaking **mole** ” her voice grew quiet as the thought struck her, irrational though she knew it to be. “You did it, didn’t you? _You_ led those Doves here. You _got Ryoko-san killed—“_

“ **Touka-chan, enough**!” the manager’s stern voice made her flinch, and she pulled back from the now whimpering mess of human, her fists clenching by her sides like a child who was scolded. She silently cursed her own weakness, guilt she knew she’d never acknowledge gnawing in her stomach.

“I-It’s true…” And then, as if he hadn’t learned, as if he was _purposefully_ looking for trouble and taking her down with him, the human spoke again, shrinking further and further into himself, his voice filled with so much guilt it made Touka want to vomit. “They…one of them… saw me… before I could take Hinami-chan away” he admitted.

Touka felt her entire body burn and her rage returned hundredfold. “If you know they _saw_ you, then why the _fuck_ did you come back _here??”_ she roared, making a lunge for him, she knew her kakugan was flaring from the way he recoiled and she didn’t care.

He was a danger. She had to kill him.

But Irimi held her back with a vice like grip and she struggled under the hold.“Touka-chan! Calm down!!” the woman scolded.

Touka whipped around to face her, eyes wide and stricken. “But Irimi-san!! He said it himself. They _saw him._ And he probably just led them right _to us!!”_ she cried.

_We need to kill him. We need to kill him._

_Him. The Doves. Everyone. We have to. Kill… kill to protect. It’s the only way…_

**_(Human’s can’t be trusted. Not when they know the truth)_ **

The manager only bowed his head, placing a hand on the human’s tense shoulders. “Like you said, Touka-chan, he was seen. But Kaneki-kun is still just a human who had witnessed a traumatizing sight. His behaviour is easily excused” he explained. “But it would cause more suspicion for the CCG if he were to suddenly behave strangely, thus we can’t just ask him to leave”

“It’s not Ken-kun’s fault” Irimi stated, relaxing her hold, and Touka repressed the urge to just shake it off. “He kept Hinami-chan safe”

A bitter laugh left Touka’s lips at that, feeling a black hole open up in her stomach, devouring her from the inside. A human kept a ghoul safe from ghoul investigators. It was funny.

And an even more unbelievable sight –a room full of _ghouls_ defending a single _human_. The world was coming to an end and she was powerless to stop it.

“A-nd?” she forced out, cursing her voice for breaking. “Now what? You’re all just gonna sit here and wait for things to go to hell?!!” Touka cried, finally finding the courage to wrench out of the older woman’s grip. _How? How can you all be so calm? Ryoko-san was just killed, and the human was seen. Hinami was seen. We’re in danger. Everyone is in danger. And no one is doing anything!!!_ “Fine! Let the freaking _mascot_ stay!! Then before those Doves can pull up their information, we should—“

“No, Touka-chan” And then, the manager opened his eyes, and Touka shuddered when his gaze bore straight into her, cutting her words short. “It is best for us to stand down and not draw any more attention to ourselves” he stated.

“Wha—“

“We may be strong enough to take on the doves currently here, but you don’t know what the CCG is capable of” this time it was Yomo who spoke. He’d been silent the entire time that it surprised her to hear him speak directly. “If their focus lands on us then everyone, not just Anteiku but all the innocent ghouls in this entire ward will be hunted down. Do you understand, Touka?” he stated, his tone blunt and merciless.

She grit her teeth. She did. She _does._ But this injustice, this cruelty, this _freakin inaction –_ her knees gave in beneath her, and she landed on crouch on the floor, using all her will to hold back the tears of anguish and frustration stinging the backs of her eyes. “What the hell….” she hissed, wrapping her arms around herself. Hinami’s smile breaking in her mind, Ryoko’s kindness shattered, the _freaking look on the human’s face._ “This is the worst…”

**~_~_~**

(There was a boy in the crowd, barely a young man, holding a weeping little girl in his arms.)

**_“Do you like it? A certain… Doctor… gave it to me”_ **

**_“…W-hat… is it…?”_ **

**_“Oh? You don’t know what a Quinque is?”_ **

**_“It’s a weapon. Made from a ‘Ghoul’s Kagune”_ **

The CCG Academy never had a shortage of applicants all year round. A majority of those were children. Children who haven’t been given much choice. Children with scarred bodies and dead eyes, walking in and out of the front doors like ghosts.

They were the unfortunate ones, and also the lucky ones –unfortunate to have come face to face with the horror that was _ghouls_ at such a young age, and lucky in that they survived.

These were children who’ve seen death, who’ve had all of their loved ones taken from them, who’ve faced the monsters under their beds and lived –by luck or by chance, as a blessing or a curse, it didn’t matter.

These were children Amon had failed to protect, just by his inaction.

**_“Hmm, I don’t seem to see your daughter around… ah, you_ do _have a daughter yes?”_**

**_“Y-Yes, she wasn’t feeling well so I left her at home—”_ **

**_“Home? So you do have one then… I’m quite interested about that actually since, after all, there’s nothing listed on the Japanese register. Perhaps you can show us the way?”_ **

**_“Unless of course, you have something to hide…?”_ **

Ghouls were mindless murderers. Monsters who killed and devoured innocent people just to satisfy their own cravings. They are parasites, vermin that corrupt the world and endanger humanity. It is only just for them to be eradicated from the face of the earth.

(That boy stared at him with wide frightened eyes, his shoulders shaking slightly as he held the girl close, almost protectively.)

It is perfectly plausible. It is the right thing to do.

**_“Although it’s not all that important, I suppose. It shouldn’t be too hard to find a single little girl these days. We could easily track her down. Perhaps she’s even in this crowd”_ **

So why, then, was he feeling _guilty?_

(And yet, that boy stared at _him_. As if _he_ was the _monster_ and not the inhuman creature in front of him.)

Perhaps it was true that Mado’s plan had been a bit unrefined, but it had given results. There was now one less deceptive ghoul to bring harm to human kind.

**_“Don’t you think so, Amon-kun?”_ **

“Aah, Amon-kun. That’s quite a scary face you have there” Mado commented, sitting down on the desk beside his, a smile on his face. Behind him are the two bureau investigators with them on the case. “723’s daughter… there’s been no eyewitness reports of 745 as of now?”

None had seen what he had. They were all too focused on the mother ghoul and her clumsy handling of her kagune, her weak attacks that barely grazed anyone, her non-existent attempts at escape.

That little girl was probably the daughter ghoul. No… there was no question about it with the way she cried out and struggled, the way the mother fought to keep her wings wide open, blocking everyone from view. The boy was probably a ghoul too, meaning that there are probably more than they were expecting.

And yet when they turned and ran, Amon made no move to follow.

“No” he states, the words searing his tongue, burning like acid in his throat. “None, I’m afraid. But something will have to turn up eventually”

There had been no lie in that girl’s tears. Nor in the mother’s smile. Nor in that boy’s despair. And not since the incident with ‘Applehead’ did Amon ever let such things sway him.

But this time… this time was different.

Amon felt his heart clench. _Why?_ He asks himself. _Why did I let them go?_

“Let’s try catching other targets for now since we don’t have any leads” he diverts, his knuckles turning ashen white from how tight he was clenching them, but he can’t seem to bring himself to care.

 _I need to know more._ He reasons, irrational though it might be.

Because deep down he knew. There was no way that boy could have been a ghoul. Not with those frail shoulders and frightened eyes that held not a single shred of ill will –eyes that, once, had mirrored his own. A long time ago. Before his whole world was shattered by the sickening sounds of tearing flesh and the blood of his brothers dripping down a desecrated altar; by the poisonous lies spewed by his father’s lips as he turned to greet him with a demon’s eyes.

He needed to speak with him, that boy _._ That _human_ who protected that _ghoul._

He needed to know, _why?_

And if he was being held unjustly, against his will or fed with lies, then Amon will save him. It is his duty.

**_“Shall I listen to your last words?”_ **

“Yes, I agree with Amon-kun!” Mado stated, a smile forming on his ashen face. “And speaking of other targets, what do you make of this?” he pushes a manila folder in front of Amon.

He recognized it immediately as S rate Binge Eater’s case file and his brows furrowed. “Has the Binge Eater resurfaced? It’s been unusually silent for quite a while” he recalls, opening the file. A single piece of paper fluttered down, and his eyes unconsciously followed as it settled on the desk directly before him.

There was but six words printed on it, but it was enough to make his eyes widen. “What is this?” he demands.

It was one of the bureau investigators who answered. “It was an encrypted email sent to the CCG’s public address. It took us about a couple of hours to crack the code, but that was all it says. The source was untraceable, so we don’t even have a way to identify if it’s accurate or just another prank”

Amon’s brows furrowed skeptically, reading and re-reading the single sentence, trying to discern any hidden messages, traps or even hints. There was none. “Mado-san?” he inquired.

His mentor’s smile only seemed to grow, eyes lighting up in obvious anticipation as he fiddled with the handle on his quinque. “I must say this is quite an unexpected piece of information, but since we have no way to confirm or deny its validity… well, it wouldn’t hurt to look into it yes?” he smirked.

**~_~_~**

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” a voice called from behind, and she didn’t have to turn to know who it belonged to, simply keeping her gaze fixed on that point five feet below, watching, waiting.

_The manager probably told him what happened…._

“Are you here to stop me?” she returned, reaching a hand up to take her mask off. She knew for a fact that she was completely unrecognizable in her getup, but one thing she was able to find out after a week training this guy was that he was scarily perceptive. He’d embraced his heightened senses probably even better than a normal ghoul, and she wouldn’t be surprised if he’d heard her moving from blocks away at this point. Heck, even without the ghoul senses she wouldn’t be surprised if he simply worked out what she had planned with his freaky Sherlock intuition.

She sincerely hoped the Doves didn’t have anyone like him on their side, otherwise all of ghoul-kind was screwed. (She smirked bitterly, _yeah right. They probably breed these kinds of guys.)_

Footsteps resounded behind her, stopping just off to one side, and she glanced at him through the corner of her eye. Blondie gazed out nonchalantly towards the city, his visage glowing golden from the light of the setting sun. She thinks this was probably what people would call _breath-taking_ (like a scene from one of those shoujo mangas Yoriko loved to make her read)…

…if she cared, if she hadn’t already realized the guy beside her wasn’t everything he seems, if she didn’t just try to kill his ‘most precious person’ all over again a few hours ago, if she didn’t have three other targets on sight she was fully prepared to engage.

He hummed like he usually does; tone light –like they were just here to sightsee and he didn’t know that she was actually planning to _kill people._ It seriously pissed her off.

If she didn’t know that he could easily evade it she would’ve gutted him right then.

“If I am?” he returned thoughtfully, unaware of her ire.

“Why would you?” she huffed. "It was _your_ human that was seen. For all we know they’re hunting for him right now as a ghoul’s accomplice. You should be helping me” she turned to him challengingly.

She didn’t need help. Especially not _his_. But another thing she found out through training with him was that he was strong. _A lot_ stronger than she could’ve ever expected at first glance, and –although she hated to admit it— it scared her to think of just what this guy was really capable of.

This was the guy who’d survived an encounter with _that_ Rize, after all, steel beams or no. And she remembered what she thought that first time, when he –who had been shaking in _fear_ just a couple of moments before— easily sidestepped her attack, shocking her enough for him to incapacitate her in mere seconds.

**_“You’re not just a regular human. A Dove? In training perhaps?”_ **

He wasn’t looking at her though, his one-eyed gaze fixed on the horizon, hands in his pockets. “I can’t” he stated simply.

She nodded. “Heh, can’t say I’m surprised”

It’s for the best. Strong or not, she can’t force that on him. He wasn’t _like_ them, after all. His hands aren’t stained (not yet, anyway. Not really. He’s only been a ghoul less than a month, and she shudders to think of the day when he’ll have to make a _choice)._

“Where were you, anyway? I think I made that beloved of yours cry” she stated conversationally, but her shoulders were tense, and she waited to see how he would react.

Only a sigh met her ears. “I was keeping Hinami-chan company” he replied so softly it was almost carried off by the wind. “He wouldn’t leave her alone, so I offered to watch her for him”

The same prickling guilt from earlier that evening resurfaced once again, making her jaw clench. “Why would he even care?” she mumbled, barely loud enough to be considered words, but of course the blond heard her.

“Because he went through the same thing” he smiled. “And he knows that no one really wants to be left alone after that”

And Touka instantly felt like a whole load of horse shit. She turned away, her expression hardening.

“…I learned something today” the blond began suddenly, and something seemed to change in his voice this time, catching her attention. His visible eye was wistful and sad, and perhaps if it weren’t for the sun, there would be no glow in it right now. “No matter what I do here, somehow, someway, horrible things still end up happening. Maybe even for the worst”

She froze instantly, her hackles rising as his words hit something a bit too close to home. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” she gritted out, feeling her hands shake for how unnaturally _miserable_ those words sounded in that normally annoyingly chipper voice. Worst is, he doesn’t even sound as if he’s talking about _her._

He glanced at her then and chuckled. It sounded so fake to her ears.

“I can’t stop you, but I also can’t help you…” he trailed off, all traces of emotion falling off his face, leaving only serious brown eyes gazing straight through her, as if assessing her chances and predicting the outcome. It sent chills through her bones. “I know that you’re doing this for Hinami-chan… but are you sure it’s a good idea?”

_It’s not. It’s not a good idea. But an innocent little girl just lost her mother, watched as she was **murdered** right in front of her, and the manager is planning to throw her to the freakin wolves._

_She’ll likely never see the light of day again. She’ll likely lose her innocence along with her smile._

_Just like me_ was the traitorous thought that took over her mind, and she grit her teeth, eyes flaring black and red without her consent.

The 24th ward can’t happen. Ryoko-san needed to be avenged. The Doves had to be annihilated. (She needed to keep Hinami safe.)

And if no one will help her…

“What do you know?” she seethed, feeling the same rage and hurt and anger she felt that afternoon come rushing back, gazing into that room of people who barely even _mourned_ Ryoko-san’s _murder_ , _Hinami’s situation_. Who were perfectly content to just _sit around doing nothing_ all day while an innocent woman’s _murderers walked right by them_.

“Acting all smart and knowing, you _and_ that human of yours… As if you could _possibly_ understand what it’s like to lose your whole family. To be _slaughtered_ like freaking cattle. To be hunted down and left for dead _just because you were born different._ What could you _possibly_ know about us?!” she was heaving now, her fists clenched so tightly around his collar it would probably leave marks.

But if anything, the blond’s eyes only seemed to soften, and she immediately released him, looking away as if the very sight of him burned.

For all this guy goes around with that idiotic smile of his, there are a lot of things about him and that human of his that she couldn’t possibly know. A lot of things she didn’t know if she wants to find out at all.

It made her wonder if he’d lost someone too. If –and her stomach clenched— if he’d lost someone to _ghouls._

_Ghouls aren’t the only ones who are hunted. Even humans suffer too._

“I won’t stop you” he repeats, and his footsteps resounded once again, getting father and farther this time. She didn’t move. “But you should know that when you do something for someone else, they’re never free from the consequences” and with a regretful smile over his shoulder, he was gone, leaving her standing on that rooftop confused and conflicted and _guilt-ridden_ out of her mind as she tried to make sense of his words.

A bell rang from somewhere below her. Her targets had just exited, two going one way and one the other. No quinque cases in sight.

She had no more time to think. It was now or never.

**_“Just think of how Hinami-chan would feel”_ **

She cursed under her breath. _Isn't that what I'm doing??!!_


	9. Underground - Secret Base!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, due to the utter HEART-WRENCHING, and SOUL-CRUSHING quality of the last few manga chapters, have a HAPPY one of mine TTATT (as promised...)
> 
> Nothing good ever happens with Tokyo Ghoul. Tokyo Ghoul is just one big series of tragic events leading to nowhere at all. An abyss of nothing. There is no hope for a happy ending. There is no hope for anything. Not even if Hide comes back. It's nothing but a big pile of sadness and pain and heartbreak and misery. There is no hope.

“Oi oi, Hideyoshi-kun, please just stop making the coffee. I feel like you’re making me waste my hard earned cash over here”

“Wha— excuse me??!!”

“I feel like I’ve lost the lottery whenever I taste this”

“HEY!!”

“Yeah yeah. Hide-kun’s coffee sucks!”

“Kaneki-kun, please keep him away from the coffee maker next time. We don’t normally get long lives you know”

“WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??”

“I’m very sorry sir. I’m trying, but sometimes he can be very sneaky. I promise I’ll do a better job next time”

“TRAITOR!! That’s it! I can’t take any more of this treatment!! I’M THROWING THE HAT DOWN!! I AM DONE!!”

“Aaww don’t be like that Hide-kun, you know we love you”

“Then would you go on a date with me sometime pretty Miss?”

“I’d love to, but sadly I already have a husband”

**_“Ouch!”_ **

And as such went by another regular day at Anteiku.

To think that once, the manager said that rarely any human customers visited the shop and that when they did that the atmosphere would become a bit charged with barely-sustained tension from all the ghouls.

Now, days like these were normal –the ghouls insulting Hide’s coffee-making skills and the humans comforting him, Kaneki siding occasionally with one or the other if just to frustrate his best friend.

Now, lots of people come in not only for their coffee and cakes, but also the occasional jibe at a certain blond waiter that never failed to react in kind, filling the air with laughter as humans and ghouls alike joined in the jovial atmosphere within the coffee shop the lone human worker was now slowly beginning to call home.

But even so, today there was tension buried deep within. Today Kaneki could tell that Hide’s energy was forced, that most of the ghouls were just playing along with routine, that more often than not gazes would fly over to the glass walls, anxiety barely hidden in their eyes.

Because only three blocks away, an innocent woman was killed right in the middle of the street, and her executioners were still roaming about looking eagerly for their next kill.

Kaneki sighed, placing a cup of hot coffee on a slightly hidden part of the bar. “Here, Hinami-chan, it’ll make you feel better” he said, flashing the little girl a soft smile.

The girl didn’t reply, simply keeping her head down over her notes. She hasn’t really talked to anyone since crying herself to sleep the day before, and it was a miracle she came down at all with her notebook and a novel tucked under her arm.

She took the offered cup, and Kaneki took this chance to pat her comfortingly on the head. “ ** _It’s not good to wallow on your own_** ; **_you’ll only make yourself feel worse. And I’m sure your mom wouldn’t want you to be sad”_** had been Hide’s advice to him a long time ago, the same words he’s now told her.

What Hinami is currently experiencing is painful, he knows –like a vital part of you had been forcefully ripped away and you could feel the rest of you slowly start to deteriorate. But those words had given Kaneki the courage to let himself heal once upon a time, and he hopes that she gains the same thing from them too, now.

“Uhm, new guy” an elderly customer he recently served calls to him, and he turns to him with a more casual smile. “This is a little different that my usual. I prefer a deeper roasted blend than this”

“Ah! I’m sorry. I’ll get you a new cup right away” Kaneki exclaims, but the old man stops him with a smile.

“Nah, it’s fine. I’m just mentioning it for next time”

“I see. I’ll make sure to remember it then” Kaneki states with a bow, immediately setting off to find the proper blend. _I wonder if it’s in the storeroom…_

“Ah…” he exclaims, shrinking into himself as Touka’s familiar scowl met his eyes. He gulped, keeping his head down. She’d been in such a temper yesterday that he couldn’t help but tense in her presence, as if preparing for another outburst.

“What is it?” she asks, her tone flat, and he jumped a little, more surprised by her indifference than anything else.

 _H-has she calmed down…?_ He wonders. More than Hinami, the one who seemed to have been most affected by Ryoko’s death was Touka. It was evident in her actions, and he couldn’t help but sympathize with her, his chest clenching a bit in guilt.

Plastering a shaky grin on his face, he finally gathered himself up to speak. “I-I accidentally used the wrong beans to make some coffee… so uhm, where are the ones used to make espresso…?” he asks, trying his best to act casual through the pounding in his ears.

“Be more careful next time” she sighed, moving around to grab the necessary can, and Kaneki felt himself relax just a bit.

“Right…” until the can crashed noisily to the floor, coffee beans scattering all over the wooden surface. “T-Touka-san??!” he cried, extending a hand to the fallen girl as she doubled over herself on the ground.

“DON’T COME CLOSER!!” she growled, making him flinch, and she violently shoved past him with an even darker scowl on her face. “Leave me the hell alone!!”

“Touka-san…” Kaneki called after her worriedly. She looked like she was in a great deal of pain…

“Did she get involved with the Doves…?” a new voice mumbled, and Kaneki turned to find the manager there, a frown on his wrinkled face.

“E-Eh? But…” Kaneki paused, recalling the time with Nishio, and Hide’s explanation. **_“Ghouls have a slightly different perception about life than humans do”._**

 _An eye for an eye, she’s yet to realize it makes the whole world blind._ The thought made him frown.“More importantly, she’s hurt. I’ll go get—“

“No” the manager’s stern voice made him freeze, and he turned to him slowly, confused. “She got involved of her own volition. She is prepared to carry all the responsibility”

“B-but manager, she could be seriously injured! “ Kaneki reasons, feeling his throat clench at the man’s cruel words.

Yoshimura simply turned away, his posture stiff and immovable. “Whether she lives or dies shouldn’t be anyone else’s concern, Kaneki-kun, especially not a human like you” he states, turning away. “You should just let her be”

Kaneki’s heart fell, a hollowness creeping into his stomach as he slowly processed these words. _H…He’s abandoning her? Just like that…_

**_“You cheeky brat, you seriously thought you were_ ever _welcome here?”_**

He shook his head, his stomach dropping at the sudden memory. _No… this isn’t like that…_ he said, fighting away the sudden surge of despair.

“I… I am human…” he began, feeling his fists clench by his side because, recently, he’s beginning to realize that that meant very little past the physical sense. _This is Touka-san. I… this has nothing to do with that…_ “and I know I won’t really be able to understand what it means to live a ghoul’s life… but because I’m human, there’s a lot of things I need to learn… and I can’t do that by simply standing around” he states, his voice shaky, but his determination was real. “I… at least I need to be able to face reality, and see things with my own eyes”

And with those as his parting words, he walked out of the room.

-

“What do you want?” were the cold words that met him as soon as he opened the back door, and he would’ve flinched if he hadn’t prepared himself for it.

“Treatment for your—“

“I don’t need it” Touka cut him off, leaning against the back wall, a hand grasped around her right arm.

As Kaneki had thought, there was blood coating her sleeve. With a frown, he opened the first-aid kit and grabbed the antiseptic and a roll of bandages. “You’re bleeding” Kaneki reasons, dropping down and reaching for her arm.

She pulled it back. “It’s none of your business, right?” she grumbled, not even looking at him. “All your darting about is annoying, for a mere human”

A sigh escaped his lips, taking a few seconds to just look at her. He’s never really had the courage, with the way she keeps glaring at him whenever their eyes met. He was genuinely scared of her.

But seeing her now, with the bags under her eyes and her face so pale, an almost lost look in her tired eyes, he can’t help but think she didn’t look any different from a normal human. She was grieving –for Ryoko-san, probably even for a past he might never have the privilege of finding out— and although Kaneki isn’t used to interacting with other people, he understood enough about what she was feeling. _In the general sense,_ he thought with a smile.

So ignoring her cynicism, he continued what he’d set out to do and gingerly took her injured arm in his.

She tried to pull it back, glaring daggers at him, but the pain only made her hiss. He smiled sympathetically, rubbing his chin. “I’m human, Touka-san. It’s human nature to want to help someone in pain” he simply states, only to sweatdropped when her glare hardened.

“What the heck is freaking up with you?” she grumbled, finally letting him look at her wound. He couldn’t help but wince, however, when he saw the gaping flesh beneath the blood-stained bandages, raw and swollen and he was sure that if she wasn’t a ghoul it would be all festered over by then. The thought made his vision go a little fuzzy. _S-she’s enduring this much pain by herself…_ he gulped, setting to work on cleaning the wound. _This much determination… all for revenge…?_

“I can’t depend on the manager, or Yomo-san, or anyone else either…” she began after a few silent moments, her eyes going distant. “I already understand all that. In fact…” and just as he was applying the first layer of bandage, she pulled away, suddenly shoving him off in one unnaturally strong move.

He gasped, landing roughly on his bottom, and he looked up at her with a frown. _What was that for?_ He didn’t get to say.

She was smiling at him, but it wasn’t anywhere near a happy smile at all. It was mocking and self-destructive, and her normally fiery eyes looked dead.

“In fact it’d probably be better for murderers like me to die. Don’t you think so?” she stated, tilting her head to one side, and if Kaneki had been scared of her before, he was _terrified_ now as she revealed her kakugan, looming threateningly over him with her teeth bared in a mirthless grin, looking as if she was honestly going to rip him apart in any second and start feasting on his innards.

 ** _Murderer’s like me._** Kaneki felt himself tremble, tears stinging at the edges of his eyes as, _again,_ he was reminded of _that_ night. _S-She’s a **ghoul.** She **kills** and **eats** people. And she’d just killed someone. _He grit his teeth, feeling his utter _uselessness_ return a hundred fold even in the face of such despair from the younger ghoul. “T-That’s not— I don’t…”

The kakugan vanished, Touka again returning to her original position against the wall as the scene that nearly gave Kaneki a heart attack never happened, and the human almost collapsed in relief. She scoffed, acting for all the world as if he was no longer there as she began to continue dressing her wound by herself.

Kaneki frowned, feeling, for the first time since he started working at Anteiku, annoyed at her actions. “ **I** ” he began, flinching when his voice came out louder than he expected, surprising even her. He steeled himself. “I’m scared of you” he admitted, looking away for all of two seconds before meeting her condescending eyes with determined ones.

_(Once, he’d thought ghouls didn’t really exist. Once, he’d thought they were all just monsters in human skin, their very existence a threat to mankind.)_

“I’m scared of what you can do. Of what you _do_ do. And I don’t think the existence of the Ghoul Investigators is a bad thing…” he paused, taking a deep breath. “B-But Ryoko-san…she didn’t deserve that. Hinami too.

Working at Anteiku has taught me a lot of things. And the most important one I learned is that ‘Ghouls’ are people too. People who can feel pain and sadness and longing… in fact, you probably feel those most of all” his shoulders slumped, a deep ache suddenly opening up from within as memories he never wanted to relive again started resurfacing in his mind.

**_“You were_ never _welcome here. So hurry up and get lost”_**

“K-Kind ghouls exist… just as horrible humans exist. Nothing is ever black and white” he sighed. “W-Well… what I’m actually trying to say is, Touka-chan” he began, looking her straight in the eye, holding it even as she flinched back. “If… if you were to die, I would probably be… sad” he stated meekly, casting his gaze downward to hide the sudden flush creeping up his beck. “S-So please… don’t carry it all on your own” he finished.

Seconds ticked by in absolute silence. Only the sounds of passing vehicles and soft voices could be heard from that alleyway, and Kaneki huffed a laugh, scratching his cheek with a finger at the awkward atmosphere. “W-Well, at least that’s what Hide always used to tell me… but I g-guess this isn’t exactly the same thing… huh…”

“No kidding” a different voice answered, and the two jumped, whipping around to find Anteiku’s back door wide open, a blond head peeking out from it looking seriously amused. Kaneki felt his face burn. “I start wondering just what could’ve possibly happened to my two co-workers, and I find them having a tryst behind my back!! How could you??!! You couldn’t have spared a moment to let poor ol’ Hide know you two are gonna have a little heart-to-heart??”

Kaneki sweatdropped. “H-Hide…” he trailed off.

“And you!!” the blond suddenly exclaimed, pointing a finger his way. “Since when did you learn how to sweet talk a lady?? No— wait, never mind that!! I can’t believe you were actually aiming for Touka-chan!! This is betrayal of the Highest Order Kaneki!! ABSOLUTE BETRAYAL!!” he flailed, leaning just a little too far out the doorstep.

The human turned to the waitress, his face clearly showing signs of distress _._

The girl ignored him.

Kaneki felt his own brows twitch, and he only sighed when he felt an arm loop easily around his shoulders. “Anyways, seriously though Kaneki, that was some speech you got there” Hide commented with a wink. “But right now, someone else is vying for your attention. Namely Koma-san”

The human’s eyes widened. He was still in the middle of his shift! “R-Right! Thank you, Hide, I’ll go on ahead ok? I hope you get better soon Touka-chan” he rushed inside.

**~_~_~**

“Touka- _chan_ huh…” Hide hummed under his breath as his best friend disappeared behind Anteiku’s back door, taking his previous spot on the floor beside the waitress. The girl had been silent since he appeared, her face hidden behind her bangs, and Hide couldn’t help a teasing smile as he watched her.

“Oh? What’s this? Did you perhaps fall in love with my adorable best buddy? Were you swayed by his heartfelt words? Did his determined eyes pierce your heart? Did his warmth and kindness finally begin to thaw your frozen soul?” he stopped, feeling the full force of her deadpan stare when she finally turned to him. He chuckled bashfully. “Guess that’s a no…?”

“…” she didn’t speak, her gaze wandering back to the brick wall in front of them, her eyes glazed over in what he thinks could be deep thought.

Hide hummed again, mirroring her actions and keeping an ear open if she ever wanted to talk.

To think that not two weeks ago, them sitting around in almost-companionable silence was almost unthinkable. At first he was sure that Touka didn’t like him at all, always avoiding and ignoring him most days.

That stopped the day they started training together, and through sheer pain and force of will, Hide was finally able to get her to warm up to him a bit. (But he wouldn’t be surprised if that was just cause she’s a bit guilty enjoying beating him up so much.) She still won’t talk about anything closely personal, but it’s not like Hide was going to pry or anything, so their conversations were always pretty satisfying.

“He’s really something huh?” her unusually soft voice finally filtered in, and Hide’s smile brightened.

“I know right?”

A huff reached his ears, followed by the sound of something shifting, and he turned to find Touka in the process of standing up. She turned to him, her eyes set back to their usual scrutinizing manner “You know… at first I thought his weirdness was probably your influence” she began, smirking. “But now I think it’s the other way around. You’re practically a demon compared to him”

Hide gasped in mock outrage, pouting soon afterward. “Well I can’t deny that” he admitted, crossing his arms behind his head. “I’d grieve more for him than you if you actually died”

“Well that’s _very_ flattering” she rolled her eyes.

“Hey, I’m just being honest!” his smile softened, looking back towards the doorway, his ears picking up on his best friend’s calming voice as he recited orders at the restaurant. “I’m glad though” he finally stated.

She raised a brow, crossing her arms across her chest. “About what? Me getting my ass handed to me?”

“That you didn’t kill anyone” he corrected.

She flinched, turning away from him, but she couldn’t hide the way her shoulders shook slightly before sagging, and he knew it was relief rather than disappointment.

“So you were spying, huh?” she mumbled with a glare.

He grinned. “Well I couldn’t very well leave a beautiful girl all alone when she could be in danger, now, can I? I waited around in case you needed help”

She scoffed. “Yeah right, the only time I’d call you for help is when hell freezes over”

“Which is why I didn’t come” he shrugged. “Oh, and Hel is actually a very cold place actually. In Norse Mythology at least” he added as an afterthought.

She stared. “…you know, I really don’t get half the stuff that comes out of your mouth” she stated blankly.

Hide raised a brow. “Well, what can I say” he hummed.

“That wasn’t a complement, idiot” she huffed, smirking.

He pouted, a mischievous glimmer flashing in his eyes. “So, how _did_ your exams go, anyway?”

“Jerk”

Hide smiled, satisfied at the turn of events and Touka’s snarky but friendly company.

Sadly… he knows the calm probably won’t last. Not if the Negative Effects of Time Travel Principle actually apply. He sighed resignedly to himself. _Still, I didn’t actually stop her…_

“What’s with you acting all relieved, anyway? I got hurt for nothing!!” Touka grumbled suddenly, and he could only raise an amused smile at her, which she returned with a scowl.

“Yeah, and they probably just thought you were just some small-fry trying to act tough by taking on Investigators” he teased.

Her scowl darkened. “You calling me weak, bastard?” she hissed, baring her teeth. “You want me to break half your bones next time around?”

He flinched, standing up and raising his hands in a placating gesture. “No! No Ma’am, not at all!! Please don’t!! And please don’t beat me up too badly next time!! At least this once!! Kaneki’s gonna come watch and I don’t wanna look lame!”

“Hah?” Touka gaped.

He rubbed his neck and grinned. “Yeah, you see, after… Ryoko-san… he was getting a bit too anxious about the Doves and people getting hurt, so I sort of invited him to watch us train as a form of reassurance” he shrugged.

Touka’s eyes burned, and Hide felt himself growing just a little bit smaller under her glare this time around. “You do realize ghoul fights are never pretty, right?”

“Oh you bet” he smiled wryly. “And so does Kaneki. Although the Kagune are definitely pretty”

“…”

His smile brightened.

She sighed in resignation. “Fine, so long as he knows what he’s getting himself into. But don’t think I’d show mercy just cause your boyfriend’s watching” she stated, wrenching the back door open and waltzing in, but not before throwing one last warning over her shoulder. “Better tell him to wear a raincoat” she smirked, and finally disappeared.

“…”

Hide sweatdropped, feeling anxiety begin to creep in as her words began to register. _R-Raincoat… s-she’s not planning to…_ Images that could put any slasher film to shame with him as the victim suddenly filled his head, and a cold shiver crawled up his spine, feeling all the blood drain from his body. “I wonder if it’s not too late to run away…”

**~_~_~**

**_“What you’re about to do… are you sure it’s a good idea?”_ **

_She hesitated._

_She came prepared to do what she had to, but at the last minute, just as she’d leaped in for the kill, she hesitated._

_The cut hadn’t gone deep enough, and the investigator cried out in pure pain. The other far too stunned by what he’d just seen to even elicit a response until he found his wits enough to try and help his friend._

_Her two targets cowered before her, scared and defenceless, one barely conscious and the other far too dumb to try and run away, and it was like déjà vu all over again._

**_“E-Eat me if you have to, just let Hide go!!”_ **

\----

 _If that psycho investigator hadn’t appeared… Did I really consider letting them go?_ Touka wondered to herself, dodging a sloppy kick to the head and responding in kind.

A sickening crack resounded throughout the tunnel then, as the blond idiot attempted to dodge her attack, only to lose his footing at the last second ending up with his face connecting with her knee instead. She heard a whimper from the opposite direction, and she turned to glare at their current audience. He’d been reading some book or other before, but it seems he’d put it down just in time to see his friend’s major screw up.

And he’d been doing pretty well too, it seems.

…But well, with the way blondie was bleeding, she can’t really blame the guy. Still… “If you can’t take a little gore, you can always leave” she stated once again, using her body to block the blond and his broken nose. “I already warned you, ghoul fights are messy. This isn’t even anywhere near a serious one”

They’d been at it for about an hour now, and contrary to what she’d said before, their spar had been pretty tame –the bloody nose being the most serious injury yet. In the end she still felt incredibly uncomfortable acting like a ghoul with the human around.

“N-No. I’m fine Touka-chan. I can’t just freeze up every time there’s a fight; I need to get used to this kind of thing somehow”

She sighed, feeling just a little bit of respect for the human’s conviction. She really couldn’t help but feel that since the two arrived, her life had become far more complicated than it already is.

\----

_The third investigator had on an expression more closely associated with Doves; hate, anger, vengeance. But now she was also able to see the way he positioned himself between her and the other two, his sheer bulk blocking the weaklings from her view._

_His eyes burned with a desire to protect. He was unarmed, and strong as he might be she could tell he knew he won’t win against her, but he didn’t back down, and she couldn’t help but respect that._

\----

“What’s that you’ve been reading anyway?” she asked curiously, eyeing the book.

He blinked once before seeming to flush a bit, picking up his discarded book and showing her the cover. _Martial Arts, Basic Movements and Training_ it said. She stared.

“You… do you wanna learn how to fight? Using that?” she raised a disbelieving brow, eyeing his scrawny body up and down before returning to the brightly coloured paperback. He just seemed to shrink further into himself, now fully hiding his face behind the book.

She heard a muffled chuckle from behind, and she turned her head to glance at the blond. His nose seemed to be healing nicely. “Yep. Kaneki’s totally the type who can learn _anything_ from his books” he comments, wiping the last of the blood from his chin. “I once gifted him with a hairstyle magazine once and I never had to go to another barber again! I’m betting martial arts is nothing!!”

She turned back to the human, another brow raised. _Seriously?_ She didn’t say, but the guy only smiled at her nervously, shrugging. “Heh…” she mumbled, impressed. “But why are you even bothering?”

He shrugged again, but this time it was more resigned than anything else, gaze fixed on a spot on the ground before him. “That time with Rize-san, and Nishio-san… heck, even with Hinami-chan…” he began, his hands unconsciously fiddling with the pages of his book, and she felt herself tense. “I always feel so scared and hopeless. Seeing people get hurt in front of me… always being saved… I just don’t want to be so useless anymore” he admitted, scratching the back of his head. “Even if I can’t really fight anyone, I want to at least be able to do something like defend myself and escape using my own power” he finished, a nervous but genuine smile on his face.

**_Get stronger, and protect the ones you love._ **

She sighed, glancing between the two smiling idiots. _Drama queens,_ she thought to herself. “Well then blondie, looks like your boyfriend wants to learn to take care of himself” she called out, smirking at the chocked noises from the two as she crossed her arms. “Wanna show him how it’s done or d’ya want me to beat it out of you?”

The blond’s face paled, and her smirk only grew.

“Oh great. Kaneki!! Now you’ve gone and jinxed me!! I swear if I die today I _will_ haunt you!!” blondie cried out as he stood to follow her back to the centre of the room.

\----

_The last investigator had come almost out of nowhere with two Quinque cases in his hands, one already activated and stained with her blood. And unlike the other three, this old man had eyes that sent a rather violent shiver down her spine._

_She took a step back, her breath hitching in her throat as the man suddenly scrutinized her like one would an insect they were about to step on. It pissed her off, but what unnerved her most was how his eyes were filled with an insane sort of glee **. Like a ghoul’s** she couldn’t help but think, especially when his withered mouth suddenly stretched into a bloodthirsty grin._

_\----_

“So… this is sort of like your escape route huh?” the human asked, three hours later as the blond lay in a bloody heap on the floor, still seeming perfectly capable of whining.

“You two are horrible, ganging up on me like this! I’ll haunt you both!! Every night!! I won’t let you sleep!! I’m serious you know!! Don’t ignore meeee!!!”

“Yeah” she replied, taking a swig of her water. “It’s an outright maze. I’ve heard only ghouls with really strong noses are able to navigate through it without first knowing exactly where they’re going. Makes it the perfect place to hide, aside from being the easiest way to the 24th ward”

“The 24th ward… That’s the dangerous ward filled with ghouls right?” the human mumbled, and she watched from the corner of her eye as hugged at his knees.

She scowled, placing her bottle down before she could crush it in her fingers. _That’s right. He is._ “The 24th ward is the worst. There aren’t many humans there so there’s always a fight going on between ghouls, and even cannibalism is a thing” she growled out. “The only reason people think it’s a safe haven is because the CCG doesn’t bother with the place”

She heard a gulp. “A-And the manager wants to send Hinami-chan there…?” he asks, his voice worried, and her scowl darkened.

“Che, like hell he will” she spat. “No fucking way I’d let him send Hinami anywhere. I’d sooner kill all the Doves and then him if he so much as dares”

“You got beat though, and then ran away” the annoying voice that never really disappeared called out, and threw her water bottle at its head. “OUCH!! Touka-chaaan I’m still injured over here!!!”

“You asked for it”

“And Kaneki!! I can’t believe I’m lying here, broken and bloody and you’re just sitting there making small talk with the enemy!! How could you? And you call yourself my friend???”

“But Hide, I can’t really believe you’re all that hurt when you’re so lively” the human explained nonchalantly, and Touka couldn’t stop herself from grinning.

**~_~_~**

_So I guess… Hide is pretty strong huh._ Kaneki thought as he went through the now-familiar motions of brewing hot coffee. As soon as the ghouls called it a day, Hide had to the bathroom for quick shower in order to clean off all the blood he’d gotten on himself (and wasn’t that a terrifying sight. Yet another thing Kaneki will have to get used to, now that he was associating with ghouls) and Touka had gone upstairs to check on Hinami, leaving Kaneki alone in the shop’s kitchen.

He’d contemplated going with her, but decided Hinami might not want to be bothered by too many people, especially this late in the evening. So he’d decided to make some coffee instead. It truly was a curious thing that ghouls are able to fully appreciate the wonders of coffee. Kaneki himself hasn’t quite gotten a grasp of it yet, but he was learning.

The strong scent of fresh coffee tickled his nose as he removed the filter, throwing it in the dust bin before bringing the pitcher over to the table where he’d set three cups, ready for when the two came back.

He thought back to the training again. Somewhere along the way, Touka had decided to get rather serious; her movements seeming to get faster and faster to the point Kaneki could barely follow her with his eyes.

But Hide was able to fend her off, dodging and blocking her attacks in an almost graceful manner, and Kaneki could only watch with awe.

Hide was a ghoul now, he keeps reminding himself –has to, because Hide never does. Hide hasn’t changed at all, despite everything. _And with the CCG out, he’s in danger too… like Hinami… and Ryoko-san…_ It was at least a comforting to know that he was at least strong enough to protect himself.

“I’ll have to get stronger too. If just to not get in his way” He mumbled to himself.

“You can start by doing at least 50 push ups everyday” He jumped, whipping around to face an amused-looking Touka. “Sit-ups, squats, and dorsal muscle exercises, too. You won’t get very far with that scrawny-ass body of yours” she states, taking a seat on the chair in front of him.

He stood up to pour her some coffee. “F-Fifty?” he croaked, recalling his first attempts just that morning and feeling the shame suddenly pool in his stomach. He’d barely done ten.

As if sensing his thoughts, Touka smirked. “Don’t worry about it. If you’re serious you’ll get there eventually” she stated, and then promptly looked away as she took a sip of her coffee.

Kaneki couldn’t help but gape, feeling a warm flutter in his chest at the unmistakeable encouragement from the normally callous ghoul. _S-So she_ can _be nice, after all._ He thought with a smile, pouring his own cup. He could still vaguely hear Hide’s tone-deaf singing from the bathroom down the hall, so it seems he might be taking a while.

“Hello Touka-chan, is Tomoyo around?”

He startled, some of his coffee spilling over onto the saucer as he whipped around to see a, frankly, _very_ suspicious man suddenly standing behind him, completely wrapped up from head to toe despite the weather being fairly warm outside.

 _A-A friend of Touka-chan’s…?_ Kaneki tensed, feeling his heart rate rise just a bit. There was no doubt that the man was a ghoul, but he didn’t look very friendly. _…Tomoyo?_

“Uta-san? What are you doing here?” the girl asked, standing up to greet the newcomer. “And I don’t know any Tomoyo… are you looking for a customer?”

“Ah. No Touka-chan, he works here” The man explained, before turning to him, head tilted curiously to one side.

Kaneki barely suppressed a shiver when he removed the sunglasses he was wearing (at night??) to reveal two activated kakugan. Still, he was able to force out a casual smile. _I work in a coffee shop full of ghouls._ He reminded himself. _H-He might just be another customer…_ “U-Uhm… hello…” he greeted.

“Hmm…” the man began, his blackened eyes assessing, and Kaneki shifted, far too uncomfortable under that red gaze. _C-can he not control them…?_ He wondered to himself.

And then, the man smiled in a completely disarming and perfectly friendly way. Kaneki couldn’t help but gape for a few moments. “You must be Sakura. I’m called Uta, it’s nice to finally meet you”

“Sakura?” Touka asked, turning to him questioningly.

Kaneki felt his brain short circuit for all of two seconds as it clicked. _Tomoyo… Sakura…?_ He sweatdropped, not quite able to believe that such a scary looking guy could actually know about such things... _Is he an Otaku?_ He sent a meek grin the Touka’s way before turning back to the man. “Uhm, it’s nice to meet you too… Uta-san…” he returned. “And my name is Kaneki”

“AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!” a very familiar voice he has long since associated with the sunlight shining into your eyes even when you’re trying to go back to sleep suddenly cried out, a storm of footsteps following closely behind. “Uta-san??!!”

“Quit it with the fucking noise blondie!!!” Touka growled out, just as Hide appeared around the corner, hair still dripping wet.

Again Kaneki sweatdropped. _So Hide knows him too then..._ “Would you like some coffee?” He turned back to the man, his smile more relaxed now that Hide was around. Looking closer, he supposes that ‘Uta-san’ doesn’t really look so bad as a person, despite all his tattoos and piercings. He wonders if the ghoul was an artist of some sort…

Uta smiled back at him. “That would be nice, thanks”

“What are you doing here?” the blond interjected, suddenly all too cheery as he shoved himself between them. Kaneki frowned, sending an irritated glance at his friend. But Hide simply ignored him. “The manager is out and it’s waaay past closing time!!” his best friend stated rather eagerly.

Kaneki frowned, confused by what he knew was subtle dismissal from his friend, and he looked between them _…Don’t they get along?_ He wondered, moving away to grab another coffee cup from the bar.

“No, I came here for you today” the man replied nonchalantly, as if he didn’t sense Hide’s obvious disapproval or he just didn’t care. Kaneki personally thinks it’s the latter, all things considered. “I finished your mask and came to deliver it” he announced.

Almost immediately, Hide’s expression shifted into one of genuine delight, making Kaneki blink –the long years he’d spent with the blond as his best friend the only reason he wasn’t experiencing whiplash from it. _So he’s the mask maker…_ he decided, _I guess he_ is _an otaku then…?_

“Really?? Awesome!! What does it look like? Can I see? Pleeeeease tell me it’s not Video Camera inspired” the blond pouted.

“Ah, so you heard me huh, Tomoyo-kun”

“It’s Hide”

“Right. Anyways here” the man said in perfect monotone, handing over a white, opera-styled half mask from beneath his thick coat.

“Huh, it’s pretty plain huh” Touka commented, returning to her seat around the kitchen table.

Kaneki thought the same. It did seem rather anti-climactic, especially considering it barely covers the face at all, and by the look on his friend’s face, Hide thought the same thing. Still, it didn’t stop the blond from putting it on though.

“I’ve got a top-hat too” the mask maker stated, magically producing the object and placing it on Hide’s head, an all too amused smile stretching across his face.

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Ah.” All too quickly Kaneki recognized the attire, and he couldn’t help the laughter that suddenly bubbled out of his throat as memories from a long time ago resurfaced in his mind.

“Huh? What? What the hell is going on??”

“SERIOUSLY UTA-SAN??? SEEEERIOUUUUSLYYYY???” Hide exclaimed, his tone one of complete exasperation, his arms flailing about in indignation. “What? Do you have a cape in there too?? How about a bow??”

Uta blinked once, twice, before taking out a red ribbon from his pocket, and Kaneki really had to wonder how he was able to hide the whole set. Hide took the ribbon without delay and suddenly his best friend’s caramel eyes landed on him.

He froze, realizing where things were going and slowly backed away.

Hide blocked his exit. “Ooooh no you don’t. If I go down, you’re going down with me!!” he cried, and soon enough Kaneki found himself with a frilly red bowtie around his collar. “Oh Sakura, aren’t you just adorable! I wish I brought my video camera” the blond mock-gushed, fluttering his eyelashes, and Kaneki glowered at him, only receiving an all too amused smirk in return.

From just behind him, he could hear Touka laughing like crazy, and if he could trust his ears, she was taking pictures too.

“Heeh, so he is Sakura” Uta mumbled, calling attention back to him. “You really are a lively pair huh?” he commented.

Kaneki chuckled as Hide grabbed him around the neck, smiling when the blond flashed his 1000 watt grin that wasn’t deterred even by the mask on his face. “Well duh?” the blond stated, and Kaneki rolled his eyes.

“By the way, that mask isn’t actually yours. It was a joke” the ghoul then stated.

“Knew it!” Hide sang with a smirk as he took the mask and top hat off, handing them back to the ghoul.

This time, the mask Uta produced was, although in a simple style as well, much more detailed, several markings scattered across its white surface in red paint, and the eyes were barely visible slits.

“…Uta-san” Hide began in a low tone, and Kaneki smiled, following his train of thought. “You really do love cosplay, don’t you?”

“I do” Uta stated with a simple nod.

Hide chuckled, taking the mask as well.

But this time, as Hide wore it over his face, something in the atmosphere seemed to change. It was a half-mask –just hanging over past the nose, the simple colours blending rather well with Hide’s bright hair to the point that you could barely tell where the mask began, and somehow the painted markings seemed to relay meanings that didn’t seem to matter when there was nothing but air underneath it.

Even as Hide turned to do another one of his silly poses, Kaneki couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something different now. Like Hide was a completely different person but not at the same time.

 ** _“It’s basically just to keep our identity secret. You know, like ‘Kamen Riders’ or ‘Ultra Man’”_** Koma had told him when he’d asked about masks before. He must admit he didn’t take it too seriously then, but seeing his best friend’s strange kind of ‘transformation’ right now, it made much more sense.

A ‘mask’ is a ‘ghoul’s other face. An identity removed from the one they always wear, the more _natural_ part, where they can release their true natures, _become_ themselves but not. A hero, a villain, just another face in a crowd of faces, the choice was up to them.

It was quite an exhilarating thought.

Hide hummed, fiddling with the mask a bit before taking it off. “Well, at least it’s shonen this time”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hide's Mask =
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>  
> 
> My Headcanon = Uta is actually a (not-so-closet) Otaku. He DOES watch whatever's on, but he has a shelf full of DVDs of them too. And he totally has a secret room filled with nothing but his own handmade cosplay items (shoujo, shonen, historical, it doesn't matter *w* If he liked the anime, he has the cosplay!! XDD)
> 
> As for the Sailor Moon!KaneHide near the end ;3 It's actually from this cute (but sad... how and why is it sad...? Tokyo Ghoul... because it's Tokyo Ghoul...) fic by mistressofcliche = = [Tied Together With a Bit of Red](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5301695/) XDD
> 
>  
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> And also, here's a link to my = [Tumblr](http://theplotthief.tumblr.com/), just for the sake of it @w@ 
> 
> Re 55. Ishida-san... Why... Why... Why........ *breaksdownsobbing*


	10. White Gate - Not the Pearly One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SOOO Sorry for the late chapter!! I have no excuse!! (...except making a video I still cant finish TTwTT)
> 
> And sadly, this chapter isn't anything good anyway. Especially after re 57 TTwTT
> 
> But to make up for it, have this!!  
>  [Shoujo!neki](http://theplotthief.tumblr.com/post/135158881987/)
> 
>  
> 
> ^^;;Enjoy

“T-Touka-chan… isn’t this…”

“Yep. The CCG’s 20th ward branch”

“A-And we’re here… why?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“…E-EEH??” Kaneki exclaimed, just as the female ghoul began dragging him by the collar. “Y-You can’t seriously be considering invading enemy territory??!!”

She paused, making his heart skip a beat as she turned her head to stare at him, and Kaneki gulped under her discerning gaze. “’Enemy territory’?” She raised a brow. “ _You_ don’t have to worry too much ya know. You’re human. You’ll be fine even if you’re caught”

He frowned. “But you’re not, Touka-chan. It’s too dangerous” he mumbled out, knowing she could hear him. “B-Besides… I work with you so…”

Touka simply rolled her eyes before pointing to one of the bulletin boards just outside the building. Kaneki followed her lead and blinked. There were three posters there, and one of them had a picture of a very familiar building along with the name ‘Binge-eater’ captioned underneath. “Those are… wanted posters?”

“Yeah, for ghouls” Touka clarified. “The Doves get tips from ordinary people. We’re here to gather information” she explained, turning to the posters, and Kaneki nodded in understanding as well as relief. That is, until he inspected the last poster.

His heart fell. It had no specific images displayed, but it presented a brief description of a little girl –age between ten and thirteen, brown hair and eyes, about 4 foot 8 in height, apparently from previous investigations about the ‘mother’ ghoul. It was pretty generic, there could be hundreds of girls or even ghouls with that description, but he knew. _Hinami-chan… they’re still looking for her…_

“For now it doesn’t seem like they have much info out about Hinami yet” Touka’s voice mumbled next to him, wistful, and Kaneki turned, a bit surprised when he found her staring at him. She turned away, beginning to walk. “I guess this one’s thanks to you”

 _E-Eh…?_ Kaneki gulped, feeling heat rising in his cheeks as he subconsciously trailed after her. _S-She… did she actually_ thank _me?_ He couldn’t help but fluster. Right from the start, the girl had always been particularly callous with him, and even though he could somehow feel the two were getting closer, she still seemed to give off a vibe that she doesn’t like him very much.

“Oh how cute! Are you two a couple?” the woman at the front desk commented, directly in front of them, and Kaneki jumped, his face flushing in embarrassment as he opened his mouth to voice some kind of denial. “Oh dear, he’s a shy one isn’t he?” the woman continued with a chuckle, turning away from him.

“No, we’re just friends. I’m afraid he already has someone else” Touka piped up, smirking at him. And he glowered at her, shrinking into himself as his face flushed further. _She’s seriously having too much fun, isn’t she._ He told himself, fighting the urge to just leave the ghoul and run. He turned away, recalling his situation. _This is just a cover. We can’t be found out._

He’d been walking home from university just that afternoon when he accidentally bumped into the ghoul near the station. He’d barely managed a greeting when she suddenly dragged him by the collar off into the nearest restroom. **_“Perfect timing. I need your help so change into this”_** were her only words before she shoved a paper bag into his hands and kicked him into the stall.

 _This is harassment._ Was what he’d thought as he stared at the High School Uniform she’d just instructed him to wear. _What ‘help’ could she possibly need me in this for?_ Sad to say, even with his reluctance, he changed into them anyway.

And now here he was, a college student sitting in the CCG’s lounge, his hair a bird’s nest, and wearing a uniform he was already too old for and no one was the least bit suspicious. **_“It’s cause you still look like a kid_** ” Touka snickered at him when he first pointed it out, and in the end, he couldn’t exactly deny it. _But I **am** only nineteen, so it’s not like I’ve grown that much… _he justified, trying to quell his embarrassment.

“Bumping into you was actually good luck on my part” Touka began during the wait, and he turned to glare at her. “I was actually planning to ask blondie, but he sticks out like a sore thumb so thank god I didn’t have to”

 _Can’t argue there,_ Kaneki sweadropped. “But why do you even need someone? You could’ve done this by yourself”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, but having a friend around would seem more natural right? I’d be a bit suspicious on my own. One can’t be too careful”

“…”

“What is it? You’re creepy” Touka mumbled, her brows furrowing at him, and Kaneki blushed when he realize he was smiling.

He rubbed his cheek. “Ehe, sorry… it’s just, Touka-chan, just now you called me a ‘friend’” he pointed out.

She turned away, but it wasn’t enough to hide the slight dusting of red on her cheeks. “Y-You know what I mean, dammit!” she hissed, and Kaneki deflated. He did.

Silence suddenly washed over them, and Kaneki felt himself fidget –his ears unconsciously picking up on a few muttered conversations about ghouls and cases nearby. The Binge-eater, Gourmet, a problem at the 13th ward… _This is the CCG’s HQ after all… If Touka-chan is found out…_ He swallowed, forcing the thought from his mind and instead directing his attention towards the area.

Although the building seemed rather ominous from the outside, the inside didn’t really look all that different from a normal office space. He supposed it’s because of the normal people that often come to file reports. The only anomaly was the white gate not unlike airport metal detectors situated just behind the front desk –the only entrance further into the building, it seems. He found it rather odd because why would the CCG, a law-enforcement organization, need a metal detector when weapons are practically a requirement?

“That’s an RC scanner” Touka answered him, and he turned to her questioningly. She sighed. “I don’t really understand it well either, but apparently ghouls have an ‘RC’ factor about ten times higher than regular humans” she began. “When those levels are examined, a ghoul can be easily found out. And that—“ she paused, nodding to the white gate. “can somehow detect them. Thus, ghouls can only get this far. They aren’t widely used because there hasn’t been a lot of funding for the tech yet, but it seems some major companies have adapted them too” she mumbled out.

Kaneki frowned. “If that technology were to progress… and spread throughout the world…” he mumbled, his heart growing heavy in his chest. Detecting the presence of ghouls even before they have the chance to attack… it’d definitely make the world a safer place. _For humans, at least._

Something like that… the ghouls would have nowhere to hide. It would become near impossible for ghouls to live. _If that were to happen… then what about Anteiku? Touka-chan… and Hide is a ghoul now too…_ he gulped, worry pooling in his stomach.

A sigh resounded from beside him, and he turned just in time to see Touka close her eyes. “If that happens, we’ll retreat underground” she stated nonchalantly, if a bit heavily, and Kaneki dropped his gaze back to his hands. “You’ll have to say goodbye to your dear blondie too, sad to say” she continued, stretching her hands over her head.

Kaneki slumped into his seat, and it was at that precise moment that a woman suddenly appeared before them, a smile wide and bright on her face. “Hello, sorry to keep you waiting!” she greeted, and then paused. “Oh dear? Why the long faces? Did you happen to see a scary ghoul?” she asked jokingly. Kaneki pursed his lips, a bit surprised to find himself offended by her cheer.

Touka, however, seemed unaffected. “Well, we’re not really sure if it’s a ghoul” she said instead, keeping in character, and a slight jab at his arm told Kaneki that it was his que to speak.

 _Be the Yes man._ “Right! It’s not like we’ve actually seen a ghoul before” he said.

“Oh? But you say you saw one of the CCG’s targets right?” the informant clarified, looking between the two of them. Kaneki resisted the urge to fidget to keep up the act.

“Not really” he mumbled with a pout, and the woman turned to him with a questioning look. He nearly yelped when a strong heel suddenly landed on his foot, but managed to keep his face straight. His eye twitched.

“Well” Touka began, catching the woman’s attention again. “There’s a river near Kasahara elementary right?” she paused, waiting for a nod. “We saw a little girl there with brown hair like the posters said. She looked a little tattered, _didn’t she,_ Kanemoto-kun?”

His eye twitched again at the subtle inflection in her voice, his heart beating a bit faster at the thought that she might be disclosing false information about Hinami-chan. _This is really risky…_ but he kept his cool. “Yeah, she was covered in mud and all”

The woman wrote it down with a hum. “I see… did you notice anything else? Anything at all is fine, like her hairstyle or what she might be wearing?”

 _Eh?_ Kaneki blinked. She was asking about appearance. _So that means she doesn’t know…_ he almost smiled –almost, if he didn’t feel a sudden threatening aura just beside him.

Touka let out a hum. “Not really…. I mean, I think she had short hair, but that was it” she shrugged, and Kaneki nodded in time, but the next time she spoke, he felt his heart skip a couple of beats. “Um, ‘ghouls’ are a lot stronger than humans, aren’t they? Do the investigators fight them with handguns?”

He gulped, realizing where she was coming from as he recalled the incident not long ago. _They did have guns… but there was also ‘that’—_

**_“Father!!”_ **

_I need to calm down. We can’t be found out._ He clenched his teeth, forcing himself to keep his breathing even.

Thankfully, the woman didn’t seem to be paying much attention to him. “I’m not allowed to disclose information about that, sorry!” she replied, simply, clapping her hands together. “But!” she began in an excited tone of voice. “It’s all ok because a couple of very skilled investigators came here from the main branch! And one of them is a strong and _very_ handsome man” she gushed. “The ‘mother’ ghoul was eliminated by those two. I think it’s only a matter of time before they find the escaped ghoul too!”

This time Kaneki really couldn’t help but fidget. _That was the man I made eye contact with… And the one who got to Ryoko-san…_ “Is that so?” Touka began, her voice pulling him out before he could get lost in his thoughts. “That’s great! …but…killing such a young child… seems a bit heart-breaking isn’t it?” she let out, her tone containing all the right inflections, but none of the emotions.

The woman simply smiled the same wide and bright smile she came in with and said. “It’s okay, because ghouls aren’t human. Because we have concerns that they will cause harm, it’s only natural for us to destroy them”

Kaneki felt his heart stop.

**_“Why? I try my best. I do everything for you! Why can’t you love me?”_ **

**_“Simple. Because you’re not mine”_ **

He gazes down at his lap, trying to keep his breathing even even as he felt his fists shake.

**_Mother, mother please stop. I’ll be good. I’ll be good. I promise. Please._ **

**_Please don’t hate me._ **

It doesn’t matter if it’s a child. It doesn’t’ matter if they’re innocent. If they can feel. If they protect instead of harm. If they have friends and people who care for them.

_It’s only natural for ghouls to be destroyed. Because they’re not human._

“I guess… that’s true”

To think that, once, he might’ve agreed. To think that, once, he wouldn’t have cared.

He’d been naïve. Far too naïve.

 _The Ghouls and the CCG._ It’s hard to see things other than ‘black’ and ‘white’ when you’re only standing on one side of the spectrum. But now, standing directly in the middle of it all, a human half-in-half-out of the world of ghouls, he was finding out that the world was only grey and greyer still.

He didn’t notice standing up and turning to leave, his mind clouding over with thoughts. It was only when Touka yelped in pain beside him that he was able to snap back into reality, and his blood ran cold.

**_One of them was a frail old man._ **

**_But for all that he seemed harmless, he grinned like the devil’s advocate._ **

“Hooh?” the man hummed, his eyes trained on them like a hawk eyeing its prey, and he quickly followed when Touka began to speedwalk towards the exit. “You two!!” they froze, heart pounding a mile a minute as the old man’s footsteps came closer.

“I’m in charge of the aforementioned case you see. I wonder if you’d mine telling me your story for a little while…” he grinned, that same sadistic grin he’d worn that day as he gestured to the white gate that suddenly looked far too sinister for a piece of metal. “inside…?”

Kaneki steeled his nerves, and before Touka could speak, he was already talking. “But isn’t that a restricted area?” he asked, changing his tone just a bit to accommodate the situation. _Keep calm. Stay in character. We can’t be found out. We can’t be found out._

The man blinked at him, his lips tugging at the corners. “Yes, but sometimes we ghoul investigators like to receive information right from the source, and due to confidentiality, it’s usually more fitting to have the conversation inside. Shall we?” he gestured again.

Kaneki made a show of frowning, peeking around the man towards the gate. “I-If we go in… can you give us a tour?” he asked, playing his nervousness for anxious curiosity. _You’re a high school student. Just a curious high school student…_ “The CCG has labs and such right? And a weapons room?” he continued, projecting what he knew of his best friend in certain situations –bright, curious, a bit annoying— as he slowly approached the gate.“I’ve always been kinda curious too about those briefcases you all carry around. Are they, like, a mini artillery or something? Like in spy movies? Do you have cool gadgets??” he watched as the man’s grin slowly melted away, the tug pulling downwards this time as his brows began to scrunch.

Touka, seeming to follow his lead, chose that as the perfect time then to hit him on the head, shoving him over enough for him to end up just past the scanner. “ _Kanemoto-kun!_ Don’t get carried away!! We still have cram school you know!” she lectured, before turning to the investigator. “I’m really sorry about him. If it’s fine, can you please make it real quick?”

The man was outwardly frowning now, and Kaneki silently rejoiced when walked past him. “Actually, never mind. I wouldn’t want to make you two late. Education is very important after all” he mumbled, finally walking away.

A sigh of relief escaped the both of just as he disappeared, and Touka turned to him. “What was that all about?” she mumbled, turning around and walking towards the exit.

Kaneki followed suit with a nervous smile. “I was thinking about what Hide would do in that situation… and well…” he rubbed his cheek.

“Heeh” she hummed, glancing at him up and down for what was now the umpteenth time since they met. He frowned. “You definitely know him well…” she complemented, crossing her arms. “Can’t believe the blabbermouth that saved our asses even when he’s not around” she clicked her tongue.

Kaneki let out a short laugh. “That’s Hide for you. Like a ray of sunshine” he commented. And perhaps it was the fading adrenaline, or the fact that they were finally outside that he felt his legs give in a little, tripping him over a rather conveniently placed rock on the door. He gasped, shutting his eyes and waiting for the impact and the embarrassment that would have come along with it.

It didn’t come.

Instead he felt large arms suddenly grab him by the shoulders, steadying him. “Are you alright?” A deep voice asked.

Kaneki flushed, immediately scrambling to his feet. “A-Ah! Sorry!! I’m alright, I just wasn’t looking where—” he froze.

Steel-grey eyes, not-unlike his own, met his, and they widened in recognition. His breath hitched.

 _He… he remembers me?!_ He tugged at Touka’s wrist, his hands shaking as he slowly pushed her away, scrambling around the man as he tried to put as much distance between them as he can. _Touka-chan… at least Touka-chan has to get away…_ “A-Anyways, th-thank you. We’ll be going now!”

They ran.

**~_~_~**

**_(There was a boy in the crowd, barely a young man, holding a weeping little girl in his arms.)_ **

Amon watched silently as the two disappeared down the street, his brows furrowed in confusion as his body ached to run after them somehow.

Those eyes… that was definitely the same boy from that time. _So he was a high school student… he’s still so young…_

But what was he doing there?He wondered, resuming his journey towards their temporary office space for another day at work. _And that girl with him…_

He found Mado hunched over a desk in the information department only a few minutes later, a displeased look on his face, and Amon approached him curiously. “Mado-san, why are you in a place like this?” he asked.

His mentor didn’t turn to him, but answered. “Well, there were two students who came in to give information here earlier… and I thought something was up with them” he began, tilting his head from side to side. Amon tensed, his back straightening as he processed this. “But I guess I was wrong. He went through the gate without a second thought… I wonder if my perception is getting dull…”

 _So… he **is** human… _A breath he didn’t know he was holding suddenly escaped his lips, and he frowned. But why were they here? And if Mado suspected something, then could that girl with him be yet another ghoul? _Is he surrounded by ghouls, after all? Are they using him as a cover?_

(But it was him who took that girl’s hand, pushing her behind his body, as if _protecting_ her from a threat that Amon may possible be.)

“What was the information about?” he asked, feeling particularly anxious. His mentor shot him a particularly curious look, and Amon resisted the urge to shift under his gaze. Mado motioned to a seat, and he took it before the man pushed a sheet of paper in front of him. His brows furrowed as he inspected it.

“Apparently, they spotted target 745 by the Kasahara River” the man explained simply.

Amon paused, feeling something coil in his stomach at the thought of that weeping little girl covered in dirt, all alone in that small wasteland, and he shook his head. _She’s a ghoul. Despite her looks, who knows just how many she has killed._ He reasoned with himself. But…

He still hasn’t spoken a word about that time –not even a description of that little girl he recalled quite clearly— and it felt like a betrayal to human kind. But at the same time, he didn’t feel quite as if he was doing anything wrong…

So now his question was _why?_

 _Did he not know, after all, and ran when he realized she was a ghoul?_ …but no, he was obviously aware. He had clearly seen the mother ghoul and he wasn’t afraid of her. He was afraid of _them._

Then… was he betraying his own?

Or perhaps… _a trap?_

Amon felt his heart clench as the piece of paper crumpled beneath his grip.

“Amon-kun” his superior’s voice made him jolt, and he turned around to face the man. “You seem troubled. Is something the matter?”

His looked away. “Not at all Mado-san. I was just a bit preoccupied…” he trailed off, and it was the truth.

“Hmm~ How is Kusaba-kun doing by the way?” the man asked, and Amon’s eyes widened as something suddenly clicked in his mind.

Rather than the boy, it was the girl. The female ghoul that attacked Kusaba… If they all had a connection to the ‘daughter’ ghoul, then there would be no doubt—

(But she held back, didn’t she? For someone who came in search of revenge, she hesitated a little too much during the fight. He thought it strange that even though she had the upper hand, she didn’t even try to summon her Kagune, and Kusaba had been left with barely a few scratches.)

He sighed, pressing his thumb and forefinger over the bridge of his nose as conflicting thoughts began to war in his mind.

Who was that boy? What could’ve possibly happened that he surrounds himself with ghouls? Can he not run? Or was he doing it of his own free will? And what of the ghouls he was associated with?

These were the questions that simply wouldn’t leave Amon alone since he saw that fearful gaze, and he knew he couldn’t find peace until he finds the answers, whatever they are.

_Just how far have you fallen?_

**~_~_~**

_Mother… Father… I’m scared._

_Please don’t leave me alone._

Is it bad for ghouls to live?

That had always been the question in Hinami’s mind, since the moment she was able to comprehend reality.

When she was smaller, she used to wonder why she couldn’t go outside and play with other children, like that other ghoul who used to live near them. Every time she asked, her mother would only smile at her sadly, stroking her hair. And she would whisper _I’m sorry._

Hinami didn’t understand why she was apologizing for not allowing her to go, but then her mother would buy her a new book, and Hinami will cheer up.

She never really forgets about going outside, but for the time she spent trying to read, she would cast it aside.

Then, only two weeks later, she wakes up to the sound of noises from outside their small house.

Someone was crying, and then screaming, and here was a sickening sound of something being sliced in half and she was terrified. Absolutely terrified of what was happening not too far away from them. And then her father was there, whispering words of comfort and telling her to keep quiet, just as the noises died down.

 _“Didn’t put up much of a fight did they?”_ she heard someone speak from outside, sounding far away but clear enough for her to pick up. _“Good. Damn ghouls should all just keel over and die”_

The next day, she picks up a really bad smell and found out that the ghouls who lived near them were all gone.

Her mother hugged her tightly then, and again she whispered those words. _I’m sorry._

It wasn’t that she wouldn’t let Hinami go outside and play with other children. It was just that her mother knew the other children wouldn’t want to play with Hinami.

Because Hinami was a ghoul.

She cried.

-

**_“Hinami-chan—“_ **

**_“—but Hide, you know I can’t—“_ **

**_“I agree! You can’t just—“_ **

Hinami awoke to voices peering up from downstairs, her brows furrowing as she recognized her name in all the words. Onii-chan’s voice, Onee-chan’s voice, and Hide-nii’s. They all sounded troubled. Should she go to them?

 ** _“But it’s better than her staying here right?”_** Hide’s words filtered in, and in that zone between dreaming and waking, she felt her heart freeze.

 _They’re… are they going to send me away…?_ She thought, sitting up slowly, her eyes suddenly prickling with unshed tears as she hugged her knees close to her chest.

**“ _No. She’ll be perfectly fine as soon as I kill those freakin Doves—“_**

**_“T-Touka-cha—!“_ **

**_“No matter how you look at it, that’s not a good idea Touka-chan”_ **

Kill…? Her big sister was going to kill someone…? I-Is it those people who killed her mother? Were they going after her now too?

**_“You said so yourself. The investigators recognized you guys, especially Kaneki since his face was completely exposed. It’s perfectly reasonable!”_ **

The sudden ice in her veins made her unconsciously tune off the conversation below, leaving her to her quickly darkening thoughts.

 _Onii-chan…_ is in danger? Was it her fault?

He was seen… he was seen by the scary investigators, because Hinami dragged him there. Because she didn’t run when her mother told her to. And now… now she was being hunted. Onee-chan was killing people, and even onii-chan was in danger too, even though he’s human, because he became Hinami’s friend…

The tears were falling freely from her eyes now.

_Mother… Father… I’m scared… Please don’t leave me alone…!_

_Stay…_

_Or at least take me with you!_

**~_~_~**

Hide thought it was a good idea. No, he was _sure_ it was a good idea. Touka was just being stingy and overprotective –which he couldn’t blame her for, of course, but still! And why was even Kaneki protesting??

“It won’t even be that long!! If you want, she can even stay with you. I’m just saying it’s the perfect cover!!” he reasoned out with a pout.

Touka glared at him, to which he subconsciously returned, and he felt a bit bad when he saw her flinch a bit in surprise. He tried to calm himself.

She’d endangered Kaneki today, suddenly dragging him off to the CCG headquarters itself knowing full well he had been seen. And now there was a big chance _both_ of them were recognized by _Mado Kureo_ of all people.

He didn’t know much about the man, but if there was anything Mado Kureo was infamous for, it was his instinct and his brutality. Thankfully, it was Amon who’d actually spotted them and not his partner, but it still doesn’t mean there’s any less danger. Who could blame him for wanting to at least _try_ to alleviate the sudden mess they’d made, right when the Manager was out too.

And then there was Hinami, whom the Manager was planning on sending to the ruthless 24th ward if this didn’t get resolved. With this plan it was just like killing two birds with one stone.

“I don’t even get why you think it’s a good idea for her to move in with _you._ I wouldn’t mind Kaneki, but no way am I letting our innocent angel anywhere _near_ your lecherous arms” Touka growled, her arms crossed over her chest.

Hide mock-gasped. “ _Excuse me??_ I _happen_ to be a gentleman!!” he huffed in indignation. “And I can’t believe Touka-chan would choose Kaneki over me!! How _could_ you?? This is BETRAYAL!! _Everyone_ likes Kaneki over me!!!”

“Hide… you know that’s not true” Kaneki stated with a small smile, and he pouted at him, sensing a trace of Kaneki-issued-self-depreciation in his voice even if the guy was currently fiddling with his eyepatch.

“Yeah? Just try asking everyone who comes here!! I could do a poll!!” Hide continued pouting, crossing his arms over his chest. “Everyone is like, Kaneki this, and Kaneki that, and Hide you make horrible coffee!!”

“Exactly why I say no”

“MY COFFEE SKILLS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS!!!” he wailed, turning to Touka with genuine exasperation. He sighed. “Listen!! Okay? Hinami-chan already calls us ‘big brother’ so it wouldn’t be too far of a stretch. But sadly Kaneki looks nothing like her, even if he’s ‘onii-chan’. Hide-nii on the other hand, has been mistaken for her sibling three times already by complete strangers! It’s the perfect cover!!” he exclaimed, exasperated. “This way, if any investigators come asking, Kaneki could just tell them she’s my cousin! And it would be perfectly believable!!”

“Normal people might fall for it, but the Doves sure wont. All they need to do is take a look at your freakin family register and then you’d _both_ be in trouble” she shot back.

Hide rolled his eyes. “I already _got_ her a freakin family register” he grumbled out.

“You did?!!” Both Touka and Kaneki exclaimed at the same time. “When?? How?? Did you seriously go to City Hall??” And of course it was Kaneki who demanded the clarification.

Hide sweatdropped, rubbing the back of his neck as he averted his gaze. “Weeellll…” he drawled. “I… sort of… hacked their database a bit…?” he grinned.

“ **YOU DID WHAT???”**

Frankly, the Japanese family registry system was pretty straightforward, and changing some of the data wasn’t all that hard if you have some computer skills, more so if you’ve been trained –however briefly— in the CCG. _Thank you Seidou-san._

Still, there was Kaneki acting like the worrywart he is, and Hide rolled his eyes. And it was then he noticed something strange. “…” he looked up a bit to the general direction of the living quarters at Anteiku’s second floor and strained his ears, his brows furrowing.

“What is it?” Touka asked, catching on to his behaviour. She already sounded tense, and Kaneki followed suit, fidgeting in his seat.

“Doesn’t it seem… a bit too quiet to you?” He’d been a bit distracted during the conversation that he didn’t notice it, but he couldn’t hear anything at all from upstairs. Not even Hinami’s quiet breathing.

“W-Well, it _is_ closing time…” Kaneki mumbled out, worry lacing his tone, and Hide frowned.

“I’m going to go check on Hinami” Touka announced hurriedly, rushing up the stairs. And it was as he was watching her retreating back that Hide felt his heart drop.

And when Touka reappeared, practically leaping the last few steps, her face grave and panicked, his suspicion was confirmed.

“Hinami’s missing”

 _Ah… it’s that time again…_ “Then what are we all waiting around here for?” 

It seriously sucks that despite his whole time-traveling experience, Hide had no idea where to start looking.

 


	11. Enlightenment - Can be Stressful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO EVERYBODY!! \\(TTAT)/

“Hinami-chan ran away? But why??” Kaneki exclaimed just as the two rushed out of the shop, left behind in order to lock the door behind them.

Already meters away, Touka cried out. “Now’s not really the time is it??” and leaped onto the nearest low rooftop. “I’m going on ahead.”

“A-Ah wait—“ Hide exclaimed only a few paces behind her, looking as though he was about to follow suit. “Touka-chan!!”

Kaneki gasped as he tried to catch up, knowing full well he couldn’t, and cried. “Hide! It’s alright. You go on ahead too."

“But Kaneki—“

“Spreading out will help us cover more ground. For all we know Hinami-chan could be in danger.” he tried to explain, resting his hands over his knees as he tried to catch his breath. “Go!”

Hide looked at him hesitantly, worry evident in his posture, before he sighed. “If you get into any trouble, just give me a shout ok? I’ll come save you!!” he proclaimed like some cheesy catchphrase from some shoujo anime, but Kaneki only nodded, a sort of exasperated smile crossing his lips for but a second. Whether he meant calling him on the phone or just literally shouting out, Kaneki didn’t need to care, because for one thing, he was discovering that Hide’s ears are a force to be reckoned with.

And soon enough the blond was off, jumping onto a different rooftop than the one Touka used and was out of sight in a manner of seconds.

Kaneki couldn’t help feeling a bit insignificant watching the spot he’d disappeared from, feeling as though he was the weakest link only holding the others back, but he supposed his soft pace would be useful too in case Hinami decided to come back on her own, or if the two missed her.

He grabbed his phone, dialling a familiar number. He had to tell the manager at least, just in case.

“…Hinami-chan…” he mumbled, looking up at the dark sky, not a single star in sight due to Tokyo’s light pollution, the moon completely hidden behind one of the too tall buildings.

Just yesterday she was already starting to smile again, reading the newspaper Touka accidentally brought along, and she’d come down a couple of times just to ask him the meaning of some kanji she didn’t understand. He couldn’t believe she would run away all of a sudden… _I hope she’s alright…_ he thought worriedly as he jogged around the area, calling for the girl. _Why did she run? Where did she go?_

Thankfully it didn’t take too long before Touka called with good news, and he would’ve breathed a sigh of relief if she hadn’t been cut off in the middle of speaking. If his eyes hadn’t landed on an all too familiar figure he was running into more often than not these days, not far off in the distance.

“That’s the Kasahara river we just left, isn’t it?!” that low voice exclaimed, turning back the way he’d come, and Kaneki felt his blood run cold.

_Kasahara... don’t tell me…_

It was with terrifying quality that he realized what that simple word meant.

**_“There’s a river near Kasahara elementary right? We saw a little girl there with brown hair like the posters said”_ **

“I’ll come right away!! Until then…!!”

They found them. The Ghoul investigators found them, and he was only too sure that the one who’d killed Ryoko-san in cold blood was there right now, with his sinister grin and merciless countenance.

 _Hinami… Touka-chan…_ They were in danger— no… they’re probably already facing that man right now. Touka was probably already doing her best to protect Hinami, and Hide’s probably already heard the commotion and is on his way to help.

Again Kaneki felt completely useless in the face of such a desperate situation. Hinami could die. Touka-chan could die. _Hide could die._

 _No._ Kaneki thought, his heart pounding almost painfully in his ears. _They don’t know Hide._ He tried to convince himself _,_ rationalizing things. _He knows not to show his face. He knows how to get away. And Touka-chan is strong; she can take care of herself. She can protect Hinami._ His feet were already moving forward, clutching his phone in his hand. He forgot he was still holding it, and he absentmindedly placed it back in his pocket.

**_All it took was one swing._ **

**_One swing that even looked lazy, barely a swish of the man’s hands._ **

**_That thing, large and unnatural, a Ghoul’s_ ** _Kagune **, separated from their bodies – from** Hinami’s father— **moving in a large, fluid arc, slicing through both Ryoko-san’s Kagune, and her thin neck like a knife through warm butter.**_

Terror coursed through his body at the memory, his breath hitching. _But… is she really strong enough to take him? **Both** of them?_

And then he felt his hand brush against stiff fabric in his pocket, and he paused, slowly pulling the material out of his pocket.

It was Hide’s eyepatch. He never did get a chance to give it back… His eyes widened as a frankly ridiculous and all too dangerous idea began to form in his head, and he clutched the black eyepatch like a lifeline in his trembling fingers.

 _At least… at least if he could keep this one here…_ then that would be one less danger for Touka to worry about. If he can keep this man here, then she might have a chance to escape—

 _Or kill._ The thought resounded in his mind, a lump suddenly lodging in his throat.

**_“In fact it’d probably be better for murderers like me to die. Don’t you think so?”_ **

But there was no time to think about that now. Not when it could be Touka who dies today. Not when it could be _Hinami_ — helpless, innocent, and sweet Hinami who never did anything wrong-- who'd face the ruthless terror of that man’s hands, just like her parents did.

 _I can’t sit around and do nothing!_ He cried in his mind, fighting back the fear in his veins as he wore the eyepatch over his right eye and, in a split second decision, tied one of his handkerchiefs over the lower part of his face too as a makeshift mask.

This investigator knows what he looks like –recognized him in a heartbeat, even. He’s already far too suspicious after being seen with two ghoul suspects. At least like this, he can maybe pass off as another ghoul. If he runs fast enough, then maybe he can lead him away from them.

_At least this… as a distraction even I can…_

Taking one last shuddery breath and pushing every bit of courage he can into his shaky legs, he ran.

**~_~_~**

“I know why you slipped into enemy camp” the old man said, in a scratchy, casual voice that was far more befitting a demon than a human. “It was to ‘stir up the investigators with false rumours’, because no one has had a clear view of the girl’s face.”

It was a trap.

Shit. Of _course_ it was, with her freakin luck.

“I doubt you would use such a cheap tactic just out of grief…” he hummed, almost thoughtfully, but the malice in his tone rang out clear as day, sending shivers down her spine. “Was it for young Fueguchi’s sake then?” he grinned.

Touka grit her teeth, making sure to block Hinami from the investigators direct line of sight, but it was obvious that meant nothing now.

The Doves hadn’t known Hinami’s face. She could’ve still lived normally. But now… because of her stupidity, because she thought she could _influence_ the _freakin CCG,_ now that was impossible.

**_“All your meddling is annoying. Just leave me the fuck alone!”_ **

She nearly gasps, her lungs constricting in the way they always did when she hears _his_ voice in her head, and she couldn’t help cursing herself. _I did it again…_ she thought, her fists clenched so tightly it was practically white.

Hinami had been led here in the cruellest way possible.

 ** _“I’ll protect you”_** she’d promised her with such surety and conviction mere moments ago, and now here was fate challenging her to keep her word, to pull through and show her worth. And she damn well intended to keep it alright…

Except… except she was scared, staring at that wrinkled face that could very well be her own personal grim reaper, eying them like a feast, mouth spread wide in a shit-eating grin that could put even that shitty-Nishiki in his place.

 _Was she strong enough? Can she kill him?_ She’s never doubted herself before (no… she’s doubted herself all her life _),_ she’s never feared an opponent; never backed down from a fight (she hadn’t cared if she lived or died). After all, it was kill or be killed. A _ghoul’s_ life. (Not before Anteiku. Not before Yoriko. Not before a _human_ said he’d be _sad_ if she died).

But now… now she was scared. If she were to fail here, if she were to make the wrong move, then Hinami was next. Anteiku was next. _The human_ was next, if just by association, because _she dragged him into this._

There would be no escape. And it was all her fault.

**_“Idiot older sister”_ **

“How revolting. To think people with the social standing of _monsters_ wish to live calmly!” he spat out, and Touka felt her fists clench, sensing movement behind her as Hinami stepped away, still clutching that… Ryoko-san’s… _Ryoko-san’s…_ she grit her teeth.

“Oh yeah… how about I give you a little _present._ Your mother certainly won’t be missing it” he grinned, dark and demonic, raising his case.

Touka’s eyes widened, her body tensing in preparation, the prickling heat of her kagune shifting just beneath her skin.

It was simple enough to dodge his first attack. His weapon was long range, and with as many obstacles as there was in their current environment, she knew she had the upper hand, and she poised herself to attack.

**_“You know, you shouldn’t be so reckless”_ **

She froze, an annoying voice ringing in her mind, just as another attack came through, and she jumped out of the way. “Tch” she spat, back to her place between the man and Hinami, feeling the phantom sensation of a hand on her shoulder, a foot to the back of her leg, losing her balance and being thrown into the ground with her arms tied behind her back.

 ** _“I don’t know much about ghoul fights, but I do know that the moment you let your guard down, it gets easier to kick your butt.”_** the cheeky blond had claimed the first time he ever defeated her. And she hadn’t even found it in herself to be angry because he was able to do it so smoothly. Three simple moves just as she started getting into it.

She hadn’t let her guard down back then. She’d simply underestimated him. It wasn’t even a conscious thing. And the moment she'd found her face to the floor with him chuckling good-naturedly above her, she'd felt her entire body freeze up in shame.

Three moves. The idiot had defeated her in three simple moves. _Yep. The CCG would_ totally _breed guys like him._ So instead of attacking like she initially planned, she took a page from his annoying book and calmed down a bit to think.

 ** _“You’re doing it on purpose aren’t you? Leading people on with your happy-go-lucky antics only to stab em in the face when they least expect it”_** she’d told him, her teeth bared in an amused grin.

 ** _“Hey!”_** he exclaimed with a pout, crossing his arms. **_“You make it sound so horrible! I’m just personifying the Hidden Badass trope over here!_**

**_“You mean Crouching Moron, Hidden Asshole”_ **

**_“Touka-chan so MEEEAAN!!”_ **

That’s right. This bastard led them here. He wouldn’t willingly put himself at a disadvantage, not when he was perfectly capable of using the most distasteful trap possible. He’s definitely got something up his sleeve…

And it was with a great deal of shock that she noticed it, wondered how she didn’t notice it _before._

The man had _two_ cases with him, the other barely hidden behind his coat and…

And…

_What is that **smell?**_

“Hmm…? You’re being very… docile, aren’t you?” the investigator hummed, his manic smile replaced by a small frown. “Not going to attack? Are you just small-fry, after all?” he asked, and she almost shivered at how _disappointed_ he sounded.

 _He gets off on this._ Touka realizes with frightening clarity. _More than something like ‘revenge’ or ‘service’, he literally **enjoys** causing pain. _

And then, as if he couldn’t be bothered hiding it anymore, he brought out the second case. “Maybe this could motivate you a bit” he mumbled out, almost as an afterthought, and, his grin returning, malicious and bloodthirsty as the first time she’d seen them, he clicked the switch.

And more than the sight before her, the beautiful butterfly-like design of that weapon and how utterly wrong it looked in his hands, it was Hinami’s agonized screams that filled her senses.

“I see you recognize it” the devil’s advocate himself began, flaring both his weapons out, and with manic laughter he cried out, “It’s your beloved ‘Mother’ and ‘Father’! Because the ‘Quinque’ are made from a ‘Ghoul’s Kagune”

Before she could even think about what she was doing, Touka lunged with a cry of her own, her entire body tense and thrumming with unbridled rage, her kagune flaring behind her, shooting out spikes without any actual direction. “YOU MONSTER!!!!” she screamed.

And she would’ve killed him. Cut him up into tiny pieces and throw whatever’s left to the hungry ghouls.

Except then, pain blossomed from her middle, and she stared down to see the weapon – _Ryoko-san’s kagune—_ piercing through her stomach. Screaming resounded from somewhere behind her, and she barely recognized it as Hinami’s. She coughed, blood dribbling from her mouth.

The man was staring her down, his eyes narrowed in distaste as he flicked his arm, letting her fall to the ground in a heap. “Not very flattering, coming from a mindless beast salivating over human flesh”

 _Tch._ She cursed in her mind, watching as he raised the other weapon – _Dr. Fueguchi’s…_ she thought with dread– above his head. “Tell me, why do you all still try to survive whilst committing such sins?” he asked, but Touka knew it was merely for show.

This man didn’t care. He was just asking for last words.

 ** _“Is it wrong for ghouls to live?”_** Hinami had asked her, not long ago. And truthfully, Touka doesn’t have an answer. Maybe it is. But being born as they are, being forced to sin from birth, do they have a choice?

**~_~_~**

_A ghoul…?_ Was Amon’s first thought as that figure stepped out from the darkness, blocking his path, and his hand automatically tightened on his Quinque case for the instant it took him to notice the way the figure’s shoulders trembled.

He paused, his brows furrowing when the young man kept his head turned down, his face completely covered in cloth. He was, by all means, suspicious, but Amon could sense no danger from him. In fact, he felt as if he should know this person…

And then it hit him.

“You” he stated, and the boy flinched back, his head unconsciously snapping towards him, and Amon stared as a single, familiar grey eye was revealed, almost silver now in the moon’s glow. _Silver eyes_ he thought curiously, wondering not for the first time if he would receive an answer should he ask for a name. Almost immediately though, the gaze returned to the ground, and a tense silence fell over them.

Amon turned away for a moment, his eyes scanning the area for any possible threat. A trap, an ambush, a ghoul who might’ve chosen this place as a hunting ground, anything. He was only slightly surprised to find that there were none.

He thought everything might’ve been a trap.

When they had inspected Kasahara river as the report had stated, they found no trace of anyone ever being there, and he had cursed himself for feeling relieved ( _That was no place for a little girl to be)._ But all the same, he was already convinced that that little girl was the Daughter ghoul, and the girl who had given the false information was ‘Rabbit’.

It didn’t take long for him to realize it was merely misdirection, that perhaps the Rabbit simply planted it in order to draw attention away from the daughter ghoul. Which simply brings to mind his most demanding question, _how is this boy related to them at all?_

“You’re the one from before, right?” the investigator began, his voice ringing much louder than he expected in the still silence. “I wanted to talk to you”

If possible, the boy seemed to tense up even more, his gaze still stubbornly turned away, and Amon felt the slightest urge to reassure him. He didn’t want to intimidate him any more than necessary, but he needed answers.

Mado was probably already waiting for him. Perhaps the Rabbit was there, engaging him in battle right now, but Amon knew that if he lets this moment pass, he might never receive another. He’s unsure just how well searching the CCG’s database for a face he’d barely glimpsed would be received, and he didn’t want to cause the boy unnecessary trouble…

 _Trouble? Why would it be trouble if it’s a lead to the extermination of ghouls?_ He shook his head, not for the first time cursing his growing compassion. _If this boy is one of them, a pawn, bait… then it could only do them more good if he were to use this lead._

But still, he squared his shoulders and took a couple of steps forward. The boy remained still.

“Why are you here?” became his first question, his eyes boring holes through the cloth on that face, willing the boy to face him. “And why are you _helping_ those ghouls?”

Slowly, as if unsure, the other moved his head, and Amon watched with baited breath as that single, visible eye turned to him, confusion, doubt, and fear evident within their depths, and Amon interpreted this as a sign to continue.

“They are, aren’t they? The Daughter ghoul and Rabbit” he watched as the boy flinched, but Amon kept on, his gaze steady and the questions flowing like water through his lips. “Why are you with them? Are they controlling you? Threatening you? Deceiving you? Or could it be that you feel you have no place else to go? What reason could you _possibly_ have to associate with _ghouls_?”

“…” he paused, slightly surprised as the tension seemed to leave the other’s frail shoulders as he continued, the one visible eye less frightened, less… _judging,_ Amon realized.

And then, the boy’s gaze shifted again, to his feet, and Amon unconsciously followed before redirecting his eyes back to their surroundings instead. He thought he saw a flicker of movement behind the line of trees above, and his hand tightened around his Quinque.

Then, a soft voice reached his ears, catching his attention.

“You…” the boy began, his voice soft and a bit nervous, and Amon almost smiled at how much it reminded him of his past. _Not just our eyes, then._ He thought almost sardonically, wondering at the weird sort of connection he felt with this boy. “What do you… think of ghouls?” the boy asked, shifting awkwardly

Amon frowned, not expecting the question, but as he looked into that eye, genuinely curious, worried, almost… eager? He decided to provide an honest answer. There was no use in pulling his words. “…I think they’re monsters”

Almost immediately the boy’s expression shuttered, but Amon was not deterred and continued to speak. “They kill people in cold blood and eat their flesh. They deceive the people around them. They act like human beings, only to laugh in our faces as they reveal their true natures” Amon clenched his fists, feeling anger coiling within his stomach as his cross, his burden flashed before his eyes.

**_Of the man he once called ‘Father’ feasting on his ‘brother’s’ body without a shed of remorse._ **

**_The same man who killed everyone but him._ **

“There are lots of innocent people who’ve lost their loved ones to ‘ghouls’” he whispered, his lips forming into a grimace. “The feelings of those who survive… sadness, loneliness, pain, the empty lies and the desire for revenge…” he pauses, taking in a deep breath before quickly releasing it. “Can you imagine what that’s like?” he asked, inspecting the boy’s face, covered though it was. “That pain and despair?”

The boy shifted in place, his hand seeming to unconsciously clutch at a spot on his left shoulder. The silver eye flickered once, a familiar flash of pain, of fear, of understanding, and Amon grabbed on to that sign. “Come with me” he offered, his voice strong, extending his hand. “You don’t have to stay with those monsters. The CCG will protect you”

As those words left his lips, time seemed to freeze, the boy tensing once again, and Amon felt himself flush. He meant his words wholeheartedly, but in the end, though he calls the other a boy, he was already a young man. He was perfectly capable of providing and protecting himself, and here was Amon treating him like just another lost child.

He cleared his throat, and for a moment no sound could be heard.

“I…” the boy began, a wistful quality to his voice. “I don’t think you’re wrong” he states finally, his grip on his left shoulder tightening, his hand visibly shaking. “But don’t you think it’s a bit… unfair?”

The investigator paused, his brows furrowing. “Unfair?” he asked.

“Ryoko-san…” again the other’s soft voice weaved through the silence, that name resounding in Amon’s mind. _Ryoko… the Mother ghoul_. “Ryoko-san did nothing wrong” he stated, meeting the investigator’s eyes, and Amon was taken aback by the conviction that burned within that silver orb. “She was just trying to live peacefully. She’s never hurt anyone—“

“She was a _ghoul_ ” Amon cut off, suddenly, his voice coming out a lot harsher than he intended, and he winced internally. He swallowed, eyes hardening. “There’s no such thing as a ghoul who is ‘innocent’” he stated, the words hard and unforgiving, but somehow sounding forced to his own ears.

“Then what about Hinami-chan?” the boy countered, equally harsh, and Amon felt himself flinch at the sudden accusation that seeped into that voice. “You asked me if I can imagine what it’s like to lose a loved one. Have you ever thought to ask _them_ that?”

“Hinami-chan lost her parents to you. Watched as her mother was _brutally murdered_ right in front of her _”_ the boy grit out, his voice resounding with barely controlled emotion, and those words washed over Amon like a bucket of ice-cold water. “She’s just a child”

Still, he steeled himself, his fists clenching, trying to ignore the sudden pit that formed in his stomach. “We never meant for her to escape” he clarified, willing away the image of that weeping little girl from his mind and recalling all his other encounters with countless ghouls instead. Of their monstrous faces, their sneers, of the merciless way they slaughter their unknowing victims. “Left alone she would become yet another threat to mankind _”_

“…the woman from your headquarters said the same thing” the boy mumbled, his tone hardening. “You don’t think ghouls are capable of feelings, do you? Of love and grief, of pain or sadness or loneliness” he stated scathingly, a surprising change from his earlier countenance, even though he was clearly shaking in barely-concealed fear. “Or maybe you just don’t care?”

Amon’s eyes narrowed. “What are you implying?” he asked, barely keeping his voice from breaking.

In truth he didn’t want to hear any more of this. Not these words that were causing the ground to give in underneath him, contradicting everything he’s ever known and throwing his mind into a realm of confusion. But... but in the end, these were the answers he was looking for. He cannot be a coward and back away from them now that they were finally being presented to him outright.

The boy turned away again, silent for a few moments. _“_ Perhaps… perhaps they _are_ monsters. There are a lot of bad ghouls out there, who do bad things. Who kill just because they can, who eat just because they want to” he stated shakily. “But people... ghouls like Ryoko-san and Hinami-chan… ghouls who just want to live peacefully, who tries to avoid hurting others as much as possible... they didn’t… they don’t deserve to be treated like that” he finishes, shoulders slumping as though drained of all energy.

“Peacefully?” Amon retorted, looming over him. “Just the other day, your ‘friend’ Rabbit tried to kill us. Do you have an excuse for that too?” The boy’s eyes widened, and a bitter smirk almost crossed Amon’s face. _You didn’t know about that, did you? You’re being deceived, your kindness is being taken advantage of. Soon… soon they’ll set their sights on you too._

He opened his mouth. _Come with me._ He wants to say, but then—

“’Tried?’” the boy spoke, staring at him. “You mean she _didn’t_ kill anyone?” he asked, his tone bordering on hopeful, _relieved._

As if Amon wasn’t already thrown into a loop…

**_(For someone who came in search of revenge, she hesitated a little too much during the fight. Even though she had the upper hand, she didn’t even try to summon her Kagune, and Kusaba had been left with barely a few scratches.)_ **

_This world is wrong._

He had thought once that it was the existence of ghouls that were corrupting this world. But… but if that isn’t exactly the case…

“How?” Amon felt himself ask, finally. His mind felt fuzzy, like he was underwater somehow. Everything felt so unclear at the moment, his consciousness barely there. But at the same time he felt a startling clarity as he stared at that boy, like he was finally beginning to see the missing pieces of a puzzle he’d been working so long and hard to complete, and he was _terrified_ to see the outcome. “How can a ghoul live when they can only eat human beings?”

The boy looked at him again, having calmed down a great deal, and the look in his eye was thoughtful, sad. “That’s the question isn’t it?” he asks, downcast. “But does that mean that they aren’t even allowed to live?”

The investigator swallowed through the lump that suddenly formed in his throat, his grip once again tightening on his Quinque case. “You said that that Mother… Ryoko-san… never hurt anyone. How can you be so sure?”

“You were there” he stated, his tone taking on an almost challenging quality. “You saw her face. You saw her fight. You think she was actually capable of killing anyone like that?”

 _No._ Amon thought with frighteningly surety. _No I don’t. Not the clumsy way she wielded her Kagune. Not the way she smiled so close to death._

“Then how does she eat?”

His lips purse, his feet shifting under him in reluctance. “People die everyday” he mumbled out, and Amon had to strain his ears to hear him. “Some from accidents. Some from natural causes… and some of them choose to do it on their own”

“Suicide victims” Amon clarifies, his brows shooting up, recalling several reports of corpses suddenly disappearing off the streets, even from morgues and graves, of missing persons that no one ever really cares to look for, and the weak ghouls tied to them all.

Suddenly things become a bit clearer for him, and Amon simply felt himself numb.

The boy was looking at him again, his head tilted ever so slightly to one side, assessing, and he had the strangest feeling that he was smiling through his mask. “You’re… actually a pretty good guy, aren’t you?” he states, and Amon had no idea why he felt a sudden surge of warmth fill his stomach at that simple comment.

“Wow” a low whistle suddenly permeated the air, and Amon whipped around suddenly, automatically releasing his Quinque.

A ghoul stood before them, a fox mask hiding most of his features but for blond hair and lips stretched out in an easy smile, his Kagune –three blood red tendrils— flaring out behind him like the fiery tails of the mythical being itself. “First Rabbit, now Mr. Investigator here. Seriously dude. What are you? The Messiah or something?” he asked, his voice light and cheery in a way that made Amon tense due to how utterly out of place it was in their current situation.

The investigator wasted no time to attack, wielding Dojima expertly. A shout resounded behind him, but he ignored it for the meantime, chasing after the ghoul as it jumped out of his Quinque’s path, it’s kagune (a rinkaku, he realized) suddenly lunging for him.

He dodged, but somehow he wasn’t fast enough as two of the tendrils caught onto Dojima, wrenching the weapon from his hands. He cursed as he watched the ghoul take his Quinque in hand, surprised by the sudden show of strength.

“What are you doing?” he barked, looking behind him only to find that the boy hadn’t moved at all. “Run!!” he commanded. But the boy only stared at him in surprise, blinking once.

And it was as silence descended upon them again that he realized _this boy is consorting with Ghouls._ Was that this his plan after all? To lower his guard and then have one of his ghoul friends finish him off?

“Whoa whoa whoa, ok, that” the ghoul said, twirling Dojima around like a baton, and Amon grit his teeth, just barely keeping himself from lashing out. He knew better than to think he was able to take on a ghoul unarmed. “was dangerous. I mean really. Please don’t do that” he continued, stepping forward.

Amon tensed, his eyes narrowing as he weighed his chances of escape, wondering if he should bring the boy with him too if just for questioning. The ghoul stopped only a few paces from them, and Amon grit his teeth, feeling adrenaline pumping in his veins as he prepared for the inevitable fight-or-flight.

But then… “Here” Dojima was suddenly casually presented to him, hilt first.

He stared. The ghoul stood idly before him, rocking on the balls of his feet, the hand not holding his Quinque tucked inside a coat pocket, and he was smiling, bright and easy, like he wasn’t holding out the only weapon that can kill him to his enemy.

“Hi—tsune…” the boy mumbled, stepping out from behind him cautiously.

“Hitsu… what?!” the fox ghoul suddenly exclaimed, shoving the Quinque into Amon’s hands as he turned his attention to the boy. “Seriously? _Hitsune??_ You make me sound like a browser!! Can’t you think of anything cooler?!”

“Vulpix, then”

“THAT’S WHAT YOU COME UP WITH??? At least make it Ninetails!!!”

“But you only have three. And they’re red. Vulpix is closer. Besides, they’re not even tails” the boy points out, his tone flat and reproving.

Amon could only stand there, watching the exchange. Dojima’s weight was comforting and familiar in his hands, and the ghoul’s back was turned to him, barely even seemed to acknowledge his presence now, as he spoke with the boy. Amon wondered if he should feel offended by this obvious show of disrespect, but he was simply too stunned.

"Besides that, though" then the ghoul gripped the boy’s shoulders tightly and began to shake him, the visible line of his mouth forming a frown. “What in the _world_ possessed you to _wear a mask,_ imitate a _ghoul,_ and confront a Ghoul Investigator by yourself??? Are you _trying_ to get yourself _killed???”_ he cried, the speed of his shaking congruent with the pitch of his words that by the end of it, the boy looked slightly dizzy. “I said call me when you’re in trouble dude!! SO CALL ME!!!”

“B-But I WASN’T in trouble!!” the boy countered, trying to pry the fox’s fingers off his shoulders. “I was handling the situation perfectly fine!!”

The ghoul paused, and Amon had to blink. _Was he pouting???_

“I can’t believe this!” the ghoul cried out in an exaggerated manner, his Kagune flaring up behind almost aggressively that Amon tensed, his grip on Dojima tightening, only to deflate at his next words. “I heard you crying and thought I’d come rescue you like your knight in shining armor, but it turns out you and Mr. Handsome over there are having a heart-to-heart!" He gasped, the red-scaled appendages shooting straight behind him like a rumpled cat's tail. "Eyepatch are _you cheating on me???”_ he practically wailed, going right back to shaking the boy.

“R-Really Hitsune, is now the _time??_ To— R-Rabbit!! They’re in trouble!! They’re going to kill her Hitsune! They’re going after Hinami-chan!!” the boy exclaimed, panicked now. “I think she’s with the guy who killed Ryoko-san right now!!”

Amon jolted at that. _Mado-san… What am I doing?_ The investigator scolded himself, taking a step back. _Just standing around when my partner is doing battle on his own._ He gripped his Quinque tightly in hand as, slowly, the ghoul turned to face him again, an arm outstretched sideways in a protective gesture.

A ghoul protecting a human… it was completely unheard of for him, but now… he couldn’t deny that it was reality. A possibility, more than anything else.

And then the ghoul’s Kagune dissipated, the ghoul running a hand through his hair. His next words catching Amon completely off guard. “Uhm… hey… Officer, Sir. Er, mind letting us off the hook for the mean time?” he asked, an almost _sheepish_ grin stretching his lips. “You see, well, a friend of ours is currently in a bit of trouble? And I sort of think so is a friend of _yours,_ so, like, can we just settle… whatever this is later? Like when we both know our friends are alright?” he suggested.

“Are you one, then?” he asked instead of replying, lowering Dojima and staring gravely at the fox. “A so called ghoul who doesn’t kill?”

“Hi-tsune isn’t—“ the boy began, only to be cut off by a reassuring hand on his arm.

The ghoul turned to Amon, a smile on his lips. “Yep” he stated simply, and Amon could sense no deceit in that word… but then his expression seemed to darken, and though obscured by the mask on his face, the investigator knew that the ghoul was staring him right in the eyes. “But I’m afraid that Rabbit isn’t. She won’t let your partner go even if it kills her, not when our little angel's in danger”

“…”

Amon’s eyes narrowed. “And you’re going to help her?”

Again the ghoul smiled, wistful and enigmatic. “I was hoping you could” he stated with a shrug, and Amon’s brows furrowed. “I say that she won’t hesitate to kill, but I’m afraid that’s only ‘cause she feels she doesn’t have a choice”

And with barely another word, the fox lifts the boy up in his arms and leaps away.

“Wha— WAIT HI—??!!”

“See you around Officer!”

Again, for the third time since he became a full-fledged Ghoul Investigator, Amon Kotarou simply watched as a ghoul ran away from him, making no move to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, what in the world made you all think Hide’s going to fight at all if he can help it? XDD 
> 
> *SHOT!* *cough* -///-  
> *emocorner* *glooooooom*  
> Anyways! About Hide’s mask. It is indeed, a Fox Mask. ^^; here’s the concept image = [Hide's Mask](https://40.media.tumblr.com/54393f88cea068abde2e337769b936b5/tumblr_nzskl1iwa41r32awzo1_1280.jpg)  
> I know it’s like, completely unoriginal TTwTT, since I’ve read at least two TG fics already that makes use of a Fox Mask, BUT while I was researching for possible designs for Hide’s mask before, I totally came upon these sights =[Fox Animal Spirit](https://www.spiritanimal.info/fox-spirit-animal/) and =[Fox Symbolism](https://www.whats-your-sign.com/fox-animal-symbolism.html)  
> NOW IF THAT ISN’T HIDE!! XDD
> 
>  
> 
> And… Uhm… yes, I am really sorry about this chapter… I just… I had like, so many ideas for how this goes, and I have notes and stuff written out ages ago, really, but when I tried actually writing this chapter things just got so out of control and Amon and Kaneki and even Hide happened and now I have no idea what to do about this anymore. =w=;  
> I mean, This was my Prototype for this chapter = =[Draft](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DjwX_y_vJ1U-PQPQOAj2Q9wd64iL4us-15ANnXP9qnA/edit?usp=docslist_api/%22)  
>  
> 
> I’ve actually realized three things writing this chapter.  
> 1\. Kaneki is seriously Zen. He’s only ever blown up once, and that was when he was starving to death whilst refusing to believe he’s turned into a ghoul.  
> 2\. Because Touka didn’t kill anyone, Amon didn’t have a reason to be angry and frustrated as he was in the manga. And because Kaneki is human, this means that he won’t want to fight. Thus they have no reason to do anything but talk.  
> And 3. Hide would always go to Kaneki first, but because he’s so painfully Genre Savvy, there’s no way he would just jump in the moment he sees a panicked Kaneki with his old superior. And thus his flashy entrance. *sigh*  
> Also, Still shameless advertising = [Re - Order Made](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xyaBADuJqk4/)  
> This is a Tribute to Haise TTATT Who I really want to come back!!  
>  


	12. Circle - Of Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO! Lathyrus_Loon-san drew her own version of Hide's mask! XDD  
> [Fox Mask](http://imgur.com/D3uhdDW)  
> It is absolutely awesome!! (If a bit scary imo ^^;) I'll let you guys decide which mask you identify Hide with more. XDD  
> (This mask is seriously growing on me.. ;w;)
> 
> Anyways, I am frankly not so sure about the last part of this chap, but I hope you all enjoy ^w^; (I swear Hide gets a proper POV next chap!! ^^;;;)
> 
> HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! XDD

“T-Touka-chan? Hinami-chan?!” a meek voice called out, and Touka flinched at the sound, feeling Hinami clutche her close from behind just as the human came into view.

He glanced at her once, his eyes flickering over to the blood staining her clothes before pointedly looking away.

“I…I’m glad you’re both okay” he stated, one of his forced smiles on his face. As if he could hide the tremor in his voice, the way his shoulders shook, the fact that, even if he couldn’t see it, there was a bloody corpse just a few paces away.

She turned away as well, her fists clenched by her sides. As if she needed the reminder of what she did. What she was. ( _A murderer.)_ Her stomach dropped, her lungs constricting in her chest, a lump forming in her throat as the silence stretched on.

No one was saying anything, not even the usually annoying blond, and she had to get away. It was cowardly, but she felt like just one more second in that human’s presence would make her explode.

Without a word, she simply pushed Hinami towards the two and rushed out.

“T-Touka-cha—“ the human began, but she ignored him.

Yomo was standing not too far away, barely hidden in the shadows of the bridge. “Yomo-san” she greeted, jogging over to him. “Perfect timing. We need to get the—“

“No” the man cut her off, the simply word freezing her to the bone. He simply closed his eyes, turning around. “I saw his partner on his way here. There’s no more time” was all he said before walking off. “It can’t be helped”

Touka knew what that meant, and she dropped her head, feeling bile rise up her throat.

A Ghoul Investigator was killed in the 20th ward. Something that hasn’t happened in years.

Just like how the Manager feared, the Doves’ll be hunting her down within the day. The 20th ward would receive more focus from the CCG because of her.

_Because of me._

“Why’d you do it?”

Touka blinked, not even realizing she’d blanked out for the minute it took the blond to reach her side, and she sent him an irritated glance, quickly looking away only to find Hinami and the human walking a few paces ahead of them already.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you” she growled, her fists clenched. She doesn’t. She doesn’t have to say anything. Doesn’t have to find a way to justify her actions when just by being a _ghoul_ she never has to. Ghouls kill people. They are hunted. There will always be blood whether it’s hers or not. But—

“But you want to” blondie hummed, keeping pace with her, and she glared at him. He simply smiled in return. She wanted to punch him. “It’s okay, I won’t say a word. Not to anyone” he said it like a promise, his smile warm and solemn, and she almost laughed when she found that she believed him.

For how incredibly annoying and perceptive and secretive and incredibly suspicious he was, she believed him.

“He was insane” she began in a low voice, keeping her gaze trained on the horizon so she wouldn’t have to see his or anyone’s face as she talks, trying to deny the sudden surge of relief that hit her as those words left her lips. “He was dirty and underhanded. Wouldn’t stay down. Looked at us like objects more than people” she scoffed, a wry grin stretching her lips. “Heck, more than _man-eating monsters._ We were just _materials_ for his _Quinque_ ” she grit her teeth, feeling her Kakugan activate, and she forcefully calmed herself down. “He deserved it” she finally whispered, feeling her heart clench as the words left her lips.

He had a wedding ring on his finger. He had a family. A wife waiting for him to come home. A kid probably wondering where he was right now.

And now he’s dead. She killed him. And that wife would probably cry and curse her very existence. The kid would probably grow up seeking revenge.

Just like her.

Suddenly, she felt a hand settle on her back almost comfortingly, her arm being pulled around broad shoulders, and when she turned to look, she found Nagachika turned away from her, his eyes fixed forward as he hummed some unnameable tune under his breath.

He wasn’t saying anything. Providing comfort without speaking… he was keeping his promise. And this time Touka did laugh, allowing a huff and a chuckle, however small, escape from her lips. “This doesn’t bother you at all, does it? That I killed someone” she muttered bitterly

“Hm?” the blond replied, and she could just hear the raised eyebrow in his voice. “Well I _did_ see Nishio-senpai kick someone’s head off in less than a second before. I would say that what you did here is pretty tame, actually”

“Tame?” she scoffed. “I killed a _Ghoul Investigator._ I probably just endangered us all!” He simply smiled, calm and casual like always, and she resisted the urge to just scream at him.

Instead he looked at her, his eyes soft and knowing, making her freeze up. “But this time it couldn’t be helped, right? I mean, you said so yourself. He was the one who drew you guys out” he stated factually.

She looked away.

“Besides” he began again, his voice growing serious. “I think you did the right thing. If he’d survived, he would’ve hunted you and the rest of us down without fail. And considering how he recognized you, not even Kaneki would be safe”

She frowned. “I thought you weren’t gonna say anything” she grumbled.

The blond only smirked. “You asked”

They walked like that in somewhat comfortable silence –as was becoming a frequent thing between them these days. How that happened she’ll never know— her half leaning on him, before a question rose up her throat. “And? What about you?” she turned to him.

Again he hummed, looking at her questioningly.

She smirked. “Don’t think I don’t notice those holes on your back. You’ve been using your Kagune quite a bit lately, and I know for a fact that just those sugar cubes aren’t cutting it” she whispered, lowering her voice as much as possible. It’s an awkward topic and she knows it, especially with blondie’s human friend just a few paces away. But heck, he got her to fess up so he has to return the favour. “I won’t say anything”

His lips pursed, his eyes going distant and serious in the way that never did fail to send chills down her spine. Then he smiled, his free hand rose up unconsciously to rub at his cheek as he turned away from her. “Well… I _may_ have been… ah… snacking… sometimes….” He admitted, and she raised a brow. “But I mean, it can’t be _helped_ right?” he mumbled, sighing.

Again she rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to be so defensive. You’re still a ghoul, after all. It’s only natural” she stated. “A ghoul’s hunger is hell. Especially if you have humans around” she whispered, looking ahead, watching as Hinami sobbed into the human’s shoulder while he patted her comfortingly on the back. “Best to eat up if you want to keep him safe, especially from yourself”

Then, the human turned around, his eyes finding hers, and this time the smile on his face looked relieved.

“…Yeah…”

She smiled in return, just a small quirk of the lips, resigned. In the end she couldn’t deny it anymore.

If Anteiku was her home, her family, then these two were now undeniably a part of it.

And it was as this thought crossed her mind realization struck her, making her freeze in her steps.

“Touka-chan?” blondie stopped as well, looking at her worriedly, and Touka simply shook her head, a groan escaping her lips.

“The manager’s gonna kill me for this, isn’t he?”

The blond blinked. And then laughed.

She punched him.

**~_~_~**

**_“Eh? Mado-san, what is that bag?”_ **

**_“Provisions, Amon-kun. Provisions”_ **

(There were two severed arms in the river.)

He was too late.

Amon felt nothing as he kneeled over his fallen mentor beneath that bridge. His chest was an empty cavity as he gathered the man who had taught him so much in his arms, cradling the cold body to his chest and feeling his own heart thrum loudly beneath the weight of his partner’s head.

**_“There are lots of innocent people who’ve lost their loved ones to ‘ghouls’”_ **

_This is my fault_ , he thought through the blank expanse that was his mind. Because he left the man on his own. Because he prioritized his need for answers before the life of his own partner. Because he let himself be misled by deceptive tongues.

_Ghoul’s can’t be trusted._

(One floated in the water, gloved and still leaking fresh blood. The other, stiff and blackened, was beside a black bag a few paces before him.)

**_“The feelings of those who survive… sadness, loneliness, pain, the empty lies and the desire for revenge…”_ **

Amon didn’t know how long he sat there, staring blankly in front of him, with his partner cold and stiff in his arms.

He didn’t know what to think. He didn’t know what to feel. He was numb from too many contradictions passing through his mind all at once. Justified over and over and over again only for him to realize that there really was no other way he could face this. There was no ‘black’ or ‘white’. Everything was just one huge expanse of grey.

**_“I’ve heard that younger ghouls have quite the sensitive noses. I wonder if our target is like that too”_ **

**_“She won’t let your partner go even if it kills her, not when our little angel’s in danger”_ **

On one hand, a ghoul had killed his mentor.

On the other, it was his mentor who had lured that ghoul here, who had provoked her even.

It was amazing how he never would’ve acknowledged this if he hadn’t listened. If he hadn’t asked when he did. If he hadn’t bothered to open his mind to that boy’s words.

**_“You asked me if I can imagine what it’s like to lose a loved one. Have you ever thought to ask them that?”_ **

In truth, he didn’t want to acknowledge it. He didn’t want for his thoughts and perceptions to be swayed. Not when the one man whom he had been proud to call his ‘father’ was dead and the things he can now see serve only to tarnish his memory.

But now, now that his mind had been pried open, now that he had accepted the new world that lay before him, now that he can’t unlearn what he has learned and can unsee what he can see, he can’t deny it anymore.

**_(And yet, that boy stared at him. As if he was the monster and not the inhuman creature in front of him.)_ **

**_“Perhaps”_** that boy had said. Perhaps ghouls _are_ monsters in human flesh, hungry and sadistic and heartless, but as his gaze landed on the Quinque closest to his mentor’s body, a single ‘eye’ visible at the center of a crumpled white butterfly wing, forlorn, forsaken…

 ** _“Those were lies”_** _that man_ had told him, a smile on his lips. _**“From now on, you should go along with my lies too, Koutarou”**_

_This world is wrong._

But it isn’t just the _ghouls_ , is it?

Mado-san… people had always thought him cruel. Even those at the CCG.

A ‘Quinque maniac’, a ‘sadist’ they all called him. But even so, those who knew him personally knew that wasn’t entirely the case.

His mentor was a dedicated man, strong and cunning. His intuition was one of the best. And he was also a kind father, Amon knew. He has never met the man’s daughter, but at the times he would talk about her, he would always get this fond look in his eyes, would always chuckle at whatever fond memory he was relaying, and Amon also knew that one of the reasons the man worked so hard was for her.

**_“The feelings of those who survive… sadness, loneliness, pain, the empty lies and the desire for revenge…”_ **

Darkness is everywhere. Anyone is capable of lies, of cruelty and deceit. It doesn’t matter if they’re also capable of kindness, if they care, if they can justify their actions, if they’ve simply been hurt.

Not to their victims. Not to the ones affected by their actions. Not to the ones who hurt others in return.

**_“Koutarou”_ **

He grit his teeth.

It’s all the same. One vicious cycle.

“Mado-san…” he chokes out, barely recognizing his own voice as it echoed through the darkness, feeling the familiar flow of tears trailing down his face.

Like this, Amon can’t even promise vengeance. Not when he knows that it won’t even be considered that. Hunting Rabbit down… the Daughter ghoul, and… _Eyepatch…_ It would mean nothing but one less ghoul eradicated and plenty more to come.

In the end it will only add fuel to the cycle of despair and revenge. Would only destroy more innocent lives.

**_“I say that she won’t hesitate to kill, but I’m afraid that’s only ‘cause she feels she doesn’t have a choice”_ **

And more than anything, now he worries for his mentor’s daughter who would no doubt seek revenge. Who would no doubt blame him for her father’s death –and he won’t deny it because it’s true. Because he let his curiosity and his questions get the better of him. Because he let himself be swayed by a ghoul’s deceitful tongue. By a captive human’s familiar eyes.

“Forgive me” he whispers through his tears, through his trembling shoulders as he clutches his mentor’s body close to him. “Forgive me”

_This world is wrong._

It’s not as if he trusts ghouls now. No, never. But that boy… he seems to know what he was talking about. He seems to know just a bit more about the world Amon was living in more than Amon himself.

The ghoul in the fox mask… he seems to be a close friend if their exchange was anything to go by. But… _idle banter. With a ghoul who claims he doesn’t kill…_ Does such a thing really exist? He can’t be sure. He has never met such a thing as an innocent ghoul –not until recently, and even then what proof is there?

**_“But people… ghouls who just want to live peacefully, who tries to avoid hurting others as much as possible... they didn’t… they don’t deserve to be treated like that”_ **

Perhaps that boy is being deceived. Perhaps he really is just a pawn in whichever ghoul’s hands, sent out to bring confusion to whoever dared listen to his fraudulent words. And perhaps Amon is still hung up on the idea that he wants to save him from those evil clutches.

The Mother ghoul who gave her life for her daughter. The Rabbit who hesitated in her act of revenge. The Fox who stood protectively in front of a simple human. And the human who connects them all…

He knows far too little, even now. But the one thing he was sure of was that he has to see that boy again.

 _This world is wrong._ He thinks to himself, to the water flowing around him, to his precious partner who will never breathe again… _but in what way do you see it?_

**~_~_~**

Kaneki sighed, slowly packing up after his last class of the day, his mind drifting as the other students filtered out of the door. _Hinami-chan… I wonder how she’s doing…_

**_“Is it okay… for me to live…?”_ **

The girl hadn’t spoken at all after that, and it broke his heart to hear such a question leave her lips. _“Ryoko-san would’ve wanted you to live”_ he’d tried to explain to her as well as he can, tried his best to comfort her through her tears, but in the end he knew what he had to say would never be enough.

**_“B-But… it’s scary isn’t it? Y-You’re scared of me… aren’t you?”_ **

Just last night, Touka had killed someone right in front of her. And although she hasn’t said anything, the girl probably knew that it was for her sake.

No… it was obvious from the start, and that more than anything made Kaneki’s heart clench. Because the first time they spoke, Hinami apologized to him for eating, and then she had cried because she didn’t want anyone to get hurt because of her.

She’s a ghoul, but she’s pained by all the parts of her that make her a ghoul.

 ** _“They’re monsters”_** that Investigator told him, his voice firm and pained, and Kaneki couldn’t help but wonder what happened for him to hold such belief. And then he thought of his words –of Rize and her sadistic laughter as she revealed herself, not a single trace of humanity in her face as she gazed down at him like a predator would its prey, as she cut Hide open and chewed on his bloody kidney— and he couldn’t disagree.

Not entirely, at least, because the contrary was all around him.

Hinami, Anteiku in general, even Touka.

 ** _“In fact it’d probably be better for murderers like me to die. Don’t you think so?”_** was what Touka had said way back when, trying to scare him off. Her words had been self-depreciating, but she hadn’t killed anyone then. And last night, too; the flash of guilt in her eyes as she walked away from them spoke volumes to Kaneki.

He understood that she hadn’t really want to kill anyone, either. But with last night, it appeared that she didn’t have a choice. That it was kill or be killed and she killed to protect. **_“Ghouls have a slightly different perception of life than humans do”_** Hide told him once, but now Kaneki thinks that might not be entirely true either. They’re born just like humans are, after all, and perhaps they gain the same sense of values too, just like Hinami. But because of their constitution and lifestyle, they are unable to uphold these morals.

Ghouls can only eat human flesh to survive, thus harming humans are regarded a necessity. They are shunned by society, so they gain a sense of fear and loathing to the people they are unable to connect with. They are hunted down just for being what they are, and thus they have no choice but to fight back. And… perhaps most of them lose their loved ones at a very young age, thus planting seeds of doubt and vengeance in their hearts.

Perhaps most lose their way. Perhaps most just give in to the pressure, to the insanity. Perhaps they just choose to bury their conscience and give in to their instincts as predators and killers – even humans break, after all. He’s read more than enough books about it to simply disregard it.

But others… others do try. Some continue to endure, living as peacefully and innocently as they can in the human world.

That Investigator asked him ‘ _how?’_ Even with the conviction in his voice, even with his prejudice and distrust, he looked as if he wanted to know. He wanted to understand what Kaneki was now beginning to as well. And in the end he let them go.

Kaneki knew it was probably stupid for him to want to show him. To try and make that Dove see the world that he now saw, and probably serve him some coffee as well. But it felt as if being able to do that would be a big achievement.

 _Mutual understanding between humans and ghouls huh…? Is that even possible?_ With all the fear and prejudice and resentment between both sides, not to mention the fact that ghouls still can’t survive without eating human beings… An exasperated sigh escaped his lips.

“You know, some of your happiness leaves every time you sigh like that”

Kaneki jolted, suddenly finding himself face to face with caramel brown eyes and a teasing smile, and he felt his face burn. “H-H-HIDEEE!!” he squeaked, his body completely frozen until the blond finally leaned back and away from his face. “How long have you been there???” he asked his best friend, trying to get his heart to calm down from the shock.

The blond laughed. “A coupla minutes. Seriously dude, your class ended, like, ten minutes ago. I got tired of waiting outside” he explained with a pout.

Kaneki blinked, looking around to find that, yes, the classroom was now completely empty. He flushed. “Right… sorry” he mumbled.

“S’fine dude. What were you thinking about anyway?” Hide asked, helping him up.

Kaneki shrugged. “Stuff…” his best friend stared at him, eyes and smile knowing, and again Kaneki sighed. “Yesterday” he mumbled. A smile stretched his lips when he felt an arm suddenly wrap around his shoulders, and he let himself lean on the blond just a bit as they left the room.

“Hey, no use worrying about what’s already done. All that matters is we’re all okay and you might’ve just gained another fan” he grinned.

Kaneki sweatdropped. “What ‘fan’?”

“Yeah right. Like that Dove _wasn’t_ totally into you. I mean really dude”

“……Uh-huh” he rolled his eyes.

“I know right? Next thing you know he’ll be bringing you flowers and chocolates and asking you out on dates and stuff and then you’ll leave and forget all about me!!!”

Kaneki rolled his eyes, a quirk of a smile on his lips as he patted his best friend on the back. “Don’t worry about that Hide, there’s no way I’ll ever leave and forget you” he promised, a chuckle escaping his throat.

Suddenly, they stopped moving, just the two of them standing in the middle of the Literature Department building, and Kaneki turned his head, his brows furrowed in confusion.

Again he was met with caramel brown eyes, but this time, there wasn’t a trace of humor in them.

“You swear?” Hide asked, his tone taking up one of those heavily serious ones he sometimes gets out of the blue.

“E-Eh?” Kaneki couldn’t help but stutter. Even now he never did get used to these moments because Hide doesn’t get them often… (The last time was in high school, when his Aunt secretly took all his books to the Waste Recycling Center. She probably didn’t notice the scary glint in the blond’s eye, but Kaneki did, and even now he doesn’t know what to think of his best friend when he gets like this.)

Hide’s eyes bore right through him, not a trace of his usual cheery demeanour in them. “You swear you’ll never leave? Even though I’m a ghoul now and may have to hurt people in the future?” he asked, his tone equally serious.

Kaneki felt his stomach drop, his own eyes widening as he registered the meaning of these words. _Hide… ah…_ _of course he’s troubled._

Again Kaneki felt like a horrible friend. The blond tends to never display his real worries and discomfort that Kaneki often takes his words and his smiles for granted. Although he doesn’t show it now, Hide too… was probably scared and worried. Suddenly turning into a ghoul would be a huge shock to anyone. Hide shouldn’t be an exception even if he doesn’t show it.

Kaneki smiled, slinging his own arm over his ghoul best friend’s shoulder. “I swear I won’t” he reassured. “You’ve been there for me for as long as I can remember, Hide. Now it’s my turn to be there for you. No matter what”

"...."

“…dude. That was so cheesy I can’t even—“ and just like that Hide was back to his usual joking self, pulling away from the human as he tried to stifle his chuckles, but Kaneki could clearly see the dusting of red on his ears.

Kaneki blushed himself. “Y-You asked!!” he exclaimed, clutching his bag. “A-And I was being serious!!!”

Hide grinned. “I know, ‘neki. I know. Thanks” the blond stated, his face lighting up in such a contagious way that Kaneki couldn’t help but smile as well.

“AAAAHH!! Damn it!! And now because I’m like this it’d be useless to try and steal your chocolates!!!”

Kaneki sweatdropped. “You do realize you get more chocolates than me every Valentine’s Day right? Why in the world would you want to steal mine?”

The blond wiggled his brows, his smile turning conspiratorial. “How do you _think_ I get more Valentines chocolates than you?”

Kaneki paused, turning to the blond with the most deadpan stare he had ever given in his life.

Hide simply laughed.

**~_~_~**

Walking into Anteiku that afternoon, Hide couldn’t help but gape when they were immediately met with Touka’s blushing face.

“U-Uhm… yeah…” the girl began. “So, uh… yesterday was my fault and sorry for dragging you into it” she mumbled out, her gaze permanently fixed on some point over Kaneki’s right shoulder.

He blinked. “Oh my G— Is our Ice Queen _apologizing?!”_ he gasped, placing a hand over his gaping mouth as he stared comically shocked at the girl.

Touka’s glare was, of course, like daggers at this, but Hide paid it no mind, opting to just grin at the two, especially with how Kaneki was blushing quite an endearing sort of red in the meantime.

“E-Eh? A-ah No!” Kaneki stuttered out, seemingly recovering from his shock. “I-I mean… I didn’t mind. I’m sure you didn’t expect that to happen either, Touka-chan… I’m just glad things didn’t end up too badly” he smiled, a hand reaching up to scratch at his cheek.

Hide followed the movement with his eyes, sensing the other’s nervousness, but nothing else. He was being genuine despite the discomfort he must be feeling. _Now that I think about it… when was the last time he did ‘that’._ He couldn’t help but wonder, thinking of his best friend’s habit. He really hasn’t seen it in a while, and he was quite glad.

It was almost a lonely feeling, though. Seeing his meek best friend slowly coming out of his shell.

A huge sigh reached his ears, and he turned just in time to catch Touka’s fading blush. “Anyway, this is fine already, right Irimi-san? Koma-san??” she called out suddenly.

The blond blinked again, looking over her to spot the two employees heading their way. Koma grinned once he was close enough, ruffling Touka’s hair. “Thanks Touka-chan, that must’ve been quite a feat huh?” he teased.

“Shut up!” the girl swatted the man’s hand away, and Hide couldn’t help but laugh as she quickly made a hasty retreat out the backroom

“We’re glad you’re okay, Kaneki-kun” Koma stated afterwards, grinning bright and friendly as he clapped the teen on the back.

“Huh?”

“We heard from Yomo-kun. You stood up for us” Irimi added, running a hand through his hair. “Thank you” she stated, her smile warm, and Hide felt his breath hitch at the sight.

“I… I didn’t do anything…” Kaneki trailed off hiding his face behind his bangs. But still, Hide saw it.

The way Kaneki’s eyes shone then… the way his lips quirked up in a warm smile…

The Kaneki now… looks so happy, so content and peaceful.

Before, even during the peaceful times at Anteiku where Hide would simply watch from the side-lines as his best friend was surrounded by jovial people, he could still see the shadow behind his eyes –his discomfort, his doubts and his fears. But now, for just a second, they were completely gone.

Without the burden of being a half-ghoul, there was just Kaneki, filled with wonder at the warmth that was being presented to him in a way that he’d probably never felt before.

In the end, just Hide wasn’t enough. And he’s fine with that, he thinks. As long as Kaneki is happy. As long as he can stay by Kaneki’s side. And he’s thankful that Kaneki gets to experience this, something his Mother and his wretched Aunt and even Hide was unable to give him all his life.

But it was over as soon as it started, and Hide frowned as Kaneki’s face fell again. “But Irimi-san, Koma-san… that Investigator recognized me. Even though I hid my face, he still… I don’t think it’s safe for me to work here anymore…” he trailed off.

Hide couldn’t help but groan at his best friend’s Kaneki-issued-worries, and he opened his mouth about to talk the guy off when a different voice beat him to it.

“Do you want to stop working here, Kaneki-kun?” the manager asked, appearing from the stairs.

Hide turned back to Kaneki, watching as his face contorted in guilt and worry, reasons and decisions flashing through his eyes as his hand slowly reached up to cup his chin. _Dang, and he was doing so well too!_ Hide decided to answer for him. “Nope. And even if you do I won’t let you.”

Kaneki turned to him, his hand dropping, and Hide crossed his arms, pouting at him pointedly. “B-But Hide—“

“Then please rest assured” Yoshimura cut in, and Hide grinned at the old man and his timing. Yoshimura smiled back at him before turning to his best friend. “If anything were to happen, we’ll take care of it”

“T-Take care of—“ Hide knew exactly what was going through his friend’s head at that, but it was pretty obvious, so it wasn’t a surprise the others picked up on it too.

“Hey! We happen to be experts at blending in you know. Do you seriously think there’s never been a Dove in here?” Koma claimed. “Even the Devil Ape has perfect humanly manners you know. No one will suspect a thing!”

“You’re still a human, Kaneki-kun. You don’t need to worry about us.” Irimi explained, then a thoughtful look crossed her face. “In fact, if anyone would be suspicious, it’s Hide-kun.”

“H-HEY!! I WAS HUMAN ONCE YOU KNOW!!!” Hide balked, flabbergasted, and just like that the atmosphere exploded into laughter. “And I happen to be a Mastaa in disguise dudes!!” he claimed, striking a pose.

“Right” Kaneki stated blandly between his chuckles, making the blond gasp in shock. “Kaneki how could you!! To your own best friend!!! Fine!! If you’re kicking me out I am taking Hinami-chan with me!!” he announced, loud and clear.

“Yeah, no way. Hinami’s with me.” suddenly, Touka was behind him, a smirk on her face. “You getting fired? About time.”

“Touka-chan so mean!!!! And what do you mean Hinami-chan’s with you??”

“I asked her last night. She’s staying with me now.”

“EEH?? NO FAIR!! THAT'S CHEATING!!”

She ignored him. “Anyway, sorry to interrupt, but we’ve got a full house right now, and I can’t do everything on my own.” she stated.

“Ah, oh dear.” Irimi blushed, as Koma rubbed his head. “Right, right.”

“Of course. Our apologies Touka-chan.” Yoshimura chuckled “Alright everyone, back to work.”

Hide nudged Kaneki on the side as everyone filed out, leaving the two to change into their uniforms, and Kaneki simply smiled at him, resigned.

“Back to work.” he stated.

Hide grinned. “Back to work.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAHH!!
> 
> IT'S GHOUL!HIDE WEEK AND I NEVER EVEN NOTICED!! TTATT  
> Damn... too late now I guess TTwTT


	13. Gourmet Food - Is Overrated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys XDD Ba~ack. So I am FINALLY getting on with the Gourmet arc on here so, yeah ^^.  
> But first, have Yoriko XDD
> 
> NOTE: I’m sorry ^^; it seems I messed up Yoriko’s character in the first chapter, so I changed it a bit. Not that it’s all that important though, but *shrugs* ^^;  
> (And I just realized. TouRiko is like a parallel to HideKane *A* I mean, Touka and Hide are the headstrong characters that gives the shy Yoriko and Kaneki confidence and reassurance! Except Touka is the gloomy one and Yoriko the cheerful one. ^^; wow.)
> 
> Enjoy~

It’s already been a few days since the CCG Investigator Mado’s death but the incident is still all over the news. And because of that, most of Anteiku’s regular customers has decided to lay low for a while, causing business to slow down enough to not give Hide an excuse to skip his first monthly check-up with the mad Doctor.

“Hmm, looks like there aren’t any problems” Dr. Kanou stated after placing away his stethoscope, his face set into a casual smile as he scribbled things down on his clipboard. “You’ve been taking the medicine as usual, right?”

Hide simply flashed him one of his brightest grins, not bothering to provide a verbal answer.

He was, regrettably. But he made sure to store some away for future research if he ever decided to send them to his dad (which he frankly hopes he never has to, but just in case). He thinks they might be some form of RC inhibitors to prevent shock, but he couldn’t really be sure. Frankly he was both scared and curious to find out what would happen if he stops taking them since Kaneki probably drank them religiously, right to the minute.

He doesn’t know what to feel about that, really.

But more than that, he feels a bit tense today himself, eyeing the small test tube of his blood on the rack. He knows for a fact it hasn’t been tested yet, whatever the Doctor said, judging by the way the man’s fingers fidgeted around his pen in concealed excitement.

He was bound for a surprise, Hide loathed to admit. He knew his eating habits and he knew it was impossible to hide it from the doctor with that vial right there, even though he made sure not to eat anything the entire weak. Pointless too since despite his misdirection, Kanou still knew his own handywork better than Hide ever would without a thorough inspection of the mad scientist’s notes.

Still, Hide tries to reassure himself as he stood up, bowing his thanks and farewells and wondering if he really will be coming back next month, it was only a matter of time.

Hide knew that even without him doing anything, the CCG will be able to find Kanou’s case on their own. It’d take months, sure, but he didn’t have a problem with that. If anything, he’d rather not draw any attention to himself just yet as that would cause a _whooole_ lot of trouble and get Kaneki all mixed up too. It was already a miracle his dad hasn’t visited him so far, considering he was quite sure he was the one who paid for his hospital bill. (Too busy with work, maybe. Or, he hopes, he was still hung up over that one fight and is keeping his distance like he promised. …although that makes him feel terrible, but he _is_ very _very_ thankful for the old man’s sensitive feelings. _Sorry Dad_ ).

But still, Kanou pisses him off, and if Hide was actively planning ways to bring the mad doctor down as painfully as possible when the time comes, even with the Aogiri Tree on his side, well… who could blame him?

Anyone who hurt Kaneki deserves to be punished.

Finally stepping out of the too white hospital lobby, Hide stretched his arms up high above his head, breathing in the fresh winter air as he whipped out his phone and began walking.

 

 **11/21 – 9:10 am**  
From: Hide  
Sub: KAAAANEEEKIIIII!!

 **I still can’t believe you would leave me to brave this place on my own. >A<**  
Do you not know about PTSD? Do you think I don’t have it???  
Btw, dude, where are you rn? I’m looonelyyy ;w;

 

 **11/21 – 9:12 am**  
From: Kaneki  
Sub: re: KAAAANEEEKIIIII!!

 **Everything went ok then?**  
I think I’m more likely to have PTSD than you, actually  
And I’m visiting Hinami-chan. She says hi.

 

 **11/21 – 9:12 am**  
From: Hide  
Sub: re:re: KAAAANEEEKIIIII!!

**GASP!! YOU’RE AT TOUKA-CHAN’S???  
GAAH!! NO FAAAAAIR KANEKI!! I WANNA GO TOOOOO!!!!!**

**11/21 – 9:13 am**  
From: Kaneki  
Sub: re:re:re: KAAAANEEEKIIIII!!

**Touka-chan says you can come as long as you behave.**

**11/21 – 9:13 am**  
From: Hide  
Sub: re:re:re:re: KAAAANEEEKIIIII!!

**A chance to see Touka-chan’s room??! I’ll be on my best behaviour! XDD**

**11/21 – 9:15 am**  
From: Kaneki  
Sub: re:re:re:re:re KAAAANEEEKIIIII!!

**Touka-chan says she takes it back and that she’ll kill you if you so much as think of approaching her house.**

**11/21 – 9:15 am**  
From: Hide  
Sub: re:re:re:re:re:re: KAAAANEEEKIIIII!!

**GAH! NO! PLEASE LET ME GO!! I SWEAR I’LL BEHAVE!! I’LL BEHAVE!!**

**11/21 – 9:17 am**  
From: Hide  
Sub: re:re:re:re:re:re:re: KAAAANEEEKIIIII!!

**Kaneki??**

 

 **11/21 – 9:20 am**  
From: Hide  
Sub: re:re:re:re:re:re:re: KAAAANEEEKIIIII!!

**OYY!!! KANEKI???**

“KAAANEEEKIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!” Hide whined to his phone, shaking it about as he jumped with little regard for traffic safety. He’d left his bike at home today in favour of walking, figuring he didn’t need to rush, and he was thankful for that because he wouldn’t know where to go for the mean time anyway, as it was his day off at work.

Besides, since becoming a ghoul, he had soon found out that he could now run faster than he could pedal anyway so…

Still, he couldn’t believe his best friend would abandon him for the chance to visit a cute girl’s house!! It was so unfair!! Kaneki should’ve at least taken him with!!! Especially since he was quite sure he’d set his eyes on Touka-chan first, the traitor!!

Slowing down from his mad dash of frustration, Hide sighed, kicking lightly at a stray rock. _What to do now?_ He thought, pouting his way down the street

Of course, his first thought was go find Kaneki, but that was dashed. He could also always just call Koma and ask for Touka’s address, but he wasn’t really sure if she wasn’t being serious in her previous threat. Besides, she was holding Kaneki hostage too. And cute Hina-chan. Which is, again, not fair, because _Hina-chan’s MY baby cousin you know!! Just check the family register!!_

He sighed again, pocketing his phone and redirecting his thoughts to other matters instead.

 _I wonder how Nishio-senpai’s doing..._ The thought had crossed his mind a few times now. He hasn’t seen or heard anything about his upperclassghoul in the entire month since that incident, and although the manager assured him he wasn’t dead, Hide couldn’t help feeling a bit worried.

And now that he’s thinking about it, when and how _did_ the guy start working for Anteiku, anyway?

**_“Not like that you say? You really believe that??? The CCG, Humans, Ghouls, they’re all just lying scum. You’d do well to remember that”_ **

He smiled. He had no doubt it had a lot to do with Kaneki if the guy’s sudden change of heart was any indication; his best friend was awesome like that. But in the end, it took his best friend shouldering a terrible tragedy before he was able to find people who actually appreciated him for who he is.

Not to mention how much it sucked that his best friend never let him in on anything in his new life, leaving Hide to simply watch from the shadows with nothing but thoughts and theories to work with.

He sighed.

But back to Nishio. It’s already pretty obvious to him that Nishio was a treasured friend to the Kaneki of that future, which means that there was a pretty good chance he was a better person that Hide thinks he is (although Hide only ever thought of him as an antisocial jerk anyway, who happens to be a ghoul).

 _Maybe I should drop by, after all, to see how he’s doing and stuff..._ he thought, already turning to the general direction he knew of the guy’s house when a familiar voice called out to him.

“Nagachika-san?”

“Hm?” He turned around, and his face immediately split into a huge grin when he recognized who it was. “Yoriko-chan! Fancy meeting you here!” he greeted the high-schooler, waiting for her to catch up to him on the sidewalk. “Where ya headed?” he couldn’t help but ask, noticing the casserole she was carrying.

Yoriko flashed him a timid smile, tinged with something Hide could recognize as doubt. She fidgeted. “Uhm… Nagachika-san, have you seen Touka-chan this week?” she asked, making Hide blink. “I-I mean, you visit the shop she works at right? I j-just… she’s…”

Hide hummed, recognizing the worry in her eyes. “Yeah, I see her. Did anything happen?” he asked gently, giving her a comforting smile.

He knew he wasn’t the only one that’s noticed the change in Touka’s behaviour after that incident. She’s become a lot more distant than usual now, more thoughtful –likely not the good kind, too, if the depressed aura around her was anything to go by— so it wasn’t a surprise that her best friend would notice either. _And because Yoriko-chan doesn’t know anything, she’s probably a lot more concerned by it._ His smile turned a bit sad at the thought.

He watched her as they resumed walking, her eyes downcast, her shoulders drooping. He kind of wanted to offer to carry the pot, but by the way her grip tightened on it, he knew she wouldn’t accept. And besides, it wasn’t his business to pry into people’s thoughts so he simply hummed a tune instead, keeping his ears open in case she ever wanted to talk.

She did. “Touka-chan… doesn’t seem too well these days” she began, fiddling with the pot’s handles. “And earlier she… I… I got her in trouble and…well…” she trailed off.

Hide blinked, _trouble? What sort of trouble_ He thought curiously, if a bit worriedly. One thing he’d found out about Touka since meeting the girl was that she has a great deal of courage to always speak her mind. But she can also be very defensive about the things she doesn’t speak about. Defensive, impulsive, and guilty; sometimes even making things out to be a lot worse than they actually are, making herself into the bad guy when she only means well.

Considering what happened just a few days ago, along with how much she cares about Yoriko –and how scared she is about being rejected by her— he can sort of see what might be going on. “Don’t worry about it too much, Yoriko-chan” he began, taking on a more reassuring tone. “Whatever happened, I’m sure it’s not that bad. Touka-chan is a bit of a hothead after all”

She pursed her lips, shrinking into herself, but then a small smile appeared on her face. “You seem to know Touka-chan well, huh Nagachika-san” she suddenly stated, a completely change of subject, and Hide had to chuckle.

He winked.

“…”

“E-E-EEEHH??! You work at the same place as Touka-chan???” she exclaimed, nearly dropping the casserole, and Hide had to place a hand under it to make sure it doesn’t spill.

He grinned. “Yep. Turns out Anteiku was hiring, so I jumped right into it. And dragged my best friend along for the ride” he explained with a wink. “…ya know, so I don’t look too desperate” he coughed, puffing his cheeks out.

Yoriko then broke into laughter, light and carefree, making Hide brighten all the more as he joined her. “Oh Nagachika-san, you have my utmost support!” she exclaimed. “So how is it? Any luck?”

“...no." He pouted, blushing just a bit. “and… actually… I think I’m losing to my best friend!!” he cried in mock-anguish, letting tears flow dramatically down his face. “He’s getting along with her far better than I am!! I even caught them having a heart-to-heart at the back once, and I wasn’t even the topic of conversation!!”

“Oh dear...” Yoriko sweatdropped. “Hang in there.”

“Yoriko-chan!!” he cried again, grasping her hands over the pot handles. “If I ever lose hope, can I count on you to pick me back up?” he asked tearfully, his voice wavering.

Yoriko stiffened far too quickly, and Hide flinched back, letting her go as quickly and gently as possible, feeling his stomach dropped at the sudden look of discomfort on her face. He cleared his throat, turning away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—“

“N-No it’s fine!” the girl cried, and Hide turned just a bit to see her flushed face. “I-I’m sorry I… I’m just not very good with… people” she smiled, slightly nervous, and Hide let his shoulders drop as he recognized that smile. “You just took me by surprise is all, hehe…”

He smiled too, soft and disarming. “I’m sorry too. Kaneki does tell me I can get too hyper” he turned away, making sure to keep his distance, smiling when he saw the girl visibly relax at this.

Surprisingly enough, it seems she has a lot in common with his best friend. _No wonder Touka-chan likes him better._ He pouted. “So where ya headed?” he finally asked the girl, stopping around the crossroad and turning around to fully face his human companion.

She jumped at that, suddenly looking around as if she hadn’t realized they’d been walking. Then her shoulders drooped in relief, likely finding out she hadn’t strayed from her path, before flushing in obvious embarrassment. “W-Well, I was actually on my way to Touka-chan’s” she explained, raising the pot in her hands a bit. “I was hoping to cheer her up with this”

Hide blinked, his eyes landing on the pot, only now acknowledging the (no offense!) disgusting scent wafting out of it. “Heeh? Yoriko-chan can cook?” he let out, sweatdropping at the implication. _Will… will they be okay?_

Yoriko blushed, lowering her head. “Well, it’s actually my dream to be a chef” she admitted, turning to the left corner after they crossed the street. “T-Touka-chan said my cooking tastes good and cheered me on before, so I sort of made it a habit to cook for her if she lets me…” she shrugs shyly.

Hide couldn’t help but stare, his mouth agape with awe as another secret was uncovered in front of him.

Touka was kind. He knew this from the start so it shouldn’t come as a surprise. But still… he smiled, feeling his heart swell for the girl who was dedicated enough to eat what could be considered poison just to make a precious friend smile… _ah… I see._ He thinks. _We’re kind of alike, too, huh?_

“By the way, where is Nagachika-san going?” he snaps out, turning to face curious, if slightly worried caramel eyes, and he grinned.

“Please call me Hide! And I’m actually going to Touka-chan’s too” he announces, a skip to his step. Yoriko’s face falls, suddenly taking on a constipated type of look and Hide rushed to explain himself. “It’s not like that!!” he exclaims, his hands flailing by his sides. “My baby cousin seemed to like her so I asked if she could babysit!” he stated indignantly, crossing his arms. “I’m just going to see how they’re doing!”

“Eh?”

“It’s true! I’ll even introduce you!!”

“…I see” she lets out, a small smile stretching on her lips as she faced forward again, eyes downcast. Hide frowned in worry.

“Yoriko-chan…?”

“Touka-chan… didn’t tell me anything about that…” she mumbles out, seeming to droop at this –again in such a familiar way that he felt the urge to shake her by the shoulders. Except he knew she probably wouldn’t appreciate that. “She rarely ever tells me anything about her work. Actually, introducing you was the first time she did so freely”

 _Ah._ Hide hums, silent for a few moments, his hands in his pocket, simply keeping up with her slow pace. He thinks about Touka, about the hope in her eyes despite her belief that humans can’t be trusted, the worry she unknowingly expresses for Kaneki –a regular human. And then he thinks about Yoriko, her innocent eyes, meek nature and cheerful disposition, her worry and her loyalty, and he smiles.

“Hey Yoriko-chan?” he began, gaining back her attention from her shoes. She turned to him questioningly and he grinned. “What do you think about ghouls?”

She blinked. Once, twice, three times, and then tilted her head to one side, her eyes squinting in confusion. “Ghouls?”

**~_~_~**

When she heard blondie’s annoying voice suddenly call out on her doorstep even though she made sure the human didn’t tell him her address, Touka wasn’t surprised at all.

When it was Yoriko’s frantic face she saw through peephole, though, she nearly had a heart attack.

“Y-Y-Yoriko!!?” She practically tore the door open, her mouth open wide to demand just _what_ the blond was doing with her best friend when said best friend’s arms were suddenly on her shoulders, shaking her in such a familiar fashion that it sent shivers down her spine.

“Touka-chan!! Is it true?!!! ARE YOU OKAY???” the girl cries out, panic evident in her eyes, and Touka glared death at the blond over her head before turning back to her friend.

“Yoriko, what are you doing here? What happened? Did this pervert do anything to you? I swear if he so much as looked at you funny I’ll seriously kill him” she finished darkly, focusing on Yoriko’s frantic expression. She’ll seriously pull through with it, no arms bound.

“Is it true that—” she began, cutting herself off abruptly as she seemed to stare just past Touka’s shoulder, mouth agape.

 _Ah…_ the ghoul thought, her face darkening as her best friend’s started to burn. “Hey! Yoriko, don’t—“

“KANEKI!!!!!” and suddenly the obnoxiously loud voice whipped past her ear, making her twitch, and she turned around purely by reflex to land a strong hit to the back annoyance’s head. “GUWAAGH!!” it connected, sending the blond crashing unceremoniously into her floor. Thank God she was able to pull back though, she didn’t want to have to change her floorboards.

“H-Hide-kun??!!” Yoriko exclaimed, making Touka flush in mortification as her best friend crouched down next to the blond. “A-A-Are you o-o-o-k?? Eh?? Touka-chan????”

“Ooouuuucchh!!” blondie whined, rubbing his head with one hand. “I told you she’s tough” he mumbled suddenly, levelling Yoriko with a serious stare.

“The heck is that supposed to mean?” Touka snapped, resisting the urge to punch him again if just because of his proximity to her best friend. She settled for giving him a noogie instead, feeling just a bit satisfied at his pained cries.

“T-Touka-chan?!?”

“Please don’t worry about them. This is actually a usual thing.” she heard the human say, and she huffed, releasing blondie’s hard head in favour of turning to the less annoying of the duo.

“R-Right… uhm… a-a-are you…”

“His name’s Kaneki” Touka explained, lending a hand to help Yoriko up from the ground. “And before you get any weird ideas, he’s just a co-worker.”

“He’s my best friend I told you about who Touka-chan likes better than me!!” Hide piped up in that annoyingly chipper tone of his, and Touka had to roll her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. (“Oh gee, I wonder why”) “And this cutie is my baby cousin Hinami-chan~” he continued, slipping past Touka and suddenly taking the girl in his arms.

“Who are—“ she began angrily, before suddenly recalling the whole deal with family registers. She grit her teeth.

“Uwaah, how cute!! She looks like you Hide-kun!”

“I know right?”

Hinami, who had been hiding behind the human’s back before she was ripped away against her will, flashed her an almost desperate look suddenly surrounded by two bundles of sunshine, and Touka simply flashed her a tired smile, running a hand through her hair.

“Right. Guys, this is Yoriko. My… best friend.” she introduced, blushing a bit as the words _best-friend_ slipped past her lips. It was quite obvious that’s what they are but… looking back at it, she’d never really said it out loud before now…

“T-Toouka-chan…” aaand it seems she wasn’t the only one who noticed that. She sweatdropped.

Yoriko was crying.

And then she was squeezing the air out of her. “TOUKA-CHAAAN!!!” Yoriko sobbed into her shoulder. “You… You just… I’M SO HAPPY!!!”

“Y-Yoriko…?” she simply mumbled, patting the girl on the back as she slowly felt her sleeve get wet… Her eyes met the blond’s, his eyes glowing with that mixture of amusement and mischief she’s learned is _never_ good news, and she glared daggers at him.

He winked, and it was only then that she noticed the casserole he was holding. She blinked.

“Oh, right!!” Yoriko then exclaimed, finally letting go of her and reaching out for the cooking pot. She grinned, sunny and bright as the day they met, as she lifted the lid. “Uhm, I actually just cooked for two so I don’t know if there’s enough, but I would love to share this with all of you” she announced. “I’m so glad to get to meet Touka-chan’s workmates and friends.” she bowed.

“Uwaah, Yoriko-chan that smells delicious! You made it yourself?” the human stated with genuine awe, his eyes going wide with wonder and making her best friend blush in the process. Yoriko smiled, bashful but genuinely happy as well.

The sight of it made Touka feel sick.

To her, the smell that wafted from the pot was absolutely _sickening,_ making her stomach roil in such an unpleasant mixture of disgust and a deep-seated guilt. She clenched her teeth, disgusted with _herself_. _In the end, I’ll never be able to make her smile like that, not with my sense of taste._ She sighed. “I’ll go get the plates then” she says instead, heading off to her kitchen.

“Ah! Hinami-chan and I’ll have to pass” blondie suddenly announces, making her frown. But before she even had the chance to ask what the hell he was on, he spoke again. “We’re ghouls you see”

“H-Hide??!!”

Touka felt her breath hitch, her blood pounding in her ears, her head growing so murky she almost felt like she was underwater, and with no other idea what she could possible do in such a heart-stopping situation, she grabbed the scheming blond by the collar, baring her fangs, barely restraining her kakugan in a desperate attempt to preserve her illusion of normality. “The fuck’re you trying to pull blondie?” she seethed in a low voice.

“But Touka-chan!!” he exclaims loudly, making her flinch. “Did you hear what Kaneki said? It looks absolutely delicious!! There’s no way I can eat that with a straight face!! And even if I can it’d be completely unfair to her!” he explains, every word a stab to Touka’s heart, a blow to her ribs.

She grit her teeth, her hands trembling on his collar. _What are you planning?? What are you **doing??**_ He flashed her a small smile and _oh how she wanted to rip him to shreds—_

“Eh…” her best friend’s gentle voice filtered through the muck in her brain, and then— “EEEEEHHH??? T-T-THEN YOU— EARLIER— THAT WAS— EEEHHH???.”

Blondie only chuckled, gently pushing Touka away from him, his hand a steady, warm weight on her shoulder. _Comforting._ And then her eyes met the human’s – _Anteiku’s human worker’s—._ His eyes knowing, exasperated, _reassuring,_ and immediately she felt light headed.

**_“There are humans who accept ghouls you know”_ **

Yoriko had on a look of pure horror on her face, and Touka felt her heart drop.

“Y-Yoriko-san! I am very sorry about him. He _is_ a ghoul, and a weirdo, but I swear he’s not a bad guy!”

“WHO YOU CALLIN’ A WEIRDO??”

“B-But onii-chan is human so please don’t be scared!!”

“Totally ignored!!”

“A-a-and onee-chan is very nice. I swear she is. She’s never going to hurt you, or let anyone hurt you so please don’t call the CCG!!”

“H-Hina-chan that’s a bit…”

“P-Please!! Y-Yoriko-onee-san!! Please stay as onee-chan’s friend!!”

A swift inhale pierced through all the noise in the air, followed by a loud slap, and Touka felt her stomach flop as she heard the clear message in the little girl’s words.

She gulped, her heartbeat in her ears as she slowly turned back to Yoriko; to her human best friend; her mind a complete void. ( _Kill her._ Her mind didn’t say, didn’t command, for the first time since her father disappeared. _Kill her,_ she could not. And her whole being knew it. She would rather _die._ )

“…Eh…?” Yoriko was crying. Yoriko was staring right at her and was _crying._ “You… b-but… then…”

Touka couldn’t breathe. “Y-Yoriko… I…” she chokes out, gasps out, her voice sounding small, hollow, _pleading._ But in the end she didn’t know what she could possibly say to that heartbroken look, to those slumped shoulders, to the trembling fingers on the casserole she was holding. So instead, she took it from her friend’s hands, relieved when Yoriko didn’t flinch away from her touch. “I’ll… go get the plates” she mumbled, turning away.

Only to be stopped by a vice like grip on her arm. She flinched, nearly dropping the pot herself only for it to be saved by Kaneki instead as her best friend wailed just beside her ear.

“YOU MEAN I’VE BEEN FORCING YOU TO EAT MY CRAPPY COOKING ALL THIS TIME???!!!”

“…”

Suffice it to say, Touka was stunned.

“I’M SORRY!! I’M SORRY!! I NEVER NOTICED!! OH MY GOD TOUKA-CHAN!!! I’M SO SO SORRY!!!”

“Y-Yoriko you… you’re not… scared?”

“W-Why would I be?” her best friend… _her best friend_ sniffed, letting her go enough just to wiper her face with a sleeve.

Touka simply stared. “I… I’m a ghoul, Yoriko. I _eat_ people” she stated, as calmly as she could through the lump in her throat, the butterflies in her stomach.

As expected, Yoriko’s face paled, but she didn’t let go. “I… I don’t think I can cook people” she mumbled weakly.

Somewhere off to one side she heard someone crack out laughing, and if she wasn’t completely dumbstruck by the sheer absurdity of her situation, she would’ve tried to kill him. “You shouldn’t. Ever” she told her friend instead, grabbing the girl by the shoulders. “…How are you so… alright… with this?” she couldn’t help but ask, finally.

Yoriko blinked, her eyes flickering around nervously before setting on the ground. “Because you’re Touka-chan” she stated, red dusting her cheeks, and Touka felt her breath leave her.

“Yoriko…”

“H-Hide-kun told me earlier that maybe the reason you don’t bring me to your work-place is because there’s a lot of dangerous people around there… a-and that there was this urban legend about a shop ran by ghouls and if you go carelessly you never come back out and I was got really worried and scared about you and—“

“She never once thought about calling the CCG” blondie cut in, still wheezing from his laughing fit, and once again Touka stared at him, exasperated. _So he planned all this…_ she sighed.

“CCG?” Yoriko blinked, tilting her head to one side. “Oh! Right… there was a countermeasures division for that kind of stuff…. W-w-wait isn’t that dangerous?!!”

Again, Touka sighed, her mouth quirking up into the first effortless smile she’s made in a while, an entire weight lifting off her shoulders. Raising her hand, she flicked a finger on her best friend’s head and grinned. “It’s fine. It’s fine. I managed to make it this long didn’t I? Besides that, though… WHAT THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN FEEDING HER BLONDIE??!!” she roared, turning to grab the annoying blond by the collar, . “’Urban Legend’ my ass, what the hell do you think of our shop??”

“Well actually, I said that instead of never coming out, you gain a stalker instead” he replied.

Touka kicked him.

And that was how Kaneki and Hinami found them, Touka strangling the blond with Yoriko panicking worriedly off to one side. “Uhm… I set the table” he announced, reminding them of the pot that started all this, Touka didn’t even notice they were gone.

“Oh. Ok. Let’s eat”

“T-Touka-chan, you don’t—“

“Yeah I’ll pass—“

“I don’t care if you have to _choke_ it down, you _are eating that food!”_ she growls out to the blond still in her hold, silencing any further protest as she released him in order to walk into her tiny dining-room-slash-kitchen, everyone else filing in behind her and taking their respective seats.

She stared down at the sickening food in front of her, for the first time unworried about being found out. About unintentionally hurting her friend –her _most precious person—_ and smiled.

“Touka-chan, you really shouldn’t force yourself!! N-Now that I know I swear I won`t—“

“This is the food Yoriko gave her best to cook. There’s no way I’m gonna let it go to waste” she states seriously, avoiding people’s gazes and ignoring the sudden heat in her cheeks. “Besides, there are humans in our group. Itadakimasu!” she took her first bite, gagging at the intensely disgusting flavours. But she swallowed it down nonetheless and didn’t hesitate to take another.

“T-Touka-chan/Onee-chan” consecutive tearful voices resounded around her, making her brow twitch in annoyance.

She glared at all of them before pointing to the bowl of stew on the table. “I’ll kill anyone who fails to finish their meal” she threatened.

“Isn’t this great, Touka-chan? Yoriko-san?” Kaneki commented before taking his fist bite, his face erupting into a look of honest delight that still made Touka feel slightly sick… but it’s fine.

Yoriko turned to her, her eyes worried, but teary with obvious happiness, and she smiled.

Yeah… this is fine.

**~_~_~**

What makes a gourmet, a _Gourmet_?

Is it the willingness to spend large amounts of money for something as fleeting as a meal? Exquisite taste? Expansive knowledge of the different pleasures of different types of cuisines? The _craving_ for novel delicacies and the unceasing desire to discover the rarest, most exquisite tastes the world has to offer—

And what of a ‘ghoul’? A ghoul who can only digest two kinds of meat and nothing else. Can such a creature ever gain the title of ‘gourmet’?

The answer, _mon ami,_ is _oui._

A ghoul is only able to consume human beings, but every human individual differs greatly from one another. Each has their own specific, signature tastes that might as well be their DNA. Depending on their nature, their surroundings, their development, such a taste may evolve. All one has to do is to look hard enough, to hone one’s senses to be able to discern one specimen from another and to fully savour every essence of every meal as much as possible.

And that, dear friends, is what brought him here.

“Welcome!” the voice that greeted him was mellow, masculine but light, a soft _tenor,_ blending beautifully with the tinkle of the Café’s entrance bells.

They belonged to a rather plain looking young man, just another face he would’ve passed over had he not been seeking for him _specifically_.

It was a curious rumour among the more peaceful ghouls of the 20th ward, something he’d been hearing here and there across Tokyo’s streets, and to say it didn’t pick his interest would’ve been unbecoming of one such as he when, most certainly, it _did._

And _ooooooh, mon dieu_ how could it not?

A _human_ was working at Anteiku. At the very _heart_ of the 20th ward ghoul’s very _management._

Just who is this human? What does he do? What reason could be there for such a person to find himself within a den of ghouls and still operate?

It’s about the _juiciest thing_ he had ever has the pleasure of discovering!

He approached the young man, feeling his skin prickle in delight as he eyed his prey as subtly as he could. Those wide, curious silver eyes, that shy little smile on a slim face still laced with baby fat, his wonderfully proportioned body, not too much muscle, and—

Ah.

_Aaaaah!_

_His scent!!_

The little human’s scent was unremarkable on it’s own, truthfully, but not so much that he would turn away in disinterest.

But more than that, more than that was the blend. _Mama mia_ the _blend._

He smelled of Anteiku. That subtle aroma of freshly brewed coffee, the delightful mix of various ghoul _and_ human odours, the employee’s own stronger scents wrapping around him like a cosy film in a manner that could be called _protective…_

 _Aaah_ mixed with that sweet, subtle, _human_ scent that was purely his own, it was a truly _remarkable_ olfactory experience! Familiar, calming, fresh,

Oh how he wonders how he would taste! If 80% of our sense of taste relies on smell, just what _flavour_ would such a glorious mix have? Marinated in all those different flavours, will his very essence transform into such a palatable misxture?? Or would it end in disappointment, only skin deep?

Aaaah, how intriguing! How curious! How _fascinating!_

“Oi, you, take this to the store room”

“Yes Ma’am”

But alas! It ended all too soon as the boy was whisked away, his scent, like the fleeting breeze during a hot summer’s day, quickly dissipated as if it was never there to begin with.

“What do you want, Trashyama” Kirishima Touka demanded, fiery and beautiful as always.

“Kirishima-san, can I not just drop by and see how everyone’s doing?” he hummed out, a hand on his chest. And then his eyes returned to that boy again, flitting back and forth between the bar and the back-room. “I wanted to come sooner, but alas, my schedule has been a bit busy lately…”

“Heh, hope it’s always like that so you never come”

“How cruel” he pouted, covering his face with a hand. “I only wanted to see the rumoured human worker with my own eyes”

“Just so you know, Sir, you’re allowed to look all ya want, but touching’s a different story” a different voice piped up, upbeat and jovial in a way that surprised him, and he turned to find a bright smile on an equally bright face framed by bright blond hair that made him wonder if he’d somehow found himself a sunflower in the winter.

“Oh?” he asked, leaning closer to the newcomer, taking a curious whiff of…

He choked. Gasped. Shivered as such an unfamiliar, _magnifique_ scent suddenly assaulted his nose that it took all of his self-control to not cry out at that very moment. _Tres bien!!_

Light-brown eyes like molten amber locked on to his, and he almost squeaked in unabashed pleasure as a shiver tore up his spine at the steely gaze, ice-cold despite the inviting warmth expressed through the man’s smile, like the contrast of the tender sweetness of a human and the hard bitter scent of a ghoul evolving together into such a _harmonious crescendo of aroma_ that, unlike with the sweet boy from earlier, seemed to burst straight from the man’s very _pores…_

Tsukiyama Shuu licked his lips, barely keeping the drool behind his lips as he returned that gaze full force. Such rare and mysterious delicacies… as if the galaxy suddenly unfolding before his very eyes…. _Aaaaaaaahhhh! Fortissimo!_

A Gourmet is such a rewarding thing to be!!

And then those eyes disappear between twin, tan eyelids, the grin getting brighter and sharper and then…

“Welcome to Anteiku, may I take your order please?”


	14. Lone Battle - Requires a Drink!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaand FINALLY!!! The Long Awaited Update is here!! XDDD  
> *SHOT*
> 
> aaand yeah, it does not contain Shuu as of yet sadly TTwTT  
> I AM SO SORRY FOR THE SUPER LONG WAIT!!! I seriously hit a wall the size of Mt. Everest for this arc. I had so many possible ideas and so many things I could write in that I had absolutely no idea how to write them, but with this chapter I have finally, sort of, chosen a path... I think.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter ^^;; and don't hate me too much for it ;w;
> 
> WARNIN: Yan!Hide makes an appearance. And there's violence, though not at the same time so please don't worry too much... hehe ^^;;

“Kaneki-kun, mind taking this upstairs?”

“Kaneki-kun, we ran out of the light-roast. Can you get some from the back for me please?”

“Ah, Kaneki, someone ordered a Club-house sandwich. I’m counting on you”

“Oi, Hinami’s too quiet. Go check up on her”

It...’s probably not his imagination, but somehow ever since that customer came, things had become a lot busier for Kaneki it seems, considering how he barely even manages to step out to the main area before someone is sending him back inside.

But he can’t really complain, considering how the few times he did manage to come out he was immediately met with that weird man’s intense gaze, and something about it definitely sent shivers up his spine.

Purple hair, supermodel-like looks, flamboyant personality, an… eccentric fashion sense, it didn’t take too long for Kaneki to realize he’s a ghoul, and most likely not a regular customer if the bad mood Touka was suddenly in was any indication. He wonders if he should be worried –after all, even though Touka and Yomo have been kind enough to help him with his self-defence training, by himself he’s still a perfectly good target for hungry ghouls.

“That customer…” Kaneki began a bit later, almost finished with the unscheduled inventory Irimi assigned to him while his best friend searched the cabinet behind him. “Do you think he’s dangerous?” he couldn’t help but ask, turning slightly to face his best friend.

Hide hummed, leaning slightly on the mop he found, face unreadable. “I would say so, yeah. He’s the S rate ‘Gourmet’ after all”

“…Eh?!” Kaneki yelped, nearly dropping the jar in his hand. “The ‘Gourmet’— as in that dangerous ghoul that only eats specific body parts??”

“Wheew, looks like someone’s doing their research” Hide simply grinned at him, his tone taking on a teasing lint. “Are you gonna report him?” he asked, leaning back, and Kaneki felt his stomach flop.

‘He should’, he thought at that moment. The Gourmet is a pretty vicious ghoul, after all –not caring about what became of his victims, simply stealing the parts that catches his fancy, leaving his prey either dead or crippled. Ever since _that_ incident, he made sure to keep an eye and an ear open for any matters relating to ghouls. And Kaneki has read quite a few tragic stories about this one in particular on the newspaper and in that book about ghouls he’d bought a while back.

But…

 _Would doing something like that be fair though?_ Gently, he placed the jar of mild-roast beans back on the shelf, absentmindedly jotting the number down on his list. As a human, it’s practically a duty to report dangerous ghouls to the CCG for the sake of peace; but he’s working in a café ran by ghouls and serving ghoul customers of all sorts on a daily basis. He wonders if doing such a thing can be considered bias. After all, he was finding out that just about everyone had their own stories to tell –Ghouls especially. And there’s also the possibility of innocent ghouls getting involved by accident… ( _Like Ryoko-san_ he thinks, feeling his heart clench in his chest.)

“Hey, it’s alright” he jumped, suddenly finding the list being pried off his fingers and an arm wrapping around his shoulder. “You seriously worry too much, dude. You don’t have to get involved if you don’t want to” Hide commented, poking him on the cheek.

He pushed him off with a frown. “But what do you think Hide? About the Gourmet”

His best friend blinked at him, face growing thoughtful. “Well frankly, I think he’s a creep, and would prefer it if _you_ stay as _faaaar_ away from him as possible ok?” he stated, grabbing Kaneki by the shoulders and staring him right in the eye. “As in, if you see him on the street or something, don’t hesitate to run the other way. As in _faaaaaaar_ away as _fast_ as you possibly can”

Kaneki could only sweatdrop at that, but he nodded. _If Hide thinks he’s suspicious, then I should definitely be cautious._ He thought, the memory of that time with Rize sending shivers down his spine.

“Besides, the CCG’re already on him anyways” Hide let him go, scratching his nose, flipping his mop in one hand as the two of them left the store room. “Not to mention it’d create a huge mess if he were actually found out, best to stay out of it” the blond stated.

“What does that mean?” he couldn’t help but ask, his brows furrowing in confusion.

“Hm?” Hide blinked, his eyes slowly focusing as if he was just interrupted from deep thoughts. “Oh. The Tsukiyama family’s pretty influential, you see. Considering how they own about an eighth of Tokyo’s Private Sector, and I’m pretty sure at least the majority of their employees are ghouls. The heir to such a huge corporation being found out as a ghoul would definitely hurt Tokyo’s economy quite a bit, not to mention the resulting bloodbath of course” his best friend shrugged before leaving to clean up a coffee-spill around one of the tables as if he didn’t just say something as impactful as that.

 _E…Eh?_ Kaneki could only watch him go, completely dumbstruck at the new information. In the end, Kaneki thinks he might never get used to his best friend’s scarily insightful nature. _Tsukiyama…_ He reviews, his brows furrowing when he realized he _had_ seen that name a few times in the newspaper. A private sector dedicated to ghouls… regular jobs, homes, records, something like that… _So then doesn’t that mean… he’s actually a pretty amazing person?_

“Quit slacking, pipsqueak. You’re still on the clock for another ten minutes you know” a scathing voice reached his ears just as a fist connected with his head, making him wince.

“R-Right. Sorry Tou…?” he trailed off, looking up only to find a different, friendlier face staring at him worriedly, right beside the expected glaring Touka. “Yoriko-chan!” he exclaimed, surprised, before a smile lit his face. “What brings you here today?”

Yoriko smiled at him before raising a bento box to his face. “We made this during cooking class today and I was hoping to share it with you. It’s only leftovers now, though. I hope you don’t mind” she stated, a slight dusting of red on her cheeks.

Kaneki couldn’t help blushing himself, especially when several impressed noises suddenly started sounding out around him. ( _“Hyooo hyoo! A high-schooler, Kaneki you dog!” “Whoa, nice going there nii-chan!” “I want a cute girlfriend too!”)_ “U-U-Uhm… T-Thank you very much, Yoriko-chan” he stuttered, rubbing the back of his head with one hand as he took the offered lunchbox. “You didn’t have to go out of your way…?”

“Tch. That’s why I offered to just take it with me earlier, but she kept nagging about coming here after her cram school anyway” it was Touka who replied, her face contorted in obvious distaste. Kaneki could only stiffen at her dark glare, his hand trembling over the box in his hand while he wondered if he should just give it back. Thankfully he was released as the ghoul turned to her best friend.

“Anyways, Hinami’s upstairs if you wanna see her. And I still have three hours on my shift so let Kaneki walk you home when you’re ready okay?” she told the girl, just before walking off. Kaneki could only watch her fading back in slight exasperation, _Isn’t it only polite to ask me too? …well, not that I’d refuse anyway_ before turning back to the newcomer.

“Then I’ll be in your care today, Kaneki-kun” Yoriko bowed, her smile so bright that Kaneki had to return it with a bow of his own. “Likewise”

**~_~_~**

**_“Then I’ll give it to Kaneki-kun instead!!”_ **

Touka was irritated.

She was _very_ irritated.

Downright _annoyed as heck,_ actually.

She’ll never say it out loud, but in the end it just wasn’t _fair_.

**_“U-Uhm, Touka-chan… it really makes me happy that you would eat my cooking…”_ **

**_“I mean it! I’m really_ really VERY _happy!! B-But…”_**

**_“Please… stop…?”_ **

Walking away after jotting down a human customer’s order, she released a drawn out sigh.

“Oh my, you shouldn’t do that Touka-chan, you’re letting your happiness escape” Koma commented from the bar, his lips quirked into a knowing smile. She glared at him, handing over the order before turning to go find another table to wait.

Of course she doesn’t get away.

“Come on, don’t be like that. Isn’t it good that our humans are making friends?” the man stated, and Touka turned back to him, a nerve throbbing in her head. She crossed her arms, leaning on the counter as her senior began to mix the drink.

It’s not like she was against it or anything. In fact, she was happy that there was finally someone who could fully appreciate her best friend’s cooking in her stead. But still, she found it incredibly unfair.

She’s known Yoriko for years. They were _best friends_ –something that was almost a miracle for her actually, being what she was. But still, she’d known her longer, choked down her cooking longer, watched her happy smiles _longer_. So why must she just stand aside while someone else _steals that away from her?_

Even _if_ she knew her best friend was only doing it for her own good.

**_“I-I mean, t-this is bad for you right? I don’t want you getting sick because of me…”_ **

Another sigh escaped her lips, her eyes wandering over to the humans. Yoriko was looking at her, and as their gazes met, her best friend flashed her a double thumbs up with that mock-serious expression on her face, and Touka couldn’t help but smile.

Feeling a tap on her shoulder, she turned to see Koma wink at her, pushing a tray of blended drinks into her hands. She smiled back at him before taking the tray over to the awaiting customer.

So it seems she’s permanently lost her right to Yoriko’s cooking. But in the end, she couldn’t deny that she felt a whole lot lighter now. (With more reasons than one).

Yoriko accepted her.

**_“YOU MEAN I’VE BEEN FORCING YOU TO EAT MY CRAPPY COOKING ALL THIS TIME???!!!”_ **

Her human best friend found out she was a ghoul and accepted her. Just like that. And it was like a great hulking weight suddenly dropped off her shoulders. Like a dark mist was suddenly blown out of her head.

Seeing Yoriko in this ghoul-filled restaurant with that smile on her face, laughing at something Irimi said as the waitress brought her a drink, chattering happily with Kaneki, not a single look of fear or doubt on her face, it seemed to make some of Touka’s bad memories just… fade away.

**_“When you’re out playing at getting along with humans, do you forget you’re a monster and become happy?”_ **

Her smile dropped just a bit, a forced one taking its place as she placed the drinks on the customer’s table.

Of course, she knew things weren’t completely alright. She was still a ghoul. There were still a lot of shitty ghouls out there that do shitty things. Yoriko was still in danger being so closely associated with her like this.

But… but _so what?_

Yoriko was her friend. Yoriko accepted the monster that she was. And as long as Touka could breathe she would make sure that her best friend, her most important person, could smile by her side. And that thought alone brought peace to her heart.

“Aaah! What’s this?? Is our ice queen _smiling??!”_ and as if drawn by some psychic phenomenon, the annoying one appears.

Finishing up her order, she quickly retreated to the bar to return her tray, keeping an eye and an ear out for any calls. Sadly there were none, only blondie standing behind her carrying a mop across his shoulders.

“So I see Yoriko-chan over there. She looks happy. Kaneki too” he commented casually, leaning on the counter. She rolled her eyes, finding no reason to talk to him, but it’s not like that was ever enough to shut him up. “Hmm…. Heeeey Touka-chan, if those two were to hook up, do you know what that means?” the blond mock-whispers, his eyes growing conspiratorial.

She raised a brow at him, a smirk forming on her lips. “That your boyfriend’s unfaithful?”

“GASP! How can you _say_ that?? Such a word does not even _exist_ in the Kentionary!” the blond recoiled.

 _Kentionary? Really?_ she sweatdropped. He grinned.

“So you told her then? Ya know, after violently kicking all of us out the other day?” he finally asked, his tone gaining that soft-but-serious tint it often does when he stops fooling around.

She turned towards the humans again, leaning over the counter as well as she eyed the two chattering happily like old friends, the occasional ghoul customer coming over with their own topic of conversation only for Irimi to intimidate them off. She found that if she focused hard enough, she could hear them talking casually, _about_ _ghouls_ of all things, and she knew that blondie’s probably been following their conversation from the start. “Yep”

“Good thing you had practice then” blondie stated, and she smirked, remembering the near-exaggerated expressions on her best friend’s face, so unlike the meekness the other human exuded. Then again, the circumstances had been completely different.

Once she’d thought there would never come a day when she’d be able to make friends with a human. Once she’d thought she’d never be able to tell them anything remotely close to her true identity, if only so things wouldn’t fall apart. Now both of those thoughts had been crumpled, shredded, and burned like the trash they were.

“Heh. You planned all this right from the start, didn’t you?” she accused.

“Well, I was actually hoping you’d tell her yourself if she didn’t react too badly to me. I honestly didn’t expect Hinami-chan to panic like that and rat you out” he laughed, and she stared at him blankly. _This manipulative bastard…_

“Just so you know: if anything happens to Yoriko because of this, you’ll be the first one I hunt down.” she swears, completely serious.

“You told me that before.” the blond replied, and she didn’t need to look to know that he was wearing that serious face of his again, it took her a bit off guard.

“…and?” she urges, peeking from the side. “You’re not gonna say anything? Like ‘ _It’s going to be OK’_ or _‘Just leave it to me’_ or something?”

He smiles, not looking at her, and the curve of his lips just seemed sad then –depreciating almost, anxious definitely. It made her stomach twist in sudden worry because that look on his face is just _scary_ in a way it would never be on anyone else. Especially in this context. “I can’t. I’m sorry” he says, his tone making her throat close up as she tried to glare daggers at his face, silently demanding to know what the hell is running through the half-ghoul’s idiotic head. He still doesn’t look at her. “I can’t promise anything. But I know you’ll do everything to protect her anyway.” he tells her before rushing off at the sound of the entrance bell.

She stares at his retreating form, spying that usual idiotic smile on his face, the usual chipper tone of his voice as he greets the new customer, mop brandished like a staff, and she grit her teeth. “Jerk”

And it wasn’t until his head suddenly snapped around, halfway back to the counter, that she turned to him, her stomach coiling in dread at the sudden shocked look on his face. “What” she asked, knowing he could hear her loud and clear even with the distance. “What happened?”

His mouth opened once, twice, but no words come out, and she just _knew_ something bad was up when he suddenly turned pale. “Oy Blondie! Say something!!” she demanded, stomping towards him and then shaking his shoulders, trying to make sure his soul didn’t completely leak out of his mouth. “Hide!!”

“She asked him out” he stated, voice barely above a whisper, sounding like the freaking world is ending.

She stared. “Hah?”

“Yoriko-chan asked Kaneki OUT!!” he finally exclaimed, tears in his eyes. “AND KANEKI SAID YES!!” he cried.

And Touka would never, _ever,_ admit it, but she thinks she might faint.

“WHAT???”

**~_~_~**

“It’s nooot faaaaiiirrr!!” A thud resounded along with the childish wine as Hide reached for another glass, downing its transparent contents in a matter of seconds. “I mean, why does he get a girlfriend before I do??? With Rize too!! Though I knew she’d be a one-time thing at best but STIIILL!!! This is BETRAYAL!! Of the Highest Order!! And this time she’s CUTE!! And Sweet and cuddly and stuff!!” he finished, downing yet another glass, a pout never leaving his lips. “Kaneki you TRAITORR!!”

“Whoa, easy there Tomoyo” Uta admonished from his left, collecting the empty glasses and keeping them out of his reach. “I don’t think Sakura’d like to see you drunk out of your ass tonight”

On his right, though, Itori was already passing him another. “Why not? Let the guy drink out his sorrows” she grinned.

“You’re having way too much fun with this, aren’t you?” Uta stated, drinking from his own glass, a barely noticeable quirk on the corner of his lips. And almost immediately all three broke out into peals of laughter.

“Itori” a more serious voice called from behind them, Yomo finally having had enough of their antics probably. “Didn’t you have a reason for wanting to meet him?”

The addressed pouted. “Mou~ Ren-chan’s no fuun!! Come on!! You should come drink too instead of staying at that dreary corner!!”

“You’re all only drinking water though” he pointed out, sending the three idiots laughing all over again, half-bent over the bar counter, but he did take the empty seat on Uta’s other side.

Hide was the first to compose himself, clearing his throat before turning to the pink-haired lady. “I wanna know too! What did you want to talk to me about Itori-san?” he asked.

He’d discovered the three were pretty close friends right off the bat even without Yomo saying anything, only solidified when Itori began retelling a story about their youth. (And the tall, dark and stoic Yomo-san having been more like Touka in the past? Yeah. Weird. But be can see the resemblance.) Be that as it may, though, he can’t say he trusts these two ghouls like he does the silver-haired man, especially considering how reluctant Yomo himself was in bringing him here.

He still listened though. He was free, after all. Unlike his best friend. Who was now on a date. He faceplanted, groaning at the pain that bloomed on his forehead though it was gone in a second. (He’d seriously considered just stalking them today. Touka would’ve been willing to be his accomplice too, but then Yomo came and asked him for a favour, so in the end he decided to trust Kaneki not to mess up his own date. At least he was sure there wasn’t a bloodthirsty ghoul this time around... he hoped.) He pouted.

A chuckle resounded from his right and a wine glass was placed in front of him, this time half-filled with a cloudy dark red liquid, the sweet scent of it making his mouth water slightly. “That’s not wine, is it?” he asked.

“Nope” Itori replied, and he barely had time to react before Itori was throwing the contents over his head.

“WHOA!” he cried, shooting up so fast his stool creaked. “What was that for??” he asked, wiping the liquid (that he was quite sure was actually blood, and isn’t that very _Twilight._ He shuddered.) off his face with a sleeve.

“Itori-san, that’s very rude” he heard Uta say, and Hide pouted, glaring at his older companions in indignation.

“Eeeh?? Ren-chan this wasn’t like you said!!” Itori whined, ignoring the black haired ghoul, and Hide raised a brow at them before he blinked, realization dawning on him.

“I didn’t say anything” Yomo replied when the blond turned to him, and Hide rolled his eyes, letting his single Kakugan take over. “You could’ve just asked” he pouted again, crossing his arms.

Itori smiled at him sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck. “Sorry. I didn’t want to make things awkward for you, actually” she said, but her eyes were already trained on his, a familiar glimmer in them. “But wooow, this is the first time I’ve ever seen one!! A One-Eyed Ghoul”

Hide huffed, rubbing his nose. “Well what can I say, I’m unique!” he flashed them a grin, his guard coming up. It had also been obvious from the start that he wasn’t here just out of curiosity. A bar had always been the center of information gathering on all the detective novels and movies he’s seen, after all, and he thinks it’s about time the bartender tells him what she wants. (Maybe he can even catch up on his BFFs date too). He smiles.

“I wonder if the other ‘One Eye’ has the same feeling” the lady stated, an obvious bait despite her cheery expression.

Hide shrugged nonchalantly, dangling his own. “I wouldn’t bet on it”

“Oh?” Itori raised a brow and both Uta and Yomo turned to him with mirroring unreadable expressions. “And what makes you think that?” the lady asked, her gaze intent and curious.

Hide grinned at them. “Well I’d think the infamous ‘One-Eyed Owl’ wouldn’t be quite so charming” he stated, striking a pose.

“Hmm, I think you’d be surprised” Itori replied, smiling, and Hide felt his brows shoot up. Call it his undying curiosity, but he felt the strongest urge to ask. He didn’t. “You’re a lot more informed than I thought” she continued, making Hide shrug again.

“Well what can I say. I don’t wanna end up dead one day just cause I forgot to do my homework”

“Clever” Itori grinned, and Hide returned it. It was almost comical how that very exchange mirrored his first encounter with Uta too. It just goes to show how much they have in common it seems. Tricksters, all three of them. “Well, Hide-chan, mind sharing some of that knowledge with us? Who knows, maybe I can even polish up some things!”

“Hmmm…” Hide hummed, scratching his chin as he thought about his options, his mind running through the few glimpses he’d taken of semi-classified files from his time at the CCG. None of them had been particularly helpful. He shrugs. “I don’t really know all that much. Only that One-Eyed ghouls are considered rare and dangerous due to the Owl’s reputation, that seems to have gone pretty silent for a while”

Itori hummed herself, pouring some blood-wine into an empty glass and taking a sip. No one else bothered to speak. “Are you interested then? About ‘your kind’.”

Hide didn’t reply, simply turned to her with curious eyes, and she took it as the confirmation it was.

“What do you think happens when you mix a ghoul and human together?” she began, crossing two fingers together.

“You get a happy ending!” Hide joked, making the ghouls blink at him. He shrugged, drinking yet another glass of water. He wonders if he could ask for coffee around there, it _was_ a ghoul-ran bar. “Well, I at least know it’s not impossible” he said with a smile.

Itori blinked again, mirroring his smile. “No… no it’s not” she agreed, nodding her head. “But it would still require a miracle for such a couple to have a child.”

“A miracle the One-eyed owl’s parents managed to attain” Hide said again, his expression unchanging.

“You’re quite the optimist, huh Hide-chan. It’s quite refreshing.”” Itori chuckled, sloshing the remaining red liquid in her glass. “But I do have to ask… how do you know for sure there is a ‘One-eyed owl’ at all?”

“I don’t” Hide stated, the lie coming easily enough. “But sometimes rumours urban legends _are_ based on truth.”

“True true” she paused, eyeing him from the corner of her eye. She smirked. “And I suppose it’ll only escalate now that another One-Eye has appeared before us. Who knows, some may even mistake you for them”

“That’s… probably not a good thing, huh” the half-ghoul shuddered. He certainly hoped the CCG doesn’t. That would be messy. And then a hand connected quite powerfully with his back, sending him doubling over the bar counter. He yelped.

“Hahaha!! Don’t worry about it, Hide-chan!!” Itori exclaimed, slapping him again for good measure. “People who are obsessed with collecting information are throwing around speculations daily. About you and the _mysterious_ death of that troublemaker, Kamishiro Rize” she stated casually.

It made Hide pause. The inflection of her voice on the word ‘mysterious’ made the bait all too obvious. And as Hide felt his heart still, he was all too willing to take it. “ _Mysterious_ death?” he echoed, his smile coming out just a bit unnatural. “That was just an accident, wasn’t it?” _What do you know?_ His mind supplied, practically demanding. He knew Rize wasn’t ‘dead’. And he knew Kanou was greatly involved.

But ‘ _why’_ and ‘ _how’_ and ‘ _who’,_ those were questions he needed answers to.

“Huh?” Itori asks, not even bothering to hide her smirk. “Didn’t get that for your homework huh? Geez, Yoshimura-san is at fault too since he didn’t tell you anything.” She claimed. Another bait. Hide kept on his smile. She glanced at him, her eyes narrowed and full of intent. “Did you really think that was a mere accident, Nagachika Hideyoshi-kun?”

No. Of course he didn’t. The timing was too perfect. The end result too clean. But this was confirmation, and it was through his sheer willpower that he didn’t grab her by the chin and demand she tell him everything right at that moment. His smile tightened before he let it fall, ever so slowly, displaying shock and disbelief.

And then he remembered a conversation just after Kaneki found out he was a ghoul. Delicate information he’d tucked securely in his mind just until he found a way to get it to make sense.

“—s the story anyhow. I mean, in the first place there wasn’t any reason for there to be so much steel stacked up above.”

“—tori, cut it ou—”

“Pierrot” he mumbled. Kaneki had always disliked clowns. He’d thought it was mostly because he was too much like one, always ready to put on a painted smile, to please others with little regard for himself. And as one such a painted smile crosses his own lips, Hide thinks he might be one too, after all.

It took him a few moments to notice the sudden heavy silence, all the eyes fixed on him. He grinned, but it felt as if he was simply baring his teeth. “I read somewhere about a group of ghouls wearing clown masks once, you see.”

Itori’s brows furrowed while the two men looked on, interest shining in their eyes. “Yes, there was a group like that in the 3rd ward. But the CCG’s dealt with them some time ago now. What brought this up?”

He closed his eyes, the heady scent of aged blood-wine making his hackles rise. “Nothing” he tried to play it off. His smile stuck in place. “But when the accident happened, you see, I could’ve sworn I saw a clown looking down at us”

 _Kaneki was bait._ The thought echoed in his mind, his eyes wide but unseeing, an almost crazed gleam flickering in their depths, merging all too well with his stepford smile. _It didn’t matter whether he lived or died._

Although he knew for a fact that Kanou made it happen, the man was still the one who had saved Kaneki’s life, so Hide doesn’t hold _too_ much of a grudge. But this… the knowledge that there were indeed _monsters_ out there who’d been planning this tragedy, _laughing about it…_

Something dark pooled in Hide’s stomach. Black like tar and wholly unforgiving. And he fought to make sure none of the swirling emotions he was currently feeling showed on his face.

“EEeh? You saw him?? That rumoured silhouette” Itori remarked, shocked if a little disappointed.

_Anyone who hurts Kaneki doesn’t deserve to live._

Uta blinked. "Whoa... calm down Homura. I'm sure Madoka-chan is safe from Kyubey for the time being."

**~_~_~**

_Uuuuurrgghhh it hurts…. It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck am I gonna die? Is this it? Done in by that blond bastard and some wannabe ghouls? Shit. Shitshitshitshitshitfuckhelldamnitdamnitdamnitdamnitalltofuckinghell._

He cursed in his mind, chanting over and over as he was physically tossed around, his entire body throbbing from pain and numbness and just general unresponsiveness, unable to so much as try to defend himself from blow after blow after blow from the current set of low-lives currently on his case.

One month. One fucking month since he had a proper meal, since he was able to so much as lick the blood off a corpse or tear into flesh. All because of one fucking injury that obviously wouldn’t heal.

He was _so hungry._ So much that it drove him crazy. Sent him out at God knows what hour in the _light of the freaking day_ in search of some form of sustenance only to be ambushed by some stupid thugs thinking they’re tough guys when he could’ve taken them all in one fucking blow if he wasn’t so freaking _exhausted._ _F-uuuuuuuuuuuck. This is all that fucking blondie’s fault._ He cursed in his mind, ignoring the part of his brain telling him he only got what was coming to him anyway, taunting the guy.

He knew something was fishy about Nagachika Hideyoshi right from the start, and he was actually relieved to find out the blond was a ghoul. It made his behaviour make much more sense ‘cause it’s only expected for a ghoul leading a human life to be that scarily adaptable, perceptive and cunning. But the fact that he never once noticed that the blond was a ghoul despite being in such close proximity to him was just unsettling. Not to mention dangerous.

 _And what the fuck is with his freaky eye??_ The single Kakugan on the bastard’s right eye made things all the creepier. He’d smelled like a human, and then a female ghoul, and heck he can’t even _think properly right now_ as another foot landed on the small of his back.

“Hehe, how ‘bout taking his arm?” one goon said. And the implications of that sentence made his blood run cold. And as three pairs of hands clutched at the appendage, his breathing came out harsher and faster than ever before, his muscles twitching in a desperate attempt to escsape but nothing will listen and he can feel his bones creak and crack and _break and—_

 _“_ Gaa…AAAHHH” _I’ll kill you. I’llkillyouI’llkillyouI’llkillyouI’ **llEATYOU** —_

“Um… excuse me but… aren’t you going a bit too far?” a voice called out, sounding meek and scared even to Nishiki’s muffed ears, and he almost laughed as he forced his eyes to look up because he _recognized that face._ And oooh if this isn’t such an ironic situation.

He’s hallucinating. He’s going to die. There’s no other explanation for _Kaneki Ken_ to be standing right in front of him. _Talking_ to three obviously dangerous _ghouls,_ who had no qualms committing _cannibalism._ And of _course_ the ghouls would attack. Of _course_ they would prefer fresh human meat to a freakin battered ghoul and _of course_ Nishio Nishiki’s body would choose that moment to push himself off the ground and of  _course,_ instead of  _escaping like he should really do,_ he sinks his teeth into one of the bastards' disgusting neck, ripping a huge chunk right through his jugular and nearly puked at the morbid taste.

He spits it out before he crashes to the ground again, barely registering the sound of people shouting, the grossness of ghoul blood  practically raining down on him. Twice now one human has put his life in danger, and twice he'd been the one to bring it on himself.

In the end, he barely registered a flash of red and purple before he blacked out.


	15. Flattery - Actually Gets You Somewhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeeeeeey guys! Did ya miss me? *ducksbehindnearestwall*  
> Sooooo it has been a while huh...? ^^ ehee... well ya know... lotsa stuff happening and all that. Specially in Re (And aaah I wanna hurry up and write Arima! I want Papa!Arima!!) and yeah TTaTT
> 
>  
> 
> Well, frankly speaking if you all wanna know what took me so long.... well... just... uh... read this chapter and... you're probably get the gist of why... TTaTT  
> Yes. This chapter was planned. But it was hell to write. And I still don't like how it turned out but... well TTaTT (and if that doesn't convince you, I have Board Exams (I passed! YAY!!) Doujinshis (pls visit my tumblr theplotthief.tumblr.com) and a Manga I really, really REALLY wanna make... so... uh... yeah.....) 
> 
> Btw anybody out there willing to be my proofreader? ;w;
> 
> OK! So! Nishiki and Shuu in this chapter! More of that lovable FluffAngst stuff, some Shonen/Shoujo Manga elements, and the mystery of last chap's cliffhanger... is still a mystery!! 
> 
> SO GOO!! XDD
> 
> *SHOT!!*

* * *

_“I’m saved!! I’m saved!!”_

_“I’m glad I called out to you then._ This _was the reason!”_

_“Let me eat your meat! I’m dying. I’m hurt and I’m dying! Let me eat you!!”_

_His teeth tore through tender flesh, clamping down on bone, the glorious taste of fresh young blood filling his mouth, running down his throat, euphoria filling his entire body as he felt the hole in his stomach start to repair itself._

_It wasn’t enough._

_He was hungry. He was_ starving ** _._** _He was **agonizing.** And he would’ve taken more. Would’ve taken all of it. Would’ve clamped down past the curve of the shoulder, snapped the arm from the torso, licked the empty socket clean, tore through breast and bone and snacked on pulsing organs._

**_(“The guy trusts you completely. It’d be sooo easy to just go right up…” he grinned, crouching down to Hide’s level, before clacking his teeth together in a demonstration of a bite.)_ **

_But he didn’t._

**_(“I swear it. I’m not like that”)_ **

_Because once, probably the most suspicious person he’s ever known stared him down. Right in the eye without a single sliver of ill will despite his less-than-acceptable actions, as if staring into his very soul._

**_(“And I know you aren’t either”)_ **

_And in the end it was true._

_He wasn’t like that. He never was despite all the airs he’s put on, and it’s never been clearer to him._

_“I don’t need it”_

_His big sister placed her trust in the wrong person, but he’d always admired her ability to trust. He’d always admired her strength to push forward despite the world trying to kick her down. Always admired her courage to do the right thing despite her very nature ensuring this was impossible._

_He looked up to his big sister. Her foolish death hadn’t crushed that feeling._

_He never wanted to admit it, but deep inside Nishio Nishiki’s heart, he has the instinctive desire to **believe.** To find proof that his sister’s death was not in vain, that she was right in her beliefs despite her mistakes. That her pure memory was never sullied by the ugliness of the real world._

**_“Nishiki-kun, you came to my side and saved me”_ **

**_“So it’s fine. Continue living”_ **

_And holding the fragile body in his arms, willingly offering herself up to someone like him, calling **him** \--of all people, of all things— a _saviour… _he thinks he might have found his reason._

**_If it’s by you, then it’s probably fine even if I’m betrayed._ **

_\---_

_\---_

A groan escaped his lips as pain flared throughout his body with his regaining consciousness, duller now, more than before, but still there. _What happened?_ He asked himself, attempting to move and being surprised that he could, recognizing the scratchy fabric beneath him as his own sheets, the scent filling his nose assuring him that he was, indeed, in his own apartment.

His eyes cracked open slowly, first registering the soft glow of light filtering through his windows, and then a familiar face entered his line of sight.

He groaned again, long and drawn out in exasperation this time, his fight-or-flight instinct not even bothering to pick up for some disturbing reason. “So” he began, his voice coming out as groggy as he felt, memories slowly filtering in of gangster ghouls and an idiotic human and wasn’t too hard to put together what happened. “I take it the fact that you’re here and I’m alive means the human’s hasn’t been eaten yet?”

He could’ve lived without seeing that blinding grin pointed at him. Case-in-point he immediately shut his eyes again, rubbing his lids with a thumb and forefinger. “And I see Kimi-san hasn’t been either~” the blond sing-songed, and Nishiki’s eyes snapped to him, his hackles rising as a growl crawled towards the tip of his tongue. But then the blond simply shrugged, “She let me in earlier” he explained.

“Really?” Nishiki grumbled, tension not leaving his shoulders with this information. “And I hoped she’d’ve put that Taser of hers to good use, too.”

“She did!” and then the blond laughed, the sound warm in bright in a way that caught the older ghoul off guard, making him cringe. “Got me three times before she even bothered to hear me out! _Man_ that’s quite the girl ya got there, huh sempai?” Nagachika asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“Boohoo” Nishiki deadpanned, trying to ignore the warmth in his chest at the thought. “And? Why are you here?”

The blond let out an exaggerated sigh, to which the ghoul raised a brow. “Straight to the point as always, huh. Well, if you must know, Nishiki-senpai, I am here to apologize… You know. For last month”

Nishiki could only stare at him, incredulous. The blond still had that annoying grin on his face, but he looked genuinely sheepish, a finger scratching his left cheek, and it was then that the ghoul noticed red flecks staining his sheets –dried blood, obviously— and the torn brown package on his other side.

“I brought it as a peace offering. Didn’t think you’d _actually_ need it” the blond commented rather cheekily, but Nishiki could only glare.

So the fact that he wasn’t hungry anymore was, apparently, not his imagination. He sighed. “I ain’t saying thank you” he huffed, wiping at his mouth, no longer surprised to feel the crumbling dried blood on his hand.

“You’re welcome~” the blond ignored him. “But anyway, I have to ask. Was that _still_ the wound I gave you last month? You’ve had it an _entire month?”_

“Shut up” the no-longer-injured ghoul snapped, not at all surprised at the blond’s antics. It was strange just how normal their interaction was despite the circumstance that never even got the chance to be an elephant in the room. To think that his suspicious and annoying _kohai_ was a ghoul, not to mention one strong enough to completely incapacitate him, _and_ one who was able to keep a _human_ childhood friend… well…

“So how did you do it?”

Nishiki raised his brow, surprised when those words weren’t from _his_ mouth. “Do what?”

Nagachika’s eyes met his, cold, analytical, completely void of his earlier display of emotions in a way made the bespectacled ghoul tense. “Be so hungry you nearly tore my arm off when I gave you that package, and yet have Kimi-san by your side with barely a scratch?”

This time it was Nishiki eyes that hardened. “What, you trying to say I don’t have even that much self-control?” he growled, seriously taking offense. _Him_ , a freaking _Pharmacy major_ at _Kamii University_ and even at the _top of his class!_ If he were the type of ghoul who went crazy every time he got a little hungry, he’d’ve been long dead.

But then Nagachika’s eyes were back to normal, wide and bright and curious, it gave Nishiki whiplash. “Heeh… so you’re saying that isn’t enough to drive a ghoul crazy then?” he asked, stated really, something very much like relief in his voice. “I see… then that’s great! I guess Kimi-san wasn’t crazy to be going out with you then after all!” he grinned, all cheeky as always and Nishiki wasted no time in releasing his Kagune and clonking the cheeky blond in the head.

“OOWWW!!!”

“Nishiki-kun!!” a high-pitched voice shrieked, making the addressed flinch, and he turned to the door to find Kimi staring at him in outrage, the blond’s human friend –Kaneki was it?— right beside her and…

“The fuck’re you doin in my apartment shitty-Touka?!” he growled as soon as the younger ghoul stepped into view, his blood boiling in nothing short of indignation just _because_.

Touka scoffed, making a nerve pop in Nishiki’s head. “What, not even a ‘Thank you’ shitty-Nishiki?” she smirked. “I only did save your life, ya know”

“The fuck’re you talking about?” he almost snapped, eyes twitching as he turned back to the blond idiot.

Nagachika only shruged. “I was back here chatting with Kimi-san when these two dragged you in half-dead”

Nishiki’s eye twithed again, desperately trying to fight back a groan. _Saved by freakin Touka of all people?? This world is fucking messed up._

“And it looks like there’s one other person you should probably thank for saving your life, too” Nagachika continued.

“I didn’t know I was sooo special that people had to bring in the cavalry just to save my sorry ass” the bespectacled ghoul drawled out, sarcasm and shameful despair practically oozing from his words.

“Guess so, huh?” the blond chuckled. “Cause the cavalry’s actually Tsukiyama Shuu”

“…”

_Yep… seriously fucking messed up._

**~_~_~**

The train station, as expected, was dizzyingly crowded, a cacophony of sounds resounding all over the place as people of all kinds walked in various different directions, still, despite the fact that the lunch time rush should have already died down. Kaneki though, through intense concentration and hard work, was able to ignore all of this in favour of his book.

It was 2 in the afternoon by the clock on his phone. He and Yoriko had agreed to meet at 2:15, but as this would be the first time he’s ever actually gone out with a girl (or anyone that wasn’t Hide, for that matter, and wasn’t that a depressing thought), he decided to come extra early if just for the sake of it (something he never bothered with Hide, who either breaks into his apartment before he’s even awake or never arrives on time anyways).

However, the one who approached him minutes later was most definitely not his _*ehem*_ date.

“Kaneki Ken-kun, yes?” a smooth, slightly familiar voice reached his ears, making him freeze just as he was about to turn a page. Kaneki fidgeted, his eyes flickering around the station for a few minutes before settling on the newcomer.

With the way all of Anteiku had been acting, it was only natural for the human to feel cautious as the model-esque ghoul everyone seemed to want to keep him away from suddenly appeared before him, physique as well as his somewhat… _peculiar_ attire making it only too easy for him to stand out from the sea of bodies.

And then the man suddenly started… _gesturing._ “To meet you in such a complex labyrinth as this, what a wonderful coincidence— Wait! No! This could only be a _glorious_ act of Fate!!!” the ghoul exclaimed, arms stretching out in dramatic flare before reaching in to curl around his torso. Kaneki could only sweatdrop.

 _…Isn’t there a word for these types of people?_ He couldn’t help but think, forcing out a shaky smile as the man sat at the empty seat next to him, one leg casually slung over the other, smile perfectly placed on his handsome face, perfectly content to ignore the stares he was receiving.

Kaneki felt himself fidget, knowing full well the danger the ghoul in front of him poses: the infamous Gourmet, known for his specific taste in victims, his unpredictable feeding patterns, and his ability to completely disappear from the CCG’s radar. “There’s no need to be so nervous, Kaneki-kun. I’m not going to hurt you” the ghoul reassured, reminding Kaneki that he hasn’t said a word yet in reply.

He flushed. “R-Right… I-I’m sorry if I seem rude, it’s just—“

“ _Non_ , _non”_ the ghoul gently cut him off suddenly, raising his palm. “I understand. Being with the staff of Anteiku is one thing, but being with a Ghoul you hardly know must be quite scary no?” he stated with a wink. “And oh where are my manners. Tsukiyama Shuu, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you” the ghoul announced, finally extending a hand.

Kaneki hesitated for a full two seconds before taking it, doing his best to be courteous. “L-…likewise..” he mumbled, wondering if he could excuse himself. It was already 2:15, meaning Yoriko would be there at any moment. _Having them meet would be bad, huh… Touka-chan would kill me._

“So what brings you here Kaneki-kun? Some urgent business I presume? You don’t seem to be the type to endure crowded areas when you have no need to” Tsukiyama asked, taking him by surprise.

Kaneki gulped, his hand coming up to cup his chin as he nervously tried to come up with a reason that wouldn’t expose a young girl to a fetishist ghoul. “W-well, I heard Takatsuki-san was having a book signing today at the 13th ward, I missed the one at home so I was hoping to go there instead” he stated, grabbing on to the first thought that crossed his mind.

It was half true, too, because indeed he had missed the previous book signing event, opting to wallow in guilt that day despite Hide’s insistence he get his ass over there. And he was indeed hoping to make a stop there if Yoriko doesn’t mind. All in all it seemed a perfectly good excuse.

But apparently it wasn’t, because then the ghoul cried out, arms opening wide and nearly slamming the old lady sitting next to him, “ _Tres Magnefique_! I was actually on my way there as well! What a wonderful coincidence!!” and Kaneki quite literally felt his stomach drop.

“I… I see. Y-Yeah, what a coincidence” he mumbled out. **_“As in, if you see him on the street or something, don’t hesitate to run the other way. As in faaaaaaar away as fast as you possibly can”_** Hide’s words rang at the back of his mind, making his stomach churn unpleasantly.

Tsukiyama Shuu was charming, he was quick to discover. The same kind of charming Rize had been (and just look how that one turned out). His words were smooth, his smiles inviting, his gestures graceful –if not melodramatic, and it was all Kaneki could do to act normal.

Because now he could only too clearly picture himself on this ghoul’s dinner plate this time around.

It made him feel a bit guilty, considering he hardly even knew the man, but he had failed to heed Hide’s warning before and he didn’t want to do it again.

_Should I try the fake phone call trick? Does it really work outside of fiction?_

But, of course, Yoriko had to choose that exact time to appear on the platform, her eyes lighting up as they met his before she started towards him and Kaneki had all of two seconds to make a decision. He stood up. “T-Then Tsukiyama-san, would you like to go together?” he inquired just a bit too hastily, placing his back towards the younger girl in an attempt to block her from view. _I’m sorry Yoriko-chan!_ _Please don’t come here._

Tsukiyama’s eyes lit up at the offer, looking only too willing to accept, and Kaneki wasted no time dragging him into the horde of people trying to get on the train (thankfully it was the right one.)

And as the door closed behind him, he could only hope that Yoriko didn’t take it too badly. He would have to find the time to text her later.

“My, Kaneki-kun, you seem a bit… _eager_ ” the ghoul whispered in his ear, the crowd of people placing him far too close for comfort, and as he heard a distinctive sound of that could only be a predatory _sniff,_ he knew he’d just dug himself yet another grave. _Hide was right. I_ am _an idiot._ He couldn’t help but sigh.

He just didn’t know how much as purple irises wandered about, unnoticed.

-

Their destination was an old shopping district only a couple of blocks down from the station, and Kaneki was thankful to note that there weren’t as many people here. Where walking with a ghoul was concerned, it would’ve been safer to stay at the more crowded areas, of course, but sadly Kaneki wasn’t sure if he could take both stressors at once.

There was still plenty of time left before the book signing event, to Kaneki’s dismay, which meant he had little choice but to accompany the purple-haired ghoul until then, unwilling to risk an attempt to escape when there doesn’t seem to be much danger… yet. (Although he was indeed improving at his self-defence lessons, he was by no means confident he could actually hold his own against a real ghoul just yet…)

“Well if it isn’t Shuu-bocchan!! It’s been a while!!” he paused, blinking as a slightly familiar old man suddenly approached the two of them with a bright smile on his face.

“Ah Ondo-san, it has indeed!” Tsukiyama greeted, the genuine pleasantness of his tone surprising Kaneki just a bit. “Ondo-san works at a music store down the road” the ghoul introduced with a smile.

“Oh, it’s the _onii-chan_ from Anteiku! Well this is a surprising development” the man –Ondo-san— commented, and it was at this statement that Kaneki recognized him as one of their regulars. Kaneki thinks he was the one who liked the light roast with a pinch of espresso.

He smiled sheepishly. This was the first time he’d ever encountered a customer outside of work. “Hello sir. Thank you for your continued patronage” He was aware he was quite the popular topic among the ghoul customers due to his unusual status and he didn’t really know how to feel about that.

Ondo’s eyes flickered between the two at that, a slight frown tugging at the corner of his lips in what Kaneki hoped was contemplation, before seeming to shrug it off. He turned to Tsukiyama again. “Anyways, Young Master, I take it the fact I haven’t heard from you means your old piano’s doing well? I haven’t been replaced yet have I?”

“Oh _non_ , not at all! It’s in pristine condition –and not due to lack of use, I assure you” the younger ghoul replied with a charming smile. “But I think you can expect Kanae to drop by in the near future, I feel his strings are in need of replacement”

 _Kanae?_ Kaneki thought.

“Violin strings aye? Then I’ll make sure to prepare them” and with another bright smile, the man was off, but not before meeting Kaneki’s eyes one last time, his brows furrowed in something almost akin to… _worry?_

Kaneki could only blink after him, confused. And as if a dam had been broken, he began to notice a lot of people looking their way with various degrees of familiarity in their eyes, quite a few he himself recognized as customers from Anteiku. Most coming up to them like Ondo had, and Tsukiyama seemed to recognize each one, easily falling into conversation with whatever the topic he was presented with.

_“My kid’s barely left the room studying for exams…”_

_“Why don’t you stop by our shop for a bit, I’ll give you special service…”_

_“Christmas is right around the corner huh…”_

_“Say hello to your father for me ‘kay?”_

_“You should drop in every once in a while Little Shuu, my daughter’s been missing you”_

_“Your father really saved me with this one, Young Master”_

All of them seemed to flash Kaneki odd, seemingly worried looks, making him uneasy as he fiddled with the straps of his bag, but he didn’t pay it too much attention.

Because somehow, people he was quite sure were _ghouls_ were happily conversing in a semi-crowded street of an old shopping district, talking about businesses and families and schools –livelihoods— much like regular humans would. And Kaneki could only watch all of this in awe, feeling something rather warm swirl in his stomach, rising up to his heart.

“It… It’s kind of amazing…” Kaneki found himself saying, unintentionally cutting off the ghoul’s sudden speech about a book he fancies. Since it was still a little early for the book signing event, Tsukiyama had suggested they stop for coffee and Kaneki found no reason to decline.

“Hmm? Pardon?” his companion blinked, and Kaneki felt himself flush a bit as amethyst eyes regarded him questioningly.

“N-Nothing… it’s just… Tsukiyama-san is kind of famous, huh?” he began, finding a great deal of interest in his coffee cup. “The heir to the Tsukiyama Corporation? It was mentioned in our Economics class the other day.”

“Oh you flatter me, Kaneki-kun” the ghoul replied with a swish of his hand. “Yes indeed that is true, but for the time being I’m simply just another ghoul trying to make his way through college with my father’s support. Although my father does let me manage some of our smaller businesses, I’m still grossly inexperienced. I have quite a long way to go before I can take my father’s place” the ghoul explains, and his face takes on a somehow genuinely wistful look.

‘ _Just another ghoul’ huh?_ He thought with a smile, hearing the obvious display of humility. “S-So do you only hire ghoul employees or something?”

Tsukiyama raised an amused brow. “Well, most of the ones I’m acquainted with are indeed ghouls, yes. But I have met quite a few humans in our ranks as well, though they aren’t quite like you of course” he replied with a wink. Kaneki sweatdropped, but his smile stayed in place. “If you’re curious, those people from earlier were old acquaintances and employees of my father’s. I knew most of them from childhood”

“I see…” Kaneki acknowledged.

 _This person is the heir to one eighth of Tokyo’s private sector…_ Kaneki realized yet again. He recalled only little of the information shown in that powerpoint presentation, a majority of which were charts and graphs he never did excel at interpreting. But if there was one thing he did manage to retain, it was how well-rounded the Tsukiyama corporation was, with branches in just about every industry ranging from Telecommunication to Music to Education.

Perhaps, as a human, he should feel frightened. So many ghouls were currently assimilated far too deeply into human society, and perhaps that was another reason there were so many killings and disappearances in the news after all. But he couldn’t help but feel a bit relieved.

He thought of Hinami’s father, whom he’d just recently discovered was a full-fledged Doctor his daughter had been very proud of. Of Nishio Nishiki who was studying Pharmacy in the same college as him –a complicated feat for even a normal human, let alone a ghoul who barely had a proper education. Of Touka-chan working hard in her own way through high school. Of Hinami, bright and cheerful despite everything, whom he and Hide had decided to send to Middle School come spring.

That a ghoul could become a doctor— that a ghoul could actually last long enough in a biased and paranoid society to be able to learn and practice such a profession was amazing. That a ghoul can find a job, can keep their _family together,_ can have _lives_ under someone’s watchful eye…

Touka told him before that Anteiku was pretty much the 20th ward’s government, successfully performing their duty of upholding their laws and offering aid to wayward ghouls who needed help. But still, it soon became obvious that Anteiku is just a small organization of ghouls plus a half and a human, working in a small coffee shop.

The Tsukiyama corporation was much _much_ larger than Anteiku. Not only in the 20th ward but in the whole of Tokyo. They had made clear and clean-cut donations to the city’s development and had provided scholarships, jobs and housing to those poor. It isn’t any different from other wealthy human organizations, and perhaps they even had the same goal of merely doing such for public relations’ sake.

But the fact is that the Tsukiyama Corporation is a Ghoul corporation. _Ghouls_ , who perhaps had more reason to help themselves than the humans who forsake them. And as Kaneki had seen a glimpse of just how poorly the more unfortunate ghouls live their lives, the Tsukiyama corporation was probably their saviour.

He wasn’t one for politics or the like, and he’d only been in this place –half-in-half-out of the ghoul world— for barely more than a month, but having lived in poverty himself, having seen the harshness of the world, he can relate.

“Yes… it _is_ amazing” he breathed. His smile growing wider as he finally regarded the man before him properly. “It’s a bit late, I’m sorry. But it _is_ very nice to meet you Tsukiyama-san”

Hide had warned him about Tsukiyama Shuu. Told him he was dangerous, and a creep (and perhaps he _is,_ considering how often the man’s eyes seemed to linger on the cut on Kaneki’s finger from earlier. He won’t even bother to think about what happened to the bloodied handkerchief). But as Kaneki regarded him in this light, the fact that he knew so many people by name, that he didn’t display any prejudice to those seemingly random people who came up to him on the street, Kaneki thinks that there might be more to Tsukiyama Shuu as a person.

Perhaps, one day, as the heir apparent to such a huge corporation, even as a leader.

**~_~_~**

**_“It’s… kind of amazing”_ **

The human had told him. A compliment he’s received quite a number of times throughout his life, though not quite in a context such as that.

 _Amazing!_ His father would say when he’s able to play a complicated piece perfectly.

 _Amazing!_ His classmates would say whenever he aces his tests or deliver brilliant speeches or get picked up by a limousine in front of the school.

 _Amazing!_ The diners would say when he brings yet another rare and exquisite meal to the restaurant.

 _Amazing!_ Other ghouls would say when he’s able to defeat and dispose of a Dove without so much as a sweat.

 ** _Amazing_** _,_ Kaneki Ken had said, referring not to him, not even his family, but his family’s purpose.

He doesn’t know what he was referring to, Shuu knows. That human doesn’t know what his family does. Doesn’t know about the dozens of innocent people that are butchered under this name, the slave markets, the institutions built solely for a ghoul’s carnal enjoyment.

And then Shuu thinks about that music store at the corner avenue, the advertising firm in the 8th ward, the collection of small businesses set up near the 12th. Businesses that have nothing to do with the world of ghouls, just a collection of jobs and livelihoods for the long-standing citizens of Tokyo.

It was always on the news, he thinks; poverty, unemployment, the like –it was the absolute focus of Economics and Politics classes. As someone who has never experienced such hardship, he had never truly given those things too much thought. But he knew –of course he knew— that ghouls especially live such a life. Getting by day to day in abandoned buildings or shadowy alleyways and hunting down unfortunate humans for food in order to survive.

How many ghouls did he know who has experienced such a life? How many ghouls has he found who still lives one?

 ** _“Matsumae…”_** He remembered asking once, so long ago that all he can discern of himself was the tears running down his cheeks and his most loyal servant’s bleeding form on the ground before him. **_“Why do you go so far for me? You know I can take care of myself! You shouldn’t risk your life for such a small thing!!”_**

The lady simply smiled at him, running a bloody hand through his hair. **_“Master Mirumo saved me. He gave me food, shelter, you –a master I can serve and protect with my life. This is my purpose, Master Shuu, my honour and my gratitude”_**

He knows the greatness of his father’s corporation. The Tsukiyamas were by no means a small company, and Shuu knows that someday he will inherit his father’s legacy. And yet he has never quite realized the gravity of it all.

There were hundreds of ghouls under the Tsukiyama Corporation’s employ. Hundreds of ghouls with jobs, and homes, able to build families and do things that the others could ever only dream of in the shadows.

 ** _Amazing_** Kaneki Ken had said, honest silver eyes locked on Shuu’s own, rendering him completely at a loss for words because it was a _human_ who had told him this. _A human_ made him realize that, yes, it _is_ amazing. His father was amazing. His name was _amazing._ He was _to be amazing_ and yet he was blind to not have even seen it all until that very moment!!

Oh the shame!! The exhilaration!! The sheer _brilliance_ of it all!!

But above that is Kaneki. Kaneki Ken! The light that has illuminated his way, showed him his _purpose._ Such a simple feat and yet…!!

Aaaargh!! His dinner plans are _ruined!!_ How could he _possibly_ eat such an intelligent specimen?? If anything, Kaneki Ken must be _rewarded_ for his words!

Leaning over the railing outside the Kamii Pharmaceutical Major, Shuu contemplated his plans and the adjustments he must make. The course of his day, of his entire _future_ has just been redirected and yet he still has to contemplate on what meal to present on his scheduled appearance.

 _Hmm… but… I suppose I do have just the thing to kill two birds with one stone… Nowhere near on par with my delicate taste, of course, but presentable enough for a show or two…_ he licked his lips.

He was so deep in thought, in fact, that he didn’t notice the sound of the door opening behind him, a delectable scent tickling his nose until the one it belonged to was suddenly right next to him, making him jump as curious honey-brown eyes stared into his own.

“Thank you, Tsukiyama-san. Kaneki can be a pretty big idiot sometimes” the blond ghoul –Hide he remembered— said with a charming smile, and almost immediately Shuu felt himself salivate. He held it in, and flashed the blond a smile of his own.

“I must say it did surprise me to see him in such a situation, but it was no trouble at all” and that was another thing about Kaneki Ken was it not? His gallant act of defending a ghoul from harm, despite his obvious anxiety, not to mention the fact that it seemed he didn’t even know Nishio Nishiki all that well. “He’s quite… unique, is he not, Kaneki-kun?” he found himself saying.

“Sure is” the blond replied, shifting just so, and the sudden flood of heady scent attacking Shuu’s nostrils almost made him gasp. It really took an effort for him to try and keep it in. “But I do have to ask, what _is_ the infamous Gourmet doing out with my BFF on such a day?” Hide asked, his tone casual, but the underlying darkness beneath his words, the small hint of a threat, suspicion, protectiveness, sent a delightful shiver up the ghoul’s spine. _Just a touch of spice into a delicate meal, barely noticeable, but undeniably_ there.

He grinned. “Why, I saw him all alone and invited him out” he simply explained, licking his lips. “He didn’t seem against it, and I am proud to say it seemed like he had a good time”

A beat.

A sudden chill crawled down his spine as he eyed the blond’s face from the corner of his eye, watching how his expression hardly changed at all, with the obvious shift in the atmosphere, and suddenly, dark eyes turned to his, unreadable, almost… _coy._

“I suppose you’re disappointed you didn’t get to take him to _dinner_ then, huh?” he stated, tone almost playful, and Shuu had to step back, took a sudden, sharp intake of breath, needed a moment to calm the sudden flare of his nerves, the sudden need in his stomach, because surely this _delectable_ boy wasn’t— “I _could_ go in his place you know, if you’d like”

Another beat.

“A-Are you—“ Shuu started, his voice coming out choked, almost _pained_ and he had to clear his throat.

The blond smiled, wan, mysterious, beautifully mischievous. “If you’re into that sort of thing, anyway” His left lid closed in a wink, and suddenly his right eye was an activated Kakugan, the beautiful blood moon at the center luminous even in the fading sunlight, and Shuu gasped, gaped, salivating at the unexpected sight because _cannibalism_ had been the _last_ form of cuisine he’d _ever_ consider in his mind and yet it just became _so much more mouth-watering._

Offering. This ghoul was _offering._ But no… no it was not that simple, if it was even _that_ at all.

And then Hide shrugged, his posture slouching over the railing all casually as if the past couple of minutes was merely Shuu’s imagination. And then “I’ve been hearing rumours you see, about you and a certain… _restaurant._ Gotta say I’m a bit curious.”

 _…_ “Oh?” Shuu paused, his tone and posture growing nonchalant as he shifted, turning so his back was to the railing. “Well isn’t this a surprise. I never would’ve thought a member of Anteiku would be… _in_ to this sort of… pastime” he practically sang, eyes hidden behind his fashionable bangs.

“What can I say, I’m new there” the blond shrugged again, eyeing him again. “Besides, what they don’t know won’t kill them” he smirked.

 _Oh how very naughty._ Shuu couldn’t help but comment in his mind, his tongue unconsciously darting out to lick his lips. _This… is **that** sweet boy’s best friend? _“Well then, _Monsieur...”_ he pushed off the railing, bending down in a half-bow to the blond, a wicked smile forming on his lips as he stared up at the blond’s beautiful brown eyes. “Would you care to join me for _dinner_?”

_How… unsightly._

**~_~_~**

The very next day, a loud crash resounded throughout Anteiku’s backroom as Kirishima Touka lunged, taking Hide by surprise as his collar was grabbed before being roughly slammed face-first into the ground.

“T-Touka-cha-!!!” he heard Kaneki start, and he was just about to tell him not to come any closer when the girl spoke again, the hand keeping him pressed to the ground trembling ever so slightly he almost couldn’t feel it.

“She’s gone” Touka growled out, the barest tremor in her voice, and suddenly, Hide stopped breathing, static filling in his ears as he slowly realized what she meant.

The entire room grew silent, cold.

“Yoriko’s gone. The fucking pervert’s got her”

_…Aah…_

_It happened again…_

_This is… my fault…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *runsandhides* (It was inevitable. Don't tell me none of you saw this coming TTwTT)


	16. Preliminary Arrangements - Come in All Categories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone ^^ It's me hehehe. Been a while huh? ^^;; (Iamsosorryplzdunkillme!)
> 
> God thank you SOOO MUCH To all of those who still read and reread this fic and I AM SO SORR FOR THE SUPER LATE UPDATE!! TTaTT I TOTALLY LOVE YOU GUYS OMG!!  
> Special thanks to Lathyrus_Loon for giving me another boost to finish this chapter XD
> 
> This Chapter Was Hell to Write.
> 
> BUT ALAS! I have finally put an end to this arc!! And hopefully I can write the next chap soon!! XDD I need more Nishiki now. I am sorry in advance. This chapter is actually all over the place. And I'm sorry for not contacting any of those who offered to be my beta reader ;a; (yes this chapter is unbetaed) It's not that I didn't mean to!! It's just that somehow I dont know how... and it's been forever and I'm very embarrassed TTwTT
> 
> But anyways! I hope this chapter turned out alright TTaTT (if you would like to beta-read it please send me your thoughts through comments on if you have FB messenger I'm Ana Chrome there ^^ I would also be very happy if any of you has any thoughts on how this fic should proceed because I'm running dry. I need Hide. And I want the Quinx. And Haise. Just Haise TTwTT)
> 
> Welp! This is me over and out desu!!
> 
> On to the fic!

_“She’s gone” Touka growled out, the barest tremor in her voice, and suddenly, Hide stopped breathing, static filling in his ears as he slowly realized what she meant._

_The entire room grew silent, cold._

_“Yoriko’s gone. The fucking pervert’s got her”_

**_~_~_~_ **

_…Aah…_

_It happened again…_

Letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, Hide grabbed the hand Touka used to pin him down and, met with no resistance, slowly sat up to meet the girl’s eyes. “I’m sorry” was the first thing he said, taking the punch to the jaw he received without flinching.

“SORRY DOESN’T CUT IT BASTARD!!” The girl seethed, punching him again for good measure. “Why are you even apologizing? It’s not like you knew this was gonna ha—“ she froze, gripping the collar of his shirt again, bringing their faces awfully close, her eyes glowing dangerously as she glared into his. _“_ Or _did_ you? _?”_

Hide stayed silent.

**_“I can’t promise anything. But I know you’ll do everything to protect her anyway.”_ **

He didn’t _know,_ specifically, but even at his first attempt to introduce the human girl into the world of ghouls, he had some inkling it wouldn’t go through without a price. And he was well enough aware of the possible consequences of his actions that it wasn’t such a shock anymore.

But even so, this outcome was one of the worst he could’ve thought of.

(It’s at least a relief it wasn’t Kaneki this time, though.)

He lets his eyes fall closed, his fists clenching by his sides. He wasn’t able to prevent Ryoko’s death, nor stop Kaneki from witnessing it. And he only vaguely put together the possibility of Kaneki knowing the Gourmet and having been to the Ghoul Restaurant through the files he’d sneaked a look at about the Eyepatch’s raid months later.

(He never noticed when it happened. While he was at home playing videogames and doing his homework, Kaneki was there amidst a crowd of perverted ghouls about to be preyed on. While Hide was trying to ignore the coiling anxiety in his stomach about his best friend pulling farther and farther away, Kaneki was fighting for his life in such a sickening environment.)

He didn’t even know about Yoriko’s existence in the original timeline, but now it was her in that horrible place. A cook-in-training as an appetizer in a Ghoul Restaurant, a regular human –a young girl at that— who shouldn’t have ever been involved in the first place... he almost laughed at the irony of it all. _What am I even doing?_

“W-Wait a minute, T-Touka-chan! You’re not thinking right. There’s no way Hide could’ve known something like this would happen!!“ Kaneki called out, snapping Hide back into reality.

Touka released the blond’s collar roughly, looking away. “I know that, dammit. But hell if I’d be surprised he _did”_ she huffed, and Hide could only stare at her in shock.

Just like he completely expected the punch earlier, he expected her to blame all of this on him. And it was true, because if he hadn’t let Yoriko in on the truth then this would never have happened… but…

_She’s letting it… go?_

**_“You did it, didn’t you? You led those Doves here. You got Ryoko-san_ killed _—“_**

He’s guilty and he knows it. And Touka knows it too or she wouldn’t have come straight to him as violently as she did… but… she’s letting it go…?

And then he thinks back to a few days ago, the day they ate (chocked down) Yoriko’s cooking in Touka’s apartment, how happy she seemed, and how relieved – _refreshed—_ she was the days afterwards and thought _Ah…_

She doesn’t regret it, gaining the chance to be fully accepted by her most precious person.

And to think that she’d exploded so many times before too, and in less dire situations even… Hide let a smile tug at his lips. _She’s not panicking. She’s asking for help. She’s… She’s trusting us._

“How the fuck did that Trashyama even get to her??? She’s not his type!!” she growled, obviously distressed, and Hide had to agree with her there, finally coming back to the topic at hand…

And then his eyes fell on Kaneki, instantly noticing the way his whole body was frozen stiff. “I… I think it was me…” he began suddenly, and Hide could just _see_ how fast his best friend’s thoughts began to spiral down into the dark self-depreciation he always manages to find himself in.  “T-Tsukiyama-san must’ve seen her when we were at the station… I might’ve… I might’ve led him right _to_ her and— and it’s _my fault_ “

“Whoookay stop right there Kaneki” Hide immediately cuts in, his tone casual but firm. “You led Tsukiyama _away_ from her remember? And it’s not like you knew he was gonna be there. It’s not your fault the guy’s a creep!” Hide paused, his face darkening as he let his thoughts flow out. “Cause like, what are the chances he was even there and spotted your meek little self in the middle of that huge crowd? I mean, he’s one of the richest guys around!! He obviously should own his own car at least instead of taking the train with the rest of the world… Oh my God he didn’t follow you home did he??? _Pleeaase_ tell me you didn’t tell him your address!!” he almost screeched by the end, taking his best friend by the shoulders and shaking him a bit.

“C-calm down Hide! I didn’t! And we were at Nishio-senpai’s house afterwards, remember?” Kaneki explained, trying and failing to pry the blond’s hands off his shoulders.

“…crap…” Touka groaned at that moment drawing the two’s gazes to her. “Yoriko’s a stalker” she stated.

The boys blinked. “Huh?/Hah?”

“Remember how I said Yoriko called me when I caught you in that alley?” she began, rubbing at her forehead as though she was trying to fight off a headache… which she probably was. “She said you were suddenly picked up by some supermodel guy –who is obviously Trashyama at this point— and that you seemed to be in trouble. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but now that you mention it, she shouldn’t have known you were around the 13th ward’s shopping district if you ditched her at the train station”

“I d-ditched her…”

“I still gotta kill you for that by the way”

“A-aah…”

“Wait. You’re saying that Yoriko-chan’s a _stalker??_ ”

“Well, even before the first time we talked, I used to see her following me around… it won’t be a surprise if she took up the habit…”

“...I’m surprised you haven’t killed her yet”

“I-If I kill just _anybody_ then the CCG’d be on my case dumbass! And it’s not like she followed me home! Just until I left the school grounds... or when we bump into each other at the train station… and that one time I ran into her near my neighbourhood with Ay—” she cut herself off, face darkening, and Hide immediately picked up on a story there, a story she wasn’t prepared to share it seems.

But back to topic… “Right… Yoriko-chan’s a stalker… okay…!” Hide suddenly clapped his hands together, jolting everyone back to attention. “So, Rescue mission! Yep! We need a plan. Any ideas?” he finally asked.

Touka was the first to respond. “Hmm… how about we go find that perverted asshole, kick his ass, get Yoriko back, and _then_ kill him”

Hide felt his lips quirk at that. “Good plan. But I don’t think it’s likely to work” he stated, earning a _‘tch’_ from the girl. “By the way Touka-chan, between you and Tsukiyama-san, who d’you think is stronger?”

Touka frowned in thought. “Last time we fought I’d say we were evenly matched” she explained, crossing her arms.

“Heeh” Hide hummed, taking note of that fact. “That’s reassuring at least”

“How are we even gonna find her though? Should we ask the manager for help?” and as expected, it was Kaneki who brought up the most important question. “D-do you think she’s alright?”

“…” the air grew heavy. From the corner of his eye, Hide spied Touka hiding her face behind her bangs, her shoulders tensed.

Hide smiled. “She’s alright for now. I’m sure of that at least” he reassured.

“Oh really?” Touka bit out, a scowl on her face. She sighed. “But anyway, me and Ay— … I… have been in way too many fights with that pervert already. And Yoriko-chan is my best friend, not to mention a human. I don’t wanna bring Anteiku into this”

“…alright” Kaneki agreed with a smile. And then fidgeted, his face falling just a bit. “U-uhm… I don’t really know how I can help, but maybe if I can act as bait or something—“

Hide’s head whipped over to Kaneki the same time Touka’s did, making the human jump at the twin looks of horror on their faces.

“ ** _Hell/Fuck_** _no!!”_ the ghouls roared, making Kaneki shrink. “Are you a fucking **Idiot**??” Touka growled.

“It was just a thought…” Kaneki mumbled, turning away.

“Dude. We appreciate the thought, but please. Stop thinking” Hide ordered, flashing him his most serious look, his pointer finger flicking in front of him like a mother lecturing her kids.

The blond ghoul rolled his eyes, shoulders slumping with it. “Anyways, _again,_ I… uh… might know where she is” he began, clearing his throat.

“No shit” Touka simply huffed. _Wow… she really_ isn’t _surprised…._ “And? Where’s that?” she glared, looking half expectant and accusing.

Hide gulped, flashing her a shaky smile. “I… uh… _may_ have asked Tsukiyama-san to… take me to the Ghoul Restaurant… tonight” he admitted.

Her eyes widened. “WHAT??” she roared. “The Ghou— You’re not say— Why would you even _want to_ go there???” she demanded, flabbergasted.

Hide rubbed his cheek with a forefinger, eyeing her worriedly. “W-Well you see, uh… well… I sort of made a deal with… Itori-san… about the Ghoul Restaurant and… yeah…” he confessed easily enough. _Well, it’s not like I’m planning on keeping it secret._

“…Itori-san? Since when did you know Itori-san?”

“Yomo-san introduced her to me yesterday”

“Yomo-san did? Why?? And you made a deal with her??”

“Preeetty much...”

“Why the hell did you even agree? Do you have _any_ idea how dangerous that hellhole is???”

“I _do_ have an idea… sort of…”

“You’re an idiot!”

“Ehe…”

“W-wait a minute you two, I’m being left out here. J-just what is a Ghoul Restaurant? And who is Itori-san? And what deal?? Hide???” Kaneki asked, looking between the two of them, completely and utterly lost.

The ghouls stared at him before sharing a look, serious faces mirroring each other. And then Hide patted him on the back. “It’s okay Kaneki. We can handle this”

Kaneki eyes narrowed, making Hide sweatdrop a bit. “…you’re planning on leaving me out of this, aren’t you.”

“No shit Sherlock”

Hide flashed him an exasperated smile, which was more than enough confirmation really, and Kaneki glared. “But what about Yoriko-chan?? You guys said it’s dangerous—“

“It _is_ dangerous, nerdface. And we already have one human captive. We really don’t need to give him another advantage on this” Touka explained with a huff, her face twisted in her own concern for her best friend, and by the way Kaneki’s shoulder’s sagged, Hide knew he understood.

“But can’t you at least explain to me what’s going on??”

The ghouls shared a look again. In all actually Hide’d rather not –he knows full well just how Kaneki worries— but he also knows that whether or not his best friend knows what’s going on, he’s still likely to do something stupid (like that time with Amon, Hide recalled with a pout). They sighed.

Really. Hide knew how stubborn his best friend could be. And at this point Hide knew every single decision he makes has consequences.

Leading Kaneki away from Rize caused them to meet anyway.

He still became Nishio-senpai’s target.

Kaneki was still the one who saw Ryoko-san’s death, despite his attempts to redirect the CCG’s attention from the case.

Telling Yoriko the truth lead to her being kidnapped and taken to the ghoul restaurant, something he’s now 100% sure happened to Kaneki in the original timeline.

A lot of things were different, but ultimately they were the same. Kaneki remained at the center of each one. Hide was just there to soften the blow, to provide support and minimize the damage (and really, great work he’s doing there *eyeroll*).

He knew this wasn’t his story. It never was.

 “By the way, you said the pervert’s gonna take you? Don’t you think you’d just end up as the main course?” Touka suddenly asked, completely diverting the topic.

“Main course???”

Hide blinked. “Yeah, I do. Guy’s not exactly subtle”

“Tch, understatement. But… but if Yoriko _is_ there… then how’re you planning on getting her out?” Touka asked, arms crossed over her chest. “I’ve never been there, and frankly I’m not interested, but still.”

“I have an idea…” Hide mumbled, shutting his left eye in a wink. “It’s not fool-proof, and it’s more of a gamble on my side… but… it should work” he stated staring at his companions.

“…for some reason I don’t like where this is going…” Kaneki mumbled, letting his anxiety known, but he was ignored.

At least for the moment.

“By the way, I have Tsukiyama-san’s number.” the human stated.

“…”

“…”

“…”

 ** _“WHAT??”_** the two gaped at him like he’d grown two heads, but Kaneki simply took it in stride.

“You have his _number?? Why??_ Get rid of it!! OMG did you give him **yours???** ”

“H-Hide, you’re being very rude right now”

“Fuck being rude, he’s got a point! How’d you get the creep’s _number??_ And why didn’t you delete it???”

“…” Kaneki kept quiet, his face contorting to a displeased frown, and Hide barely kept his jaw from falling at Kaneki’s next words.

“W-Well I do realize he’s the infamous _Gourmet,_ but I actually didn’t think he was that bad…” he twitched, fidgeting under the ghouls’ gaping faces. “He gave me his number! B-before he left. He didn’t ask for mine so there’s nothing to worry about there… i-if you want to call him anonymously—“

“Left? Wasn’t he with you when you ran into Nishio-senpai?” Hide asked.

“Yeah he was. I was gonna beat the crap outta him then too if you didn’t stop me” Touka huffed. “Did you damage your brain or something human?”

Kaneki pouted, crossing his arms. “No I didn’t. He left after the book signing. I was actually shocked he when he appeared… I guess he was going the same way…?” he shifted awkwardly.

 “Why Yoriko-chan?” Hide mumbled, his expression thoughtful.

“Hah?”

“Why did he go after Yoriko-chan? Why did he leave Kaneki alone?”

“Wasn’t he just stalking him? Who knows what that guy’s thinking”

“No. I mean think about it. Why else would he pick Kaneki out at such a convenient time only to leave him alone? He was able to drag him off to a coffee shop before the bookstore. It seems he managed to gain some of Kaneki’s trust too”

“Uh, hello? Can you two please not talk like I’m not here?”

“What are you getting at, exactly?” Touka asked, brows furrowed and completely lost.

Hide gulped, finally turning to his best friend with a slightly constipated expression. “Well… I was thinking that… maybe –just _maybe—_ something made him change his mind. About eating you I mean”

The comment, as expected, made Kaneki flinch. He scratched his cheek. “Maybe he just thought better of it? I mean, this _is_ the reason you got me a job Anteiku after all right?”

“Didn’t stop him from picking fights with me” Touka mumbled. “Or invading our space. _Or_ kidnapping _Yoriko._ ”

Finally, Hide sighed. He always prided himself in his gut feeling, and frankly Kaneki having the Gourmet’s number was a curve ball he was only half not-expecting… he can still hit it.

 _I can’t believe this._ He sighed again. _Not the first time and not now, but…_ despite the churning in his gut, the scenario playing out in his mind right then seemed a whole lot better than the first one… _It’s still a gamble, but if… if I’m right…_

“Hide…?” Kaneki called, making the blond snap back to reality. The other two were looking at him expectantly, if not a bit worriedly, and he sighed _again. This is really doing horrors to my happiness level._

 _…but well, I guess it’s better to keep him around than leaving him alone._ “Okay, change of plans. It’s an even bigger gamble… but I think we’d have a higher chance of succeeding this way”

“And?”

Again. He sighed.

Long and hard and exasperated. And then he points to Kaneki. “Your stupid idea earlier? I’m gonna take up on it”

Touka stared. “What?! You’re not really saying—“

“Kaneki. You be bait”

**~_~_~**

He passes by a busker on his way out that evening, the beautiful notes from an aged guitar filling his ears in a way not a lot have been able to for a while it seems –at least, not outside his own home or in an opera box— and he stopped to listen.

 ** _“God is here, do not be blinded”_** the notes resound. The lyrics speaking of hope and peace and kindness, inspiration, and he spares the young man a few bills from his pockets without looking at their worth.

“Tis a beautiful song” he tells the young man –a ghoul, he noticed from the start, not that much younger than him.

“T-thank you, Sir. I-I wrote it myself” the ghoul replies shyly once he’s finished, not even sparing his case a glance, shoulders shaking ever so slightly. Perhaps he was nervous being in the presence of one such as him?

But alas, nothing could quite hide the genuine happiness in the ghoul’s eyes at the small praise, and for some strange reason, he was able to feel it.

“Uuwaah, amazing. You really don’t care about money at all do you” a girl’s voice speaks from behind him, and he turns to his companion with a flourish.

“Alas, dear Hori. Tis only what he deserves, producing such great music!! It has reached my soul!” he cries, crading his chest.

“Yaay. Amazing.” The girl cheered in a mocking manner, leaving her own few cents in the ghoul’s case, (“T-Thank you Miss”. “No prob. And you should probably stop stuttering, although I know he’s weird enough you can’t help it”) but he was too preoccupied to pay attention.

 ** _“Amazing”_** he recalled again, in a different voice. Simple words he’s heard a million times, resounding far too clearly inside him in a way they never have before, from anybody else’s lips.

“Yes” he says, lifting his hands. “It seems such a waste in a setting such as this, drowned out by the open space without people able to truly appreciate it!” he commented.

At this the busker seemed to shrink, his smile turning a bit solemn. “Well, Sir, I’m afraid this is the best I can do for now… but… maybe someday” the ghoul stated, smile brightening just a bit at the thought.

“Someday?”

“Well, yeah. I came to Tokyo to pursue music you see. It’s my dream to play on a stage someday”

Seconds passed by in silence as he simply stared at the young ghoul on the street, a calm face half lit by the setting sun  and he was immediately hit with a small, foreign desire.

**_“I-I’ve only known about the Ghoul side of the word for a little while, but it seems that… that a lot of them… you... have it quite tough.”_ **

**_“I’m in no position to say this, but… I just think that what you…’re father is doing is a very admirable thing to do.”_ **

“Oh, please do pardon my rudeness!” he exclaimed first and foremost, hands shaking from the unknown sensation as he reached into his suit pocket, taking out a small business card. “My name is Tsukiyama Shuu, and I admire your dream. If you don’t mind, I know a producer who is looking for talents these days (I have received several offers myself, but alas I am far too busy). If you go see him he may be able to help you with your dream! I’ll refer you to him Mr…?”

“I-Ikuma… Ikuma Momochi.. Sir. A-And is it— I mean I’m— thank you!!” Ikuma cries, jumping up and then bowing down so low as he accepted the card, smile so bright Shuu can’t seem to recall ever seeing something like it before…

_Huh? Haven’t I? Hasn’t my father?_

“T-T-Thank you very much Tsukiyama-sama! Thank you very much!”

 “Tis nothing! Nothing at all, Mister Ikuma” Shuu replied with a charming smile. “Now, I have a prior engagement, so I shall be taking my leave”

“…Well that was weird” his companion commented a few minutes later, looking behind her as bright and cheerful notes resounded from the guitar, still close enough to reach their ears. “What’s up with you today? Usually you’d be beating the crap out of the first ghoul you see before dinner”

“ _Mon deu!_ I would nev—“ he pauses, raising a finger to his lip in thought. “Hmm… yes, that _is_ true… But alas, it seems I am turning over a new **leaf** Miss Chie” he explained with a flourish as he strode on, his legs leaping across the pavement. “I am a powerful man, as my father’s son. Why not use my resources to aid ghouls in need?”

**_“Yes… it is amazing”_ **

Behind him tiny feet scuffled, having no trouble with keeping pace. “ _Riiiight”_ the little mouse drawled in a tone he never was quite able to place. A flash of light made him pause in his step. “Who are you and what did you do to my model?”

Shuu merely smiled at his pet, straightening out his vest and tie, trying to identify the strange warmth in his chest even as he fingered his mask in his coat pocket “Whatever do you mean?”

Another flash, and Shuu continued on.

**_“It’s a bit late, I’m sorry. But it is very nice to meet you Tsukiyama-san”_ **

_Quite an honour to meet you too, Kaneki-kun._

**_~_~_~_ **

“…”

Yoriko knew it probably hadn’t been a good idea to stalk someone, and it definitely gave off a very odd feeling. Her heart wouldn’t calm down and she was pretty sure she’d been shaking the whole time.

She’d caught Kaneki’s gaze that time, looking rather panicked and a bit pleading over that supermodel-like-guy’s shoulder, and it didn’t take her long to realize he didn’t want her to come near them. This made her feel slightly disappointed, but her worry and curiosity drowned it out.

Of course, about two weeks ago she probably would’ve followed his warning, and maybe informed the police. But after that revelation just a few days ago, she knew that such an act would probably not work so well anymore…

And when she’d accidentally caught the man’s eyes, something in them making her whole body freeze in dread, she knew she’d very much regretted it.

So when her eyes opened who know’s how much later, her last memory being at the convenience store for a missing ingredient on her recipe, she could only despair.

The room had been small, sparsely furnished with only a single round table in the middle and four elegant wooden chairs around it. It looked like a dining hall you’d find in rich houses, or mansions. There were three other people in the room with her, she noticed, but before she could ask them what was going on, the ceiling split open, and her words died in her throat.

**“Sorry for the wait, Ladies and Gentlemen! Allow me to introduce today’s dinner!””**

Hundreds of masked faces looked down at them, standing in an opera-like audience with smiles on their faces and wine glasses in their hands. And for the first time in her life, Yoriko thinks _this must be how fish feels like in a tank at the supermarket… right before they’re picked, skinned and grilled._

And for the first time in her life, far more than any late-night horror movie marathons she’d ever gone through, Yoriko felt sheer, unadulterated terror. Her knees gave beneath her, sending her crashing to the floor, but then a hand settled on her shoulder.

“Y-Yoriko-chan, please calm down and listen to me” a familiar voice whispered in her ear, and she gasped.

**“I hope they are to your tastes”**

**~_~_~**

_Non…_

_Nonononononon why what how what is this???_

Tsukiyama Shuu stood frozed on his spot on the centermost balcony, his fingers unconsciously digging in to the shoulder of the woman on his arm so hard it drew blood, the hideous odor clogging up his nose and making him gag.

But no. Something else was making him feel the urge to vomit and it was not this.

“How…” the word escaped his lips, the question barely audible under his ragged breaths…

“So this is the restaurant. Dang” the voice behind him made him jump, releasing the woman whom had been his muse— to her relief and slight annoyance—. “Gotta say it’s fancier than I expected, haha”

Nagachika Hideyoshi stood pristine in his white suit behind him, his face covered in a fox mask. He had a smile on his face, calm and easy as if he was merely recounting a random memory.

Shuu regarded him. His companion, his guest of honour that evening, and he didn’t know what was happening. _Why—_ “Hideyoshi-kun… I’m glad you could make it” he started, letting out his natural pleasantry.

“Wouldn’t wanna miss a chance, right?” the blond replied with a grin. “Gotta say, I was kinda shocked when the waited led me up here. I thought I’d be joining Kaneki down there”

 _“Ka—“_ Shuu gasped, gripping the balcony behind him in order to stay upright. He forced a smile, his breath now coming in ragged pants. You… brought… _Kaneki-kun…_ here…?”

He could not see the blond ghoul’s eyes behind his mask, but he could feel the intensity of the gaze sent his way rushing down his spine. The blond’s smile did not waver in the slightest. “Yup”

“ **WHY???”** Shuu squawked, immediately covering his mouth. He cleared his throat, attempting to keep his emotions in check.

The crowd roared around them, and the sound of metal grinding alerted him to the realization that the scrapper had just entered. Some imbecille human experiment owned by one of the lesser patrons of the restaurant. His grin tightened.

Hideyoshi’s expression remained unchanged. “Why not?” he shrugged. “I thought you wanted to eat him?”

Shuu could almost feel his face split from the force within his smile, half hidden in his own mask. His heart stopped. _Eat…?_

 _I… wanted to eat… Kaneki-kun. Yes… yes I did._ He breathed, slow and steady, his heart suddenly beating again, far too hard to be contained in his chest and he felt the metal of the rail bend like paper in his clenched fist. _He is mere food, just another human being, interesting enough to be kept alive still._

Screams pierced through the blood pounding in his ears, the announcer reporting the deaths in order of their capture. First the oblivious reporter, and then the obese woman, and now…

And yet…

**“sa~wing sa~wing, rooasting”**

**“K-K-Kaneki-kun”**

**“Yoriko-chan, run over to that corner!! I-I’ll d-distract him!!”**

**_(“T-T-Thank you very much Tsukiyama-sama! Thank you very much!”)_ **

**_(“Amazing…”)_ **

**“CLOSE YOUR EYES YORIKO-CHAN!! DON’T LOOK. PLEASE DON’T LOO—”**

**“KANEKI-KUN!!!!”**

**“Byyyeee byyyeeeee”**

He grit his teeth ( _THIS IS **NOT** WHAT I ORDERED!!)._

Within the blink of an eye, he is at the center of the dining room, his hand plunged deep into meat and processed muscle as he ripped the lowly scrapper to bits.

“H-Hide!!”

He started, turning to find the blond ghoul behind him once more, his hand covering a girl’s eyes… _ah._ (That’s right. He was the one who brought that girl to dinner.)

 **“E… MM-san?”** the announced asked, bringing Shuu back to attention.

His suit was bathed in the scrapper’s blood now, not that he minds. His suits were all tailored to accommodate blood, as shown by the hidden patterns in his once-white coat. He felt little anxiety in the face of a hundred ghouls despite not knowing quite what he had done.

“Tsukiyama… -san?” he glanced downward, meeting the guarded eyes of the human boy he’d met merely days ago.

“W..what’s going o-n….? K- Ka-nek-i-kun… is that you?? Are you okay??” the girl behind him stammered, trembling like a kitten in the rain, her eyes still sealed behind a gloved hand. A gloved hand that belonged to…

His breath caught in his throat as he followed that trail of covered flesh, his mouth salivating at the sight.

Hideyoshi’s mask had fallen, and his eyes were bare for all to see.

A single _kakugan_ marred his face, in stark contrast to the warm brown of his right eye.

_One eye…_

_The One-eyed ghoul._

(Oh… so that’s it then?) Hideyoshi smiled at him, visibly too bright now, and Tsukiyama understood.

 _This was planned._ He realized. _They meant to save their friend. And I was played, right into their hands!_ He felt a _tremolo_ in his chest at the thought. _I was played! Manipulated!!_

_By the **infamous one-eyed ghoul!!**_

His smile grew, wide and free and he would’ve laughed had he not caught himself in time. _Non! Not the time, nor place. Calmatto…_

“Everyone, I’m afraid I have caused quite a disturbance this evening!” he began to the room, his arms opening wide. “And I _am_ terribly sorry. It seems I have made a mistake in my… choice of cuisine… this evening” he announced. “I did not know these humans already belonged to another” he breathed, swallowing long and hard.

The one eyed ghoul now regarded the room at large, releasing the awfully confused girl in his arms.

“Hey folks!” he greeted with a little salute, sending the entirety of the room to silence. “I only came to take these guys home with me. I hope you don’t mind. Wouldn’t wan’t any _trouble,_ yaknow” he smiled brightly, perhaps warm even, at first glance, but Shuu knew otherwise. He felt the shiver crawl down his spine at the blond’s subtle gaze, he could just _taste_ the threat of pain beyond imagination in his sweet words and he…

He almost came.

And when that gaze settled on him, the stark red veins on the pitch black sclera glowing softly, he did.

Familiar blood red kagune filled his vision, and he held his breath. But the attack was not for him as the sounds of the metal door of the exit crunching filled the air. Soft feet followed it until the sounds disappeared completely and he was left with a room full of hungry, demanding ghouls.

“And thus!!” he cried, face split so hard by his smile that never left. “The one-eyed ghoul has spoken!!”

Almost instantly the voices rose everywhere. Fear and awe and disbelief the most common expressions, and of course!! The One-Eyed Ghoul… The One-Eyed _King_ ’s reputation precedes him.

And this one… this one might just live up to his title.

“However!!” he cut in through the cacophony. Not even caring if anyone hears him anymore as his eyes were still locked to the ripped metal doors where the new and interesting _specimen_ just exited. “As to not spoil the evening, I offer this!” he span, kicking the carcass of the scrapper to the front of the room. “Now how would Madam A’s dear little _pet_ taste like, I wonder?”  he presented.

He licked his lips, unexpectedly savoring the blood that coated half his face. “I do swear to compensate you with one of our own, Madam. Do not worry”

 

 


	17. Moonlight: Is Meant to be a Peaceful Sonata

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which this is me trying to get Shuu to realize he has a HEART and that Hide sometimes has terrible, TERRIBLE ideas despite being brilliant =w=
> 
> Hey guys ^^; sooo sorry for the suuuper long wait!! Hehe. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter (despite the full blown weirdness I just cannot do anything about now haha TTwTT)

 

“Well that went better than I expected” was the first comment she heard as soon as the head of blond hair appeared in her field of view.

But this didn’t stop a flying kick from landing directly on his face. “Yoriko!!!!” Touka cried as soon as she saw her, embracing the frightened girl barely held up in Kaneki’s arms. _‘Are you okay?? Are you hurt?? Did they do anything to you?? We weren’t too late were we???’_ were questions that never left her lips despite the words crawling desperately up her throat, urging to be heard, craving reassurance.

Because she knew in the end that it was pointless. There was _no way_ the human girl was alright, the tears running freely from her eyes and the unceasing tremble in her small frame was more than enough proof, and Touka felt her chest tighten at the mere thought of what the girl could have seen.

“T-T-To-uka-chan,” Yoriko softly cried. Relief filled her every breath as she returned the embrace, tucking her head in the ghoul’s chest. “I w-as so sc-ared… T-they… they were… there we-re s-o many of them… s-so much b-blood…”

“Shhh.” Touka hushed, swallowing to keep her throat from clogging up. “You’re safe now Yoriko. Don’t… you don’t have to think about it anymore." She tightened her grip on the girl, cradling her whole body -not much smaller than her own but so _so_ much frailer- in her arms.

“Touka-chan…” she heard the other human softly whisper from somewhere, and she turned slightly to be able to see him. “W-we should probably go now…” the human stated, his eyes darting around nervously.

Kaneki stood just a few feet away giving them the illusion of privacy, looking only slightly nauseous for lack of better words, and she both pitied and respected him for it.

There was bloodshed here too, the entire hallway behind her flooded with the dark red liquid, courtesy of her own hands. She was given the task of securing their escape route, and she did her worst.

Blood and death. Carnage. That was a ghoul’s world, and this was what her best friend got by being involved with them.

“I’m sorry.” the words came out, but not from her lips. She whipped her head to the blond whom she’d only noticed had been unusually silent and was met with an unusually grave expression on his slightly bruised face.

Touka wanted to kick him again, but she wasn’t able to because then it was Yoriko who spoke, detangling herself from the ghoul’s arms.

“N-No i…it’s not Hide-kun’s fault…” she stated softly, the slightest whimper evident in her voice. “I sho-uld’ve been more careful I… I-I should be thanking you for saving me. I… I’m sorry f-for causing you guys a-ll this trou-ble…” her words were very obviously forced, ragged sobs breaking out of her lips as her whole body gave a violent shudder, the shock of her experience not quite dying down, and it sent piercing guilt straight through Touka’s heart.

“ _Shh._ ” she urged again, carding her hand softly through her best friend’s hair as the girl’s form continued to shake, whispering reassurances in her ear akin to the vaguest memories she had of her father way back when, like she’d tried to do with her little brother during darker days before he went and decided he didn’t need her, like Yoriko herself had done to her the day she’d found out about him abandoning her. “ _I’m sorry this happened to you”_

Finally the trembling ceased and when she looked, Yoriko’s eyes were closed, her breathing even. She passed out.

This was good. This meant she didn’t have to go through anymore. Didn’t have to see the trail of blood and corpses they’d had to wave through from here. And Touka wasted no time in lifting her up in her arms –she was so _light—_ and began to walk.

She didn’t have to turn around to know that her companions were following right behind her. They all should only have one thought and that was to get out.

No one came to stop them till they reached the exit. The halls were completely void of life: Touka had been nothing but thorough.

It felt like a dream. Her happiness from mere days ago –from being _accepted_ by the only person left that meant anything to her— shattered in the worst way possible.

It was as if fate was mocking her. Laughing at her poor pathetic self, sneering at her joy, attacking her when her guard was down and trying to suck out every bit of hope she had left in heart.

Perhaps it had all been a mistake after all, having Yoriko find out, remaining by her side. Maybe she _should_ kill blondie like she’d promised –he was the mastermind of _everything_ after all.

But then, who was Touka kidding? Killing the idiot wouldn’t do anything –she’d simply lose a lacky she could guilt trip to do anything she wants now.

(She would never admit it, but she was grateful to him from the bottom of her heart. He had given her _hope._ The hope her father had always taught them to believe in when she was very young and didn’t yet understand. The hope she had thought was a lie after he had… disappeared, now given _proof.)_

(She’d never _actually_ thank him though, and this gave her the perfect excuse not to.)

Yoriko _knows_ now –knows _everything._ Right down to the most gruesome of horrors.

If she pulls away after this, away from ghouls and blood and carnage and _Touka_ , then Touka had no right to stop her.

But if she stays… if she still allows Touka by her side, still let’s Touka be her _friend…_

Then Touka will do her damn best to make sure Yoriko won’t ever experience something like this _ever_ again. And she _will_ protect her best friend, by any and all means necessary. By her side or not. (And no, that didn’t mean she’d stalk the girl. That would be very counterproductive.)

And, turning her head slightly to glance at the boys behind her, expressions weary but alert, a human and a ghoul standing side-by-side, facing everything together as a strange and ridiculous pair, she knew she had people she cpuld rely on no questions asked.

(…no... _A_ _nnoying_ questions asked she knows. But hey, more chances for threats of bodily harm,  _actual_ bodily harm and stress relief for her.)

She smirked. In the end, it turned out to be exactly like Hide said. And if an idiot like him can do it, then she sure as hell knows she can.

**~_~_~**

"LOSER!!"

"W-Wha?!" A blur of green and yellow and red suddenly flashed by Kaneki's eyes as soon as he'd opened the door.

After much deliberation on what to do after the trio had finally gotten out of reach of the Ghoul Restaurant (because they couldn’t very well show up at the Kosaka household this late, covered in blood with their only daughter unconscious after all), they decided to take Yoriko back to Touka’s place for the night.

They had briefly considered Anteiku as their destination, but Kaneki suggested it might do her some good to wake up somewhere familiar instead, at least after her experience. It was a sound enough decision that Touka agreed. It did surprise Kaneki a bit that she didn’t immediately ask them to go home as soon as they got there.

But now he understood why.

“W-wait!! Come back!!” Fueguchi Hinami exclaimed as she came dashing around the hall, barely keeping her voice down.

“Hinami…” Touka sighed, a resigned smile on her face as the little girl appeared, gaping at their -Kaneki knows- less than presentable appearances. “I thought you were asleep” she mumbled, but it was drowned out by a squeak as soon as Hinami saw the unconscious girl in her arms.

“Y- _Yoriko-onee-chan_!!” she nearly screamed, holding her voice in at the last moment, and she scrambled out of the way to let them all in. “W-What happened? Is Yoriko-onee-chan okay? Are _you_ all okay??!” she asked, anxiety in every bit of her posture.

“We’re okay, Hinami-chan, Yoriko-chan just fainted. No one’s injured.” Hide reassured as he and Kaneki stepped inside, and then his face grew thoughtful. “Except maybe Touka-chan. I didn’t ask but she does tend to cause trouble like that, but I’m pretty sure they’re all healed by now”

And of course, Touka proceeded to kick him in the shin, hard enough to make Kaneki wince.

Relief flooded the little girl’s expression at this, though, and a small smile quirked on her lips. “I’m glad”

"LOSER!"

"...What's with the bird?" The blond finally asked, his brows furrowing as he seemed to have a pretty intense stare-off with the creature (so it was a bird?) that was currently perched on top of Kaneki's head.

"LOSER! LOSER!" The bird chirped(? And really, what kind of bird call was that?), to which his best friend immediately retaliated with "Who you callin loser chicken fries??" (Kaneki sweatdropped.)

"Hinami found it injured out back earlier" Touka explained after placing Yoriko gently on her sofa, flinching as Kaneki felt the bird flew from Kaneki's head towards her general direction. She took a couple of steps back. "I didn't want to bring it inside the house but Hinami insisted... and I didnt really have time to worry about it." she sighed.

Hinami shifted, her face twisting in guilt. "I'm sorry..." she mumbled.

Touka's expression fell. "N-no. It's okay Hinami I just..." she flinched again, ducking as the bird came closer, walking around the couch. "I'm not... good with birds" she admitted, looking at the little girl apologetically. 

"Ho-hoo" Hide whistled and Touka flashed him a deadly glare. Kaneki sighed.

Ignoring his best friend's childish antics, Kaneki placed a hand on Hinami's shoulder, flashing her a smile. "Well if if can't be here I'm sure we can find somewhere we can keep him."

He flashes a glance at Hide, but the blond hurriedly formed an ex with his arms, vigorously shaking his head. "Hoo no, dude. Gimme an injured dog or a cat or even a ghoul and sure, fine, but you know me and birds. Remember that time with the crows? Nuh-uh. My place is off limits"

His shoulders slumped. "Well, pets aren't allowed at my apartment complex... but I'll try to ask the Manager if we can keep it at Anteiku. He probably wont mind." He smiled again.

Hinami smiled right back at him. "Thank you onii-chan!"

Kaneki's face softened, and his shoulders sagged a bit. He was glad the little girl looked alright, apart from her initial worry.

Hinami was such a sweet girl, and he really wanted to do something for her somehow. Maybe when things calm down he could borrow her from Touka for a bit, take her outside for a change of scenery. He knew she’d just love a trip to the library.

They’d left the matter of telling Hinami their situation up to Touka to decide since they lived together, and she had been very reluctant at the time. Kaneki understood how she felt considering how it hasn’t been long since Ryoko-san’s passing. They all didn’t want to burden the little girl any more than necessary, but they knew she shouldn’t be kept in the dark either.

"Loooser!" The bird chirped again, now situated on the arm rest of the sofa closest to Yoriko's head, Touka looking conflicted on whether she wanted to shoo the bird away or just drag her best friend off.

It seems the latter one as the female ghoul gingerly picked up the sleeping human by her waist, keeping a safe distance from the bird (it was a cuckatoo, Kaneki noticed) before she all but ran down the hall.

Not too long after, he heard the sound of running water and realized that Touka took her to the bathroom to clean her up.

Kaneki felt his stomach lurch. He had tried his best to keep her as far away from the bloodshed as the situation could entail, but in the end he couldn’t shield her from the blood stains itself. Touka, for one, was soaked in the red liquid, and the white of Hide’s suit just made the stunning contrast very hard to look at.

It was a definite testament to how far Kaneki had fallen that he no longer feels nauseous about this... at least, not as much as what would be considered normal.

Thankfully, though, Hide came prepared with spare clothes, which he’d hidden near the alley they all met in, so when Hinami proceeded to herd the bird towards the guest bedroom, the two boys promtly stripped off their bloodied shirts and changed.

("Hew hew~ Someone's been workin' out~~" Hide catcalled with a very exaggerated wink as he eyed Kaneki's shirtless form, making the human flush in embarrassment and all but shoved his shirt over his head. "Shut up Hide")

Kaneki, well on his way as a fully-fledged barista, decided some freshly brewed coffee wouldn't hurt and proceeded to the kitchen.

Touka comes back out thirty minutes later in dry, clean clothes and freshly showered.

“Where’s Hinami-chan?” Kaneku asks, noticing the younger girl’s absence. He’d already poured four mugs, although it seems Hide’s already drank half-way through his.

“I told her to go to back to sleep” Touka explained, plopping down on one of the cushions around the coffee table, adjacent from Hide.

She nodded at Kaneki when he sat down himself, handing her one of the mugs of steaming coffee he’d placed down on the table in front of her.

She took a sip, sighing out. “So. What now?” she huffed, giving Hide an expectant look, and Kaneki turned to his best friend as well.

Hide blinked, half-sip, and flashed them an innocently confused look that Kaneki knew wasn’t entirely genuine, and he really didn’t know what to feel about that.

Touka rolled her eyes. “Don’t you have some explaining to do? Like how _painfully easy_ we managed to get out of there and how you don’t look the least bit affected? Like, _at all,_ when you just sent your precious human off _as bait._ What the heck is your oh-so-secret Trump Card this time?”

Kaneki regarded his best friend with a contemplative look as well. It’s true that when Hide had explained his plan before, it was kind of obvious that he was leaving things out. He’d gone on about how most ghouls, especially the ‘classy ones’ that are most likely in the Restaurant, have a sort of fear about a mythical being known as the ‘One-eyed King’. Then he’d proceeded to explain how he can just go ahead and distract them with that while Kaneki drags Yoriko out to Touka who’d take care of their exit. Of course, it sounded all kinds of ridiculous until he’d brought out the part where he _knew_ that the Restaurant itself didn’t have a tight security outside of the ‘dining room’ and thus would be simple enough to escape from. (And really, _why_ does he know that?)

He’d also told them that he had a trump card up his sleeve, and Touka had agreed right away at that, because the plan itself was simple enough (and not too far from her own plans, really. Kaneki had to sweatdrop). It gave Kaneki a very warm feeling that she seemed to trust Hide almost as much as he does now.

If it weren’t for the fact that Kaneki pretty much trusted him completely (always had, really. And always will, despite the nagging feeling at the back of his mind that maybe, _maybe_ his best friend was hiding something from him. _Still_ hiding something from him. In the shifty eyes and nervous smiles and the fact that sometimes, Kaneki would catch him staring at him with eyes so sad… so _painful_ that it hurts to look at.) he would’ve thought the whole thing was stupid.

He really didn’t expect Tsukiyama to be the one to save them.

And really (Kaneki had to pause, the truth of the situation just slowly coming into his consciousness) _the Gourmet saved them._ The very same one who’d gotten them into that mess in the first place.

He had been too focused on keeping Yoriko safe at the time to pay close attention to his surroundings, but he couldn’t mistake the fact that it was Tsukiyama Shuu who had jumped in when he was caught by the scrapper. And Hide had acted as if he’d expected it.

“…Right” Hide finally said, coughing a bit afterwards before downing what’s left of his coffee. Kaneki pushed the last mug over to him. “Thanks man” he mumbled and Kaneki flashed him a smile. “Okay! Explanations. Right. Well” he cleared his throat and then scratched the back of his neck. “First I should let you know that if I told you what my trump card really is, you would’ve thought I was an idiot and promptly blow up in my face” he said, finally, with as straight a face as Hide can really get sometimes.

“…” they stared at him.

“No, like seriously. Even _I_ can hardly believe it but it is so, so _painfully_ true that it literally _HURTS ME”_ he explained, face crumpling into one of mock hurt.

“Gonna cough it up anytime soon Sherlock?” Touka raised a brow.

Hide let out a long, drawn-out sigh and promptly faceplanted on the coffee table.

**~_~_~**

Music poured forth from a Grand Piano in the middle of a well-maintained showroom, the afternoon sun casting long, dramatic shadows across the floor in aacord with the sounds. Passionate chords in Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata rebounding from the walls as the Gourmet let the memorized notes flow from his fingers.

His mind was in chaotic disarray despite the steady tune, reflected every now and then by particularly loud clashes of notes that somehow did not manage to affect the grace of the piece itself.

His mouth was watering, his kakugan out for all the world to see, and he cannot help it.

A _one-eyed ghoul_ had appeared before him! The rarest of _all_ delicacies! And yet—

_And yet he did not wish to feast on him!_

And at this a loud crash resounded from the piano’s keys, putting any and all semblance of a melody to a stop as the player grasped at his head.

He _desired_ a taste! _Craved it. **Salivated** over it. _His smell, his flesh, the sound of his pulsing blood.

But the very thought of tearing into that flesh, of slurping on that blood, or crushing bones with his teeth, sent his stomach roiling in a way not unlike how he felt in the presence of a plateful of human food.

And he knew why.

Never mind the surprising display of strength the one-eyed ghoul had shown him, enough to let him know that he might not be able to win in a fight.

It was more that he knew, somehow, should he ever cause harm on one Nagachika Hideyoshi, then _Kaneki-kun_ would not be _pleased._

He was used to pleasing people. It was second nature. He’d lived all his life pleasing his father, his teachers, business associates, schoolmates and the semi-random people that would soon be on his plate But he’d never been worried about the opposite. Never been intimidated by the thought of displeasing or _disappointing_ any of those people when he had nothing to gain or lose by doing so.

And considering how the thought of Shuu eating _Kaneki-kun_ makes him feel even _worse (_ the mere memory of him in that Restaurant about to be ripped apart and served for dinner making him _gag)_ it makes things that much more confusing.

“Master Shuu” a familiar voice called, followed by the sound of the door opening, and Tsukiyama Shuu’s head snapped up. “Please pardon my intrusion but I heard the noise and wondered…”

“Kanae” he greeted the beautiful servant, face turning pensive. “Ah, do pardon me as well. The noise must’ve been shocking. There is no problem here” he explained cooly, letting his fingers trail over the piano keys once more, playing a simple melody.

“…I see… Then I shall take my le—“

“Kanae” Shuu called before the servant could excuse himself. “You worry for me” he simply stated, seeking the other’s eyes.

The servant visibly flinched at his words, eyes widening in obvious surprise before a slight flush made it up his youthful cheeks. Shuu found it slightly intriguing. He’s never recalled ever paying so much attention to these slight ticks that it makes him wonder, now, how that is.

“I-I’m sorry if you find me pretentious, I mean no disrespect”

“No, it’s alright Kanae. I do not judge you. I simply…” he paused, trying to find words to explain only to realize they escape him.

He’s always been so focused on his food. His studies. His music. And though he consciously knew there were quite a lot of things he considered unworthy of his attention, this was not supposed to be one of them. Not Kanae, not Matsumae, not his father’s work or his own actions.

“I am simply curious.” he says, brows furrowing. “You are one of my most loyal servants, and I wonder how that came to be” He spies Kanae’s eyes as they widen and he immediately tries to placate the younger child. “I mean no disrespect. Like I said I am just curious. I know my father took you in and promised to take care of you after that awful tragedy, but I just wanted to know if that simply is the reason for it.

“You worry for me, come to my aid, answer to my whims. I want to know whether that is simply because you consider it your duty. I swear I won’t be offended by your honesty.” He explains, tucking his hand under his chin as he focuses on his servant.

Matsumae had answered this question before, though he hadn’t asked it in quite the same way nor with the same intention, but unlike Matsumae, who was but a stray ghoul once before his father had provided for her, Kanae was once of nobility himself.

Shuu had never bothered to think about it, but now that he _is,_ he could imagine how for one with such noble blood to be demoted to a mere retainer can’t be anything but unpleasant.

“…” Kanae is silent. Speechless even, it seems, and a nervous sort of energy spikes up inside Shuu at the reaction.

Even though his words had been purely analytic, he realized that it could also be offensive.

Again he’d never quite thought about it, but it dawns on him that even if such was the case, Kanae _still is_ a servant of the Tsukiyama household. If Kanae _does_ harbor ill feelings about the change in her situation, about having to serve another –namely _Shuu_ himself— and thus harbbour’s ill feelings towards _Shuu,_ then he can’t very well say it if just because of the threat that might befall his position.

Shuu can promise not to speak of it, he can even pretend to never have heard it. But the strain that will befall Kanae would still be there and there would be _tension._ And it won’t just be between Kanae and himself, but Kanae and _the rest of the household._

And thus he was just about to brush it off, apologize for his strange request and to promptly forget such a conversation ever occured, but then Kanae was finally speaking and he turned to him, taking note of how the other wouldn’t meet his eyes.

Shuu held his breath.

“O…Of course… it is because you are my Master.” He explains, and Shuu watches as a faint reddish tinge began crawling up his neck, his stomach twisting in a mix of dread and anticipation. “B-But, yes. T-that isn’t the only reason either”

And then Kanae was looking at him, suddenly. Face shuttered and back straight. So much tension in his shoulders that it looked like if Shuu were to make the slightest movement, then he would be bolting out the door within seconds.

“I… I l-like you. A-As a master, of course. Otherwise I would not willingly serve you” Kanae blurts out, steely eyes practically digging into his own before averting entirely, but not before Shuu was able to discern barely concealed helplessness, genuine despair and a small, shred of light in their amethyst glow.

And Shuu breathes.

**~_~_~**

“…”

“…”

“…”

“You’re joking right?” Touka stated. Face carefully blank.

Kaneki had to agree. Just the _thought of it_ literally makes him _cringe._

“I knew it! I knew you’d both react like this! Which is why I didn’t explain it _before_ the super-secret mission. So ha!!” Hide huffed not unlike a ten-year-old proving a point. “But really. Just think about it. He stalks the heck out of my bro here, tricks him into a _date,_ makes _every obvious move_ that he was gonna have him for dinner, _literally—“_ he pauses, reminding them of the events of the day before.

Yes, it really _did_ seem like it should’ve been Kaneki that the Gourmet would be bringing to the Restaurant. But then…

“And he backs out.” Hide sighs. “He backs out and goes after the girl who _seemed_ to be stalking Kaneki –cause hey, he knows just how creepy stalkers can be—“

“Yoriko isn’t creepy” Touka says, just to make a point.

“No, she isn’t. She’s an adorable little angel who sometimes secretly follows her friends. But Tsukiyama-san _is_ a creepy pervert stalker with hidden agendas. Call it projection” Hide shrugs. “It’s an unconscious thing”

Kaneki sighs, his lips twitching upwards a bit. He remembered when Hide had gotten hooked on Criminal Minds, CSI and Sherlock so hard that he proceeded to make scarily accurate deductions and human profiling about their daily lives. Kaneki sincerely expected him to take up Criminal Justice in college, or Law, or even Psychology. He was really surprised when Hide decided to major in International Studies instead.

“So my point is. Why _did_ such a creepo-maniac suddenly 1. drop all of his plans to eat my BFF for dinner when things were going pretty smoothly (“Hey! I resent that”). 2. _save_ my BFF when he decided to be a martyr and actually butt in oh a _ghoul fight_. (“I wasn’t being a martyr, Hide”) and then 3. glare at me like he wanted to rip me to pieces and set me on fire when he found out _I_ brought my BFF to dinner?”

“…”

“…”

“…”

Touka groaned. “So does this mean I don’t get to kill him?” she asks weakly, finally, after a long crushing silence.

“No” Hide said, plain and simple. “At least not now. Besides, don’t you think it’d be an advantage to have someone of his status on our side?”

This time, it was Touka who let out the long, drawn-out sigh. “I seriously give up” she stated. “Go do whatever you want. I’m going to sleep. I need all the energy I can get for Yoriko tomorrow so I’m not even gonna think about this anymore.” And with that she proceeds to disappear behind her bedroom door once more, leaving Hide sprawled out over the coffee table and Kaneki so helplessly, hopelessly confused.

**~_~_~**

“I see...” he whispers, standing up. “So it is _‘like’._ ” he says, a warmth slowly spreading from within his stomach, his hand coming up to cut his mouth at the realization.

“M-Master Shuu…?” he barely hears Kanae’s voice from somewhere, small and fleeting, as he begins to pace. Feeling his blood pounding in his ears, his eyes staring at the floor though not quite seeing anything.

“It is **_like_** _._ You would not want to displease someone you _like.”_

“ _Ma-ster Shuu_ …?”

“ _Merci!_ Kanae!” he suddenly exclaims, grabbing the other by the shoulders. “ _Je vous re mercie!_ It is **_like!”_**

“Whoooa. Do I finally hear wedding bells?” a flash of white light startles both the ghouls, and Shuu turns in surprise to find a little mouse by the open door, her ever present camera in her hands.

“Aah Miss Chie. I didn’t hear you come in.” he says smoothly, a smile on his face.

And then his eyes zeroed in on a box situated by the girl’s feet. His brows furrowed.

It was encased in Christmas themed, green and red gift-wrapping –which was odd because it was barely December— and seemed to have been doused in cheap cologne from the scent coming off it. “And what might you have there?” he asked, releasing his servant’s shoulders, attention fully focused on the foreign object. “Surely you realize Christmas is yet a time away, and so is my birthday.” he mentions.

 _I wonder when Kaneki-kun’s birthday is…_ he finds himself wondering, making him blink. He shook his head.

“Some guy gave it to me outside your house.” Chie Hori stated with a shrug, slinging her camera over her neck and picking up the box. “Said to give it to you asap.”

Kanae hissed, making a lunge for the object. “And you would just follow through?? What if that’s a trap? A bomb or poison from those Doves??! You might’ve endangered Master Shuu and rest of the house!”

Chie Hori simply sidestepped him, making Shuu blink at the grace they both exuded. “I don’t think it’s a bomb though.” she said simply, shaking the box.

_Shlick._

The ghouls paused at the sound, painfully familiar, and Shuu whimpered.

The strong scent of cheap cologne was finally fading, and it only became too obvious what it was masking.

Shuu was salivating. His blood pumping yet again and stomach growling and he couldn’t stop it. Not as the scent of fresh blood and sweet tender meat wafted from the unsuspecting package in a manner he simply _cannot resist._ Far more familiar and novel and _irresistible_ than it ever could be, and without a second thought he’d grabbed it, ripping the package open.

As expected, a slab of meat fell from the box, deliciously fresh and inviting, and Shuu would’ve just shoved the whole thing into his mouth in such an uncouth manner if he had any less self-restraint.

Such as it is, the yellow, blood-soaked note that fluttered out caught his attention more and he reached for it with a shaking hand, the other gripping at the _glorious_ chunk of meat so tightly the flesh molded into his fingers, blood trailing messily up the underside of his arm.

**_This is my Thank You for your help the other day._ **

**_Hope we can all have a good relationship._ **

**_P.S. The Restaurant sucks. No way I’m going back there. No offense tho._**

These unsuspecting words, all casual and business-like, normally _wouldn’t_ have the capacity to send the regal Tsukiyama Shuu to his knees, but from the simple _context_ of it it couldn’t be _helped_ that the model-esque man’s knees turned to jelly, practically _mewling_ at the indication the simple note gave him.

 _“Mon dieu!”_ he gasped out, barely registering Kanae by his side asking what the matter was.

“Nothing” he breathes out, a grin breaking out on his face as his eyes flits across the paper over and over. “ _I’ve just been given a blessing”_ he chokes out.

And a **_blessing_** it was indeed!

He was already half-contemplating it. Realizing _it was **like**_ that made the very thought of Kaneki-kun getting hurt repulse him so made him think, ever so slightly, that he’d wanted to… _protect_ the human. At least to make sure that he doesn’t get eaten by any other ghoul.

But now he was actually given _permission._ (And a warning _,_ he knew. Of course he knew. He still had _shivers_ from the memory of the threat within the _one-eyed ghoul’s_ gaze)

The one-eyed ghoul had proposed to him a deal, and made his method of _payment_ quite clear.

It was all Shuu could do to keep himself contained.

_How should I approach Kaneki-kun? Aah, first I should apologize shouldn’t I? Let Hide-kun know I accept. To Kaneki-kun and the little lady too of course, to show my sincerity and remorse. Maybe I should bring gifts._

And as the infamous _Gourmet_ licked the blood from his fingertips, the unrelenting wave of pure gastronomical _pleasure_ coursing through him in droves, he knew then and there he was willing to _lay down his very soul._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost… please allow me to apologize. I’ve been back to reading Teen Wolf fanfics these days prior to my BFF suddenly dropping the Re: 138 bomb on me and suddenly sending me back into a whirlpool of feels and disbelief and hope and I still haven’t continued reading Re BUT MY SUNSHINE CHILD!!! TTATT
> 
> Anyways *cough* I am very very sorry if for some strange reason my Hide has somehow ended up really weird. I have indeed noticed myself that he has adapted some of Stiles’ characteristics. I love them both and the Teen Wolf premise is painfully a happier-ish parallel to TG. Like seriously. Imagine Scott as Neki and Stiles as Hide and Touka as Derek and howmaghad ima stop right now before things get out of hand.
> 
> Anyways, first new update in… a while… haha. Hi everyone ^^; miss me? *runshides*


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